HAHA I GET IT, MYSTIC SMEG!!!
HAHAHAHAHA
(sticklebricks, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 15:37, archived)

TIT
lol
( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 15:56, archived)

IDGI

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 21 Jun 2024, 16:05, archived)

Brand new Friday Bollocks thread!

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 13:22, archived)

Bollocks

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 13:42, archived)

And a fine bollocks to you too

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:26, archived)

sunny 35.5c bollocks here today, might burn my bollocks, if i expose my bollocks

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:48, archived)

Don't overexpose your bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:52, archived)

They're under a heat dome, it said so on the news

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 17:19, archived)

afternoon

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 21 Jun 2024, 13:45, archived)

why do you have to try to be so clever all the time, would it kill you to just say bollocks, well?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 13:48, archived)

arseboon dilbollocks

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 21 Jun 2024, 13:49, archived)

semen khaidenkollocks

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 13:51, archived)

Bit laboured m8

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 21 Jun 2024, 13:52, archived)

Fuck you, beepeedee. Fuck you.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 13:52, archived)

You would say that

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 21 Jun 2024, 13:54, archived)

ARSEHOLE

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:27, archived)

No I would not ok

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:49, archived)

I am ok with this and I hereby besmirch the name of anyone who is not OK with this

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:52, archived)

ok 👍🏻

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 20:02, archived)

HOT CANADA BOLLOCKS ACTION
Anyone remember JackAction? Whatever happened to him?
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:27, archived)

I heard he topped himself on a live twitch stream

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:29, archived)

Is that some sort of gay slang?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:51, archived)

Yeah, gay slang for 'committed suicide live on a video stream'.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:51, archived)

I didn't know they did that sort of thing

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:53, archived)

disgusting

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 17:17, archived)

All the single bollocks
All the single bollocks
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:54, archived)

Perhaps we could by them a prosthesticle for company

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 15:00, archived)

FUCK YEAH FRIDAY BOLLOCKS

( broadsword, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 15:07, archived)

everyday bollocks
none of this fancy new Friday stuff
( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 15:36, archived)

We are off to Whitby this weekend I absolutely love the place
Where do you like to go for a break?
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 11:40, archived)

I used to like Whitby

(piss and shit, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 11:44, archived)

Whitby has never liked you
It thinks you are a bit of a willy
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 11:49, archived)

Whitby's nice, just avoid the actual town and stick to the tourist bit.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 21 Jun 2024, 12:09, archived)

I have a mate who lives in the town it's a bit rough tbh
The touristy bit is lovely
I think all places have their 'nice' and 'not nice' areas
I assume York has a hidden dump somewhere
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 12:42, archived)

Some parts are an absolute shambles.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 21 Jun 2024, 12:44, archived)

I saw what you did there

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 13:13, archived)

Well of course.
Not the bit I live in though.

No tower block housing here so none of the proper sketchiness that you get in big cities.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 21 Jun 2024, 12:46, archived)

Your shop doorway is in Waitrose
Well done!
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 13:14, archived)

Shopping centre with my roll of lino

( broadsword, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 12:42, archived)

Returning it?

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 13:15, archived)

good toimes

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 16:33, archived)

Southport or Blackpool
Off to Spain in September, though
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 14:12, archived)

Binary options, y/n?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 21 Jun 2024, 8:35, archived)

Fucking would.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 8:36, archived)

Totes, bro.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 21 Jun 2024, 8:39, archived)

Gives your knob spilnters

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 8:58, archived)

maybe

(piss and shit, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 8:57, archived)

7/10

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 8:58, archived)

Buy silver.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 9:07, archived)

0 or 1

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 9:37, archived)

Well those are the main ones, yes.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 21 Jun 2024, 11:06, archived)

I need a wee

( broadsword, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 11:07, archived)

Here, have this one:
*wees*
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 21 Jun 2024, 12:46, archived)

Cheers

( broadsword, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 12:54, archived)

morning
Why was the moomin troll so scary eh?
( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 6:24, archived)

you lazy fucking bastards

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 7:13, archived)

the groke was scary
and thingumy and bob were unsettling
but the moomins were fine
(piss and shit, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 7:41, archived)

Little My was creepy 'eh eff'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 8:31, archived)

ALRIGHT PIG FUCKERS

(sticklebricks, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 16:28, archived)

Supergrasszzz

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 16:30, archived)

no real pig fuckers, please

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 17:20, archived)

Danger Money is the best U.K. studio album and I'll fight anyone who tells me otherwise.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 18:00, archived)

fuck off brb

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 21:29, archived)

