I've made blooming onions that I'm going to eat for dinner tonight
What have you bloo blah blug blig berk?

Come on, I'm bored.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:37, archived)

I am not really sure what you want from us here.

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:40, archived)

I want to be entertained
In the broadest sense of the word.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:42, archived)

I might have chicken tonight...
chicken tonight
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:44, archived)

I'm doing pizza
I was going to make the dough earlier but I couldn't be arsed, so I'll do it later. Is this interesting to anyone? I have no idea.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:45, archived)

so its you that has the pizza oven right?

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:47, archived)

no

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:49, archived)

I know.
I might see what the canteen at work has to offer, it will be the usual slop along with sandwhiches made out of bread they have nicked from the bins round the back of Greggs.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:53, archived)

Me
What are your tips and tricks for making pizza dough?
( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:41, archived)

i hope he has one weird tip

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:46, archived)

It's the weirdest, baby

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:52, archived)

Does the diet industry hate him for it?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:53, archived)

I'll tell you what the doctors don't want to!

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:55, archived)

He told me
I couldn't BELIEVE it!!!!!!!!!11!1
( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:56, archived)

In my idler moments, I've taken to reading the comments that appear beneath the ads in my Facebook feed.
One was about microwaving an onion (no idea why, as I don't look at the ads themselves) and, in amongst all the comments about how microwaves are bad (they kill your food!) was someone explaining that microwaves don't even heat food up - they only heat the water molecules, so the food itself remains cold.

My mind was blown.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:05, archived)

Woah
I'll bear that in mind next time I'm....microwaving...an....onion.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:16, archived)

still dough

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:47, archived)

No real tricks
I just make a regular bread dough, then roll it into a circle. Few minutes in a screaming hot, dry frying pan. Bung the toppings on while it's in there, then finish it off under the grill. Jobs a goodun
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:51, archived)

strong white flour, fast acting yeast and sugar stirred into warm water
Knead the fucker for 10 minutes and prove for thirty. No more than 30, mind.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:54, archived)

over prove and it can go a bit cakey
Hth x
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:56, archived)

ta duck
x
( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:57, archived)

I'd not heard of blooming onions before, but they sound...
...ALLI-YUMMY!!!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:42, archived)

Neither had I, until [B3ta USER] told me about them yesterday
So I'm giving them a go.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:44, archived)

Monster Munch
It was Monster Munch
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:44, archived)

hes a babe

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:46, archived)

Aw, shucks.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:05, archived)

If his pickled onion flavour is anything to go by you can trust his judgement on this

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:54, archived)

His savoury game is beyond reproach

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:56, archived)

I'm tempted to request that you post pictures of, and a full report on said onion,
but that sounds a bit of a naff thing to do, so I'll just wish you well in your endeavour.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:08, archived)

I literally don't care if people think I'm a twat
so I will photograph them. If I remember. I'm a twat, but I'm also flakey.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:11, archived)

^ flakey twat

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:14, archived)

See?
water off a ducks back
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:15, archived)

i had never heard of them until seeing one on an episode of the american office
except it was referred to as an 'awesome blossom' in that
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:43, archived)

I don't remember that
However, I shall report my findings presently
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:43, archived)

Are you sure it wasn't an Awesome Possum?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:01, archived)

not 100%
maybe i should dip my body in awesome frosting
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:18, archived)

Only if you're going to go without washing for the next 3 years.
awesome chocolate
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:21, archived)

shit, i couldn't be bothered to look up the line

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:36, archived)

Not to worry:
it's awesome to win AND it's awesome to lose!

Free taco?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:41, archived)

is it taco tuesday?
let's take extra care to follow the instructions or you'll be put to sleep, and don't forget taco tuesday's coming next week!
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:49, archived)

:D
It's the film that made me not hate Will Ferrell.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:55, archived)

i've been making a list of things i want. next i'm going to get some of them.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:47, archived)

What else is on the list, Meaty?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:50, archived)

some trainers and a particular pair of denim jeans
and a jacket
and a set of shoes and pedals for my bike
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:53, archived)

Do it
Do it now
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:54, archived)

i might get the trainers, i'll let you know
they're grey so you know they're good
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:55, archived)

You can't go wrong with grey
That's why god made elephants that colour
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:57, archived)

exactly. i had some lovely bright green ones, but they just don't last do they?
you're right, grey is the way forward
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:58, archived)

they get lost in grass as well.

