Touch wood no injuries yet
I've got my tongue and nipple pierced (and a couple in my ear).

My missus has a ring through her clit hood and her labia. I've now perfected the art of carrying on doing what I am doing while pretending nothing is wrong and unhooking my tongue stud from her clit ring. I swear one day though this is going to go badly wrong.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 11:35, Reply)

Oops...


..I should have been more careful about trusting "Dodgy Dave's Discount Tattoo Parlour (No association with secret evil mad army scientists)"
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 11:14, Reply)

my tale
This is a submission i made on BME about a year ago. Hope it's enjoyable.

I'm no longer with the boyfriend mentioned herein. He's a wanko-cunt and a smell-shite who took my money and made me buy both engagement rings.

'Well it's been a darn long time since I got my last tattoo; I was still working at Costcutters so it must have been a good 4 months ago. As you can imagine I got the itch very hard a couple of days ago, particularly when I had a delectable credit card fall through my door with £1000 limit on it :D
So I decided that I would buy myself a very lovely tatty, and also one for my fiancé because he was whinging at me. So off we trot down to the Hidden Jewel, and we had a look through all the flash, and try to decide what we wanted. Reggie decided to go for a broken heart motif with tribal through it. He's building up a sleeve at the moment, so he looks naked on one arm and totally killer on t'other.

He had his on the inside of his left arm, so I left him wincing in the chair while I looked for a design for myself. Flash card after flash card and no avail.....I considered getting a tribal scorpion as I already have a tribal spider on my back in a very similar style......I was a little ummy and aahy about it though.

I knew that what I wanted was something pretty big on my arm, something that started from my shoulder and went down my arm, rather than a 'blocky' design stuck in the middle of me arm. I'm not the skinniest of ladies so I knew it'd look silly to have a weeny woo tattoo.

Reggie was still in the chair, so I decided to go grab a sandwich as I hadn't eaten that day. Lucky I did really considering how much PAIN I was about to feel.

Back I go, still no idea what I wanted, although I was thinking something dragon-y. Then I came across a little book, with a little design hidden behind one of the pages. A tribal bird of paradise. 'Ooooh rather nice' thought I, asked how much, and was told about £90.

'Marvellous, I'll take the bugger' I said. So I waited for it to be drawn up, and my very sore fiancé came out of the room, poor old sod. Then it was my turn. So I strut into the room, poking my tongue out at Reggie for being such a wuss, and got cleaned and marked. Perfect placement, so I say 'ok, get on with it'. This was to be my 6th tattoo, so I thought I knew it all. Turns out that it really is different every time you get one.

Now I have had a lower spinal tattoo, and I thought an upper left arm would be cake. After all, the skin isn't as sensitive on the upper arm as on the back right? I didn't know what all the fuss was about when Reggie was getting his sleeve done and winced about everything.

But oh dearie me, the closer the tattoo got to my shoulder the more I tried to bite my own fingers off, it wasn't very nice at all. I tried to concentrate on other stuff, but realised it made it worse if I did that. The tattoo is about 6-7 inches long, going from my shoulder to near my elbow, and I felt every god-damned inch of it as he sketched his way through my sensitive nerves and machettying his way through my virgin skin. Hoo!!

The design itself was all black, but I decided to have a little colour put in, it was a bird of paradise after all! I had a little red put in at the tips of the wings, tail and hair (or whatever birds have that looks like hair sometimes) which made it look a little more vibrant. My tattooist, Ben, was great; he put me at ease, and actually revealed that he was the one who drew the design. That was pretty cool, knowing that it wasn't just some bit of random flash. Although it wasn't my design, I think it's more important if the tattoo means something to you. To me that tattoo symbolised freedom and independence. I'm certainly both.

So it took about an hour or so, which wasn't too awful, would have taken less but I really needed a fag break after the outlining was done. The thing about tattys is that there's really no point in holding back because you're scared of the pain.....once it's over you'll be left with something that you'll treasure forever......like having a baby, women don't refrain from that because of the pain. But I wouldn't recommend covering a baby in Preparation H and covering it in Clingfilm for 2 days........Social Services might have summat to say.