But what if I *am* a money thief, hmm?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 20 Jun 2024, 13:59, archived)

That's exactly the sort of double-bluffery mind trick that I'd expect a money thief to say

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 14:08, archived)

I have informed the relevant authorities.
By which I mean The National Counter Terrorism Security Office who are now fully aware of your plans to use your ill gotten gains to fund a bombing campaign attacking jewish financial institutions.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 14:32, archived)

Mmnnnnneeeuugghhhh

( broadsword, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 16:07, archived)

you'd be stupid not to tbh

(piss and shit, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 16:20, archived)

I suavely ordered a "shteak"

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 18:00, archived)

You fucking shtupid fucking cunt

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 20 Jun 2024, 18:09, archived)

...she giggled

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 18:29, archived)

GONEald Sutherland

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 20 Jun 2024, 18:23, archived)

Goneald Southerland

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 18:34, archived)

Done Old Sutherland

(piss and shit, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 23:09, archived)

Donald Promisedland

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 21 Jun 2024, 8:23, archived)

Fucksocks.
The surgeon says I may be under the knife this weekend.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 10:37, archived)

my break turned out to be an old motorbike injury i didn't even know I'd done
Also have broken the collarbone on the same side at some point as well which i didn't know about.

So mine is just a soft tissue injury. Back to work.
( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 10:46, archived)

Mine isn’t!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 11:14, archived)

bollocks

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 11:40, archived)

Oooh, not good
At least you'll get decent painkillers
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 10:59, archived)

I’ve got enough opioids to supply Pittsburgh for a week
I don’t like the stuff.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 11:13, archived)

Like it or not
You're gonna need it
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 11:33, archived)

Maybe.
Last time it was just to get some sleep.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 11:41, archived)

Just to say, /talk has a resident GP and Pharmacist who are more than happy to offer shit medical advice.
You know, just in case you want to ask someone who isn't clearly a drug addict
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 12:47, archived)

Hello!

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 12:51, archived)

I am a medical expert of some standing

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 18:02, archived)

too close

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 21:30, archived)

Got a pride high Viz being delivered to site, should ruffle a few bigots

( mongychops, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 11:51, archived)

IT'S THE WOKE AGENDA!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 20 Jun 2024, 11:57, archived)

Is Johnny Fartpants still going?

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 12:44, archived)

Buster Gonad lols

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 12:52, archived)

ace
can I have it when you're finished with it?
(piss and shit, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 16:20, archived)

Cunt thinks he can threaten you, lamp him garold!

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 12:01, archived)

At least it's not a spork or something, that'd go badly.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 12:51, archived)

Just been told I don’t need surgery
I’m part relieved, part worried it’ll lead to problems in the future but I’m booked in for an X-ray and consultation next week so we can see how it looks then.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 13:50, archived)

Shoulder surgery?
Looking at your x-rays I see no reason to cut you open, it's a clean break with no debris to clean up, and nothing for your nerves, veins or arteries to get snagged on.

X-rays don't show soft tissue damage obviously, but I'd be surprised if there was anything worse than bruising given how clean and tidy your fracture is.

I am not a doctor.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 15:02, archived)

Well it all hinges… literally … on the musculature
The xray looks like one sharp move to my arm and it’d rip the bone away but the CT scan indicated there was enough anchoring materialto keep things stable. I’ll have another xray in a week and if there’s been any movement I’ll get some metalwork.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 20:06, archived)

Meccano ftw!
How the fuck did you manage to get a CT scan? Private healthcare?
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 21:52, archived)

Are you sure they didn't say you don't deserve surgery?
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 15:04, archived)

The NHS does not have the time to do that kind of analysis

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 20:02, archived)

shit out of your arse
It's another morning
( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 7:42, archived)

One step ahead of you there.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 20 Jun 2024, 7:47, archived)

one shit ahead of me, shurely

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 7:49, archived)

ONE... SHIT... BEYOND!!!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 20 Jun 2024, 8:00, archived)

that's one small shit for man
ten giant wipes for mankind
( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 8:04, archived)

One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It's the loneliest number since the number one
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 9:35, archived)

So it is

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 7:51, archived)

out of your arse?
or another morning?
( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 7:53, archived)

Another morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 8:18, archived)

JC4PM!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 20 Jun 2024, 9:15, archived)

Terrible bullying of poor nameless :(

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 9:33, archived)

smegg,

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 9:46, archived)

meh,

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 20 Jun 2024, 10:00, archived)

again?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 9:46, archived)

Alright will

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 20 Jun 2024, 10:00, archived)

No touts

( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 20:51, archived)

no tiggety

(piss and shit, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 20:51, archived)

as I suavely ordered a "shteak," she giggled

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 22:35, archived)

a tout is a guy who can't get no snout from me

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 21:16, archived)

no no you got it all wrong i had 50 mates who couldn't make it and i'm just selling their tickets for them

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 21:39, archived)

Sure!
We believe you
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Wed 19 Jun 2024, 21:52, archived)

thought you meant johnnies, mate

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 22:08, archived)

We laughed the night away

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 22:34, archived)

there was a johnny up my bum
but only cos he's gay
( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 23:01, archived)

"a wee tale from my dating days"

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 1:30, archived)

Did you sort out the brute forcing of old accounts?

