Yowies... gotta get 'em all...
Coming from a big family of kids we used to get very little in the way of sugary goodness, as generally by the time any arrived it was already half gone.

Chocolate, therefore, was to die for. And when the local supermarket ran a promotion for kids with some strange chocolate delicacy called a 'Yowie' (chocolate with toys inside) we were right on board.

Now, the general order of proceedings was that they'd announce on the PA when the game had started, then you'd run all over the store looking for special flags, grab them, and then claim them at the front desk. There were about 6 in all.

Unfortunately for them there were about four of us and we made it our mission to be there on time each day for the 'go' signal and beat every other single kid in the store to the flags. We got expert at scoping each aisle out as we flew by and rarely missed a flag, though in some rare cases another kid had it and we went on feeling righteously indignant.

After a few days of this the management got wise to us and began to clamp down on our little scheme. Something about leaving them for the other kids... suckas. Anyway, one thing lead to another and we had to skip town. Still, we got close to 40 or so of those things...
(satellite blows, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 22:01, Reply)

Microsoft Tech-Ed
...Six fully paid for days in Barcelona, starting on Monday should have plenty of opportunities...

...But enough of the future, a while back, myself and a few others were invited to a corporate gathering as we were up for some project-related reward. This was prior to outsourcing, and cost challenges, meaning a sumptuous all-expenses paid bash. Not enough for me though, as I rather coveted the table centerpiece - a four foot metal structure, like the Eiffel Tower, festooned with tea lights. The perfect gift for beloved.

Come kicking out time, huff out the candles and whip it under the jacket, which is nonchalantly, if somewhat lumpily, slung over my shoulder. My Dean Martin-esque Playboy insouciance was somewhat ruined by 6 hours worth of hot melted wax running down my hired Dinner Jacket, and fully owned body.

Wife hated it as did Sketchleys.
(Mousy Tongue ...Generally bemused by life..., Fri 9 Nov 2007, 21:52, 2 replies)

In response to the AA batteries post...
...specifically www.b3ta.com/questions/abusingfreebies/post98321

NOTE: I hereby deny any responsibility for what may come of this!


( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 9 Nov 2007, 21:51, 4 replies)

Boats
Was offered a corporate day on a yacht for the day. Brilliant! Started off well (free booze), then got sea sick. Spent most of the time chucking up over the side of the boat. The client was actually quite concerned at me, the green customer but his entourage of lovely girls kept a wide berth.
1. I won't go on a boat again
2. I really didn't fit in anyway, so it was actually more fun puking than "networking" with sales reps.
( Fronkle99, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 21:37, Reply)

The company christmas wine run
Me and the gaffer did the annual wine run for a few years- you know, sending a bottle to the select few customers who'd spent enough for us to justify us outlaying a few quid on something with a posh looking label but tasting less posh. We cleverly managed to lose the itemised receipt and only kept the credit card transation receipt. We hope that our valued clients enjoyed their 1 bottle of 3-for-a-tenner Chilean red whilst we downed our £20 Rioja (sp?), our £15 NZ white, etc. Reckon that we had about £350 worth of the £400 total, and more the next year. Cheers!
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 20:31, Reply)

If I have to visit another company on business
I raid our stationery cupboard first and do swaps with the other company. Invariably, their company-branded pens are far superior to ours.
(rogerzilla, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 20:03, Reply)

"Champagne"
?
(imnotplayinganymore Like a rock. Like a planet., Fri 9 Nov 2007, 20:02, 4 replies)

Whilst I remember..
We also had a postman pay for his shopping with over £30 of vouchers for Cravendale milk he was supposed to put through letter boxes, one at a time.

This just confirms my long held beleief that posties are stealing, work shy, striking scum bags but in sheer terms of stupidity it confirms what people say about checkout operators.

Fecking till monkeys
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 19:55, Reply)

Oh Jebus!
We used to have an employee called AC

F***ing Hell! What a greedy bastard he was. We would regularly have free buffets at work and this cnut would litteraly pile his plate until it looked like the Pyramids of Giza. He thought it was his god given right to blag any free-be.

I even caught him racking in the bins, at work, as he thought he saw some stuff he could "take to the childrens ward at the hospital". Twat!

He even brought his own 2 pint mug to work to get more of the free tea & coffee.

