Who wants to play "shit lyrics"?
I give you U2:

"A mole, living in a hole
Digging up my soul
Going down, excavation
I and I in the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high, elevation"

And Des'ree:

"I don't wanna see a ghost
It's the sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
Watch the evening news"

I remember when Mark and Lard played this on their radio show for the first time, they stopped the song halfway through and said "Did she really just sing what I thought she sung?" and they replayed that verse and pissed themselves laughing...
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:06, archived)

It's like 10,000 loons when all you need is a wife
Alanis is a b3tan.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)

I can't remember who it was that said it originally, but my favourite response to that line was:
"no, that's not ironic. It's just bad cutlery management"
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

Mmmm Bop

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)

Steel Panther have got the best lyrics atm.
Turn Out The Lights is wicked :)
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)

Probably Ed Byrne.
Slagging that song has been part of his routine for about 10 years.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

I'm going to see him in November.
WOO
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

I saw him in April
and will see him again next month. If it's the Different Class tour it's very good.
( magnum, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:33, archived)

If Rhod Gilbert is playing ANYWHERE near you this year, see him. He's fucking awesome.
BIG next year.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:51, archived)

He's already pretty big.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:52, archived)

He was at Warwick,
I couldn't go.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:53, archived)

he is still doing his baggage handle joke, which he was doing years ago

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:58, archived)

It would be irony if you needed a knife,
and you had just been to the cutlery store and bought 10'000 spoons in a show of defiance against knives.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

I'm not entirely sure even that isn't just a bit of a shitter
or being a bit stupid. I think for it to be ironic you'd need the addition of "being a knife dealer" or something similar. I dunno.

EDIT - actually you might be right, I mis-read your last line for some reason.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:34, archived)

this,

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:37, archived)

To be fair, I think she wrote a multilayered song,
where the true irony is that the song has nothing to do with irony.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:42, archived)

To be fair
I think she is a bit thick and has no concept of irony.
( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:44, archived)

Is it Ironic
if she writes a song called "ironic" which claims to understand irony but actually doesn't?

Or is that just being shitwitted?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:44, archived)

Shitwitted, but she doesn't know that.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:46, archived)

that would be me.
assuming you heard it on here. It's my standard response.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:32, archived)

Hey, hey, you, you, mneuhmymneuhymneuh mneeeeuh
He was a skater fucking boy, she said see you later boy

I can't carry on, I'm getting angry. Fuck off, Lavigne.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

Yeah, rhyming "boy" with "boy". It's a bit weak.

( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

I want to shit in her eyes and then grind it in with a hammer.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

that's specific retribution, right there.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:37, archived)

You're damn right it is.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:44, archived)

any preference on hammer type?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:45, archived)

Big and rough.
Preferably made out of steel and echidnas.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

She has some dreadful lyrics

( magnum, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)

by lyrics I take it you mean everything.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

I'm sure this was on /talk not too long ago
Anyhow.

ANYTHING BY LIAM SPASTIC GALLAGHER AND HIS MENTALLY IMPAIRED BROTHER
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

There was an award for worst pop lyrics announced last week
Desiree won it with that. I think U2 were 5th.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

I'm don't want to see a ghost....

(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)

Remember when hip-hop lyrics
Always included references to soap on a rope and the Pope- because the beats and the lines were so dope?
( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)

don't yo go dissin PE man, i'll bust a cap in yo ass

( mongychops, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)

BASS! How low can you go?

( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)

death row, what a brother know!
once again back is the incredible, rhyme animal, the untamable D, public enmey number one
( mongychops, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

Five-o said, freeze!
And I got numb
Can I tell em that I really never had a gun?
But its the wax that the Terminator X spun
( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

now they've got me in a cell cause my records sell
and a brother like me said well,
farikirs(sic) a prophet and i think you ought to listen to, what he got say to you
( mongychops, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

What he can say to you, what you ought to do.
Follow for now, power of the people, say,
Make a miracle, D, pump the lyrical
Black is back, all in, were gonna win
Check it out, yeah y'all, here we go again
( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)

