I was barred
From touching this box of old Tarot cards when I was little. She never used them, they were kept in a nice box and I was curious of what they looked like. She told me Id be cursed if I even touched them.

Im still scared of them.
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Sun 3 Sep 2006, 12:43, Reply)

Banned from Disneyland
for 2 whole weeks.
Started dating a guy, we smoked a bunch of pot (don't do it now, though).
Went to Disneyland (it's only a half hour away), and the last ride we were going on was Splash Mountain - log ride thingy.
When we got to the top before the last big dip to get soaked, I flashed my boobs for the camera.
Security kicked us out with "this is a family park blah blah". To this day I stil search for that picture online...if anyone's seen my norks, please let me know.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 3 Sep 2006, 8:39, Reply)

Thorpe Park
I was banned from Thorpe Park during my teens for striking a skeleton on what use to be a ghost train. I got the whole "You're not big and you're not clever" speech. Our whole school then got banned from Chessington for climbing out the 'rafts' on the bubble works and boarding each other, causing a jam. I'm now the sort of person who goes to Theme Parks, gets pissed off at the poor behaviour of the youth there, and then fills out a customer complaint form. Pot, keetle, etc.
(svenenuponwherepops, Sun 3 Sep 2006, 8:26, Reply)

Leftover crack
Another good story where i got banned was the leftover crack gig in trillians rockbar, newcastle

first they banned me because i didnt have id and wouldnt leave and kept trying to walk in every 2 minutes (i wanted to see the crack)

then i walked in through the backdoor... ban number 2

then stupidly enough i walked in past the guy who kicked me out and banned me
but it was all worth it for the crack

oh yer my mates banned from there too because he chucked his pint at the band (the crack didnt want him to get kicked out tho)
but gud job they didnt notice him launching chairs, having a piss next to the stage or turning the amp off half way through a song
(bertz, Sun 3 Sep 2006, 2:44, Reply)

Pigs
This stupid local pig came up to for (i was 14 with a bag of drink) but he banned me from the village i live in!
(bertz, Sun 3 Sep 2006, 2:38, Reply)

I was literally shown the red card
After England's loss to Portugal in the World Cup.

Why? 'Cos I'd said I was a Tottenham fan.

The punishment (written on the red card, incidentally) was, "No commenting on anything, ever."

I still think it's all because I'm a girl.
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Sun 3 Sep 2006, 0:40, Reply)

The 'Yellow Card' Incident
It was a nice little fun beer fight that started off as throwing the odd dregs of a pint to the other side of the room.Next thing we know is the table has been turned on its side to act as an impromptu barrier/shield while we throw bottles and pint glasses (half full or half empty depending on your viewpoint) at the people on the other side of the pub. It was all taken as a great laugh between the two sides we even bought each other rounds afterwards. How the hell we managed not to get kicked out the place is anyone's guess I'm going for the fact that we used to blow most of our wages in there
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Sun 3 Sep 2006, 0:35, Reply)

I'm barred

from using the internet after midnight, shit........gotta go
(Lt Columbo, Sun 3 Sep 2006, 0:15, Reply)

I've been banned from plenty of websites,
but I'm too shy to cause a stir in real life ^^;
(Catfish Ma, why can't I draw? "Because you have fins dear", Sun 3 Sep 2006, 0:14, Reply)

I'm apparently banned from the Wolverhampton branch of Asda
coming back from a night out we decided to stop off at a 24 hour Asda. What happened next is a blur but all I remember is doing an impression of a mentally handicapped person at the checkout and then being escorted off the premises by security guards. After I caught up with a friend the next day he tells me that I actually climbed inside one of the freezer units, something I have no recollection of whatsoever.

As it is I'm supposedly banned but I've been back countless times without the long arm of Asda Security cottoning on.
(bitchman contains mild peril, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 23:59, Reply)

My best mate Colin

is barred from his mothers bedroom, especially when she has 'male friends' visiting for the night.

We did venture into the 'bedroom of forbidence' one time though when I was round his house, and may I say that his mother has the finest array of dildos and most impressive collection of vibrators I have ever seen.

We probably would have gotten away with his mother ever knowing we had been in there if it wasn't for the fact I used some of her handcuffs to tie Colin to the bed then left to go home leaving him there until his mother got home.