One of the better managers got him fired.

lololololololololololololololol!
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 19:46, 2 replies)

Abusing freebies
Once upon a time quite a few of the home shopping catalogues like Littlewoods etc. ran a promotional scheme to attract new punters where you could select a free gift when you placed you first order.
I used to select my gift i.e. food mixer, deep fat fryer and so forth, place an order for pretty much anything, it really didn't matter since as soon as the gift and first order reached me I'd send back whatever I had ordered whilst keeping my free gift.

I did this with several different catalogues and since I was unemployed at the time it seemed a pretty good deal.
(rambleon, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 19:38, Reply)

CDs. Lots of them.
There's a certain company that sells royalty free music to people, so they can use it in their own productions etc. They also offered a gift certificate to people who newly signed up, which was enough to buy one song.

Needless to say, that wasn't enough. So I found out that I could sign up for new accounts using spamgourmet addresses, which would be forwarded to my gmail. I set up loads of new accounts over the course of a few hours. If I logged in on the site with the original account, I could apply all of the "gift certificates" to the same account.

After saving up hundreds of dollars worth of credit on my account, I started thinking about what to spend them on. The site had a special offer on their entire music collection on CD for $700. That seemed good enough. Sooo I placed the order and waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

I had nearly forgotten about it when a large parcel arrived. It contained about 30 or 40 CDs with all of the music that this company had ever produced on them.

Obviously I was very impressed with myself for scamming them out of £350 worth of music. So when they emailed me about having new collections of music available on CD, I started creating more accounts.

It didn't work. They had stopped allowing you to apply gift certificates to one account.

Argh.

I think a box full of CDs is still enough to be counted as abuse though. So ha.

No apologies, I'm a rude arsehole.
(tty, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 19:21, Reply)

Rubbish cans full of trade show shit
I worked for a company that exhibited at the National Plastics Exposition in Chicago in 1991. The German firm Kraus-Maffei had a huge injection molding machine running, stamping out 35 gallon rubbish cans. People, being whores for free shit, would take a can, then walk the rest of the show filling the can up with shit from all the other exhibitors. When I got to the airport the last day of the show there were about 50 of these cans of trade show trinkets lined up along the wall. See, Kraus-Maffei made cans, but no lids...so the greedy fucks that took all the trade show trinkets couldn't take the crap home on the airplane.
( HairyTwatter certified eel and sodium salesman, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 19:17, Reply)

My flatmate
works at a certain large home furnishings exhibition. He came home with 2 years supply of dishwasher tablets- all in promotional packets, two per pack. Took him all week.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 19:12, Reply)

Trade show
A company had a nice pyramid of mugs for the taking. I took one, walked round the block, took another, walked round the block etc. Stopped at 14 because I couldn't fit any more in my freebie bags.
( thistle, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 18:52, Reply)

Emphasis on the 'abusing'-
I think I've mentioned before that I used to have these 'small business' meetings with some friends in an attempt to get one up and running (still hasn't happened). We used to conduct these at the house of a friend--before we ousted him from the whole project anyway. We'll call him S.

Being a nice kind of guy, he'd make dinner for us when we were over--usually easy things like pasta, sometimes burgers. One of my other friends (B for short)--'asshole' is an understatement. He takes a little getting used to. S was (and probably still is) very proud of his skills in the kitchen, and would usually emerge with a gleeful grin and cries of 'check this out, you'll love it, bet you've never had anything this good before, eh'.

So of course, he'd go around asking us all what we thought of his latest genius creation.

S: How's the food?
B: Tastes like shit.
All: *Polite laughter.*

"Thanks," says S sarcastically, oh, very funny, listen to him saying the opposite of what he means...cute, really. This goes on for a few months. Meeting, food, and insults all.

Fast forward a bit. We've since told S to get lost, as we no longer need him (trust me, it was justified--but it's a more boring story and neither here nor there). I'm standing outside with B, having a leisurely smoke.

Me: Can you believe that, good riddance, etc etc. So, what did you really think of his cooking then?
B: It tasted like shit. No seasoning.

Ah.

Yes, apologies for length. I know I'm nowhere near as good or funny a raconteur as some-who-shall-not-be-mentioned-lest-I-be-accused-of-brownnosing...still, A for effort?
(Rem Sir, why are you thrashing about on the floor?, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 18:18, 2 replies)

RESULT: a word you will soon tire of reading
I will leave it to your collective higher judgement to decide whether I am a criminal, lucky, obsessive or just a scav-meister cock-itch who is as tight as a gnat’s chuff.

The thing is…I may be any or all of the above, but because of this, freebies just seem to rain down on me.

