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This is a question Worst Nicknames Ever

Everyone wants a cool nickname like "Ace", "Boss", or "Iron". Kids being kids, that's not what we get - the kid with polio gets called Johnny Spazm, your Ginger Fuhrer was called Rob Man-you-smell and your question master was "Tommy" Trinder despite him being dead for years.

Tell us the worst you've heard and the stories behind them.

(, Thu 18 May 2006, 15:45)
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This question is now closed.

My friend In
less friendly circles gets called "grandad" due to his parents being older than the norm. Go figure.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 15:32, Reply)
My nickname
People generally call me "Mr Spunky Fucking Spunk-Face".

I don't know why.

I haven't even got a face.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 15:27, Reply)
The Welsh
A mate of mine has a Welsh wife who told me that in her village there is a chap they call 'crisp packet' because he once tried to use an empty bag of Walkers as a condom. Apparently even his mum calls him by this nickname.

If this is true can I nominate the girl that he shagged as Miss 'No Self Esteem' 2006?
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 14:38, Reply)
Naive Little Girl
When I was in the third grade (about 8 years old) my literate teacher decided to nickname me after the Bandersnatch in Lewis Carrol's poem about Jabberwocky. I was AmandaSnatch, or just Snatch. Later that year I went to summer camp and adopted a neckname based on my big girl teeth/little girl face. I was called Beaver.

Never had a clue...
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 13:58, Reply)
Fuzzy Logic
We call our cleaner at work, "Trigger"

.. because he looks like Mickey Pearce from Only Fools & Horses.

Work that one out then.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 13:50, Reply)
Why the hair?
I, when younger had that most iconic of early 90's haircuts - the flat-top. However, rather than go for regular trims, i decided to grow it out and eventually, have it put into dreadlocks. Unfortunatly, this process meant that my hair gained a curious ability to defy gravity - until it formed an enormous Afro.

Cue me being called just that.

However, after some time, I tired (as you would) of this and got it lopped off. To my dismay, I hadn't had it cut short enough for my school "chums" (gits, the lot of you) who decided that really, whilst I lacked a full Afro, I might just qualify as an "Af".
Cheers, lads.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 13:48, Reply)
can't be right
My sister knows a bloke who they call 'Peen', due to the generous proportions of his penis. I don't know whether he has a member worthy of such legend, but I doubt it as my brother has never been called anything like that and he thinks his is huge...
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 13:25, Reply)
I know someone
in Ireland called 'Tits'
because his sister has big tits.

There's no getting away from the simplicity.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 13:07, Reply)
My cats nickname...
.. Bum Fluff Merchant.. on account of him leaving his fluffy fur EVERYwhere.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 13:06, Reply)
Funny at the time..
I've got a friend who is always on the pull, so it's fun to introduce him to girls as something that's going to completely ruin his chances. Stinky Joe, Peacock, Joe the Virgin, No Go Joe and my personal favourite Rapey Joe have all ruined his chances with the fairer sex.
Probably still gets more than me though.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 12:59, Reply)
I get called C*** a lot
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 12:36, Reply)
Sta - Simple as Really.
Boydy (obvious) -- Boydsta (Getting a bit log winded) -- Sta (lazy twats!)

Does me, makes tagging Crewe easy!
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 12:29, Reply)
I am a staff cadet at 625 Volunteer Gliding School which is part of the cadets and there i have gained the nickname flashginger. The flash part comes from a yellow t shirt i wear alot which came from the queen musical in London. The ginger part comes from that fact my brother Duncan has ginger hair and i don't. So the name has stuck.
cheers colin porter
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 11:18, Reply)
Our football team
(Verbal) Because he didn't speak very much.

(Tinkerbell) Because one day we were watching a footy match and we kept hearing this little bell tinkle, and it turns out he had a little bell round his neck his girl friend had given him.

(Bunny) Real name ben, one day one of our teachers said '' so what have you been doing to day Bunny''

(Ray Pissed) Because when he got really drunk, he would pull girls shove them against a wall, and clamp both arms either side of the wall and grinde his pelvis at them.

(Admin) Because he had to plan every thing to the finist detail.

(Crazy Legs) Because of his crazy running style and ball skills.

(Dad) Because he liked to know every one was safe.

(Squits) Because one holiday everyone thought one night he went home early was because he had shit himself. (He hadn't he was just tired).

I'll let you guess which one I am.

Hughe cock etc.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 10:37, Reply)
Worst Nicknames Ever
SOFT FACE! is my nickname at work and my friends have picked up on this now so its catching on all over the place! Girls like it though :D
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 10:00, Reply)
Poor sod
One of me mates in primary school had the worlds biggest front teeth... Hence the nickname Super Goof...!
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 9:54, Reply)
only 3
I've really only had 3 nick names;

A guy I went out with for about 3 years thought calling me turtle was cute. Absolutely hated it...

All because of my birth name...thanks mam
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 9:28, Reply)
police noises
primary school was a beastly girl called nina,which became ninaar ninaar (the noise a police car makes)yea made her cry lots!
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 9:15, Reply)
Work nicknames
My brother has always had tales of work colleagues with nicknames.

1. Some guy who was a bit of an "uphill gardener" was known as makeup man.

2. Another guy who had the annoying habit of hawking up great oysters (phlegm) and then swallowing them, got the nickname "cod" (fish eat oysters right?). As a consequence of this, if he was assigned a fitters mate they would always be called "chips".

