most of the stuff I hear in the office...
"Touch base" - I'm sure to hear this a few times a day. Also "Can you action this?"

Honest to god, do people HAVE to talk like that? I'd prefer "Hi, how is *name* project going? The brief for the artwork was emailed out to you yesterday" rather than "Have you got a break in your schedule , I just want to touch base on this. It was actioned yesterday, I wanted to see if progress on this customer-centred visual."

I'm tempted to start adding on 2 days to the time it takes to complete a brief every time someone uses "management language".


One other annoying phrase; well, word, really, is "awesome".

I've caught myself saying this without thinking so many times over the last month, and it's pissing me off. If it's annoying me, it MUST be winding everyone else up, something rotten.
( theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:43, 5 replies)

In a QOTW answer -
"Length"
( Zuowan, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:43, 2 replies)

When the interwebs was all fields, I used to work for a dot com that was starting up one of these new-fangled
"Web communities".

The website was business-focussed, and dealt specifically with "Knowledge Management" - itself one of the most pointless, mastabatory terms ever conceived.

My job was to write opinionated essays in order to drive traffic to the community to discuss them, and, in the writer's office, we used to enjoy making up terms and sending them out, just to see how long it would take for them to come back.

So, in a way, it's my fault. You can blame me if you like.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:42, 2 replies)

Like
It was well like ten o'clock.
I was like expected to work.
Then we were like, 'What do we do?' like.

None of these are similes are they? There appears to be an increasing need amongst the young (anyone younger than me in other words) to suggest that nothing is definite, instead all things must be almost; nearly; close to, but in no way exact. Perish the thought that you might actually commit to an idea or detail. Not like cretins, actually cretins.

Don't get me started on 'innit', 'but, yeah' or 'Dave/Mum/Sally etc. and I'.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:41, 2 replies)

Normalcy
What's wrong with Normality?
I hate the americanisation of some of our perfectly adequate words.
I may have spelt it wrong, but in my little world it's not a proper word, so i don't care.
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:40, 7 replies)

"Catastrophic failure"
Normally not too vexing a phrase, but when applied every twenty seconds or so to the break-up of the Columbia shuttle on re-entry, it got a little tiresome. The rather vapid BBC newsreader latched on to that phrase and her little face lit up.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:39, 4 replies)

"Incentivize"
Used exclusively by corporate turds who haven't realized that 'motivate' is both a perfectly-acceptable word, and one which will not make you looks like the worst kind of twunt.

As for phrases - "Hello, I'm Russel Brand."


EDIT: oh, and using nouns as verbs ('we need to action this', etc)
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:39, Reply)

My least favourite words
"Irreverent" - Word for funny things used by people who feel personally affronted by anyone laughing at the establishment.
"Overrated" - The adult version of "I'm right, everyone else is wrong, so there!"
"Azure" - The word bad poets use when they mean "Blue"
"Literally" - Obvious, but still annoying
"Ironic" - Obvious enough to be tedious now. Why can't people rediscover the word "apt"? Surely being shorter makes it easier to use.
"Political correctness" - Usage acts as clear indicator of utter bollocks in argument.
"simples" - The worst pervasion of a marketing catchphrase since Ferrero Rocher in the early 90s.
"seminal" and other hyperbolic reviewer-speak language
....but the worst has to be the use of "brand", "industry", "customers" etc when talking about public services and the arts.
( Zuowan, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:39, 3 replies)

Motivation! Motivation! Motivation! Motivation!
During this qotw I would like you all to make yourselves comfortable. Now, the objective of this session is for us to reach some positive conclusions vis a vis phrases that irritate. I would like all of you here to open your minds; this an exceptional opportunity for you to engage in a brainstorming session and push forward some freewheeling, open-ended concepts in a blue-sky environment.

We can really push the envelope on this one; this is a one off opportunity for us to homogenise our cenceptualising and come up with a definitive programme of phrases.

We must give this our full attention and assume nothing - to assume simply makes an ass out of u and me. Focus is crucial, team, so remember - you snooze, you lose.