When I was a kid, my mate’s mum was a director at Mars (the confectioners, not the planet) . That meant just a visit to his house would mean a constant stream of free chocolate bars and a carrier-bag full of twix and maltesers to take home with me. I’m still mates with the guy though and would be even if his mum didn’t have that job… that was just a lucky bonus.

Result

When at school I won first and second prize in a ‘non-fixed’ competition without even entering. The compo was a prize draw: the first prize being concert tickets (to see a band I’m too embarrassed to name but I worshipped them at the time), and the second prize was a signed 12 inch EP of the band. 2 of my mates won the prizes. First prize mate asked me to go with him to the gig, second prize mate already had a signed EP and gave the one he won to me.

Result.

When I was about 15 I got a crappy part time job at a local supermarket in the ‘low-tech’ early days of barcode scanning. All my friends / family would come to my till (despite how busy it was - funny that). It might have something to do with the fact that I would whoosh the items past the scanner beam, only actually scanning 2 or 3 out of 20-odd. I was also great at dishing out free alcohol to my fellow under age school-chummies. I ended up very popular…and we all did alright for groceries

Result

My First Proper Job – I worked in the distribution dept for a free newspaper and had a tip-top scam going. www.b3ta.com/questions/whyishouldbefired/post86689

Even so, as the paper ploughed more and more into becoming an ad pamphlet, I ended up being the ONLY article writer. It was a piss-pot fortnightly publication, so I picked which jobs I wanted to cover (i.e corporates and celeb-filled ones etc), and copied other people’s articles from ones I couldn’t be arsed to go to. Blag a nice company car, blend in with the gits from the bigger papers and… ta-dah! Shitloads of free food, champagne, gift bags and the promise (and subsequent delivery) of unbelievable gusset-busting pleasures in return for positive articles…for years

Result

I’m now an IT manager with control over …well let’s just say a rather fucking large purchasing budget.

Now IT Suppliers (a cut-throat industry if ever there was one) are willing to walk over their own grannies’ twitching corpses to bung me free stuff, generally software, hardware & all-expenses paid trips to casinos, race-nights, football matches etc. I also get phone calls like this: ‘Please do this quick questionnaire and get a cheque for £25?’ they plead. I agree, give them my home address for the cheque and then answer ‘yes’ or ‘5 out of 10’ to every question as fast as possible even though I’m being paid by the company for my time in the first place.

Even when I’m not genuinely filling my pockets with free stuff at seminars etc., I invent fictional seminars and tell my bosses I need to attend, thusly I can have the day off work and claim on mileage that I haven’t done.

I was also my (now fired) manager’s gadget monkey. It was a simple arrangement. I made sure he had the latest PCs and gadgets available to show off to his friends and colleagues (all at the company’s expense). I would also teach him how to use each item so he looked like an expert, instead of the 'thick-as-a-whale's-cock' arse-potato that he really was. To acheive this of course, I needed 1 of each item for myself. Before he got hoofed out, I gained about 6 grand’s worth of the latest kit in 6 months. All bought on the sly by my boss. Ironically, it wasn’t for this that he got the sack. He got the sack because he was a pleb who was crap at his job.

He's gone mental now, he rings the company and says nothing down the line...despite the fact that we have caller ID on the phones. He also rings me at home and asks me to do jobs when I go into work. I tell him to fuck off (on my expensive pre-paid pda)

Anyway…Reeeeeesult

I get free money – well credit anyway. I’m one of those dweebs who gets the 0% credit cards and changes cards 1 day before the offer runs out to another one that has 0% on balance transfers and doesn’t charge you for the transfer. It’s not even remotely difficult to do and I’ve been doing it for years – I even bought my car like that. I can’t quite understand why everybody doesn’t do it to be honest.

B.O.G.O.F offers? Gimme gimme. Over Christmas, A local supermarket did B.O.G.O.F Cider. I bought a pallet load, and now have a belly the size of Lithuania and happy liver sclerosis (probably) to show for it.

Virgin Fucking Media – After my unending stream of rants against the cuntquaffers that are Virgin Media, people often ask me why I stay with them. Well kids, here’s why. Since they changed their TV packages to M, L & XL 'sizes', they have made the M package free. Cue me buying one of those decoder boxes for next-to-nothing off Ebay and… Free multi-room XL package with all sports, movies, pay-per-view and…well you get the picture. I certainly do.

Re-fucking-sult. (I still think I’m entitled to rant at them for their shite products and service though – after all, they don’t know I’m spluffing free TV off them).