In my opinion, the piece de resistance was the whipped cream I left on his nipples and the chocolate body spread I used to draw a little face on his stomach.

I've no idea how she reacted, I'm not allowed to visit anymore.
(Lt Columbo, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 23:37, Reply)

at school
i was barred from this wooded area at the back of our playing fields because i found some mushrooms, and ate them, and got very sick
( Johno says the chances of anything coming from mars are a million to one But still they come on, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 22:22, Reply)

At one called the bell and bails (bell end bollocks i call it)
With 2 other mates. Both barstaff disapeared from behind the bar, and my mate gets the brilliant idea of stealing a nice big bottle of apple sour just in reach behind the bar. I was pretty out of it and unsure what was going on till he made for the door, so downing the remainder of the pint i too stumbled for the exit. When i got to the front door, i noticed my other friend standing with his back to me smoking a ciggy. So i hit him on the back and said 'quick fucking leg it! Lewis just robbed a bottle of apple sour!'. Only it wasnt my friend. It was one of the barmen. Oops.
( Cashy, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 19:37, Reply)

My girlfriends banned me

from watching porn.

"Why do you need to watch girls having sex with each other? Arent I enough for you? If I ever catch you watching lesbian porn again that's it, we're finished".

"Fine" said I, and I promised her I would never again watch any videos of that nature. She's yet to find my 'beastality' collection though.
(Lt Columbo, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 18:48, Reply)

Wetherspoons
Only been barred twice in my life, both times from Spoons (so you wait six months and all the staff have changed...)

First was one year at an event called the Tyne Tour (big weekend for Canoeists in the North), which is based in Hexham. Friday night, we went to the Wetherspoons in town. Had a fairly quiet night, other than us managing to break one of the tables. We propped it back together right, and left, thinking nothing of it.

Next night, we went back there. We'd only just gotten in the door when the manager came up and informed us we were not welcome. Apparently, the CCTV *wasn't* good enough to pick out faces. But when everyone in our club all wear matching quartered rugby tops, it's a wee bit obvious...

Second time was again, with many canoe club people. That time, we just got thrown out for having a better evening than everyone else (okay, we may have been on a stealing spree through town)
(Damien_The_Unbeliever, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 18:08, Reply)

I was in
The millenium in Plymouth, when an episode of "The Hitman and Her" was being filmed. I walked straight up to Her and told her she's fucking ugly live on national telly. I'm no longer welcome in said establishment.

As I may have already mentioned in an earlier QOTW, I'm barred from the brothel opposite Trilogy in Nanjing, because my cocks too big, and the girls don't like it. Huzzah.

So tempting, but I won't.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 17:57, Reply)

Baa'd from a shopping centre
There is quite a story behind this. At the time, I was part of a Christian youth group, and Trigger Happy TV was doing the rounds. A group of us got it into our heads to get a load of costumes from said church, and head down to Meadowhall in Sheffield in said costumes, filming it. Totally unscripted, but for some reason, put a bunch of teenage boys together, in various animal costumes, filmed by yours truly, makes for an interesting afternoon. So there we are on the Supertram, on our way to Meadowhall. We went down a storm, and I filmed it all. As soon as we got into Meadowhall, we were busted. And thrown out. And apparently barred (or should I say baa'd, one of the guys was dressed up as a sheep in a boilersuit). So, off to the bus station, to mess with the bus drivers. Baa'd again. Oddly enough, I've been back countless times and never had a problem.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 2 Sep 2006, 17:24, Reply)

I´m not allowed back to "Mr Topes" in Rochester
because, when i worked there, i caught the (swiss) owner perving on a woman across the street sitting in her living room in her underwear

and told his wife

andv STILL got paid

( i was 16)
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 16:06, Reply)

I was barred from my Student Union bar...
... for two weeks. I'd drunk two bottles of red wine, and; feeling slightly the worse for wear; went into the lavatory to orally evacuate my guts. Being the pretentious art student, I didn't want to vomit into a toilet like anyone else would do, oh no. In my enlightened state, I decided the best way to resolve my problem would be to put the toilet seat down, sit on it, and project my blood red porridge on the floor in front of me.