Now, this is a freewheeling concept, but if we could keep a weather eye on progress, treat things in a holistic and proactive way, before touching base later in the week. I have this in my radar, and am determined to make this a resounding success.

Go get 'em, guys...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:39, 8 replies)

"Agreed"
Why cant you just say yes?
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:37, 7 replies)

I went on an assertiveness training course...
...a long, long time ago.

A bloke in a beard tried to enthuse us with his little phrases to make us all brave in front of the big, bad customers.

Such as:

* "You can split 'responsible' into 'response' and 'able'" (You can't)

* "If you 'assume', you just make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'"

And, of course:

* "There's no 'I' in 'teamwork'"

... to which a sotto voice from the back replied: "Aye, but's there's a 'u' in 'cunt'."

I learned something that day. Something good.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:36, 10 replies)

our substitute teachers, mrs mould
"hello children! my name is mrs mould. if you can't remember it, just think "mrs mould, it grows on you!"'

(many years later, i asked another much more sound tutor who was the most irritating member of staff. "oh im not allowed to answer that..." he said "but since she's left...")
(ladyintheradiator, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:34, 1 reply)

Academic jargon
But I try not to problematize it too much.
(CaraVAGgio, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:33, 3 replies)

Going Forward
My manager uses it all the fucking time.

And I'm not fond of people repeating something, like: "I went there, I did" or "I like that, I do". Mainly Stokies that do it, so it must have something to do with being fucking inbred.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:33, 5 replies)

This phrase annoys me.
'Bring on the Wall!'

As it means there is likely to be a cunt on my telly.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:33, 2 replies)

Credit Crunch
Sounds like a kid's breakfast cereal...whatever happened to 'recession'?
( snee held his breath since, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:32, 3 replies)

Management-speak annoys me intensely
Especially the current trend for misusing perfectly good nouns as verbs:

"Yes, that's a good idea, let's action it."
"OK, we'll meet then. I'll just diary it."
"We'll have to get everyone together and workshop that one."

Actually, anyone who uses the word 'workshop' outside of an engineering/construction context can fuck right off too.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:30, 1 reply)

"epic fail", saying "LOL" instead of laughing, quoting mighty boosh...
oh there are thousands upon thousands. listing them is too much of a task.
(ladyintheradiator, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:30, Reply)

"FAIL"
How old are you - really?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:30, Reply)

"Didnt even do nothing..."
I still here older scallies and the like say this double negative...
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:27, 1 reply)

quizzio
It has to be true

The quizmaster says it every week!
(cardiosurgeon ...not a real surgeon since, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Literally
'Literally, I died laughing'

Err, no you didn't.

'I so did, literally, I died laughing'

No. You. Didn't.

'Tsk, you had to be there'

What I mean is that you didn't 'literally' die. If you did, you'd be dead.

'Just a phrase innit, I'll bet nobody knows what word means'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:23, 5 replies)

I noticed the other day
that my colleague keeps putting LOL on the end of emails

Last time she sent one, I looked over, she most definitely wasn't hysterical with laughter.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:23, 8 replies)

Appetite
As in.

'Hmm, but doing this will mean a hundred people will lose their jobs'

'I know, but the Senior Management team want you to put some spin on it and see if you can increase the appetite for these changes'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

To be honest with you
I can't think of any
(wambam Thank you! Young man., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:18, 3 replies)

MMmmmmm
As a child I was driven to fantasise about murder with my sister saying 'Mmmmm' when she enjoyed the taste of something.

It just seemed so forced and unnatural.

I think I was overly touchy.
(Scooby Don't, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:18, 2 replies)

EPIC
I want to punch my mate Matt everytime he says "EPIC!".
Really? You're not 12.
It doesn't make you look cool.
Shut up, you sound like a doucher.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:18, 4 replies)

Credit Crunch, Cold snap, Blue sky thinking, Moving forwards, On the same page
Fuck off!
( Victor Meldrew, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:18, 1 reply)

Icecream van...
second!
(Soutiejie Is a happy lady on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:17, Reply)