My woman.
32JJ.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Fri 7 May 2010, 23:01, 11 replies)

Not me, a friend
An ex-workmate claimed to have tried the following on more than one occasion: he'd find an attractive young lady, and bet her a drink he could make her chest puppies move without touching them. When she agreed to the bet, he'd stand in front of her, then grab himself a pair of handfuls and jiggle with all his might. He'd generally get a smack in the face in fairly short order, so he'd admit defeat and buy the drink.

I may have "WTF'd" rather at this point.

He pointed out that he'd groped some of the most attractive women around with this technique.

Legend.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Fri 7 May 2010, 22:38, 3 replies)

i touched a ladies boobie once

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 7 May 2010, 21:48, 5 replies)

What type of bees make milk?
Boobees


Sorry.
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Fri 7 May 2010, 21:44, 1 reply)

Chesticles
As you were, Gentle(wo)men
( Trogdos The Raging Cuntmuffin, Fri 7 May 2010, 21:38, Reply)

The list
airbags, Blouse Brothers, B1 and B2, babaloos, baby feeders, badoinkies, balloons, baloobas, bazookas, bazooms, bee-stings, Ben and Jerry, Bert and Ernie, bijongas, blinkers, bombs, Bonnie and Clyde, boobs, boobies, boobsters, bosoms, bottles, boulders, bumpers, busts, cans, cantaloupes, cha-chas, chi-chis, chesticles, chumbawumbas, coconuts, cupcakes, dairy pillows, Danny DeVitos, devil's dumplings, dinglebobbers, dumplings, Ernest and Julio, flapdoodles, Fred and Ethel, funbags, gazongas, gobstoppers, God's milk bottles, Godzillas, goombas, headlamps, headlights, head rests, high beams, honkers, hood ornaments, hooters, hubcaps, jugs, kawangas, knockers, Lewinskis, Lilo and Stitch, magambos, Mahatmas, mammaries, mau maus, melons, milk bombs, milk factories, milk jugs, milk wagons, milkmakers, milkshakes, mobutus, moo moos, Mork and Mindy, mounds, muffins, Mulligans, Murphys, neeners, norks, nose warmers, num-nums, pair, palookas, pillows, puppies, rack, rib bumpers, shabba-dos, shirt puppies, speed bumps, sweater cows, tatas, the girls, the twins, Thelma and Louise, tits, titties, Titty-bojangles, torpedoes, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, tweeters, tweakers, wahwahs, windshield wipers, Winnebagos, wop bop-a loo-bops, yazoos, ying-yangs, zoomazooms.

Whatever you call them, they're there to be admired (sometimes from a distance) and always adored. Just remember there's a person residing above them.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 7 May 2010, 20:51, 13 replies)

Summer holiday to Gran Canaria when I was about seven.
I was buggering about in the hotel pool on a particularly warm day with an inflatable lilo. My brother and all of the other kids I'd befriended were inside the hotel, and at some point I got bored of swimming underneath it and pretending to be a submarine on my own, so I lay down on it under the sun and closed my eyes. After a couple of minutes, I realised that I seemed to have stopped freely floating around and was caught on something, so I opened my eyes to find my head up against the tits of a highly attractive 18 year old girl with a large group of other teens around her. She looked a bit pissed off, and I quickly paddled away. Sadly, at my young age. I was far too embarrassed to appreciate the situation fully.
(The Artist Formerly Known As &c You can order curries ONLINE these days., Fri 7 May 2010, 20:27, Reply)

