Good Food Show
Children studying GCSE Food and the esteemed Good Food Show just don't mix.

On our one day-trip throughout the whole two years we spent studying the subject we, the class of Mrs Eastman, snaffled as much free stuff as we could, ignoring the demonstrations by Ken Hom, Jamie Oliver and other assorted chefs. Sadly the exhibitors were wise to our attempts to sample the plentiful free booze (we were 15 years old so this wasn't exactly difficult). However we did come back with liberal amounts of gelatin sweets, Lavazza Coffee (i still get the leaflets sent my way to this day - 8 years later) Fabulous Bakin' Boys Muffins and many other lovely food things.

Not sure if it helped me get my final grade (a B+ - my best grade!) but did teach me the value of free stuff - my parents still haven't had to buy salt in all these years thanks to that day.

Kudos to moi :)
(Red Morning Light, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 16:54, Reply)

Guinness
A few years ago Guinness were running a promotion in our student union. These two girls were there handing out two free Guinness tokens and marking people with a UV pen so they could check if you'd already had your free drinks. The thing they didn't realise was that the clubby bit in our union had UV lights. I was the first to figure out that if you stood under the UV light and rubbed off the pen you could go back and get some more drinks tokens. Me and my mates got totally hammered for free that night :)
Guinness also run these St Patrick's Day promotions where if you drink a certain amount of Guinness you get free stuff like badges, silly hats etc. I only drink Guinness when it's free so I shouldn't be able to get any of this crap but it just so happens that St Patricks Day is my birthday and that I'm Irish. One year I managed to score both types of badge, an inflatable Guinness and one of those hats. In my freeby binge state I also tried my luck in the kebab shop. Rather than just say no to me they tried to argue that I wasn't Irish and that it wasn't my birthday which meant on production of my passport they had to give me a free kebab. Brilliant.
(mmm....beer, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 15:36, 2 replies)

Advantage at Airport
Myself and three mates were at an airport, waiting until it was time to board, and so we naturally got sloshed at the airport boozer. Luckily, we passed some foreign bloke on a stall giving out weird-flavoured Jack Daniels shots, such as coke flavour (that's actually the only one I remember). Once the shot had settled, we tried our luck again and got another round of shots for nothing. Then, we swapped jackets, and once again he served us. By that point, we realised the bloke couldn't really give a toss, so just formed a 4-man queue and repeatedly joined the back of it after downing our shot.

After three goes at it each, he stopped serving us, for some reason.
(Roll Fizzlebeef enjoys a good Cleveland Steamer, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 14:39, Reply)

Free Shots
In the last bar I worked in (Bar Red in Blackpool, don't go there, it's run by a cunt who hit me when firing me for no reason whatsoever), they had some local glamour model type girl handing out cards for a free shot with the first drink you buy.

This gets all the lads in who want to get bevvied up before they go to the Syndicate (horrible grey dance club full of pretty boys and fights outside).

What they don't know, is that when we made the bottles which the free shots were contained in, it was 50mls of vodka, to 650mls of blackcurrant cordial.

They thought it was strong because of the alcohol, it was only strong because the cordial in it was neat with a tiny bit of vodka.

Click "I like this" if you think my bosses were conniving bastards.
(Multi-Coloured Pop Shop "twat with a ukulele", Sat 10 Nov 2007, 13:58, 1 reply)

Managers - don't delegate stationery purchases.
..or if you must, ffs check what is being ordered.

Because if you don't, twunts like me will set up dozens of company accounts and purchase from whatever company is giving away freebies that month. So far I've had an mp3 player, a usb thumb drive, an alarm clock radio, a dvd player, one of them usb "virtual photo frame" dookickies, 300 business cards with my details (which tbh I very rarely hand out but make IDEAL roach).
I've had free batteries, cinema tickets, hot chocolate, haribo, mini cheddars, maltesers and minstrels. Turns out the remote control in our boardroom's tv EATS through batteries at the same rate as my mp3 player, so i need to order quite a few of them, too.
And to the question 'why do you keep buying different brands of x?' comes my honest reply "because they were on special offer", which *sounds* like it contains the phrase "and it saved the company some money" without actually doing so.

Also - when I was 12 i nicked about 40 (free) wooden chip forks from the local chippy. Score!
(nobuttocks last besmirched the internet on, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 13:38, Reply)

One from my misguided youth...
When I was a wee 'lil Sylia, I used to work Saturdays for a certain well-known high-street Chemist. Let's call them 'Shoes'...

'Shoes' run a card reward scheme, with one point being equivalent to one penny, & these points being redeemable for most of the items they stock. Doesn't sound like a lot, but they frequently have offers on certain products offering hundreds of points on a purchase.

