The Tea Aisle

Whenever i'm in a soupermarket, i must always lurk in the Tea Aisle for at least 20 minutes before continuing with the normal shopping.

It's not like i'm some creepy lurker who hides himself within the boxes of PG Tips and then jumps out at old ladies, i just REALLY love the smell of the Aisle.
(LiL_Arsewipe licked your face on, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 20:29, 1 reply)

Java
I have always loved a good cup of coffee and bought myself a good italian stove top pot from bialetti that cost quite a few quid.

The best brew that I have found for ages however is the Java single source coffee from Aldi, the only one with a flavour rating of 5 on a scale of one to 5 and its cheap as chips.

Its like crack. it even gives me the shakes if I drink too many cups (well mugs really).
Merry Christmas B3tans I'm off for some Java.
( notsosecretagentman, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 18:05, 3 replies)

'Twas the night before Christmas
and most everyone
was sleeping, not trying
to think of a pun.

Their minds were at peace
and their souls unconflicted.
They needed no wordplay
on being addicted.

Their stockings well-hung
(in the G-rated sense)
while lonely apeloverage
was tired and tense

and...no, actually fuck it.
I'm not spending all night.
Merry Christmas to all
though this poem is shite.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 14:46, 6 replies)

Play it in your sleep
I used to be utterly, hopelessly, beyond remedial action addicted to Dungeon Master.

Not the D&D book based nonsense, no no - the classic from FTL Software, which spawned a fair few imitators.

It got to the stage where I was seeing walls and corridors in my sleep, and solving puzzles during a kip (applying what I'd dreamt of the following day).

Even to this day, I still have an install of it stashed away for PC, Amiga, ST and even iPaq. It's fair to say that game hoovered up a substantial portion of my late teens.

I can quit any time I want.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 14:16, 5 replies)

Nose picking
I love picking my nose. It tastes great.

I can't understand why people think it's gross.

Maybe its just my snot that tastes good.
Anyone fancy a bite?
(John Elton, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 14:03, 1 reply)

This reminds me of the Boer War.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 12:40, 2 replies)

Breathing
I'm addicted to breathing, I can't go more than 2 minutes without it
(Kebabo Calling all cars, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 12:35, Reply)

I'm addicted to Silence.....










...
(Vic Flange, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 12:31, 2 replies)

kitteh!!
im going to regret this....

I AM ADDICTED TO MY CAT.
You know how they say most people think about sex every few seconds of the day? well replace sex with cat and youve got yourself in my world.

I look forward to coming home just to get made a big deal of by her...Ive cancelled holidays, gone hungry so she can eat, spent hundereds at the vets making sure she is 100%, and I love to bury my face in her fur and sniff her. Cos she smells so nice. Ive never raised a finger to her, rarely shout at her... shes gets whatever she wants (within reason), oh and if she doesnt approve of a potential new lover he gets the sack. She is one of the healthiest, happiest, friendliest cats youll ever meet.

She is my addiction. I am a cat addict.
(Serbitar Has a furry shit canon called Whitey., Wed 24 Dec 2008, 12:29, 12 replies)

Sad but true
I’m not addicted to alcohol, it does nothing for me and drugs they are just pointless as they seem to have no affect on me no matter what the dosage.

With all that said I will admit that I do have one addiction though, and that is I am addicted to power. Not electricity power but the ability to command people to do your every whim. This may sound like a stupid thing to be addicted to but the buzz I get from telling one of my lackeys to go do some mundane task while I spend the afternoon planning up more ways to increase my following.

I hear people complaining about how they lost relatives etc due to drink and drugs but my addiction became so bad that I actually changed most of my body (The look of it that is) just to become stronger.

To make this long post a bit shorter it came about when I made a deal with this dodgy sounding bloke to help me get my fix. He then changed my tough looking persona into a horrid purple crowned appearance and also my transformation became a cannon shaped like a novelty dildo.