Bloody Massive Charlies
I used to go out with this girl when I lived in Liverpool. SHe was a student nurse from the Wirrall. So the first time I got her to take her clothes off I couldn't believe my eyes. There, wobbling around in front of me, were two of the most incredible pert and enormous breasts I had ever seen in my entire life. I felt like the GOd of tits, Boobatron, had smiled down upon me and that every moment in my life had been leading up to this moment. I lapped at her excited nipples like a kitten on viagra and i don't mind saying I gave them a damned good thrashing with my gentleman too. FOr 1.5 years I would regularly wrestle these gigantic orbs of wobbly pleasure until she cried mercy, mercy, mercy, me. I used to get real depraved and do stuff that would make a whore blush. I'm talking fastneing belts round each one so they pointed at me like two demonic torpedos of mammarfic ecstacy while i frantically bashed my balls over them. I don't know why i'm telling you this, I guess I just think back to those sick puppies everytime i see the word breasts. That is all.
(Backdoor Fury .. is my wrestling alias., Fri 7 May 2010, 20:19, Reply)

1970s breasts
So damn pointy. Watch any dodgy soft-pr0n flick of the era like the German Schulmadchenreport series and all the girls have jugs that could take your eye out. Yet you don't see devil's dumplings like that any more. Why?

As for silicone-enhanced funbags...nah. They always look stuck-on.
(rogerzilla, Fri 7 May 2010, 20:13, 1 reply)

Why I like Breasts
GATCAATGAGGTGGACACCAGAGGCGGGGACTTGTAAATAACACTGGGCTGTAGGAGTGA
TGGGGTTCACCTCTAATTCTAAGATGGCTAGATAATGCATCTTTCAGGGTTGTGCTTCTA
TCTAGAAGGTAGAGCTGTGGTCGTTCAATAAAAGTCCTCAAGAGGTTGGTTAATACGCAT
GTTTAATAGTACAGTATGGTGACTATAGTCAACAATAATTTATTGTACATTTTTAAATAG
CTAGAAGAAAAGCATTGGGAAGTTTCCAACATGAAGAAAAGATAAATGGTCAAGGGAATG
GATATCCTAATTACCCTGATTTGATCATTATGCATTATATACATGAATCAAAATATCACA
CATACCTTCAAACTATGTACAAATATTATATACCAATAAAAAATCATCATCATCATCTCC
ATCATCACCACCCTCCTCCTCATCACCACCAGCATCACCACCATCATCACCACCACCATC
ATCACCACCACCACTGCCATCATCATCACCACCACTGTGCCATCATCATCACCACCACTG
TCATTATCACCACCACCATCATCACCAACACCACTGCCATCGTCATCACCACCACTGTCA
TTATCACCACCACCATCACCAACATCACCACCACCATTATCACCACCATCAACACCACCA
CCCCCATCATCATCATCACTACTACCATCATTACCAGCACCACCACCACTATCACCACCA
CCACCACAATCACCATCACCACTATCATCAACATCATCACTACCACCATCACCAACACCA
CCATCATTATCACCACCACCACCATCACCAACATCACCACCATCATCATCACCACCATCA
CCAAGACCATCATCATCACCATCACCACCAACATCACCACCATCACCAACACCACCATCA
CCACCACCACCACCATCATCACCACCACCACCATCATCATCACCACCACCGCCATCATCA
TCGCCACCACCATGACCACCACCATCACAACCATCACCACCATCACAACCACCATCATCA
CTATCGCTATCACCACCATCACCATTACCACCACCATTACTACAACCATGACCATCACCA
CCATCACCACCACCATCACAACGATCACCATCACAGCCACCATCATCACCACCACCACCA
CCACCATCACCATCAAACCATCGGCATTATTATTTTTTTAGAATTTTGTTGGGATTCAGT
ATCTGCCAAGATACCCATTCTTAAAACATGAAAAAGCAGCTGACCCTCCTGTGGCCCCCT
TTTTGGGCAGTCATTGCAGGACCTCATCCCCAAGCAGCAGCTCTGGTGGCATACAGGCAA
CCCACCACCAAGGTAGAGGGTAATTGAGCAGAAAAGCCACTTCCTCCAGCAGTTCCCTGT
CTGAGCTGCTGTCCTTGGACTTGAAGAAGCTTCTGGAACATGCTGGGGAGGAAGGAAGAC
ATTTCACTTATTGAGTGGCCTGATGCAGAACAGAGACCCAGCTGGTTCACTCTAGTTCGG
ACTAAAACTCACCCCTGTCTATAAGCATCAGCCTCGGCAGGATGCATTTCACATTTGTGA
TCTCATTTAACCTCCACAAAGACCCAGAAGGGTTGGTAACATTATCATACCTAGGCCTAC
TATTTTAAAAATCTAACACCCATGCAGCCCGGGCACTGAAGTGGAGGCTGGCCACGGAGA
GAGCCAGGCAATCACTGGCTTTTCCTTAGACAGAGAGCTGGTTCCTAGGAGAAGAAGCTC
CAGGCTGGGGTCCAGGCTATGACCCAACTGTTCAGTTTTGCAACATCCAGCATGGCTGCC
TGATCAGGGGTGCATATGTCAGAGGAGCCTTCAGCTGGGAAGTGCTGACAAATGACCCAG
ACCTGACCTGCCCGATGCCAAGGCCTCCTTTAGTACATCCCATGGAGGACACTTGAGACA
AAGTCACAGCTCAGCCCGTTGATTTCCCATGCTCTGACTGTGCGGTGCAGCAGGACCCCT
AGCAGGCAGCATGTGTTCAAGGCAGCGATATCCAAATGCTATGAATTGCTGTCCTGATGG
(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Fri 7 May 2010, 19:41, 8 replies)