This method of dealing with over-indulgence has yet to catch on.
(Clive Bavels, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 15:28, Reply)

We didn't get barred...
But only because we didn't hang around long enough to get caught.

You see, what had happened was this:
Happily drinking away in a pub in another town. After a few beers start to get a bit peckish. When my friend went for a piss she noticed the kitchen was just a bit further down the passage from the bogs.

When she gets back she mentioned this to me, so what did we do? We went and started to cook. That's right, we went into the kitchen and prepared a meal, it was very nice, eggs and bacon (oh come on, I was pissed and cooking in a hurry). We bolted the food down (and burned our mouths, of course) put a tenner on the work surface with a note of thanks (hey, we weren't thieves...) and scarpered.

We didn't wash up and I've not been back, I can only imagine what'd have happened if we got caught. I hope I turned the gas off...
(Woodgie is back, but for how long?, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 15:15, Reply)

barred for making a large hole in the wall
My friend was in a cafe describing this amazing place he'd been wher you put on a velcro suit and the lob yourself at the wall and stick to it. Unfortunately he got a bit carried away and demonstrated with the wall.
Which his arse went right through.

Funnily enough he was barred for a bit.
(teasus likes tea, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 15:07, Reply)

I don't think he was barred...
...but whilst being ejected for fuck-knows-what, my brother came out with a classic line once the pigs had come to remove his drunk-and-disorderly self:

"Well, fuck me up the fucking arse, you fucking cunt"

Legend!
(onedotzero, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 15:05, Reply)

Case of mistaken ID
i've never been barred from anywhere (although i've been quite lucky at times) but one night last summer i was out in liverpool and went to a fairly popular club where i've often spent a saturday night. as i went to walk through the door the bouncer laid a hand on me and said "where do you think you're going? you're barred"
news to me so i responded with "what for?"
"you know what for, we barred you last night"
this was my salvation as i knew i hadn't been there the previous night, and although i normally refuse to argue with bouncers as they tend to kick your head in, i knew i had a case here. "i wasn't here last night mate"
the bouncer looks confused, his mate standing next to him starts giggling and goes "the lad last night didn't have a goatee, he could be right"
so the first bouncer tells me to wait and goes off to check with the bloke who seems to be in charge, comes back looking rather sheepish and waves me in
(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 14:48, Reply)

topiary deals
Alas, I have never been barred from a pub, but have (in my long and beer soaked career) barred plenty of people from the pubs I have been running. In fact I barred 3 guys last Friday, 2 for skinning up and one guy for vomiting over absolutely everything in the toilets. Including himself, doors, the floor, mirrors, sinks, urinals and other customers.

However the best barring I ever did was when in the dim and distant past I was running a boat shaped pub in Leeds dealing with the best southern cretins Leeds Met and University could throw at me.

There was always the dodgy guy who knocks around at the begging of term selling low quality blow, but this one was particularly hard to catch dealing. Until a friend of one of the bar staff asked to have a word with me in the office. Okays, says I, and he produces a small bag of green weed and threw it on the table.

"What are you doing?" I asks preparing my best your barred sunshine voice.

"I bought that off s@#%*e, in your pub. It cost me a tenner"

This all intrigued me, I picked up the bag.

It was filled with torn up pieces of privet hedge from outside the pub entrance.

"You've got to bar him, I was after grass and got hedge. What are you going to do?"

So I did the only thing I could do. I told him to pick up his bag of hedge and bugger off. Your barred son. Trying to buy drugs in the pub was a barring offence, whereas selling bit of privet isn’t illegal anywhere. I don’t think….

Apologies for width and stench.
( fr13day has everything required to be a Penguin, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 14:34, Reply)

Pretentious cunts
I was barred from a Jazz café in Newcastle's Pink Lane for 'not appreciating the music'.

Tossers.
(onedotzero, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 14:33, Reply)

Big Crisp Threats
I've only ever been barred once, from a curry house after eating a poppadum and then leaving after waiting 20 minutes for the sweating chain-smoking waiter to come and take our order. We went over the road and had a kebab instead, so it’s not a sad story. Then when I went back a couple of months later I was told in no uncertain terms to fuck off as I was barred.