The plan with the bloke didn’t work and now I’m stuck looking a prick and trying to take over the universe.

Love


Megatron / Galvatron
(mon bison powered by magnets, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 12:02, 3 replies)

Surgical Enhancement
It all started with a nip and tuck to remove some unsightly wrinkles.

In the last 12 years I have the following procedures on my person.

1. A tricep enhancement
2. Enhancement to my pectoral muscles.
3. Lip implants
4. A hair weave in my chest, back and stomach, to enable me to look more swarthy.
5. A buttock lift to firm and seperate.
6. A foreskin extension
7. A false testicle which allows me to perform moneyshots of epic proportions.
8. Skin grafts on my glans to give it a more polished sheen.
9. My bunghole bleached.
10. Replacement nipples, (much more pert and semi-erect.)

I'd say it is money well spent, I'm now looking at having a music box grafted into the base of my penis so it plays music whilst it becomes erect. Should be a winner with the ladies, that one.
(Vic Flange, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 11:54, 1 reply)

MarioKart doubledash
A while back I lived with a mate of mine who had a gamecube with MarioKart doubledash, we lived together for about a year and a half and played that game every single day.

By the end, we were unbeatable masters who had come up with theories about 'The Mario God', and how we could curry his favour.

And to concur with the gentleman below who mentioned playing Tetris in his sleep, when I closed my eyes at night I was racing around various tracks, dropping banana skins etc..

That is the greatest game ever made, IMO :D
( Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 11:23, 1 reply)

mint spies
Canteen vending machine now accepts any coin, or coin-shaped object - potential for free festive baked goods overdose. Yay!
(bastardboy loves his mummeh, but hoo is daddeh?, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Addicted?
You bet!

Shrimps and Bananas!

3 packets for a quid and I’m as happy as an easily pleased sand-boy.

You can keep your cola bottles, nice thought they are – your strawberry laces and your flying saucers. The drumstick comes nowhere and as for Haribo…. Don’t get me started. Fangtastic? I think not.

I think we all know the future is shrimp and banana shaped. And boy, what a combination. Who would have thought that 2 so very different food stuffs would go well together?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 10:56, 9 replies)

Tetris
Probably been mentioned I'm sure.

When I go back to my parent's house in Kent I sometimes dig out my old Gameboy for nostalgia purposes and promptly waste a good chunk of my life playing tetris.

I then go to bed at night only to see blocks falling in front of my eyes as I try to re-arrange them and make them fit together. I wait patiently for the line shape to appear; only to realise that I'm in charge of the whole dream hallucination thing and could cheat.

I need to get out more.

I'm at work today and want to go home. Merry Christmas everyone.
(Eldoofus, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 10:45, 2 replies)

Fieldrunners on iPhone
I got this little game called Fieldrunners for my iPhone last week, and can't put it down. It's a nifty little tower defense game with great graphics and strategic challenge.

I've even found myself looking forward to going to work so I can play it on my commute. Highly recommended, but perhaps less so if you have an addictive personality when it comes to games.
(cheez is feeling ergophobic, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 10:09, 1 reply)

I used to think it was porn...
For some time, I have thought that I have a porn addiction. Any opportunity I had, I'd nip on t'internet and look at some barenaked ladies. Nothing too kinky, just girlies of legal age in the nip.

Thing is, I'm married and get regular (like at least once a day) nookie, so I wasn't cracking one off while surfing left handed websites, I was just perusing them.

What I have now discovered, is it's not the porn that I was addicted to, it turns out it's just getting aroused / feeling horny.

The way I have discovered this is that what were flirty emails between me and the young, busty lass in work have recently become more towards the "obscene" end of the spectrum. As a result of this, I spend a large part of the day hiding a semi- to two thirds- on under my desk. Since this has been going on, I have logged onto certain art sites, only to discover I'm just not interested.