Despite all this, I am still a moaning spongemong cos it gets me freebies – I’m the annoying scrotesack you see in the shops wagging his finger at some spotty oik shop assistant bellowing ‘I’m not paying £300 for a fucking Xbox and unless you want me to go to the shop next door and buy it for a better discount than this then you’ll throw in some stuff’, before leaving with extra controllers, games and the whole thing costing less than the asking price. Leaving all bystanders feeling like proper cunts because they just paid up the full whack and didn’t say a word.

Result…for me anyway

I AM the scum who downloads music, movies, software and games. I don’t sell it at market stalls or anything (too much effort), but, my local Chinese Takeaway does deliver my whole food order for free in return for copies of the latest CDs and Movies

Result = My ever expanding belly getting even larger

I have a friend who works for a transport company which happens to have its own petrol pumps on site. Yep, you guessed it….

Result

Finally, in my spare time I am the lead singer and guitarist in a band (and also a DJ).

I therefore get free beer & free nosh aplenty – in both respects. To quote Dire Straits – ‘Money for nothing and your chicks for free’. Also, due to ‘packing up the gear’ I am usually last to leave whatever place I play at. Cue late night lock-ins and walking away with the remainder of the buffet (if it’s worth it) and surplus wine. When I was in my youth and in my ‘proper’ band (i.e playing original material with a record deal) we used to love supporting more established acts so we could help ourselves to their tour riders…which would always be crates of Carling…’Original’ eh?

Good times…oh, and a result.

Length? You got off lightly – I was holding back…
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 9 Nov 2007, 17:59, 5 replies)

During my final year at Polytechnic...
.. a colleague foolishly allowed us to use his house for a party to celebrate the end of the course, whilst he returned to his parents for the summer.

This was stupid for so many reasons, and of course we abused it.

We tidied all his valuables and breakables into a wheelie bin, and parked it out back of the house out of harms way.

7.30pm The first guests start to arrive, most are in an advanced state of inhebriation, some are under the influence of amphetamines.
We start drinking my friends beer.

7.55pm Hosts beer runs out, there are now 35 people in a 3 bedroom Leeds victorian terrace house. We start drinking the beer we bought for the party, some of the more spaced out members of the party start drinking his collection of spirits. Glenfiddich, Vladivar and José Cuervo are all quaffed back in copious quantities.

8.40pm There are now probably 60 people in the house, 'Banging' tunes are being played by the DJ designate in the lounge. The neighbours knock to ask us to turn it down. It is turned down by 0.5% of a Decibel. More beer has been procured, and is being downed at an alarming rate.

9.30pm A few of our number disappear upstairs with various female party guests to 'Make the Beast With 2 Backs' (In one lucky gentleman's case, with 3!). On taking my turn, I note the amount of moisture on the bed, and elect to entertain my partner on the floor.

10.40pm Some Headbangers arrive, apparently under the influence of a rather strong blend of Amphetamine Sulphate which was prevalent in the city at the time. They accept beers, look anxiously around for someone to punch, and on finding no likely candidates at the moment, hunker down in the kitchen.

11.45pm The Headbangers have reached such a state of intoxication they are disassembling the kitchen, piece by piece and stacking it in the back yard. We try remonstrating with them, but one of our number gets headbutted so the rest elect to let them get on with their DIY.

12:20pm We are now all drinking some homebrewed Moonshine that a couple of uninvited guests have bought with them. It is so strong I start to lose my vision and several other participants complain of numbness in their tongues, and an urgent pressure in their rectal cavities.

And so the party went on. On inspecting the damage in the morning it turned out person or persons unknown had managed to get the wheelie bin in the boughs of an oak tree overhanging the neighbours garden, the toilet had, at some point in the evening become blocked with faeces, vomit and french letters, so a large plastic bin had been used, and when this had reached capacity, the guests had moved to the bath.
The Police had been called several times to quell the noise, and the door had been answered by someone called "Denis Norden". To this day, we have no idea as to the identity of Denis, but I think it's safe to say that he, and everyone else that night, abused a freebie in the shape of our friend's house, for shame.
(Vic Flange, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 17:07, 1 reply)

