To Visionaryofthe1980s,
I dont suppose you mean the blockbusters that is next door to the iceland and a maccies do you ? I live down the road from there...
(Kage, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 19:02, Reply)

Small town, big city, no difference
Seen various small crimes including the usual 'christmas rush' where as I'm entering a local shop, a man pushes out the way with a selection box and an action man figure under his open kappa coat, (this being the time when was the fashion). In hindsight he was lazy, at least close the coat that it's hidden under instead of having it protruding out. 6/10 for effort.

A few years ago a house mate and I went to London to watch a gig. As usual we decided to go to a pub and get wankered in a weatherspoons pub (other cheap chain pubs are available). As we approached one a man barges through and falls to the ground outside, right in front of us. He is followed by another five blokes who take the opportunity to kick the shit out of him. We ended up in a quaint spanish bar with an old school 7" jukebox.

Recently was witness in local pub to a fight that ended in the victim dying outside after the fight was broken up, apparently the bloke went round the back and struck the fatal blow whilst bouncer wasnt looking. I did my civic duty that time round. He got 4 years. He pleaded guilty so I didnt get the daytrip to court. Nee Mind.

Length? Doesn't matter when they're passed out.
(Horatio_the_3rd, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 18:57, Reply)

not a crime as such, though my not stopping was
About 10 years ago in what seems like another life, I bought a Minsk, a Russian motorbike of striking shitness, and rode it around Vietnam and Laos. I didn't have any insurance, helmet, or license for that matter, and had been warned of the police tendency of arresting everyone at the scene of an accident regardless of guilt. All of which doesn't justify the fact that on a steep mountain road on a rainy night, I watched as the minibus I was trailing lost control and skidded off the road into a black ravine, and I just kept on riding. I still feel like a cunt about it.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 18:55, 1 reply)

More drunken self-interest than have a go hero.
I'm jammy enough to be spending a year at uni in France. One of the best things about Strasbourg is its cycle friendliness. This means lots of bikes and lots of bike thievery

It's fair to say that when I got here I was a bit naive. One morning I woke up to find my front wheel was missing. I was understandably miffed at this but acknowledged my fault in not securing my bike well enough, put it down to experience and made a mental note not to be so thick in future.

Fast forward a couple of nights and me and some friends are getting back to where we live after a night out. Just as we're walking down the street a guy and a girl stop by my one-wheeled-wonder and seem to be showing a lot of interest in the saddle.

Now to put it in context this is the week after Scotland beat France in Paris, pre-match I'd made a pact to wear my kilt for a week should we win. So naturally I'm kilted.

So thinking "Ok I'm already down a wheel, I'm not losing my saddle as well" I put on the angry drunken Scotsman routine ( not hard seing as I actually was angry and drunk), approach and ask the couple what they think they're doing.

To their limited credit the bastards were pretty honest about their plan- "We're taking this saddle mate". So I rewarded their honesty with some of my own- "Firstly you're not my mate, and secondly that's mine and you're not taking it anywhere."

Not really trusting them that much not to come back I decided to take the saddle inside with me. They realise their luck isn't in, but as a parting shot your man decides to tell me that I shouldn't be leaving a one-wheeled bike outside. So I tell him in no uncertain terms that I'm not going to have thieving scum tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing.

And that is the rather dull and boring story of how I still have a saddle.
(randy the gnome, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 18:52, 1 reply)

Livingstone is a bit rough like
While I was a student in Edinburgh, one or two of m'mates lived out Livingstone way- it's a bunch of roundabouts huddling together for warmth around a housing estate; invariably they all'd been mugged at some point by one of the neds.

Craig wasn't any exception to this rule, and one night he got off the bus and some Burberryscum jumped out at him, waving a knife.

"Gees y'wallet, y'fuckin' whydoh," he says.

Craig gives him his wallet which only has his bus ticket in it. Chav can feel there's dick all in the thing and throws it on the ground.

Trying to look menacing in his kappas and day-glo trainers, he demands, "An' yer fuckin' phone."

Craig hands it over: in fairness, it's a brick and makes semaphore look high tech. The dolescum looks at it and back at Craig, who shrugs.

"You fuckin' useless cunt," the Chav says, and lomps off.

The best bit: Craig knew him- he worked in the newsagents.
(greenycrimson I stole the from pyschotherapist, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 18:38, 3 replies)

Old friend of the family,
whom I've known since childhood, is a lovely woman but not one to get on the wrong side of. She was one of the last old-style hospital Matrons, and not to be trifled with.