3. Another bloke, an electrician, very very very fat, had on one occasion to work in an inspection pit. Being fat, he completely filled the hole in the top and was henceforth named "plug".

that is all.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 9:06, Reply)
My workplace....
Has some Corkers!

Paul (surname Clitheroe) - Clitty

Martin (Strawberry blonde) - Ginger Pubes (confirmed by at least 2 members of female staff).

Andy - Thrush (cos he's an irritating c*nt)

Roy (goatee beard about 6" long) - ZZ

John (never came out of the 60's hippy thing, with the hair and beard still) - Hawkwind (surname is Hawkes too, so appropriate)

Phil (surname Bailey) - Earth Wind & Fire (or unofficially Alvin, as his teeth make him look like a chipmunk!)

Ivor (HUGE bushy grey beard) - Papa Smurf

Dave R. (workshop fitter) - Skeletor (painfully thin, with pointy, bony face)

Dave F. (workshop fitter) - Merlin (on account that he can fix any mechanical breakdown, with a cable tie!)

Lloyd - Rodders (owing to an uncanny resemblance to Nicholas Lyndhurst, and just as thick as the character he played in OF&H).

Anyone who works down the depot at Fenland District Council will know who I'm talking about...

Length/Girth? I have none... why do you think my nickname is Pee Wee?
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 8:22, Reply)
Outed By The Entertainment
I used to know someone whose surname was Skelton and so was unimaginatively known as Skelly. Okay not that interesting so far, but bear with me. So we were at the pub one night and they had just had this funky golf arcade machine installed (the sort where you wham the trackerball forward to hit your shot, it was taken out after we had a longest drive competition and my mate won by not stopping his hand, cracking the screen and breaking several fingers, but thats another story).

Anyway Skelly had refused our invitation that night with some pathetic excuse so, being the loyal, grown up people we are, when we all finished in the top three of the leaderboard we all entered our name as 'Skelly is gay'. Natch. We watched the leaderboard scroll up and cheered as 'Skelly is gay' flashed up a whole three times. Flushed with pride we turned round to head back to our table when we noticed someone had just entered the pub. It was none other than Skelly's older brother, and what imaginative nickname had his friends given him? Why Skelly, of course. Now he was a few years older than us so we were slightly intimidated by him at that age. In a panic we all figured that if we stood drinking next to the golf machine and prayed he didn't want a game then we would escape undetected. Well, I mentioned this machine was new, which was why we hadn't fully appreciated all the bells and whistles on it.

So, picture this. Skelly (senior) is sitting enjoying a quiet drink with friends. Glancing round the room he notices three embarrassed, not quite eighteen-year olds standing ramrod straight in front of the new golf machine wearing the goofy grins of the desperately doomed and all staring at him, mild terror in their eyes. As he goes to give them a friendly nod he notices what our intrepid heroes have not. At the top of the machine is one of those red L.E.D. displays scrolling across the legend of 1. Skelly is gay 2. Skelly is gay 3. Skelly is gay, directly above their heads.

We followed his gaze and ran like fuck as he started to get up. We were brave in those days.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 7:22, Reply)
for fuck's sake

"Anyway, theres always rumors going round about here...but the downright craziest, is using a CARROT to please herself with.

Also, from a less chavy girl, came the rumor of putting a mobile phone next to her minge and getting someone to call her, so it vibrated on her."

This is something that middle-to-upper-class 13 year old male virgins say about rough girls that they're secretly into the world over. So, not quite the bragging material you imagined.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 3:57, Reply)
My nickname at school was
"posts shit un-amusing answers to questions" because that is what I did.
(, Wed 24 May 2006, 0:07, Reply)
had a leader when i was in the beaver scouts, who later got the nickname muffmouth, due to a rather ill advised goatee.

there was also a bloke referred to as tom shithands though i don't know the story behind that.

and finally... we were once having a gmae of cards and the guy keeping score decided to nickname everyone on the scorecard.

his name for me? joseph jesus-shoes.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 23:50, Reply)
My sister and I have ridiculous names for everyone
she calls me Diplo (short for diplodocus cus I'm not very diplomatic) and I call her Junior (imaginatively so, as she is the youngest but also because she looks like Junior the Gorg off Fraggle Rock). She is also known as Pookie, Pooga, Poogapants and Princess Pugalilla. We call our mum Moominmama or Ma-na-mama as she looks like the pink things in that Muppet video that go "do-dooo-do-do-do". My dad is nicknamed Cockatoo because of his dodgy haircut. Our cats are also known as Spagpuss (likes spag bol, freak cat) and Hobo / Bobo.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 23:23, Reply)
Chris Peacock...
...became Crispy Cock

To be fair, his parents are to blame for that one. He was friends with Robert Hardon (see my last post).

I think that's enough from me.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 23:09, Reply)
My cat started out with a normal, kitteny name. Then she ended up in the vet for an extended period of time, since she was sick when we got her (though we didn't know it), and it became Pain In The Ass. Later shortened to PITA.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 23:08, Reply)
Robert Hardon
As if having a real name like Robert Hardon wasn't bad enough...


He also lived on "Richardson Street" which can be easily edited to "hard on Street", and was.

Last I heared, he was charged with rape / attempted rape. It was almost destiny really.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 23:07, Reply)
Nicknames? Nope, never had one.
I've been very fortunate that no-one has ever seen humour in, or reason to ridicule, my name.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 22:58, Reply)
Gideon and the Brown Ranger
Two guys, one was uber-religious, the other hung around him all the time.

The theory was that Gideon would play his magic flute and the Brown Ranger would appear to bumlove him.

Adults could never come up with stuff like that.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 22:58, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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