Lookit - img256.imageshack.us/img256/7322/birdy0ln.jpg

Tattys rock, get the right one and it'll inspire you always

Chili.'

Length is in the eye of the beefholder.
(chili_kitten Cheese, peas and honey bees, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 11:08, Reply)

Septicemia anyone?
Two tattoos, one standard seaside fare, the other a bit more special.

The seaside applied tat came after a week long military exercise, followed by a weekend spending a fortnight's wages on beer, fags and said tattoo. Managed to convince tattooist, that, although I'd been drinking for several hours, I was sober enough to have a tattoo done. Suffice it to say, when I got home, the missus was not best pleased, pay all spent and only a tacky tattoo to show for it.

The second tattoo, or more accurately ta'tau was done in Samoa, in an open sided fale, with livestock running around outside. It cost $20 and three bottles of pop. It was applied by dipping a tool made from a sharks tooth and a piece of wood into Indian ink, placing it on the skin and then hitting the tooth with a mallet sized chunk of wood, again and again and again. It hurt, quite a bit. No, it hurt a lot, a real lot. Strange thing is, it was all such a spiritual experience that the pain became it's own anaesthetic and I spend most of the 45 minute operation with a beatific smile on my face.

Unfortunately, open sided houses on the edge of the jungle on south pacific islands are not known for their cleanliness. Some days after the tat was done I developed a bit of an infection. By the time I returned home 10 days later I was unable to sleep because of the headaches and nausea, not to mention the fact that the pus oozing from the tat kept drying onto the bed clothes, causing great discomfort when I moved causing the fresh pus-scabs to rip off.

The doctor said the headaches where due to the sepcis running around in the blood stream and prescribed antibiotics that looked like they should have been fed to a horse.

I now have a unique Samoan armband ta'tau, with a scarred 'bald patch' on my inner arm :(

Insert length related double-entendre here
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 11:04, Reply)

you are indeed.


(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 11:01, Reply)

toenail
When I was two, I coloured in my toe nail with a lead pencil. Does that count? It went weird and I had to go to hospital.
A few days later a lady from social services came round and asked my mum what had happened. She said "I got bored of him talking so I stamped on his foot".
The woman just blushed and apologised and left.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:58, Reply)

Piercings
Had my tongue peirced when I was 18, whilst drunk, no problems, I like soup. Tried peircing my nose, whilst drunk, didnt work, hurt like feck and still have an area of redness that came with the infection, 4 years later! Now in new job, bosses say I need to remove tongue stud! 'Why I ask, Im not gonna lick the patients!' Cue angry Matron and swift removal. (PS I work in a hospital) Still birds love it!!!
As for length and girth, why do you think I have my tongue pierced?
(lankynyack, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:55, Reply)

best tattoo ever


(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:49, Reply)

Clit piercing = spontaneous orgasm
My first brush with piercing was at Uni with a "rock-chick" called Jo.

I was editing a video which she was involved in when she started talking about her piercings and what she had just had done, I turned around, she pulled up her T-shirt and two very large and lovely tits bounced into view. With two large cherry nipples with gold BCRs through them.

"NICE!" - I said embarassed and looking away, when now I realise I should have launched my face into the jubblies.

She said that she had also just had her "hood" pierced and that once that had healed, she was going to have her clit done, "because he (the piercer) said it was big enough to handle it - but I'll have to wait for 6 weeks"

Cut to the following semester.......

I'm sat in a history lecture, in lecture theatre 1 - Jo is about 4 rows diagonally down from me and people around her start looking at her and whispering at each other

Then the rest of the theatre start to hear her panting, then banging the desk, louder, and louder and faster and faster until she started screaming and spasming with a wall shaking orgasm.