( mongychops, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 22:04, archived)

he's the one that's been doing it

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 22:09, archived)

Sorry
I've learnt my lesson
( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 22:24, archived)

I once took a lovely lass to dinner

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 22:33, archived)

LOL
ass
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Wed 19 Jun 2024, 22:50, archived)

tell me an anecdote about sean connery on the dating circuit as told by himself
"Ah, let me share a wee tale from my dating days. I once took a lovely lass to dinner, and as I suavely ordered a "shteak," she giggled and said, "Did you just say 'shteak'?" Without missing a beat, I replied, "Aye, lass, and it'sh going to be as legendary as thish date." We laughed the night away, and that little lisp worked its charm once again."
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 22:30, archived)

i genuinely can't tell when it's you or chatgpt anymore

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 23:03, archived)

you've probably been gpt all along.

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 23:05, archived)

I predate it
...unless it can time-travel
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 0:16, archived)

that little lisp worked its charm once again

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 0:04, archived)

chatsconnery
( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Thu 20 Jun 2024, 7:05, archived)

FUCKING HAVE IT YOU CHOCOLATE-MUNCHING CUNTS
FOOTBAAAAAAALLL!!!
(sticklebricks, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 20:08, archived)

Here you go
This is what happened
imgur.com/t83kWs8
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 17:07, archived)

In case you can't see the fracture
imgur.com/a/SCtsnC6
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 17:08, archived)

Bit of road rash as well
imgur.com/a/cz3yoWv
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 17:08, archived)

you clumsy twat

(piss and shit, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 17:12, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8416252
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 17:32, archived)

Forgotten Mr Men character

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Wed 19 Jun 2024, 17:54, archived)

Thanks for your fingerprints

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 17:56, archived)

FILTH

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Wed 19 Jun 2024, 21:53, archived)

Ouch!
'Tis nothing but a scratch
I was always crap at reading x-rays tbh
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 17:12, archived)

Well, you can see how the bruising has travelled down from my shoulder
to my elbow over the past 3 days imgur.com/RYiM9fL
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 17:31, archived)

fuck's sake
that had a warning that the image might be erotic or adult imagery.
I mean I am still wanking, but it's not what I was hoping for
(piss and shit, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 17:41, archived)

Ow yeah
Looks as if it'll be there a few weeks
You get any meds for the pain?
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 17:45, archived)

opiates but he hasn't been taking them
keep up for fuck's sake
(piss and shit, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 17:56, archived)

I tend to ignore anything said about med stuff
Bit of a busman's holiday iykwim
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 18:14, archived)

It’s not too bad
I’m getting by with ibuprofen.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 20:00, archived)

I went to school with a broken collar bone, till they sent me home, man up

( mongychops, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 18:52, archived)

Up where?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 19:45, archived)

I reiterate
You spaz
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 20:59, archived)

aftercoon

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 12:31, archived)

Afternoon

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 12:32, archived)

bit racist m8

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 12:33, archived)

been up since 4
not having fun today
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 12:45, archived)

Bit racist.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 12:58, archived)

alright
apparently it costs £75k to call Jeremy Vine a bike nonce
( broadsword, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 13:01, archived)

ESH

(piss and shit, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 13:10, archived)

Annoying smug twat
Not you, him
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 13:17, archived)

^ shed nonce

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 15:24, archived)

Thanks!

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 16:12, archived)

Money well spent

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 15:05, archived)

anything that costs Joey Barton a lot of money is alright by me
and if he has to insult a smug radio wanker to do it, all the better
(piss and shit, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 16:05, archived)

Alright Cyril Sneer
You fucking cunt bubble
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Wed 19 Jun 2024, 16:56, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 7:44, archived)

morning

( broadsword, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 7:47, archived)

Tuff Crew on the go here

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 7:54, archived)

T G
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 19 Jun 2024, 8:49, archived)

aka /talk

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 19 Jun 2024, 8:49, archived)

Back to Rectum Shop

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 8:50, archived)

Doc Brownzzzz

(piss and shit, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 13:06, archived)

Fuck you, beepeedee. Fuck you.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 7:50, archived)

Hiya

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 7:52, archived)

it's Mr Morning to you, sunshine

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 7:59, archived)

piss off

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 8:00, archived)

Ur a card lmao

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 8:18, archived)

Please stop posting on b3ta.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 8:43, archived)

is he your new spanishfly?