So, for those of you addicted to pron, try getting a bit on the side! Instant cure!
(ScousersPet, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 9:23, 6 replies)

I'm also addicted-icted
To talking-alking in echo-echos.
I've been-een to see a therapist-erapist, but we had only got to me telling her-er my name-ame and address-ess, before the hour was up-up-up....

I was particularly bad that day-ay and I recall-all-all.
(Vic Flange, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 9:10, 4 replies)

Anal Sex.
A girl I once dated was a slave to the anal g-spot. On our first foray into making the beast with 2 backs, I was slightly bemused, and more than a little aroused when she insisted I penetrate her rectally.
This was fine when she had douched prior to the act being performed, but when she became randy at work and insisted we engage in velocitous and frenzied fornication on our arrival home from work, I often pulled out with more than I went in with.. ergo, a couple of large and unsightly winnits adhering to my manhood.
Sadly my wish to use her mauve envelope instead fell on deaf ears, and eventually led to the downfall of our relationship when, after a series of shuddering orgasms, each more climactic than the last, I withdrew my spent phallus, and was rewarded with a payload of arse-gravy of biblical proportions.

It took me weeks to get the smell out of the mattress and eventually I was forced to dump it in the doorway of a nearby charity shop.

We parted shortly after. The last time I saw her she was being prescribed anusol in bulk quantities and required 3 pile cushions for her distended anus whenever she sat down.
(Vic Flange, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 9:03, 9 replies)

I'm addicted to hardware stores.
If I don't go to one for a few days I start to get with-doorbell symptoms.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 7:45, Reply)

I can't work out what to do.
I'm addicted to cold turkeys.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 7:40, 3 replies)

addiction
Forget alcohol, forget drugs, forget sex, forget food, the best addiction in life is moving your body. It is a huge universe of space and muscles which is totally wasted on most people who just walk around in it and otherwise abuse it without realising it's an endless, limitless paradise. Running, swimming, bally-sports with basic motor skills ok,I suppose, but the pinnacle is dance. Until you do this, or maybe some forms of martial art you have no idea what you grew up in and what you are walking around in. Dont waste it .
(cherrypie, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 6:46, 7 replies)

masturbation
sometimes there just isn't enough time to cuddle afterwards.

but a serious addiction.... i have tried to stop. after about 4 days being clean, i generally have a wet dream.

even my own body wants the fruit to be spilled.
(amauriosis fugax took more than one snow day off, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 0:51, 1 reply)

One of my mates likes a drink
And when I say drink, I mean a lot of drink. One night he vomited all over the kitchen floor of his parents place. His mother yelled, "You're such a dick, Ted".
( glasnt is playing herself off., Wed 24 Dec 2008, 0:42, 1 reply)

I'm totally addicted
To bass.

Bow bow bow.. woah wa-woah..
( glasnt is playing herself off., Wed 24 Dec 2008, 0:40, 5 replies)

Im addicted to....
your mum?
/coat
(violent pacifist ;now with 20% more paradox...., Wed 24 Dec 2008, 0:18, Reply)

zyder!
Mr Propps on an off topic excursion has discussed this in the past with me, the cloudy mothers milk called scrumpy eases all pains and sentience, and gives the most stonking hangovers known to man.... so it is hair of the dog, nay tuft even!
It takes days to pullout after a sesh.

Edit: as Viv Stanshall said "Bah! you`ve been on the headstuffing, heathens piss.. rots concrete!"

Re the entry below, yes deforestation in Brasil is so bad, they only have one thin strip of forest left with nothing either side (Forgive me, I had to!:-)
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 23:35, 1 reply)

Religious people
These are the most dangerous addicts.

The pope today has declared that homosexuals are as much of a threat to mankind as the deforestation of Brazil.

Pope - go get fucked.

Literally.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 23:26, 9 replies)

All at once...
I'v smoked a cigarette while drinking a beer with Betfair Poker in one corner of my screen and "Vollgewichste Gangbang Schlampen #22" playing in the other
(P J Hemsby The bloody speed is bloody surf, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 23:25, Reply)