I offered to pay the 20 pence for the big crisp that I’d eaten but was told, again, to fuck off. As I was leaving the surly sod also shouted, "I know where you live"

Fortunately he never came to my house and broke my legs for nicking that poppadum, but I learnt my lesson. I'll never do that again.
( fr13day has everything required to be a Penguin, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 14:17, Reply)

Young Guns
As a child I was mildly* obsessed with guns, particularly cow boys and gun slingers. Unfortunately being at such a tender age the most violent films I would be allowed to watch at home centred around a rather camp man in a black mask and a side kick called Toto. Fortunately one of my best friends had parents with a rather more liberal stance on films, consiquently I learnt a vast vocabulary of words that would put a drunk pirate to shame.

My best friends dad was (and still is) a complete legend. Fortunately he is/was one of those people who were infinitely cool with out being a show off or being one of those poor buggers who desperately attempt to be "down with the kids". As a result he was always one of the gang and not really treated as an adult... this combination of "daddy cool" and violent films lead to me being banned from my friends house (by my own parents).

One week me and my friend watched young guns,( at the time) a perfect blend of foul language and graphic violence. By the end of it we were engaged in a sugar fueled gun battle only comparable to buch casidy and the sundance kid. My friends father was attempting to work in his office but struggling due to two brats doing there best to kill each other all over the rest of his house. after chasing us around the house we were cornered and I uttered the imortal lines (of Amelio Estivez) "are you my mommy? no. are you my daddy? no. are you are motherf*cking, c8ck sucking son of a B!tch? yes!" I think this really had pushed things a little far, as he was too shocked to say or do anything as we ran away giggling.

My parents of course were pretty furious when they were found out, though by this stage my friends dad just thought it was hilarious and was laughing incontrolably as he related the story. I was then banned from said friends house until I promised to stop watching "naughty films"**, of course I promised and of course we carried on watching them. I just learnt an important lesson; its not a good idea to swear at any ones parents regardless of how cool they are. Fortunately were still best friends and his dad is still a legend but has never let me live it down. the shame.

length, girth? what does it matter I'm a b3ta virgin so I dont know what I'm doing anyway.

*POP*

*read manically
** is it me or does that sound a tad seedy?
(serial lurker, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 14:15, Reply)

Never been barred
Although when me and my friends took advantage of the free samples in thorntons they weren't too pleased with us
(Ze Ginger Ze Ginger strikes again DUN DUN!, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 13:46, Reply)

All those previously barred from The Gate are still barred.
I once got barred from a somewhat grotty dive in the nearby town of Colley Gate. The Gate pub. If you live around here you probably know of its reputation. Went in there, underage, after a few hours drinking at other places. Quite drunk. Our age was the reason for the barring. There is a sign in the window that states "All those previously barred from The Gate are still barred" Classy place.
Ive been thrown out of a few places around the world. Mainly in America. I got chucked out from New York, New York in Vegas. Id been in town less than 8 hours. Met some drunken Aussies in our hostel. This ended up as a drinking contest in various casinos. He collapsed and vomited everywhere. I went back the next night.
The Viper Room in LA has what has to be the best bouncer in the world. Good sense of humour and extremely friendly with everyone in there. I was giving him grief by hanging half in and out of the club so I could try smoking and drinking at the same time. It was my way of trying to get round Californias smoking laws. In the end he roared loudly picked me up and placed me right in the middle of the bar. Shouted "stay here" then trundled off. Off topic but I think its a funny story :)

Broad St in Birmingham I also got ejected quite roughly from Henry J Beans. About four years ago we were celebrating our A level results. Mike, a rare drinker in our group, was extremly drunk. We sat down after coming from the bar. He threw up all over the table. I grabbed him, threw him into a booth and gave him a pitcher I found nearby. He filled two of those things. The booth next to us in the end got the bouncer. He kicked everyone out but me. Instead he dragged me round to the back, no idea why it was me, gave me a right bollocking about how I was going to take that chap home. He then literally threw me out of the door.
I dont go to Broad St anymore. Too many chavs and it the place always breaks out in violence.
(reesy22, Sat 2 Sep 2006, 13:11, Reply)