Swimmers!
Growing up in South Africa, my first two girlfriends were both swimmers. It wasn't a coincidence, since they were friends and both competed for our school. What did I see in them? Well, they were both tall redheads ...

It got me wondering what big boobs do for a lady's hydrodynamics. I know whales and dolphins have mammaries, but they don't stick out very far, yet we also see submarines with weird bits sticking out of them. The first g/f had fairly large boobs, and didn't do quite as well as her more streamlined friend. #2 went on to become a regional champion, but didn't quite make the national team. She had these amazing shoulders - not ripped like a bodybuilder's, but just huge and powerful. You could hardly tell what was shoulder and what was boob, she had so little fat on her frame. You had to be there ... but I'm glad you weren't. 8)
( bnt what, me worry?, Fri 7 May 2010, 19:03, 2 replies)

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 7 May 2010, 18:52, 2 replies)

I really like this question of the week.
And I have a rather fine pair myself.
(lympicita_ie, Fri 7 May 2010, 18:50, 3 replies)

Boobs!
I like boobs. Any size is nice, I just like to look and feel of them.

One of my ex girlfriends was a 34GG - Very nice to look at and firm :) I fell off my chair the first time she showed me them.

and that is all that I have to say on that matter
( The_Commander_of_Skips wears his sunglasses at night, Fri 7 May 2010, 18:45, Reply)

Shit QOTW, Shit Post...
My new Bird's got 36DD's, I have no idea what to do with them, due to the largest ones I'd got my hands on were max a 'c cup'. Honestly, they're just massive and I haven't a clue!

Ho hum.
(Kip, Fri 7 May 2010, 18:39, 10 replies)

Breast reduction surgery for shoulder or back pain.
Some people say that you can get the same result just by wearing a different bra. See here, and also this from Wikipedia:

"In a five-year study, 100 women who developed pain in their shoulders were given the option to remove the breast weight from their shoulders by not wearing a bra for two weeks. In that two-week period, many experienced relief from pain. Relief was complete among 84% of women who did not elevate their arms. However, their pain symptoms returned within an hour of resuming bra use. Three years later, 79% of the patients had stopped wearing a bra 'to remove breast weight from the shoulder permanently because it rendered them symptom free.' Sixteen percent worked in occupations requiring them to elevate their arms daily, and this group only achieved partial improvement. Of these, 13 of the 16 ceased to wear a bra, and by six months all were without pain."