Now, if you forget your card, 'Shoes' will very kindly validate your receipt for you, so you can add the points onto your card at a later date. Except that the validations are not tied to one individual card.

Now, for the people who don't have cards, it's such a shame to let all those points go to waste. So I'd very helpfully validate & then slyly pocket their receipts when they weren't looking. I would then take said receipts into a different branch & get the points added onto my own card, giving me hundreds of pounds worth of free make-up & other crap every month. If I didn't actually need anything myself, I would get things on request for my mates, & sell them on half price for beer money. Result!
( Sylia Stingray is pilfering the biscuits on, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 13:31, Reply)

Coke zero(pounds!)
Reading Sammi's post about the shots, i remembered about a few years ago when coke zero came out and they were giving it away for free at liverpool limestreet station. It was 10 at night. The coke people were tired. Me and a group of mates walked past, changing our appearance to get free cans. Ended up with 1 coke person recognising us, and giving us a minifridge filled with coke zero cans!
(violent pacifist ;now with 20% more paradox...., Sat 10 Nov 2007, 13:20, 2 replies)

Fruit machine in Mecca Bingo
A friend was waiting to pick his nan up from bingo, and while he was waiting in reception he played a fruit machine. Stuck in a quid, played it and won a fiver. He went to collect it, but nothing come out. So he tells the lad in reception about it and the guy goes to get the manager to organise a refund.

So as he's waiting by himself by the machine he idly taps a few buttons.....and a quid drops out. He taps it again, and another drops out. TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP......he literally dropped about £120 from this, so he scooped it all into his pockets while giggling like a loon. He then left a fiver in the tray, just as the lacky and his manager turn up.
"Soz to waste your time, it just gave me the fiver, didn't want to con you or anything both."

They both thanked him for his honesty, then as soon as his granny turned up he legged it :)
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 12:44, Reply)

Those heady days in London town
After university I ended up going to London, not because I was delluded enough the streets were paved with much more than pigeon shit, but because I was offered a job with a high profile magazine, which in fainess would always look good on the CV.

So whilst at said magazine there were far too many freebies and "celebrity" parties to list, but in return for all of this hard cash was not really on offer. In fact EMAP being nice and tight got us to put in for our own Christmas do. Supposedly we were to have a three course meal with unlimited alcohol for £10. This "unlimited" became rather limited soon after the main course in which I managed to get first our table then pretty much everyone drinking White Russians. The Editor was approached but one of the waiters to inform him that we had already gone over out budget, cue him informing us that we were not allowed anymore cocktails, but wine was OK. We ordered a bottle of red and a bottle of white per person on our table... we contemplated Champagne, but thought we'd get into too much shit, and the editor was actually a decent guy.

Still, he saw the funny side, and it wasn't coming out of his pocket, we cetainly got our maoney's worth, so all was good.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 12:38, Reply)

Dialup cds vs those fecking birds :)
I remember reading this story and it making me smile; was on the BBC site yonks ago.

Some elderly bloke started receiving free dialup installer disks in his mail. This guy quietly contacted the Internet provider suggesting that he doesn't want to receive any more mail of this nature as he doesn't have a computer. So the company apologise, and continue to post them out to him. So he contacts them again requesting to be reomved from the mailing list etc etc but he keeps receiving them.

Now this bloke has obviously received alot of these disks and thought what the fuck to do with them all. So using "good ol' British thinking" (sorry, been watching Al Murray a bit too much) he comes up with a solution. As an OAP he and his "still able" friends were all avid gardeners and were having problems with the local bird community eating all of thier crop (the flying variety, not the chav kind). So his "British thinking" was this; take one strip of wire, 2 free dialup disks and some glue. Glue the disks back to back to each other (shiny side out) and tie the wire around them. There we go, instant vegetable pest repellant. He hung one above his vegetables and it would spin in the wind, reflecting light around the garden and dazzling all of the birdies etc and scaring them away from his patch.
The great thing about this? All his friends wanted one so he made them loads and SOLD THEM ON to them for some free shiny pennies.

Twas a shame the Internet Service Provider found out and took him to court for making money off their backs lol; because he'd informed the ISPs not to send them to him beforehand however he was not fined a penny.

This bloke is a hero :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 12:19, 2 replies)

England Vs S.A
During the rugby world cup a friend of mine phoned up because he had a spare free ticket for the group stage England South Africa game. Getting over was the hardest bit as it was a fairly late call but managed to fly out from Bristol via Amsterdam to keep flights below £200.