She and some student nurses were walking through the Meadows in Edinburgh (now the place to avoid at night if you don't want to get mugged/knifed/raped) but not so bad back then, and it was broad daylight.

Flasher jumps out from behind a tree, whips open the coat and waggles his bits at them. Student nurses all collapse in hysterics, but Matron was made of sterner stuff.

She was carrying a furled umbrella - a long, golf-style umbrella - which she whipped upwards at the speed of light right into his (still wobbling) gonads. Imagine that particularly delicate part of the male anatomy, stark naked and unprotected, being struck with some considerable force with a pointy metal thing.

He crumpled to the ground in agony, Matron despatched a student nurse to call the police, and stood guard over him, umbrella poised over his groin, until the police arrived and took him into custody. I'd imagine that he was rather relieved to see them.

When the case came to court he pleaded guilty and was fined the equivalent of a month's wages (can't remember how much it was). Personally, I think he went for a guilty plea so he wouldn't have to face Matron in the courtroom!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 18:14, 7 replies)

Mainly because it happened to me
but I was ont he reciving end of the Shittest Mugger Ever at one point.

I had just put my card in the cash machine, entered my pin, when a guy came up and placed both hands on my shoulders. "Very slowly... enter youir pin" he said in a very low gravelly voice.

"I've already put it in" I replied, in an equally low gravelly voice.

He then ran off. I assume his plan was to find out my PIN and then use my card forever. Bit dim, and slightly rubbish. But it the most crime I've ever seen
(__, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 17:50, Reply)

BobFossil has just reminded me of this
This one is true. Honest.

A good few New Year's Eve's ago (in the days when I used to go out on said evening - don't any more, not since 2001, as I can't stand waiting to get served), me, the ex, and a couple of mates had gone for a few pints at the local.

It was late-ish when we got there (about 10) as we'd had a few in the house, taking the opportunity to chat and catch up (they had left the area a few months back, so we hadn't seen them for a while). On arriving at the pub, we decided to avoid the bar and seek refuge in the lounge area, figuring it would be a bit quieter. Which it was.

However, the reason it was a bit quieter was because one of the town's inbred, alcoholic nut jobs was in there, holding court in an aggressive manner. He was giving particular verbals to one woman, who was obviously part of his entourage, and also obviously terrified. Our party looked at each other uneasily, but decided to stay put and not make eye contact.

Unfortunately, the group sat at the next table to us didn't, and the nut job stormed across, yelling something incomprehensible (but probably something along the lines of "Worrayafugginlookinatyafugginbunchocuntinbassas". Wherupon, he thrust his arms under their table and literally threw it across the lounge, glasses shattering off the walls and liquid flying everywhere.

Everyone in the lounge that wasn't part of his entourage beat a hasty retreat to the bar, including us. However, I felt I had to say something to someone, so found a member of staff who looked like they were in a position of of authority and suggested thay might want to ring the police before (a) someone got really hurt and (b) their lounge area got even more trashed than it already was.

Their response?

"There's not really a lot we can do about it".

Hmm. More like he's spent a fortune in here tonight, and there's still 3 hours to go.

We left pretty sharpish. So did quite a few others.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 17:42, 3 replies)

while ive been away
I used to live in a very quiet village in the wonderful country before moving out to the wonderful city of newcastle. Now i dont live in a particuarly nice area but since ive been here there have been no reports of crimes. Back home is a different matter

1 robbery
2 cars having petrol sucked out of them
1 car broken into
1 suspected pedo
and a bugglary

this happened within the past 2 months


length? about 30 miles between us
(das1joker, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 17:36, 2 replies)

master criminal bike theft
picture the scene - three scullers out with their coach on a saturday afternoon, on the river trent. we scull past the waterside estate - one of the more salubrious districts in the greater burton area. actually, a total hole.

the tranquility of the scene is shattered by a yell from a chav on the bank - hes telling us he has stolen our bikes from the rowing club. low and behold the bikes he and his two accomplices are on belong to the three of us on the water. quite why he chose to draw attention to this is beyond me.

i beach my boat, an old clinker thing, and leg it into the estate just in time to see the house they bolt into. we then scull back to the club and our coach, digger, drives us back to the estate looking for them.

we catch them by the leicester line bridge - an old railway bridge now in disuse. i actually chase one up the embankment and collar the little oik halfway across the river.

while in total denial, said oiks are frogmarched back to the house - where a very young very angry mum reunites us with bits that had already been stripped from the bike, while imploring us 'not to call the old bill'

very exciting.
(magictorch, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 17:36, Reply)

Christmas spirit
Not a crime so much as the implausible aftetmath. Walking through Lincoln town center many years ago I happened across a gaggle (about 15) father christmases, all in full red costume, beards, hats, and so on.