No such thing as a free lunch?
One Friday after working in a lovely close knit firm for a few years, all the employees were asked to turn up to the posh Hotel down the road at 10:30 rather than at our usual Wernham Hoggesque 70's office block for an important announcement, we all turned up after our lie ins dresed in our finest wondering what it could be, rumours swirling aplenty. After coffe and biscuits we were ushered into a large room where we were informed that our ageing, paternalistic but lovable MD and owner had sold the company to a large soulless corporation (spit) for a few mill. We were told we would be "merging" with another company, there "may" be some restructuring and those still with jobs would have to relocate. To soften the blow we were provided with a buffet lunch with two bottles of wine on each table and the new HR department was on hand to deal with any issues about our redundancy. Understandably following this bombshell not everyone was in the mood to eat, and as we had all driven to the hotel we could not get drunk so there was loads of wine and buffet left over. I took it upon myself to liberate 12 bottles of (very nice) wine and three carrier bags of vol-au vents, canapes and sarnies. I had to ask our new masters as the hotel staff were reluctant to see all the booty dissapear. Yes I am a free loading cheapskate with no shame! I then headed over to my studenty friends big shared house and lo and behold - instant free mini party!

A lot more "freebies" were stripped from the company before the merger takever was complete.
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 17:05, Reply)

expenses
I used to work for a rather large IT company. And they had me travelling around the country visiting various sites to check their new IT kit was working OK, Answer customer complaints and fix stuff. What they failed to realise is, at the time i didnt drive. So had to take the train, bus, tube, ferry, plane, taxi, everywhere.
Now boarding long distance trains without prebooking a ticket costs a fortune. I was sticking on 100s of pounds a day on my company AMEX card in rail fares. And that was just standard class.

After a few weeks of this I was noticing that my expenses were pretty much going unchecked. So i started going first class. Upgrading myself to better hotels. Feasting out in the buffet carts. Basically as long as I got a receipt, it was fine.

When I actually arrived at the sites, which would sometimes take up to 8 hours of travelling from early hours in the morning. There wasnt usually much to do. So a few pints in the pub (got a receipt) and i was on the trains to go back again.

My working hours were 9 till 5, but some days id be on 5am trains and getting in at 9pm. So of course time and a half overtime was getting put in. This was despite the fact that I didnt actually work every day.

They were good days, sat on trains chilling out listening to the radio, scrumming msyelf silly in the buffet cart. getting pissed, bringing girls back to the hotel room and claiming silly amounts of overtime. All on the company credit card. (the girls were free! i didnt pay for them! though i could have done LOL)
(Miggyman, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 17:03, Reply)

Grotty Little Bedsit
While living in one of those wouldn't-keep-my-dog-in-it bedsits that everyone seems to live in at some point, I realised that I hadn't put a quid in the electric meter for about a month. Turns out that my landlord, in the best tradition of tightarse builders everywhere, had cocked up the install of said meter and it was paying out in free electric.

My grotty little bedsit was thereafter always warm and always packed with computery types having LAN parties. I lived there for about a year and, when the time came to leave, I snuck away in the middle of the night and posted the keys through the landlord's door. I dread to think what his final bill was like.
( Biggus Dickus , it was like that when I found it, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 17:00, Reply)

Free Beer!!
.
In the Solem Bar on Thursday Night!!

It was a regular poster around Manchester Uni in the mid 80's.

Sadly, "Free Beer" was then name of the band - but they always pulled in enough punters to justify them getting booked again.

And again.

And again.

God - students are thick..


Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 16:20, 2 replies)

Premier Travel Inn
Had a night out in Glasgow (dangerous) with a bunch of mates and spouses involving an overnight stay.

Stayed at the Travel Inn at Charing Cross (I think). Anyway, the hotel was fine, but the Sunday morning breakfast (which you paid extra for) was a complete balls up.

It was a hot buffet, which sounds like a fine idea in theory, however the reality was quite different.

When the sausages finally arrived, everything else had ran out, and by now there was 20 people stood around the hot plate waiting for bacon and eggs to appear. A full scale riot was not far away. Each tray coming through from the kitchen was pounced upon like people hadn't eaten in days.

Anyway, we complained about the piss poor service - although we did in the end get fed - although it took well over an hour. As an apology, the hotel didn't charge us for breakfast. Result.

The story doesn't end there though. Back in my room was one of those 'suggestions and complaints' cards, which I promptly filled in and handed in at reception as I checked out.

2 weeks later, a grovelling apology and £40 in vouchers (redeemable at 100s of different hotels, shops and restaurants) fell through my letter box. Result #2.