TURN IT UP, BRING THE NOISE!!1
haha, 21 years old and i still listen to it and know the words, respect, black power
( mongychops, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:27, archived)

Let's do Ice T next
99 Problems
( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)

Got a bitch that's fast
A bitch that's slow
A bitch who's a virgin
And a bitch that's a ho
( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:34, archived)

I got a ho from the East
Got ho from the West
Got a ho who likes to jack it off
And rub it in her chest
Got a ho from the North
A ho from the South
A ho that likes to suck it long and hold it in her mouth.
( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:38, archived)

gonna have to leave this to yo home, i gotta bail, black power

( mongychops, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:36, archived)

Respect!

( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:39, archived)

"Don't go chasing waterfalls…"
Why not? It's not as if they move around much.
( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

Want to know something shit?
Me and two friends sang that at school for some god-awful end of year show thing.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

I love that song

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

I do too
but it does bring back memories of shitting myself, having to sing that first verse on my own.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)

I'd love to see that.

( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

We didn't do too badly.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)

It just seems completely incongruous with your present personality.
Or at least the one I know from /talk.
( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

Singing in public, singing pop songs?
I love pop music, especially 90s pop music, and I've been singing for years. Still haven't got over the stage fright though.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

I had you marked down for a darker personality.
My mistake.
( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

I'm eclectic. To be one or t'other'd be dead boring.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)

Forecast for Captain Wow
Dark and gloomy overall with bright patches?
( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)

I'd like to think it was the other way around....

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:30, archived)

Wouldn't be like a forecaster to fuck the forecast up would it?

( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:35, archived)

We have to stop with all this mindpiss
It's quite worrying.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:57, archived)

:D

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

Other way round I'd say

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:30, archived)

Here's a romantic ditty...
Butchery my meat hooks sharpened to penetrate
Emasculate, gouging crotches I will eat
Hung upside down, holes punctured through half chewed gristle,
debauchery with dead bodies, turning green
Upheaveal of human entrails
Deterioration of grated genitals, dangling from the hooks
Obscene feelings deep inside me
Dislocating, separating a blood drenched body
Begin the anal grouting...
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

Anal grouting...
Sexy?
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)

*panorama music kicks in*

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

..
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's the sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

A pizza Hut, a Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut.
McDonalds, McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

+ are all the places I like to pick up girls.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)

They really like their pizza

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:33, archived)

Most lyrics are shit,
the same themes gone over and over again.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)

The new Pig Destroyer album is quite fresh and new.
It's written from one of the bands dog's perspective. 'I'm wagging my tail so hard my whole body appears to be dancing' or something like that.

Hang on. Was it Pig Destroyer? Ah. I shall go and look.

I'm a twat, it was Ephel Duath
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

I'm eating cherries
and mourning the loss of my favourite tee shirt.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

Bluestarlady
if you go to tesco and look in the kiddies dept, thy have an awesome zebra t shirt for girls, and it goes up to ages 13-14. I have it, it's BRILL.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)

I shall do that the next time I go there.
Ta :) I've been looking in Primark at the kids tops. They're pretty kick ass.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

Kiddie clothing is always way better than grown up clothing.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

Looks great on my bedroom floor.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

Contrary to what you project
I bet you're a sensitive lover that cries after sex.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)

after during
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

all the time, actually.
He's probably sniffling now, wiping his delicate eyes on his lacy sleeves.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)

Only if she bites hard enough.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)

I sing a soulful 80s power ballad into the mirror when when It's all over
teasing my hair to make it even bigger and track down some pants.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)

That's some wanking routine...
I know, I know /ac
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:31, archived)

wanking into the air conditioning?!?! HARCORE!!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:37, archived)

Oh yes
that's me alright.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:33, archived)

That mace is horrible stuff.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:34, archived)

Pfft
I *heart* you UToL
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)

*finger guns*
I gotta be me.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:34, archived)

Also Robbie Williams rhyming 'mon cher' with 'mon cher'
in Let Me Entertain You.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)

Sunset Rubdown - The Taming Of The Hands That Came Back To Life
Don't get too close; you reflect the west coast air in my chest and the way I hold it in there.
It's the taming of the hands that came back to life when she synchronized swam on the ice in '03.
( GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

Truck driver divorce by Frank Zappa has some pretty awful lyrics.
As does The Dangerous Kitchen, though whether that was meant intentionally could be a moot point.
( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)

Zappa's lyrics were intentionally shit though

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

Hence the comment made at the end of my post.