For some reason which I was unable to determine, they were being bundled into the back of a police van by a number of officers. Unfortunately, I was unable to determine the reason why they were being detained.
( giblethead2000, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 17:24, 2 replies)

This happened in 2004
I had a part-time job at a pub in Golders Green whilst at uni. The pub was part of a chain, so occasionally the barstaff would be asked to go and help out at other related pubs in London if they were short-staffed. Well, one weekend, my manager informed me that my Saturday and Sunday shifts were going to be at the "Merryhills" pubs in Oakwood (A Mr Q's pub, look it up on beerintheevening for reviews, they'll give you a indication of what it's like there), as they were shortstaffed that weekend.

I got there, to be confronted with this scene: broken pool queues, the loo doors half hanging off, 3 smashed windows, glass all over the place...you get the idea. It had been trashed. Why? Well, the previous manager of this pub had been generally disliked by the chavvy clientele, and when he fired a barmaid for snorting coke whilst at work, they took their revenge. A couple sneaked into the manager's flat upstairs on the Friday night, waited there until after closing time, and ambushed the manager when he went to bed. They held a gun to his head and made him empty the safe. They then knocked him unconscious and smashed the place up. However, the police drove by, noticed the lights on, caught them, and freed the landlord. He quit that night.

So we got there, and quite a few locals dropped in while we were making the place presentable and openable for the Saturday lunch shift. Various warnings of "seriously, we suggest you don't open tonight, the [arrested] chav's mates are after blood" were given to us, which we reported to head office. Given that the pub was smashed up, it was a viable excuse to not bother opening for the weekend. They told us to open anyway.

I was in the function room upstairs, working for a private party, so missed what happened at 10pm: a group of 25 or so spotty teenage chavs bundled in, bought a coke between them, and sat around in ominous silence. Barstaff and acting manager tried to act as if nothing was wrong, but were bricking it. At a nod, chavs launch themselves at barstaff, and whoever else was drinking there. Smashed glasses, cut a lot of people up, blood started spattering everywhere. POlice turned up and started hitting everyone indiscriminately, trying to restore order. They got the upper hand and collared the little shits that hadn't already scarpered. The function I was working for finished, and I wandered into the pub to a scene of total devastation. Blood everywhere, up the walls, behind the bar, all over the staff...We called the emergency line at head office, and they told us to clear up as best we can, so we could open up on time the following morning.

We quit immediately. We'd rather be unemployed than work for a pub chain who so knowingly put their staff into very real danger.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 17:21, Reply)

Those were the days
When I was a nipper I was in the indoor market in Aberdeen with my granny (when it was still a proper fish/meat market downstairs) and watched a scruffy old gentleman fill his pockets with various shellfish. He turned round saw me watching and just winked. I just kept staring at him and did bugger all.

Not living in the greatest part of town I often see criminal activity but as I frankly don't want to end up like one of those poor bastards in the newspaper who get their heads used as a trampoline by a gang of neds that they looked at funny I keep looking at the ground and keep walking.
(garrison, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 17:20, Reply)

From late 2005 until early 2007...
...I worked as a Marketing Manager’s bitch in a Ford garage.

Now in the years I worked for Ford about 8 employees were either arrested of dismissed because of theft of car parts, but strangely enough my story isn’t about one of the employees theft sprees...

In the summer of 2006 our sales guys had ordered in some fancy version of the Ford Focus to display in the showroom… it was their pride and joy and they all spent weeks before its arrival calculating the exact location in the showroom where it would sit, suddenly everything was about aesthetics and how visually pleasing it would be to our customers.

Well the big day came and the car arrived and everyone danced around with cheesy salesman grins shouting out the cars vital statistics at the unprepared general public… anyhoo… two days later a guy strolls into the showroom and walks with purpose up to the Focus. He has a toolbox with him and in front of at least 20 Ford employees begins to take the windscreen glass out of the car. He looks very professional in his blue jumpsuit and has the kit, suction cups and all. After around 10 minutes the guy has the glass and casually walks out the building, gets into a van, and drives off... no one says a thing.