There was a stunned silence - the lecturer (an Aussie woman) stood with her gob open - followed by the lads giving the rapidlly running out the theatre Jo a standing ovation.
(Catchag "You know!....For Kids!", Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:48, Reply)

Nothing that intresting, I'm afraid
but I did once have a surface piercing on my wrist (until quite recently in fact) which kept getting caught on things during moments of sexual intercourse and eventually got almost ripped out, which led to it becoming infected and taken out. That fucking hurt, I can tell you.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:47, Reply)

Unfortunate tattoo
I'm completely unmodified in any way, shape or form, save for the time I've invested at the local gym and a smattering of scars earned by washing up, falling off bikes, drunken shortcuts home and the occasional operation.

A few years back, ex-Mrs PJM decided to surprise me one day as her local tattoo parlour was specialising in so called "temporary tattoos" which wore off after five years.

They'd done what was meant to be a panther on her back, which looked more like an overweight tabby to me but she went one further and rolled up her sleeve to reveal some oriental script on her shoulder. "That's your name in Cantonese!" she exclaimed proudly. Hey ho, after five years they'll wear off...

One acrimonious divorce and eight years later the tats show no sign of fading...

Bwahahahaha!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:45, Reply)

Nothing massively interesting I'm afraid....
Just an eyebrow which is pretty common these days... Didn't hurt at all, which freaked out the lass doing the piercing.... but when I went to get my hair cut on the other hand...

It's not as long as it used to be so the hairdresser woman is doing the comb thing brushing the hair down over my face to get it all the same length, combing it down in viciously hard, fast strokes (stop sniggering at the back)... At this point I thought it wise to mention the piercing and tell her to watch out for it...

"Fine, no problems" she says.

BANG! comb catches in piercing, but doesn't rip it out as it's pretty deep, but instead lurches my head violently forwards.

That hurt.

Other than that I'm pretty enough to not need modifications (AHEM).
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:32, Reply)

ever wondered why russians are so good in sports? it's the training system
Well, I was 12 and out in a sporting camp out in taiga among 20 other girls aged between 10 and 16, speed skating, professional team, training 7-8 hours a day still having the energy for drinking and smoking and other things, other things included piercing each other.
Taking the needle, putting it in the fire to sterilize, then piercing your friend's ear and putting coloured threads into the hole, thought it was cool, returning home with various sized/coloured ears.
My case included full course of antibiotics afterwards.
Tatoo was luckier but once led to big sexual dissapointment, as an English boy was revolted it was a shamrock and refused to proceed.
(bonker banker, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:21, Reply)

WOW
Ok, so this is so not me. But you have to take a look at this one.

www.bmezine.com/news/people/A10101/addsub/

My jaw actually fell open when I read this one first time round.
(lympicita_ie, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:20, Reply)

Ill-timed tattoo
I had an image of the Prophet Mohammed tattooed on my right shoulder when drunk. Imagine my horror when the very next day I was told by my boss that I'd been chosen as the new station head for Mecca!

Fortunately, I was able to go back to the tattoo artiste and have the Prophet skillfully altered to look much like the Dalai Lama. Imagine my terror when I returned to work the next day to hear that the Mecca office had been closed down and that I was being sent to Beijing! Oh no!

I quickly back-tracked and had my tattoo morphed (quite badly by now) into the exact likeness of George W Bush - before being improbably re-posted at the very last minute to our Iraq branch! Disaster!

There was only one thing for it. I had the (by now rather large) tat re-made into an admirable replica of Laurel and Hardy, presuming that everyone loves the wacky twosome. My bad luck - the village where I work in Iraq suffered a bout or particularly nasty ethnic cleansing in the 1930s - at the very hands of - you guessed it - Laurel and Hardy.

I wear long sleeves, no matter what the weather.
(frankspencer, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:19, Reply)

Rub it off
My then gf (now wife), came into a pub one evening after proudly having a nice tat on her back.

Problem was I didn't believe her and promoptly dipped my fingers in the nearest drink (mailbu as it happened) at start to rub it off.

