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Whatever.
So, that Mike Oldfield and his Tubular Bells.

Fantastic!

Ever seen a dead body?
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 21:58, archived)
On TV yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)
How about in the (decomposing) flesh?

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)
On top of the TV.
Didn't you get that?
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:01, archived)
Nope, I'm clearly shit.

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:04, archived)
Shit's hardly clear

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:06, archived)
Mine is.
Something to do with my diet.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:11, archived)
That sort of shit could be put in a museum.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:14, archived)
Silicone is really morish

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:14, archived)
Murders are really moorish
/Myra Hindley
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:33, archived)
Othello was really moorish

(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:44, archived)
Fucking loads of them.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)
I bet I've seen nearly as many as Druid.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)
He didn't ask what you do with them.

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)
LOL!

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)
You know what?
You know the sort of people we were talking about down the page?

The ones who trawl the board piecing together bits of gossip to make up some ludicrous conspiracy theory that they can gaz round?

I bet they only do because they can't get it up.
(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:02, archived)
also
it
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:04, archived)
That really wouldn't surprise me.
They'd have to be suffering something like that to be excited by things which might be revealed by strangers on an internet message board.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:05, archived)
They'd probably live in some godforsaken grey drear-hole of a town MILES from anywhere too.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:07, archived)
Can we give them something to work with?
Does anyone feel like sharing?
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:07, archived)
Something about how you have sex with lots of different men and I'm conspiring with Bud on this.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:10, archived)
Right we've got the basic lie. It needs working up into something more believable I think.

(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:13, archived)
Can't we just gaz it round and let it sort itself out?

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:14, archived)
I heard that you once cheated on someone with their own dad.

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:15, archived)
I was the dad.
My child is probably a b3tan.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:16, archived)
I'd go for something a bit less believable, if I were you.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:16, archived)
Oooh.

(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:29, archived)
Even if he could get it up, it would still be firing blanks.
Tough times :(
(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:10, archived)
I bet though, that he'd get really well levelled up on WoW.
To compenesate.
(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:12, archived)
nope
seen a few in photos though.
(I helped save b3ta! MrA, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)
I was once asked to digitally clean blood and wounds off a photo of a murdered woman
for the police to give to a relative. I'd forgotten about that.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:03, archived)
I once saw an old woman lying in the road after getting knocked over,
I don't know if she was dead at that exact moment, but she certainly was soon afterwards. It was in the news. There was a proper stream of blood down into the gutter, it was a bit grim.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)
a couple
they just looked like real people who'd stopped halfway through breakdancing
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)
Three.
One I arrived soon after a motorbike accident.

Another I was stood about thirty feet from where a girl landed after being flung from a fairground ride.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:02, archived)
Oh dear. Did you cope with it?

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:07, archived)
Yeah, just adopted a ''these things happen'' attitude.
The other one is my nephew in a funeral home after he died, but that's obviously a completely different reaction to the other two.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:13, archived)
I bet. Good you're OK. A friend once found a body in an alleyway,
I only saw him once after that, he stopped coming out.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:15, archived)
Thanks :)
I wouldn't like to find a body when I'm on my own, that would affect me more I reckon. I was with a lot of other people when the two accidents happened so I guess that helps.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:16, archived)
oof,
how did that happen?
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:10, archived)
She was on a really tall ride which rotates around and around (obvious for a fair ground ride, I know). Can't describe it any other way.
She leaned out of the safety bar apparently to chuck her mate a handbag. It rotated quickly and she got flung. Not a pleasant sound.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:15, archived)
Safety bar there for a reason...

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:17, archived)
Did she have kids?
Cause that's pretty much guaranteed a place in the Darwin awards.
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:18, archived)
Eugh

(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:17, archived)
I saw a couple who had been in a motorbike accident.
Straight into a lamp post, apparently the guy was killed on impact, the girl lived. Horrible scene.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:11, archived)
Fucking hell, that's nasty.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:17, archived)
Yes I have
In Ireland we tend to leave them laying out so people can pay their last respects.
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:03, archived)

so people can pay their last respects because we are too cheap to pay for lids.
(I helped save b3ta! MrA, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:04, archived)
Fuck you
A healthy respect for the dead is better than sticking them in the ground.
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:08, archived)
lol

(I helped save b3ta! MrA, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:11, archived)
yeah, I've delivered stillborn babies

(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:05, archived)
Did you have to leave a card telling people where to collect them f they weren't in?