About an hour later our Parts Manager comes in and notices a distinct (how did he put it) “lack of glass” on the Focus and asked our receptionist what the deal was. She casually mentioned that a man came in earlier and replaced the screen. My boss then pointed out that to replace something you actually have to leave a substitute or restore something and then proceeded to lose his shit.

The next day we found out that four other garages on our trading estate had been hit by the same guy and not one person had asked for I.D or anything of the sort!

I have to say I was amazed and slightly impressed that this guy had the balls to do what he did. I must also confess that I was left pretty darn confused as to the purpose of stealing windscreen glass… perhaps he worked for AutoGlass or perhaps he was attempting to steal the entire car, piece by piece, who knows!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Feb 2008, 17:17, Reply)

Almost..
In the last 3 months I have witnessed...

* A man being stabbed in the neck and crawling into the local Nandos for help
* A bank being ram-raided
* A drive-by shooting in a pub
* An old lady being run over by a bus.

Well I say witnessed, I was present at all of these events but some how managed to not notice any of them. I only know about them because other people have told me or I read about it in the paper.

My observational skills are obviously second to none..

I did actually witness a bloke trying to rape a very drunk girl a few weeks back. We kept her chatting (she was so drunk she didn't know where she was) while someone ran off to get the police. I feel like I did a good deed.
(niftyshellsuit, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 17:15, 3 replies)

Too far?
I live round Croydon*. There was a girl who lived in my road who was gorgeous. As in drop dead gorgeous. I never made a move though and secretly hated myself for it, until..

I was closing my curtains when I saw a car pull up outside her house. It was her and her boyfriend. Next thing I know, they're having a fight. As in seriously. Before I could do a thing I see her slump to the floor in a puddle of blood. What could I do? I did what anyone else would have done.

got dressed, corssed the road and had sweet sex upon her still warm corpse.

And now the police are telling me that's illegal and charging me with her murder. surely anyone would have done the same?



*anything from this point onwards may be a lie, well, it is in fact a lie and is based on a current case (Sally Ann bowman)

Click I like this if you wanted to be in the room when the defnding barrister suggested to the defendant that 'I only had sex with her cropse' was the best form of defence.
(The_Greyhound wrote www.luckymcdanger.blog.co.uk on, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 17:14, 5 replies)

A couple of years ago*
I was walking down the street. As I rounded a corner, I saw an old bloke being set upon by a buch of chavs. Giving him a right good kicking, they were.

Despite the fact that there was a large crowd, I stood for a good five minutes and not a soul lifted a finger to help.

Eeh. Society today, eh?**






*Apologies to Viz
**I'm really bored - can you tell?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 17:10, Reply)

knives
Two Saturdays ago, we opened the club and as normal for a Saturday our door staff don't start until 10pm.

8 Chav-scum-wank came in trying to be all hard and twatty, I asked them all for ID. none of them had it so I refused to serve them. " of them went to the loo and then after some arguing they left.

Went to check the toilets (like I have to do every 30 minutes) . They left a calling card - a 11 inch-kitchen knife.

We've cleaned it, and it's very handy to open boxes with...

Lttle buggers
(TIMBIonline available for any passing drunk sailor, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 17:01, Reply)

I saw this in a bar the other night... robbery!
This guy walked up to the bar and asked the barman for a beer.

The barman produced a bottle of fizzy piss, but refused to hand it over until the poor bloke had given him four quid!*

Four quid! For 330mls of fizzy piss!

I just stood there, pint glass full of dark, foamy goodness in hand thinking "that was a close one. I got a full pint for £2.10".

I made a mental note to avoid that particular barman. He was obviously a wrong 'un.






*May have been £3.50.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:59, Reply)

And somebody else's
Not mine but a friend's. Said friend was a hardcore Trekker. And one year he found himself at a convention in full uniform.
Since there had been reports of things going missing the con had asked volunteers to patrol the halls. Naturally this was done in full uniform, replica phaser on hip.
So, on the last night, my friend and his partner came round a corner to behold a proto-chav fiddling with the lock on a hotel room.
He saw them, panicked and legged it.