Edit: there's no silly pun in this.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 7 May 2010, 18:21, 6 replies)

I can't help staring at giant tits
Thankfully my wife understands this.
I actually don't find them even remotely sexy, and much prefer the petite variety, but ginormous gazongas just make me giggle. Especially if the bearer is running or any other wobbly activity.

I did see a rather top heavy woman with giant knockers topple over as she left a pasty shop recently. She landed on my foot, and I acted all concerned while my various offspring were chortling, then as soon as she was gone I joined in.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 7 May 2010, 18:18, Reply)

Nubbin
I have a small mole about 2 inches above and to the right of my right nipple and so when wearing a well fitting shirt of any kind, especially it it's white, will show through and often receive cries of.

"You've got a third nipple!"

Upon which case I have to prove it's actually a mole. Has proven useful though to get random girls feeling it to make sure. Upon which I obviously get a turn on theirs. Right?

Gotta love boobies. My ex was a 34DD which for me was just perfect - very perky for the size and just wonderful nipples that only needed a very few licks to make her come like a train.

*SIGH*
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Fri 7 May 2010, 18:12, Reply)

Forbidden boobies....
My other half used to be frieds with a bird who had a couple of fried eggs down her front. You know, never wore a bra as there was nothing to put in it. Well she eventually decided to stump up the cash for implants and went for the "super size combo". When we saw her after all the swelling went and bandages came off she was telling us all about them and being so proud INSISTED that my other half and i have a look and feel of them to see how real they felt.

Needless to say, seeing the missus fondling another womans ample breats and then getting to have a go myself, i had plesant dreams...!
(Beaverman Opulence, I has it., Fri 7 May 2010, 17:57, Reply)

Milk and two sugars
I always wondered why people love the taste of a nice mug of hot milky tea. Nothing better than a nice cuppa, it's what got us through two world wars. Who cares about the trillion pound budget deficit just put the kettle on. I don't know what it is but it just seems to make every thing seem OK. Lovely lovely mug of tea, one milk two sugars.

Then I got married and we had a kid. One day I was canoodling with Mrs Buffet and one thing led to another kissing her neck and a little bit futher down I got stuck into her swollen pillows. Lovely lovely mug of tea, one milk two sugars.

Please tell me I'm not the only one.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Fri 7 May 2010, 17:48, Reply)

The boob list
Not to brag but my wife has a fantastic set of boobs. They're big, symmetrical and look you right in the eye. I could play with them for hours and frequently do.

The wife hates them.

She's actually quite small and complains that if she was scaled up to average height, she would look like she was trying to smuggle beachballs under her shirt. She's complained about back problems for a while now and due to the difficulty in finding comfortable bras for her size they're actually beginning to sag a little bit. I don't mind that the slightest bit and told her that it would help add character, but she refuses to listen.

She has decided to get a breast reduction, it's the only real solution to the back problem and while she's there she will get them lifted a bit to boost her confidence.

I was devestated but couldn't change her mind so I came up with the boob list. Kind of like a bucket list, it's a list of mainly non sexual things that I want to do with my favourite pair of fun bags before they go under the knife. It's my way of saying goodbye and she's agreed to do one a week till the operation (in about 5 months) as long as it's nothing too kinky.

So far I've ticked off the following:
Eat breakfast off boobs.
See boobs flash on public transport.
Wash boobs in the bath.
Be woken up by boobs hanging over face.
Motorboat boobs in a changing room.

and I'm waiting to go on holiday so I can do these 2:
See boobs on the beach.
Play with boobs in the sea.

It's already made for some good memories.
I don't actually have as many ideas as I expected for the next 20 weeks so I'd be happy to take suggestions, any ideas?
(Bo Nidle Coming back in from the cold., Fri 7 May 2010, 17:31, 11 replies)

'Nother Bravissimo girl here
I got sick and tired of the Other Half pointing out my boobie-mismanagement (the old curse of the quadruple breasts due to too-small cups and saggage due to too big a band) so last year I went to Bravissimo. I went 'down' from a 38D/DD to a 34F (this did please him!) and looked a little thinner and taller too. Yay for decent bras and lovely ladies to tell you how to wear them!