All my mates had been quite happy accepting the free breakfast, and hadn't thought to make a formal complaint. They were sick as parrots. Result #3.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 9 Nov 2007, 16:15, 1 reply)

a company about to be closed down
the staff about to be made redundant and everyone quite capable of seeing the writing on the wall. now lack of work was not a problem at this place (we had loads of clients) but astonishingly bad management was indeed an issue. this was obvious when we all twigged that the business had no real inventory list of what it owned ... so the leased computers went untouched while other items (other computers, microwave, desks, typing chairs, stationery, etc) all were spirited out the door before we had our keys taken off us. that was a long time ago though...
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 16:05, Reply)

Oh ...
and once i was working in Leicester and the tiny kiosk around the corner seemed to have every single "win a free terry's chocolate orange" bar... I was eventually sick and the guy who's kiosk it was lost out by at least 15 quid....
(By George I Think He's Got It! It's not fucking Sheep is it?!, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 16:02, Reply)

i have
knocking on 50 o2 simcards...
(By George I Think He's Got It! It's not fucking Sheep is it?!, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 15:57, Reply)

Travellodge
Recently, I visited the Evil Company that sponsors my research. They paid for the whole thing of course, a few of us went up there to look at the shop floor and discuss various bits of stuff with them. Of course they don't listen to us, but it's meant to make us feel like we're contributing instead of just being trained research monkeys. Now, the hotel we were supposed to be booked into, right by the company (rather nice one) had a fire. And so we were shifted out into a crappy little travellodge an hour's drive away. I was stuffed into a smoking room that wasn't the cleanest of places (I'm asthmatic), and understandably wasn't happy about this. And so I decided to abuse the freebie. I took a leaf from b3ta, and went to write in the bible that every travellodge has, and then order a full English breakfast for the next morning.

... and on the first page was "Don't even think about it. Signed God."

Now, that on its own wouldn't have deterred me.

It was the fact that the handwriting was almost identical to my own. That unnerved me, and so, I meekly went along with the trip. I ate reasonably at the company meal, and didn't drink loads.

I fail at abusing freebies :)
(calamarain just invented dehydrated water, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 15:49, Reply)

I win
I bought an Aero chocolate bar in my local ESSO petrol station t'other day for 37p. Got home, opened it up, bit into it, and I was shocked. Fucking shocked.

There were no bubbles in it, just solid Nestle chocolate!

I was bloody jumping, untill I realised I had basically been eating a Yorkie. Yorkie's are 40p.

I had unwittingly got free 3 pence worth of Yorkie chocolate, for the price of a 37p Aero.

Take that, Thatcher.

Length eh? 6 inches, brown, and in sections.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 9 Nov 2007, 15:49, 3 replies)

Suprising where you can get
at a festival wearing a high-vis tabard. This year I was a green messenger at Reading. This entitles you to a free ticket for clearing up a bit after the festival. I got backstage when I felt like, jumped all queues, walked a ticketless freind in, used staff toilets, drank their tea etc. All because people saw I had some sort of Reading tabard but didn't know what that colour meant. How they could take me seriously when the only indication of what I might be supposed to do was a badge saying "official clitoris inspector" I'll never know.
When we did gt round to clearing up I scavanged so much free alcohol from the site that even I am less than a quarter of the way through it after 3 months (needless to say I had to get a lift off site thus not exactly staying in keeping with the whole green thing).
(Lotus Eater exposed herself on, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 15:45, 1 reply)

Day out
I past employer used to send me to those IT trade fair events in Kensington Olympia etc.

I found that if you nipped in, collected the first 5 leaflets you could and if possible bumped into a colleague from another dept, then you could bugger off round London for the day safe in the knowledge you could show the boss the leaflets and "Oh, I bumped into Nick from the Networking dept" as full proof of your productive day trip! :)
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 15:25, Reply)

Freeby/Abuse
As a child, my folks were given loads of promotional stuff from drug companies hawking their wares - nothing expensive, stationary mainly.

One time my Mum was given a gimmicky towel, a small towel that had been compressed into a wee brick, and could be uncompressed and used normally after soaking in water. She kindly gave it to 14 year old me, as I though it was quite cool (I was always a geek).

So I took the wee brick with me to an Army camp with the cadets (nice and compact you see, saved on packing and carrying).

A couple of days in, I thought I might need a small towel, and soaked the brick in the sink for ten minutes.

It softened up, and I pulled it out of the sink by its corners, proudly displaying the legend "VAGISIL" to the other hard as fuck army cadets in the room.

Thanks Mum.
(Udidin is chuffed to have made the newsletter, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 15:08, 5 replies)