(piss and shit, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 9:13, archived)

Are you the new Baggenfock?

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 9:28, archived)

don't watch citv tbh m8

(piss and shit, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 12:06, archived)

‘Lo

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 8:49, archived)

We are having a team meeting
I have escaped to the little boys' room
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 9:48, archived)

alright 'Sir Jimmeh'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 10:53, archived)

That US tech stocks heavy fund I dropped a chunk of pension into has grown 6% in one month.
That's nearly as much as what a lot of funds do in a year.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 11:02, archived)

nice

( $$ ✅, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 11:15, archived)

It has Visa, Mastercard, Nvidia, and Microsoft in its top 10 holdings.
Obvs it's going to do well.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 11:16, archived)

it's a bubble m8
ur going to lose everything
soz to be the bearer
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 11:20, archived)

OK cool, thanks Bou

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 11:39, archived)

and yet here you are

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 11:47, archived)

Not enough to retire on m8

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 11:49, archived)

Sk8 boards and trainers don't pay for themselves

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 12:18, archived)

Exactly.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Jun 2024, 12:19, archived)

morning

( $$ ✅, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 11:15, archived)

I think I might have that e-coli shit.
My guts are upset online.

Do you think you might have that e-coli shit?

alt: farty bollocks
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 21:22, archived)

somewhere, deep in an api of a transaction system, I have hard coded the password f4rtyp00

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 23:08, archived)

e-coli Escherichia coli
e-coli E. coli

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Binomial_nomenclature#Writing_binomial_names
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 6:31, archived)

Oh look,
a wild Dickus pretentious!
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 19 Jun 2024, 8:50, archived)

you can call me it again,
but next time you can just write D. pretentious. A /chat thread probably counts as a single body of text, but if you're going to call me it in a new thread you'll have to re-state the full name.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 8:57, archived)

Oh wow,
this must be the rare D. pretentious var. excelsa!
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 19 Jun 2024, 10:34, archived)

Yes, I think it must be

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 10:52, archived)

C. Pedantis

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 18:02, archived)

No italics, no full name
Youfuckingstupid fuckingcunt
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 19:23, archived)

D. Pedantis

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 20:03, archived)

The Georgia football team's' manger's' name is'
saggy willy lol
LOL
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:07, archived)

no crib for a bed

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:33, archived)

there was a kid at school called sagi abbakannaza or something
We called him saggy have a banana because kids are cunts
( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:35, archived)

BRB KLAXON!!!!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:39, archived)

There was an Indian boy who used to go up the park who I only knew as Ninkumbobla. Turns out his name was actually Videsh but the older kids called him Ninkumbobla and that's what he became. Bit of a clunky nickname really, 4 syllables.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 22:44, archived)

RALF MINGE

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:38, archived)

no real names plz

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:44, archived)

Sorry Ralf :'(

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 18:50, archived)

That's Mr Minge to you

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 18 Jun 2024, 18:52, archived)

#funnynamecorner

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 18:57, archived)

Lies.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:39, archived)

my boss' girlfriend is Ukrainian
her dad's just been given the all clear healthwise for a callup to the army, he's in his late 50s, bit shocking, they must be desperate
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 18:07, archived)

It's pretty grim by the sounds of things

( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 18:09, archived)

Sounds alright to me, I'd have a pop

( mongychops, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 18:44, archived)

Is your boss Alan Partridge?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 18:51, archived)

yes they are desperate

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 19:13, archived)

Sagnol was a great player in his day

( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 18:08, archived)

best with parmesan I find

(piss and shit, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 19:15, archived)

have chips and lobs with that

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 19:20, archived)

pasta doesn't give me a lob mate
you weirdo
(piss and shit, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 19:55, archived)

Have you never wrapped spaghetti round your dick
And pulled it off like you're trying to start a motor engine?
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 20:03, archived)

I'm 50 and honestly haven't. Bucket list now

( mongychops, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 20:21, archived)

let it cool a bit first

(piss and shit, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 20:47, archived)

one spaghetto wouldn't be long enough

(piss and shit, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 20:46, archived)

angel hair

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 22:03, archived)

What if it actually started?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 19 Jun 2024, 11:34, archived)