Annoyingly though, I appear to have odd-shaped boobs so can only wear a couple of brands. Weird...
( Bozo the Clone will work for chocolate., Fri 7 May 2010, 17:22, 3 replies)

You know those soft plastic packets of fresh mozzarella that you can buy in supermarkets?
The ones that have a cricket ball-sized ball of mozzarella swimming about in water?

Well i like to grope them. They are quite breast-like. Admittedly they are usually cold as they have been in the fridge section. I suppose they are more dead-breast-like if i am being honest.

If you don't grope them for so long that the mozzarella balls break up, you can put them back on the shelf and no-one would know.
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Fri 7 May 2010, 17:13, 3 replies)

Chicken fillets
Is it just me, or are those INCREASE YOUR BUST SIZE bras, that have the squishy airgel or whatever in them, really odd? And also, what if you're getting down to it with a new man, he starts undressing you, the bra comes off... suddenly you're down from a D cup to a B cup...

Obviously a decent man would just be pleased that you were naked, but false advertising, y'know?

Sometimes I do like to squeeze the gel bits in lingerie stores, just to compare them to the feel of actual flesh. What's inside the gel pads? What happens if one of them pops? O_o
( cakelady, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:56, 10 replies)

First set of norks I got my hands on was this 16 year old lass I used to work with.
They weren't that big at all but at my tender age they were an amazing sight to behold.

A few years later I met her again and noticed they were now massive. It was clear then that she was a late developer and in retrospect when I'd had a go on them were probably about the size of an average 12 year old's now.

Which makes me feel a bit wrong whenever I think back and may be the reason why I'm a big boob fan now. My wife's are quite spectacular.

Mini Seaman Gabber had a good root inside her guts the same night but I decided that now I'd got that whole virginity thing out of the way my Atari ST was more interesting for the next couple of years.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:42, 2 replies)

I'm told
I have unusually large niplets for a bloke.


That's pretty much all I have to contribute.
(MyFakeName, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:41, 4 replies)

To all you laydeez
Is it flattering or creepy (or somewhere in between) to discover that your bosoms have provided fantasy, masturbatory fodder for a chap?

I mean, obviously it's not an issue for the women in Nuts, Zoo, Page 3 etc. - but how does 'the woman in the street' feel about it?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:40, 8 replies)

Bra tester...
My first girlfriend was blessed was some rather awesome 34EE's.
Being young and less argumentative, I was often dragged around shops with her in search of bras/bikinis which involved endless miles around the west end and her trying on thousands upon thousands of garments.

It was then genius struck; I discovered that my head was exactly the same size as my loverly lady's boobs. Hence, the need for her to actually try them on was eliminated as all we had to do was see if my head fit in the cup of the bra - if so, we had a winner.

Made shopping more entertaining all round...

...and I still get a Bravissmo catalogue in the post every now and again, despite not having bought anything from them in nearly 8 years.

Still, pretty girls are in it so every cloud and all that jazz...

Lenght; negligable, Volume; copius...
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Fri 7 May 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Breasts as a religious experience
I am a staunch atheist. But my sister-in-laws titanic teutonic tits are the closest thing I've ever, er, taken a sidelong glance at, to provide proof not just that God exists, but that he is a loving and benevolent entity.
(TommyShanks, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:01, 5 replies)

Crap joke alert
I was in the pub one a few years ago and got talking to a couple of 'northern birds', both with sizable breastage.

We got talking and I asked where they were from,

"Oldham. Titses, Oldham" one of them replied.

I did. She laughed (thankfully)

That is all.
(dchurch bah, Fri 7 May 2010, 15:58, 3 replies)