Cue screaming at the top of her voice, turns out it was real after all and she had only had it done a couple of hours earlier.
Alcohol is not the best thing to vigorously rub into a freshly done tat apparently.
(Opanoid Look sweats dripping off them, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:17, Reply)

I don't have any interesting stories
so here's a picture with the word 'cock' in it.


(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:17, Reply)

2 mods
more to come.

the first was a temporary job. i had my ear pierced with stud whilst pissed on a post a level holiday with some mates at butlins. nothing but whiskey and sterile water helping my out. it never got infected and made a help of a pop when it finally when through! i took it out and let it heal coz it went in at an angle and frankly looked as gay as a christmas elf.

second one was a tattoo that i got done whilst i was in new york. i wanted to mark the occaision by marking myself and got a power symbol (the universal off/ on switch symbol) done in black and red.

planning to get more tattoo work done. the three of clubs next as it is my playing card.

lh
(localhost, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:12, Reply)

pain = great sex
no

When I was a young lad, I thought it would increase my desirability amongst the young ladies to have my right nipple pierced. While I didn't really notice a marked increase in sexual liasions, I did enjoy having the piercing. I had it until my late twenties, when my missus, in a drunken stupor, thought it would be erotic to pull the ring during intercourse. At first, yes it was, but then she pulled harder and harder until that climactic moment when she pulled it out. Unfortunately, most of my right nipple was still attached. The doctor estimated that I lost almost a litre of blood. Our bedroom looked like the scene of a mass homicide.

Also, my sister-in-law had her clitoral hood pierced but took it out after a month. She said that no matter what underclothes she wore, she was constantly at a point close to orgasm due to the cloth rubbing on the bar.
(wallynothere rnot without protection, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:11, Reply)

For the last few years

I've been getting a series of arse expansions.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:06, Reply)

Thank f*** it wasn't permanant
As the proud owner of 5 tattoos, I can only thank the powers that be that I was nowhere near anywhere that could provide the real thing... otherwise I may have had to embark on a lifetime of celibacy...

A couple of years ago, having consumed a not incosiderable amount of alcohol, charlie and ket, I wound up in a club I regularly frequent. Pretty average for a Saturday night, the only difference being the venue in question, for whatever reason had set up a booth providing spray tattoos. Huzzah! thinks I and merrily handed over my £6 (cheap at twice the price!) before setting about the task of choosing my design. There was all the usual, twattish, but not heinously bad stuff - chinese/japanese/indiscrinate language symbols purporting to mean 'friends' and 'love' (more likely 'gullible' and 'fool' but i digress) and your typical celtic chavtastic tramp stamps. Any of these, while regrettable, I could have lived with, but no, not for me... what did I choose? that's right reader, what else but a roughly 7' by 5' stencilled design of Robbie Williams. On my stomach. At the time this of course seemed like the best idea i had had and possibly would ever have and off i went showing it to anyone who didn't run away from the gurner pulling its top up (not many). If i had died that night I would have died happy.

However when I was jolted out of my k hole the next morning by my alarm signalling the advent of my glamourous supermarket job, nothing could have alarmed me more than having stokes finest winking up at me. It took 6 days to come off. and I hate Robbie Williams.

The lesson? hallucinogens and body art don't mix, however temporary...

Apologise for length? i bet Robbie doesn't need to.
(Ambernj1, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:04, Reply)

Way too much trouble to ever, ever go to again.
I was fourteen, you know. Everybody was doing it. The girls whose parents had pierced their ears when they were four and thus didn't remember the pain were all smiling knowingly.

So off I went to the chemist. Free pair of earrings with piercing, yay! Only not so yay when they swelled up like a bitch.

And I don't just mean your everyday bitchy swelling, my ears swelled up so much they TWISTED the earrings out of shape so they got stuck, and I had to get them surgically removed.

That, it may interest you to know, was also my very first trip to the hospital. But I'll save the bit about lying on a table without anaesthetic while some bastard of a doctor worked twisted pieces of metal out of my earlobes for the "hospital experiences" QotW.