When I got there though, we had free hotel rooms bang in the middle of Paris, taxis were on expenses, free England shirts, champagne reception folllowed by an outstanding three course meal before being led into the stadium to watch the game. The game wasn't great if you care about that kind of thing, you'll know why. Afterwards however we hit the town until eight in the morning - all for free!

It was a supplier to my mate's company who kindly supplied us with this. He didn't actually come out with us after the game as he had to get back early on Saturday morning, but we spent the whole of Saturday on his expense as well. It was then that my mate told me that his boss had told him to "get rid" of our host first thing on Monday.

Length and girth? I don't know, it wasn't me taking it up the arse.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 12:18, 1 reply)

the day was pig so i decided to cut loose
the company graciously supplied the the means for my endeavours of the evening
gold amex can get you anywhere, even the back seat of a taxi
but i forgot to the tip the driver and he turned to me and said:
you're in a headlong spin on the 8th deadly sin into the minibar of oblivion
i pondered his words as i rode up the lift
but i soon forgot his wisdom in the search of some new nadir
and the porter saw my flame, and he turned to me and said:
you're in a headlong spin on the 8th deadly sin into the minibar of oblivion
i primed myself well on a selection of fine spirits
and then went downstairs to checkout the action
it didn't take too long to find two souls on the same course of life as i
but as we lust towards my room the blonde turned 'round to me and said:
you're in a headlong spin on the 8th deadly sin into the minibar of oblivion
i woke with a carpet burn that stretched down my body
the phone rang from downstairs, they asked if they could see me
the concierge looked kind of stern as i reached out for the counter
they said i had over extended it, and i was gonna have to pay for it . . .

ladies and gentlemen . . . . . . . the trilobites
( Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 12:17, Reply)

Mobile phone selling scam
Sure I posted this one yonks back;

A large mobile phone selling company went tits up in Swansea, causing close to 1000 people to be made redundant and all being owed close to £1000 in pay each. They never saw the money, and to make it worse the owner simply setup shop under a different company name just down the road from them doing exactly the same thing.

3 lads who were stung for a grand each got together and decided to work for the new company, seing as they didn't want to remain out of pocket. So they meet up in the new job and start selling phone packages again. One of these packages when sold however gave the salesman a freebie bonus of £39.

So....the 3 guys think up a plan. One of the guys knew a contact up in Scotland somewhere who they could sell this top-end package to, and get £39 from. The plan was they all sold loads and loads of these packages to him every day (earning the £39 extra for each sell) and he'd receive them all and sell them on - the phones would work fine for a month then run-out when the contract wasn't paid.
About 2 months after they started doing this the company declared bankruptcy again and left everyone in the lurch. Mainly because they'd paid out to the 3 agents in excess of about £70 grand's worth of free commision, no money back to the company at all from these sales and a shitload of free phones to some bloke in Scotland who was quids in.

That'll learn 'im :)
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 11:52, Reply)

Clubbing
Two or three new years ago, there was a powercut in my club. Not a good sign! BUT we were in luck! There was a pub owned by the same fella next door, so off we fuck into there for Health and Safety reasons. Now, when the power was back on, we were informed we'd get a free shot each.

I've never changed my appearance so much in a night. Hair up, hair down, hair up with jacket on, hair down with jacket off etc

Got about 12 shots.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 11:27, Reply)

Freebies
My department recently adopted a new computer system and to celebrate gave freebie mugs with the department logo and computer system name on them, one for everyone. I nabbed several... I have just bought a house and needed a set for my kitchen. Now I'll always remember where I work when I'm at home having my tea. Bwahahahahahaha!
(maybe that's not such a good thing, though...)
(drfeck pissshitfuck, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 10:41, Reply)

discman
I used to work in a car accessory shop. This was a few years back before mp3 had taken off. Walkman was dead and a discman was the new fashion, but a decent one still cost £100+

Anyway, Sony did a promotion where if you bought a high-end car CD player, you could fill out a form and send a copy of your receipt to get a free discman.

Note, you only had to send a COPY of your receipt, not the real thing, so I spent one late shift ringing sony cd players through the till, photocopying the recipts, then refunding them back into stock, This left me with a big pile of receipt copies.

All the staff - well, the ones I liked anyway, got a free Discman.
(dave likes cheese, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 10:21, 1 reply)

"Something like this happens only once in a lifetime"
It's not as much the freeness but the lucky circumstances surrounding this that make me still want to cry about 2 weeks later!

T'was a Tuesday. A day of rest for myself from the labours of uni (but when only in 2x2 hours a week most days are) but a group presentation was due for the next day. Being the good guy I am I decide to take the commute into Glasgow anyway and meet up with the rest.