( Lord Gnome, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

I think he was definitely going for "so shit they're good".

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

not bad so much but i have no idea what wang chung is going on about in dancehall days

( mongychops, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

TAKE YOUR BABY BY THE HAIR

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

Mine has a beard on it
that i designed

I used a pen
I used me mind

I used me mind
to design my beard
I used a pen

'thats reet'

Thats how confident I was
I USED A PEN!!!
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

i'm a weapon of massive consumption
thanks lily allen
( Lightguy hail satan, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

Oh I quite like that song...

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)

it's an alright tune, but that line stood out as being pretty cheesy

( Lightguy hail satan, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

I quite like that lyric

(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

back when a hoe was a hoe
coke was a coke
and cracks what you were doin' when you were crackin' jokes
back when a screw was a screw
the wind was all that blew
and when you said I'm down with that it meant you had the flu
I miss back when
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)

Also
www.b3ta.com/talk/6182373
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)

Never mind lyrics
there is a song out at the mo that uses the opening to Echo Beach. I was in a shop and it started, and I thought to myself "oh good, some Martha and the Muffins". Then this shitty shit dropped and I was like "OMG"
( magnum, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)

I said I love havin sex But I'd rather get some head, but I'd rather get some head, but I'd rather get some head
Ridin down the street man I'm in my big car
I scoped a lil sexy lil bad mixed broad
she made my dick stand like kareem abdul jabar
I hit the brakes so hard man I droped my cigar
pussy pretty fat like cash in a wallet
I'm lookin like damn baby girl don't stop n
I'm a take u to my crib girl and screw u like a fraud
or maybe get some head while I'm ridin in the car
either way it go man a nigga gotta bust sumthin wit my dollar
a nigga got dust sumthin high as the moon
I'm a goon like plies spray like big oomp spray it dead in a eyes in ya eyes
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

Oh yeah. The Police
Giant steps are what you take
Walking on the moon
I hope my legs don't break
Walking on the moon

and

I've called you so many times today
And I guess it's all true what your girlfriends say
That you don't ever want to see me again
And your brother's gonna kill me and he's six feet ten

and

The only cheques I've left unsigned
From the banks of chaos in my mind

Everything The Police ever did is shit
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)

I like message in a bottle
that's about it.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)

Seven Days is one of the finest songs ever written,
in my opinion.
Not so much because of the lyrics, though.

*puts Sting CD on*
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:31, archived)

don't stand
don't stand
don't stand so close to me.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:32, archived)

Generals gather in their masses
Just like witches at black masses.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:33, archived)

YES

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:45, archived)

"Ozzy, this is a great song, but those opening lyrics need work."
"W-w-w-what?"
"Well you just rhyme "masses" with "masses". Not much of an opener really and could do with some work."
"H-here. I've got an i-i-idea... hmnnnnnphh..."
"Ozzy... Ozzy what are you doing? O... Ozzy are you shitting yourself? Oh! Oh my god! Oh that's rancid! Jesus Christ how much shit is there! Argh, it's up to my shin. The floor is fucking flooding and it's up to my shin in Ozzy shit! For the love of all that is holy, what are you doing Ozzy?!?"
"Shitting myself IN GREAT MASSES! OH LORD YEAH!"
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:50, archived)

One Trillion Dollars can buy a lot of bling.
One Trillion Dollars could buy most anything.

/Anti-Flag
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:40, archived)

Buying bread from a man in Brussels
He was six foot four and full of muscles
I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"
He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:49, archived)

"There's a hole in the sky, but don't ask me why
'cause I don't know".

/yngwie
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:52, archived)