PS: They let me keep the mangled remains. ...of my earrings, sadists! In a little plastic jar of the kind you normally associate with urine tests. I still have them somewhere.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 10:02, Reply)

Well...
Once i drew on my arm, but then mummy told me off.
(alwyn Professional Whittler since:, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 9:57, Reply)

I've got the letter 'W'
tatooed on each arse cheek.

So when I bend over it reads 'W O W'




puts coat on and goes home
(nappy rash, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 9:55, Reply)

Nosejob
Popping my posting cherry woo hoo.

When I was 16 and stupid, I pierced my mates nose using nothing more than half a bottle of Brandy (for him, not me) and a piercing stud. My thumb went in his nose and sheer pressure did the job. When it popped (and boy did that f@#:;r make a popping noise) I stepped back to admire my handywork, and a single tear rolled down his cheek.

I said he was a brave boy, his mother said I was a dumb b@stard (her words, not mine).

Never got infected though.
(RickGrimes Quite frankly, disappointed on, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 9:45, Reply)

CUMMING SOON TO A BED NEAR YOU - THE COIL!!!
SHRIEK at the horrible feeling of your old chap rubbing against something that feels like barbed wire-midway through screwing a loose moraled woman you picked up in Chicago's in Luton.

TREMOR in revulsion as you pull your little lad out to reveal a something that looks like a really small starting handle for a tram, piercing the end of the prophylactic you are using --narrowly missing skewering your tail.

REVEL in her not being that bothered and letting you do her up the Gary Glitter for the rest of the evening
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 9:36, Reply)

licking gravy
i went through a bit of a weird phase when in my 2nd year at uni, when i often thought it would be funny to pierce my ear with a safety pin when drunk, i always took it out the next day, cos having a safety pin through your ear isnt that comfortable, particularly not when you sleep on it. anyway, on one such drunken occasion, i managed to put the pin through a vein, cue blood everywhere *whoops* best wait for it to stop bleeding
bleeding stops and i decide to make a second attempt. Its actually quite hard to get a safety pin through your ear, particularly the cartilagey bit, so logic suggests i use the same hole as before, since the jobs half done already. cue bleeding again.......
also, got my tongue done when i was 15, which is slightly embarassing as it makes me sound like i was trying to be some sort of *rebel* but hey i've still got it 7 yrs later and never had a problem with it (after the first few weeks of lisps and accidentally biting it)
amusingly my summer job required me to take it out, as i was working in a gravy factory.... i'm unsure as to quite how my tongue piercing would have come into contact with the gravy without me licking it (already quite unhygenic even if i didnt have a tongue piercing) or the piercing falling out and me drooling into the gravy (unlikely and also unhygenic) so i left it in
(skankgirl, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 9:30, Reply)

Never been too fond of piercings...
...but the BF loves them. He has not-one-but-two prince alberts, and two other locations on his wedding tackle are equally beringed.

Thing is, I think they just get in the way - always make him take them out when I want to play with his bits. Also, there's that many bits of metal in there that it often sounds like some fucker is playing the spoons in his pants. Not alluring in the slightest.

Still love him though :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 9:22, Reply)

6 holes a while ago
I had my first piercing 10 years ago and at my peak had 6 (Tongue, nipple x2, navel x3) I took out the tongue because I was sick of people demanding to look at it, and because it was originally pierced too far back, and wandered off to one side. I also took out the 2nd nipple piercing as it was causing my nipple to stretch and I didn't want a freaky inch long nipple. Both nipple piercings were in the left nipple - one horizontal, one vertical.
( littlefish I like cheese, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 9:14, Reply)

Bitterest disappointment of my life
I got shot in the ankle when I was 10. With an arrow. By Friar Tuck. (School play - I was Little John.)

The scar disappeared after a few months. I was so disappointed. I WANTED A COOL ARROW SCAR GODDAMMIT!
(littlesunshine licked your blinky diodes on, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 9:07, Reply)