Yeah right not falling for that

( broadsword, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 18:23, archived)

Afternoon thread

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:12, archived)

bollocks

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:26, archived)

You would say that
And you did
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:27, archived)

prove it dicktits

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:28, archived)

Dicktits
Buttkiss
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:47, archived)

Tits

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 16:33, archived)

Up yours
Cunt butt
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 18 Jun 2024, 16:58, archived)

Afternoon
Almost time for work
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:46, archived)

fuck off then

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:53, archived)

salma hayek's bumtits
Turtle power!
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 16:15, archived)

You always take it too far

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 18 Jun 2024, 16:59, archived)

Sorry Ian, I just couldn't help myself :'(

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:01, archived)

Alright
Divinyls
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:03, archived)

LOL
div
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:08, archived)

wee-wee tapir thread

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 11:56, archived)

Fooooooooooood!
Chicken salad! Crisps! Anyone having anything more better?
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 12:36, archived)

sushi
out for Pakistani l8r, place I've never been to before as it's fucking miles away from home, but it looks amazing
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 12:38, archived)

have a korma

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:06, archived)

Hakka noodles, Manchurian paneer, tofu 65. Rare to see korma now in the kind of places I eat.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:23, archived)

yeah soup kitchen menus have gone to shit recently

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:27, archived)

None of those things are soup

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:38, archived)

kitchen soup is a soup so fuck off

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:54, archived)

Tofu 65?
Alright, Lou Bega
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 16:45, archived)

a little bit o' bean curd in my mouth

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 22:06, archived)

Remember to get drunk and to make it extra hot

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:08, archived)

they list a 'chilli seekh kebab (hot)'
definitely trying those
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:49, archived)

Seriously though you need to keep sending it back because it's still not hot enough, then say it's too hot and refuse to pay.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:24, archived)

excllent idea

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:53, archived)

BRB KLAXON!!!!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:10, archived)

All klaxons are the same

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:12, archived)

Homemade meatballs
With mashed potatoes, peas, carrots, mushrooms and onion gravy
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 12:38, archived)

i just had a big sausage
bet you can't beat that
( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 12:41, archived)

I'll beat your sausage lol

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:11, archived)

it's not a race m8

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:12, archived)

M8

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:14, archived)

oh darling don't be like that

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:56, archived)

Dude
What does mine say?
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:09, archived)

you have two weeks left to live

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:33, archived)

Sweet

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 18 Jun 2024, 17:54, archived)

Mine is just bring your own lunch
Yours sounds lovely
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:10, archived)

Cooking is stress relief for me
It was either make lunch or kick off on the neighbours
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:14, archived)

Do both

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:14, archived)

Trust me, that doesn't work
I've had to deal with troublesome neighbours before, I know how the housing deal with complaints. I started documenting things yesterday, as that was the first time they left the dogs in the garden on their own for several hours. They've done it again today and if they do it tomorrow, I'll have words with them. If that doesn't work, I'll put in an official complaint and keep documenting everything.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 13:52, archived)

rat poison also works on dogs
And dog owners come to think of it
( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:28, archived)

I have a feeling
That someone* will leave the gate open while the owners aren't paying attention






*me
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 15:46, archived)

Christ shut up will you? Nobody's reading all this shit you type

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 10:29, archived)

I AM

(sticklebricks, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 10:40, archived)

Do you live in Edgbaston?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 10:49, archived)

Are they in the room with you now?

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 11:05, archived)

is there anybody there?

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 11:19, archived)

I've become comfortable in your mum

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 11:54, archived)

You've achieved something she hasn't been able to so far, i think

( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 12:31, archived)

Morning comrades
How ist?
Fallen off any stages recently? It must be catching the Pearl Jam guy did the other day
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 6:51, archived)

There was that time The Edge literally fell off the edge of the stage, which was quite funny.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 18 Jun 2024, 7:36, archived)

Pity it wasn't Bono

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 7:43, archived)

you could say he LOST HIS EDGE hahahahahaha

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 7:58, archived)

idgi

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 8:00, archived)

Bit edgy tbh

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 8:04, archived)

I bet he had eedge on his face

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 10:48, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 7:38, archived)

Alrite

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 7:43, archived)

Wasn't talking to you.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Jun 2024, 7:54, archived)

:(

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 8:05, archived)

Morning
Only time I ever fell off a stage was about 15 years ago. It was my birthday and I was very, very drunk
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 8:14, archived)

Well done!

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 9:31, archived)

Morno

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 8:22, archived)

Guten morgen

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 18 Jun 2024, 9:32, archived)