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:04, archived)

i got those blue ones just before xmas but they haven't lasted either

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:06, archived)

they get lost in bluebells

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:19, archived)

shush now.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:31, archived)

get fucked

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:37, archived)

*sigh*

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:37, archived)

terrible bullying of elmer

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:02, archived)

crack

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:52, archived)

Drugs are bad for you

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:54, archived)

i did a fart and it smelt like burnt hair

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:53, archived)

One time I did one and it smelt like popcorn
and another time it smelt like kebab paper. It was bad.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:55, archived)

i think there's a bit of a haze around me with how much i've been farting today

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:57, archived)

The best thing to do is just stay still until it passes

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:57, archived)

nah let him walk round dragging it behind him like a fetid umbilical cord, share the wealth

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:09, archived)

i did a fart during the night that woke me up with its ferocity

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:23, archived)

I'm making some flipping courgettes

( Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:03, archived)

Have you ever had a bloody pepper?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:06, archived)

Is that some kind of sex act?

( Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:40, archived)

It is the way I do it

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:48, archived)

I'm at work. Why aren't you at work?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:07, archived)

working from home innit

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:12, archived)

I'm looking forward to a fucking smashing curry that I made last night.
Might stop and get some naan on the way home. What I like ti do is fill the naan with curry and eat it like a messy curry kebab. I have to wear a napkin, but it's totally worth it
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:59, archived)

You're a hot mess, do you know that?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:04, archived)

sometimes I feel it, but it's always nice to hear.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:22, archived)

naan
naan
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:06, archived)

BATMAN!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:16, archived)

oh you cheeky scamp

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:22, archived)

I quite fancy a curry, now.
Peshwari naan is the best.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:11, archived)

I dunno what they're called, but being an indulgent fatso I like the ones with kebab meat in them.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:23, archived)

keema? I hardly knew her!
Haha
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:28, archived)

Keema?
Also very nice, although meat with a side order of meat could be considered a bit of an indulgence.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:33, archived)

Only nonces and rapists like Peshwari naan

( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:51, archived)

How do you feel about lime pickle?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:58, archived)

I don't despise it, but its definitely last on the list of things to dunk a poppadom into

( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:13, archived)

I think you'd be a good companion at the curry house,
as there'd be little chance of you stealing my food.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:16, archived)

so you're one of those
who doesn't actually order any food, just fills up on the free doms and dips?
( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:40, archived)

I fill up on doms'n'dips, and then realise that I've over ordered, usually.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:56, archived)

the cafe I'm in has rost chicken on the menu

( mongychops, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:17, archived)

cor!
get on it
( $$ ✅, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:21, archived)

relly?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:30, archived)

How do you make onions?
Do you mean you peeled and chopped one? or you brought together the base atomic materials and actually created an onion?

Also I haven't bloo blah blug blig berk today. but I did blaa bloo blog bilk bark
( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:39, archived)

If you want scrambled eggs, do you have to wait until you're ovulating?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:46, archived)

Na
I just rob someone else's
( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:53, archived)

to bake an apple pie from scratch you must first create the universe

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:58, archived)

^sage advice from the modolith

( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:03, archived)

He should be on Thought For The Day.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:09, archived)

he created one, in his own image

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:53, archived)

might have broccoli and pasta

( $$ ✅, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:45, archived)

I'm at the synchrotron again.
12 hours of prodding crystals with X-rays. Joy.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:01, archived)

tron mesh
prodding crystals cooking toast
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:04, archived)

I'm going to go stand in the beam for a while.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:10, archived)

goodnight, sweet prince
Colonel Boris NEVAR 4GET
( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:15, archived)

alright Roland

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:16, archived)

lol

(wimbley is feeling hungover, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:25, archived)

Stay there until your superpowers develop.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:18, archived)