And that was when the other Trekker whipped out his phaser and shouted "Stop or I fire"

Yes, he stopped.
Yes, he put his hands up.
Yes, the guys down at the nick probably spent the rest of the night laughing at him.
(Big D, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:51, 5 replies)

Chavvy mates
I was once driving through my old home town, when I saw a few chaps who were wearing lots of Nike clothing putting a moped in the back of a bedford rascal, "must be broken down or something" thinks me.

Rang my mate later to see what he was up to.

"We're up the woods thrashing a moped we nicked earlier" was his response.

Nice....
(Reverend Samson Fapohunda B3tan, B3tan, B3tan, B3tan, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:51, Reply)

a crime which is oft mistold
Did a haiku last week, so here's a tanka:
(rhymes with BANKER!)

That bitch Goldilocks
Fucking hooligan she was
Broke in and entered
Leaving D.N.A. on spoons
At the house of the three bears
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:47, 3 replies)

My mother the dog rustler
Ok so I heard about this rather than witnessed it.

My mum is what is usually called an animal lover (she has several cockatoos, has had in the past pet pigs, goats and marmosets) but she especially loves dogs.

A couple of months ago she was telling me about the lovely dog she had found abandoned.
"It was a lovely Alsation, we spotted it sitting by the side of the road so we went back with the van and it was ever so pleased to get into the back of it."

Of course being a responsible dog owner she took it to the vet to get checked out. The vet told her that the dog had a chip and gave her the address of the owner. Oddly it was a farm right near where the dog had been sitting.

"When you say it was sitting by the side of the road, was it actually sitting outside its house?" I asked.

"It might have been. Anyway the man didn't seem very grateful when we took it back."
(bald old git was bemused and befuddled on, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:45, 1 reply)

Drop Dead gorgeous Gippo's
It reminds me of many years ago when I worked for the fabulously shite company Tatung, where they expect you to work all the hours god sends for fuck all pay, and then you are supposed to thank them for the great honour of working for the slitty eyed twats.

Anyway, imagine my delight as at the end of a very long day (which happened to be every day) a convoy of around 30 caravans pulled up and set roots in the massive employee car park. There was no barrier so they just drove on, dropped anchor and started setting up washing lines as the kids started pouring out to start stealing things "allegedly".

They were there for 5 days before the company was able to get the legal document to move them on.. but during that time, they gave the security guard a video camera to film everything that went on.

It wasn't long before a group of gippo lads came up to the security guard and threatened him with bats saying "If you don't stop f***ing filming, we're gonna smash that camera". To which the guard laughed and said "You can smash it mate..its not mine".

This confused our gypsey bretheren, and they stormed off.

Shortly after, 2 girls came over, both about 18.. the one looked the absolute spitting image of Megan Fox from Transformers. They were wearing tight boob tubes and tiny mini skirts.

With the camera still running, they pulled up their skirts, bent over..and shit right in front of the security guard.

After they finished, they pulled down their skirts and walked back to the caravans.

I thought to myself.. "someday..I'm gonna marry that girl". lol
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:43, 6 replies)

I seem prone to these.
There's the time I came out of the pub to find a cashbox lying on the pavement before me,coins spread hither and yon. A minute or so later two gentlemen came sprinting past, one in pursuit of the other and shouting "I shall harm you immensely" or words to that effect.
I left the money where it was and I didn't stick around.
Then there's the two gentlemen who wandered up to a bike-park in Commercial Road,selected a bike, snipped off the chain with industrial sized bolt cutters and strolled off with the bike.
And the gentlemen I wandered past one fine day. One of them was lying on the floor shouting while his friends clustered around him. Mucking about, I thought. Only later did I realise that maybe I'd just walked past somebody getting a kicking.
And too many pub brawls to mention. Including one that involved at least a dozen people. To this day I can remember the police car that cruised past, slowed down to examine the scene and then accelerated away.
(Big D, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:38, 2 replies)

Laptop
The security guard at my workplace witnessed a crime, when a man turned up in reception one Saturday. The guard dutifully asked who he was, and the man replied "I'm here to collect the laptops".

"Ah OK" said the guard, and let him in.

The man signed in as "A. Laptop" and returned half an hour later with a couple of armfuls.