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:07, archived)
she shoved them in a plastic bag and hid them behind the flower pots

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:09, archived)
nah, just throw 'em over the fence

(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:10, archived)
You're a midwife?

(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:12, archived)
I trained as one but stopped part way to have my own children
I'd love to go back to it but I'm not sure I could now.
(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:13, archived)
Not sure for what reason?
I'm an administrator in a maternity hospital.
(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:20, archived)
I can only walk with sticks or a walking frame and can't stand more than a couple of minutes at a time,
I'll be having surgery soon but I've been told not to expect improvement, only to hope they can stop it getting worse.

I'd not be physically able to do the things I would need to in order to be an effective midwife.
(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:34, archived)
sorry to hear that

(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:37, archived)
Ta. :) I have other options though, I'm sure

(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:40, archived)
no
and I'm keeping it that way
(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:07, archived)
Yes
They look weird.
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:07, archived)
*head to desk interface*

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:09, archived)
too many

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:08, archived)
That's what happens when you join the forces.
Or at least that's what my Nepalese neighbour tells me. (also a Falklands vet.)
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:11, archived)
It certainly isn't one of the perks.

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:13, archived)
He's a lovely sweet guy
And the only neighbour who has helped me out when I needed help.

Got a lot of time and respect for him.
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:17, archived)
Probably a Gurkha.
He could probably kill you with his eyelids.
(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:21, archived)
No shit
He was a gurkha for about 25 years. Left when he became a Sgt Mjr.

I have no doubts that he could kill me as soon as look at me.
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:24, archived)
Tell him you raped Joanna Lumley.
That should do the trick.
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:26, archived)
Chances are that he did too.

(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:28, archived)
That's worth a Brucie bonus!

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:31, archived)
is that a scientifically recognised number?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:11, archived)
It's slightly more than 'a fair few' and just less than 'fuckloads'

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:12, archived)
Yes.
There or there abouts.
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:13, archived)
Nononononono.
'there or thereabouts' is not quite as big as 'best part of a fair few'.
(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:16, archived)
So between shedloads and a gazillion then?

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:25, archived)
If you didn't use their blood as war paint and fashion traps from trees and ropes you're not a proper soldier.

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:17, archived)
so basically,
about umpteen.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:13, archived)
Is that more or less than a plethora?

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:16, archived)
that's for uncountable nouns.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:18, archived)
I have learned something.

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:23, archived)
well originally it meant specifically an excess of bodily fluids.
modern usage is somewhat more lax.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:29, archived)
Didn't we come to the conclusion that umpteen was 17 & 3/4
or something?
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:26, archived)
that's my definition of it,
for practical purposes.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:27, archived)
nope

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:08, archived)
Speccy yay!
Nope, I haven't.
(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:10, archived)
Woo!
Tubular Bells + ZX = AWESOME!
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:16, archived)
I lost my virginity to one.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:17, archived)
Was it as good for you as it was for her?

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:18, archived)
Him.
I don't know, he wasn't exactly talkative.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:20, archived)
and she stil said you were shit

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:20, archived)
Yes
both naturally dead ones and unfortunately ones that had been blown up or shot. Lucky for me I come from a family of undertakers and was sort of used to seeing them but working as a coroners assistant in northern Ireland while at collage was not on reflection a great choice if I wanted to avoid such things.
(I helped save b3ta! TBL I posted this on, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:28, archived)
a few
only one "in the wild", which was a road accident where the dead guy got hit by a motorbike and opened up his skull and left half his brain on the floor .

I have also seen a few of the training corpses in Bristol Uni medical school when i worked there long ago
(I helped save b3ta! MrSanity has maybe kicked the WoW habit forever, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:28, archived)
That'd do it.
Hold on, you're not from QOTW are you?
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:37, archived)
I'm mostly a /board person
but that one has hit qotw i think
(I helped save b3ta! MrSanity has maybe kicked the WoW habit forever, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:48, archived)
People don't like made up* stories here, it's worth remembering.

* even stories which sound made up but they're honestly true, really
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)
it is actually true
I don't make up stuff like that


you must be thinking of another qotw person
(I helped save b3ta! MrSanity has maybe kicked the WoW habit forever, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 23:00, archived)
Just that some QOTW people have undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome.
It's common knowledge here, but less so in other places.
www.b3ta.com/search/talk?q=qotw
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 23:06, archived)
indeed
I'm just an infrequent /talk poster, kinda get involved in other stuff that gets in the way of here
(I helped save b3ta! MrSanity has maybe kicked the WoW habit forever, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 23:10, archived)