I'll get roasted for this,and I dont care...
People who say "very much so". Why?
People saying "axds" instead of ask. Piss off.
People who can't be arsed doing something, or allowing something to be done, saying "Sorry, no, Health and Safety" or "Method Statement/ Risk Assesment" We won two world wars (with help) without a Hi-Vis fucking method statement vest in sight. Nnnnng.

People in London (usually in skanky little shops) who when asked for something in a very clear, well pronounced, Central Scotland accent, using no slang, or abbreviations go: "What? M8te, Ah Cant unerstand nuffink what you is sayin, innit!
Fuck right off, homey.
(shinypurplebit booked his tickets (yay) on, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 10:37, 2 replies)

Justifiable homicide?
My bosses have recently started saying thing like 'this is full of win!', 'it's a bucket full of fail' and 'awesome' a lot.

It's like being stuck in Bill and Twatt's idiom adventure and makes me apoplectic with rage.

Are there any lawyers here who think they can get me off on justifiable homicide or a plea of instanttea? I can pay in peanuts.
(shobet_mawr, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 10:18, 2 replies)

I am teh winnar of this QOTW!
All of you, and I mean all of you... can quit your complaining this instant, for I live in Newcastle (bizarrely, out of choice) and as such have all of you beaten!

If someone would kindly explain to me how...

Tonight became "tha neet"
tomorrow became "tha morra"
my brother, my mate, my son, that bloke became "wor kid"

I could go on, I will go on...

going became "gannin"
going home, to go home, lets go home became "gan yem"

It is little wonder that the mention of Newcastle stirs up images of grown, bald, overweight, tattoo'd men fighting in the streets (topless - usually in winter) when the drivel and garbage that spews forth from their mouths in between swigs of "Newcy Broon" does nothing but support this stereotype.

Try going from well-spoken, Queens English Cheshire to unintelligable garbled Geordie nonsense over a few years and see how mad it drives you!

Rant over!

PS. "Howay" isn't, just isn't a F*CKING WORD, no matter what the context!
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 9:33, 14 replies)

Apologies if these have been mentioned...
Banks informing us that we can come and see them 'in branch.'

Business people saying that we can do this 'going forward' instead of 'from now on' or 'in the future'.

'Laters.'

There will be more, I just have to think for a while.
(Mr McKenzie Mr McKenzie, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 9:28, Reply)

oh! and ignorant!

when people use the word ignorant instead of ignoring.

''youre being ignorant to wards me'' when it should be ''stop ignoring me''

yeah, took me a little while to get my head around what the fuck they were actually trying to say.

someone else must have heard this?!!! ive heard this a few times, and its become so common i actually have stopped correcting the race!
(nettestar meeow, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 9:25, 2 replies)

theres a long list, but...
'thanking you'

when i was 15 i worked in a shop at the hospital, and 1 out of 20 people i'd serve on the till would say ''thanking you''.. it did my fucking head in... surely its more of a description of what your doing instead of actually saying ''thank you''... fuck knows.

anyways. it pissed me off then and it pisses me off now.
(nettestar meeow, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 9:22, 4 replies)

One of my friends..
says genuinely as 'generally' they can't seem to say it the right way for some reason... Drives me mad.
(kellysprinkles dying for a pee since, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 9:21, Reply)

this is a repost
My first, I think, and this worries me that I've totally run out of things to say.

I fucking hate people who say 'nom nom nom', or, worse, refer to food as 'noms.'

These people are invariably overweight, infantile, and post albums of their pet rabbit on facebook.

It's creepy, it's twee, and it makes my skin crawl.

Honestly, I'm wanting to throw someone down the stairs just thinking about it.
(jennymnemonic, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 8:35, 2 replies)

je ne sais quoi
I hate the expression "je ne sais quoi". It's French for "I don't know". For God's sake, if you don't know, just admit you don't know. In any language, ignorance is still ignorance, and obfuscating your ignorance by talking French just makes you arrogant.
(Barticus, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 8:12, 9 replies)

Shampoo ads
They all promise healthy looking hair. Healthy looking?
Is it too much to actually want healthy hair rather than hair than merely looks healthy?
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Sat 10 Apr 2010, 7:32, 5 replies)