The previous Friday news reached me of Lee Evans playing at the Glasgow SECC. So I decide it would be best to go get tickets as well before meeting the group.

As I walk out the SECC, £120 cash spent I get a text about a cash machine in Glasgow Central station paying out double.

Runs does I to the train, gets it in and am greeted by a big queue. Nonetheless I stand in it (along with 3 other mates who all got the same text) and finally reach the front.

I had taken out £120 on the tickets already so was limited to £180 so plumped for that and got this.



£360 lovely pounds.

I put it back into my account after dealing with the presentation and now - about 3 weeks later - nothing has happened and I'm actually beginning to believe I may get to keep it!

So I got a free £180 as I was in Glasgow a day I normally wouldn't, and being about a 10 minutes train ride from the station at the right time. Luck? Or God loving me?

....and I got Lee Evans tickets :-D
(puggs, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 8:51, 4 replies)

We got
a free "group bonding" thingy years ago, at a type of outward bound centre place somewhere in Cheshire. Saturday night, we got taken to Chester, to an Indian restaurant.
"Order whatever you want, but please don't drink, as you're orienteering tomorrow at 6.3oam."
Well the group split in 2 straight away, the ones who were going to not drink, and would return on the minibus, and us. Buckets of wine and brandy later, we fell off to the pub, then a club. got so pissed, none of us could remember the name of the place, and tried explaning to various taxi drives, " er, it's this place right, like out in the country, run by these American tossers," etc.
Got back about 4am, the tossers were waiting up for us, and told us how disappointed they were.
God knows how much it cost, they should have given us half the cash, and let us go on
the piss round Manchester
Try running round the woods, after 2 hours sleep, loads of booze and an Indian. lot of runny poo was delivered by our little group.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Sat 10 Nov 2007, 7:50, Reply)

Irresponsible staff
When I was a small boy me and a bunch of friend were in the local grocery shop buying sweets for a school trip that we were going on the next day. As we were only small we had a money spending limit so a member of staff thinking he was cool that he was an adult and took a piece of candy from a pick and mix box and ate it so I gave him the look and he said 'alright one piece' to me but everyone else there with me overheard what he said and we fucking emptied the place

Length? Well he did seem to work there for long
(DeTimmy you'd better be sorry!!, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 3:04, Reply)

I'm sure I'm not the only one..
...remember those Service Pack CDs for windows XP you could order for absolutely free?
(NekomimiNinja now with a couple percent more posting, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 2:54, 3 replies)

Boring, but appropriate.
When I was younger and my grandma and mom were still alive, we sometimes had frozen pizzas for dinner. One night when we had said pizzas, one pepperoni and cheese came with about three pieces of cheese and a few pieces of pepperoni. My grandma called and complained (as most older ladies do) and scored a free pizza coupon. This sparked a chain of events! She then called the place we got drinks from and got coupons for that, as well as a few other things. Like I said, boring but appropriate. :B

Also, who else here hasn't raided the grocery store free sample bins a few times? My sister and I used to go around to them and clean them out. Pigs we were...
(NancyycnaN Wðñ'† ¥ðµ §hðw §ðmê ¢l姧?, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 2:35, Reply)

it doesn't cost anything
to have children, and...

/is eternally damned
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 0:08, Reply)

Guinness fraud.
After a beer festival in London, me and my parents got to the train station to head home when my dad spotted a man giving away a free can of Guinness to each person.

My dad went past, got a can, went over the train bridge, came back, got another can and carried this on until the bloke realised he'd seen him before and told him to piss off.

I'd have thought the pockets full of Guinness cans might have given it away the 4th or 5th time...
(chakaflange, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 23:43, 2 replies)

Phallic smarties
A bit drunk eating a big tube of Smarties and I find not a saucer shaped chocolate delight but a rod; scribbling a letter of disgust to Nestle, I posted the smartie off.

Not remembering this letter, I get a reply two weeks later - expressing Nestle's most sincere apologies and a cheque for 25 quid!
(paulplex erm, hi..., Fri 9 Nov 2007, 23:16, Reply)

Our petty cash system is open to abuse
for invisible stationary.
If i found a receipt for a stationary order outside Rymans (they're next door but one to us) i'd pick it up, take it back to work and put it through my till system and pocket the money.
Best bit is that I don't have any pens or paper at all, but a bit of money. Nice.
Can make up to an extra 50 quid a week.

There's more....I know it...
(Temper, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 23:10, 2 replies)

I got free money
by stealing from my (previous) employer.