"Cheerio then" said the guard. We had a new one the next week.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:25, 2 replies)

GOD!!! THEY'RE DOING A ROBBERY IN IT!!!
A few years back a thoroughly bored friend (Alex) and I decided to kill an afternoon checking out the end of degree fine arts show in the Salford Uni arts building. After a couple of hours of wandering through the studios staring at the 'Will this do?' style efforts of the students (I was an art student for five years so can spot art-wank bullshit in pitch darkness) we walked back to the car park and were confronted with a void where we had left Alex's off colour, F Reg, automatic Honda Civic slumped a while earlier.

Naively we at first thought it had been towed by security but after a quick word with the guy in the car park security booth ('I watched it being driven out, I remember thinking to my self "That's a nice car"' FFS plus it wasn't, it was shit) we were put right, called the police and wandered back home through the streets of Salford, which for those who don't know is akin to wandering through the set of Escape from New York.

After an hour or so of getting totally lost (and mildly terrified) we finally spotted a local shopping precinct that we recognised and headed for it, at which point Alex spotted his car driving around the roundabout and heading into the car park.

We sprinted towards the precinct and saw the car parked (and full to the brim with pinch faced scallies) by a bank of shops so Alex popped into a nearby phone box and called the police, whilst I stood outside keeping an eye on them (and sensibly, if not exactly bravely, failing to confront them). Just as Alex got connected to the dibble the guys all pulled up their hoods and the car sped past us, pulling to a screeching halt outside Burger King and emptying it's chavvy contents, armed with lengths of heavy pipe, through the doors.

I watched this unfold, slightly stunned, listening to the garbled soundtrack of Alex's phonecall...

'Some guys have stolen my car and I've just followed it to Salford precinct. They're parked...and now...GOD!! THEY'RE DOING A ROBBERY IN IT!!! BURGER KING!!! NOW!! IN FRONT OF ME!!! NOW!!! THEY'RE ROBBING BURGER KING!!! YES!!! NOW!!!'

A minute or so later they ran out, jumped in the car and pelted off at speed over the one way speed bumps (the wrong way), whilst Alex winced and groaned into the phone as his precious motor was savaged (it later turned up in a Salford back street, having been playfully mangled by it's thieving inhabitants).

We went to check on the people in Burger King to see if they were alright (which of course they were, such robberies being a regular occurrence) then spent the night giving statements and being teased with the idea of being able to flick through a big book of photos featuring notable low end crims.

Having reached the end I've realised that's not a very good anecdote.

There was also the time when a guy with a gun forced his way into the bar I was working in then made a swift exit out of the back doors by the stock room. Stupidly curious I followed after him (leaving a minute or so grace, I'm not THAT stupid) and discovered a couple violently bumming between the skips.

That is all.
(mudflaps, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:19, 5 replies)

I bet he was up to something anyway.
I recall walking into HMV and as I did so a young boy with a rucksack was heading out. An alarm beeped, and he looked at me in panic and scuttled off.

Being an upstanding citizen I prodded security and said "That lad's just set off the alarm, you know?". Cue a hot pursuit that resulted in the distraught boy being led back by the arm for a word with the manager. "Lucky you were there!" said an assistant. "We normally hear the alarm okay but must have missed that one!"

Satisfied that justice had been done I fell to perusing the shelves.

After a few minutes the assistant reappeared, picked up a box from the shelf and walked out of the door with it, setting off the alarm, then gave me a quizzical look.

Hmm.

Well, I had heard some sort of alarm for sure. But it wasn't the piercingly loud siren with accompanying bright red strobe at HMV's door that meant someone was nicking something. God knows what it had been, but evidently I'd had the poor lad accosted for nothing.

Oh well, he shouldn't have looked so guilty.
(richardm, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:17, 3 replies)

err.......
on closer inspection it appears that most of you appear to be pretty good citizens, so I retract my former insult.

pc nipples
(CaptainFellatioNelson is trying to kill me, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:16, Reply)

Johannesburg
Back in the mid 1990's I had the pleasure of living and working in Johannesburg. Pretty interesting place on the crime front and have many stories of near scrapes etc.

The "highlight" was being particularly stoned one Saturday evening and heading to the Thrupps centre in Illovo to get some cash out. Walking with a mate from the carpark when we hear a loud bang followed by screaming. Walk around the corner to see bloke A on the floor holding his belly and blood oozing out while blokes B and C are seen running at high speed in the opposite direction.

Not what I needed having smoked a pound of local produce.

I'll admit that I didn't hang around for the witness statements - I farkin' legged it.

Pop - that's my lurking days done.
(The Barnsley Chop, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:12, Reply)