I'm not proud of it. But I never got caught and I choose not to let it haunt me.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 23:00, Reply)

During my days as a grumpy student...
I was out of my depth when I went to uni. I was a skint little council house kid, and I somehow ended up at St Andrews. When Prince William was there. We started in the same year, so my uni was full of toffs. And it was EXPENSIVE. Like 'I wonder if I can sell a kidney so I can buy some bread' expensive.

I'd only been there a week but had discovered this when the halls fee wiped out my entire student loan. I was not a happy bunny.

So when the weekend societies fair came around, I decided to go for a nose, and scope out the crazy fuckers I'd have to spend the next four years with.

This was a very smart move.

The societies were *desperate* for students to join. And especially the political ones. I mean, there was always a chance Prince Wullie might sign up, or even one of his group of friends. So there were freebies. Oh, were there freebies...

Now, being poor, shrewd, and pissed off, I saw a plan...

On that day I joined* the Labour Party (free cookies and hot chocolate), the Conservative Party (Wine and cheese evenings. Yes! Plural!), the SNP (no food but a free cup and I do like my tea), the Lib Dem (chocolates and a balloon. Yes, I'm five...) and some other random political party (brownies. The cakes, not the small girls in uniforms).

But then I went on a rampage. I joined anything that had something I wanted, and was free. The international students society? Sure! (I'm Scottish). The Jewish Society? Why not?! (I'm agnostic).

What's worse was this was on the Saturday. I gorged myself on free sweeties and cake and had enough tat to fill my room. But I still attended the sports fair on the Sunday. And pulled the same stunt again.

And this is how, I managed to graduate the University of St Andrews, having joined (as well as I could remember) 23 societies and sports clubs. And never attending a single one.

I later told a friend of mine about this scam (she was also there) and she was shocked. I think that she's just innocent, more than I was particularly smart, but it kept my belly happy for a week!

*joining was free for a lot of the societies, as a way to lure you in. You paid for membership after your first week/year in a lot of cases.
(The Oncoming Storm, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 22:56, 4 replies)

The Washington Capitals
When I was a nipper...I had a paper route. I was maybe 12 or 13, and I was a SELLING madman. I was, literally, the "New Start" king of the Maryland Gazette.

Any time there was a contest, I was the kid the company expected to win.

So the promo this one month was 5 new starts = 1 ticket to a Washington Capitals (hockey) game. Keep in mind: I am TWELVE years old! In WASHINGTON DC. Crime Capital of North America.

My Parents drop me off at the newspaper headquarters and I get on the bus, all excited about my trip to see a REAL NHL Game. My Dad gives me a $5 bill for food or whatever.

We get there and, at the door, they are handing out coupons for a free item. You reached into a bag and pulled out a coupon and whatever it said, thats what you got. I quickly discovered that there were different prizes (all the stuff from the previous seasons giveaways that HADN'T been handed out...hockey isnt real popular in DC).

Fastforward to the end of the night: My Parents are sat outside the newspaper HQ, waiting to retrieve me. My Mom sees kids getting off with hockey sticks and bags and stuff and my Mom says "You know Citadel's Dad, maybe we should have given little Citadel more money."

Eventually I get off the bus with: 5 hockey sticks (regulation), 7 bags with team logo, 9 hockey pucks and 5 t-shirts. Oh, and $23. I sold the stuff I DIDNT want to the other kids. I just kept going back to the guy holding the bag and asking if I get a chance to win something. Suckers.

Abuse? It was a HOCKEY game! I DESERVED those giveaways!
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 22:48, 5 replies)

Viagra!
Housemate/landlords girlfriend (housemate/landlord was same person by the way, she wasn't a slapper) was a medical rep, for a company which included viagra - cue our house being filled with clocks, watches, kettles (honestly) and virtually everything else possible branded with every 'it's never happened before' man's dream pharmaceutical product name. My fave was the keyring - and gooing to the kind of bars in London where people throw their porsche/ferrari/bm keyring down in an effort to impress. I employed reverse psychology...

First time I got my girlfriend home there were one or two strange looks though!
(Chevron71 is oscillating wildly...., Fri 9 Nov 2007, 22:25, 1 reply)

Ah the heady days of my first innocent year at university *sigh*
It was my first time away from home in the big city of London. The boys in the flat next to us had taken it upon themselves to collect those lovely free cards you get in phone boxes advertising the services ladies of the night. And then used them to paper their bathroom – there were very few duplicates if I remember correctly. I’m sure they spent many an hour in there abusing themselves to said freebies.

I was for a time confused as to why gentlemen would care about a ladies educational status. And then I figured out what ‘O and A levels’ actually meant. Sadly I am no longer that innocent.
(kitteny_goodness, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 22:12, 2 replies)