The agreers
Is it just me or is there an increasing number of telepathic people out there? Or perhaps I am so boring that people know exactly what I'm going to say.
So why, when talking to someone, do they nod, say 'U-huh' or 'yes' every two or three words? It drives me nuts!
The only way to stop them is to wait until you are about to impart some vital information and just stop when they utter the next inane and unnecessary utterance.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Sat 10 Apr 2010, 7:27, Reply)

Those people...
... who when asked "How are you?" the reply is "Not three bad". Grrrrr.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Sat 10 Apr 2010, 7:20, 3 replies)

An ex girlfriend of mine
used to pronounce the words bottle as 'bockle' and skeleton as 'skel-ing-ton'.
She was in her thirties at the time.
(gunthunt, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 7:04, 2 replies)

Is this a parody
or are some DJ's just pure lazy cunts?

How many times have you heard "Put your hands up in the air, and wave them like you just don't care"? (or some such similar variation)

FFS! Why in the name of all that is pure, clean and unmolested in this world, do DJ's and "songwriters" insist on recycling this tripe line from several decades back?

The moment I hear that line in a song, I proceed to delete/throw out all music I own by said "artist". No new and original material can ever come from that person's brain again.
(DougQuaid Get ya azz to moars..., Sat 10 Apr 2010, 6:31, 2 replies)

Reverse snobbery,,,,
So here's how it works; Let's suppose you were born into a family on a sink estate in say Salford, Lancashire. Unfortunately individual expression at your local comprehensive school is a bit of a no-no. Kids know how to say 'Hospital' and 'Custard creams' however they also know that to say this will mark them out as 'trying to be posh' and therefore a target of abuse, hense; 'hospikal' and 'Custod kreems' etc.

I feel sorry for these kids as its undoubtedly a massive hurdle to overcome once the bright ones strive for bigger and better things later in life. That said some of these little shits nicked my (chained up) mountain bike out of a (double locked) shed in Salford but that's another story.

I guess this reverse snobbery has gone on for years...
My Grandad (gawd' bless im') grew up in a very deprived area of Manchester near to Man City's old ground (Mayne Road) and his brother Jack worked in an abattoir, now they all knew how to pronounce this but because it's originally a French word and sounds a bit poncy ('Pretentious,Moi?')then abattoir became 'abba-tyre' and I suspect it still is if anyone can confirm this.

So to sum up, these words are a defence mechanism in rough schools and fair play to anyone who didn't succumb to this pressure and endured the casual abuse that resulted.
(Moominator missing the good stuff cos' the swear filter is on, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 5:27, Reply)

Unsure if this has been addressed...
But how about mispronounciations? 'Stalk' being 'stock', or 'spaghetti' turning out 'pasketti'? 'Specific' equals 'pacific'. Ooh and 'espresso' vs 'expresso'. Helloooo! No x, you tard!
(NancyycnaN Wðñ'† ¥ðµ §hðw §ðmê ¢l姧?, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 5:23, Reply)

I've waited for this one....
"At the end of the day" So you do nothing all day, instead waiting until just before midnight, then shoehorning every task or conversation in? Twat!

"He turned around and...." Every time I hear it I have images of two people egaged in conversation, bizarrely revolving on the spot.

"Where were you to?" Speaks for itself, not sure if it's just a Devonshire thing or not.

"innit" as in "I was going down the shop innit, and I saw my mate dave innit, and I'm a complete waste or organs, innit"

But the one, the one that drives me freaking mental plagues this entire country........ The use of the 'F' sound in place of 'TH'
What is wrong with you people? It's not 'a regional thing' as people claim, it's LAZINESS, nothing more. I grew up in the same places, went to the same schools with the very same people, I can manage to say the numbber THree without sounding like an infant. There is no acceptable excuse for this. It isn't difficult, you don't have a speech impediment, you're lazy fuckers.
(The Cosmic Fool Became aware that the bird is indeed the word on, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 3:58, 4 replies)

'Epic'
As in: 'Oh man last night was so epic'

It wasn't epic. You just drank blue stuff and then danced to shite music with your spikey haired friends at a shit club.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 3:19, Reply)

Shout outs
When some twat of a Dj gives it 'up' to someone.

'Ah big up to me man , Dereck '

- Who the fuck is Dereck and what are you on about?
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 3:08, Reply)

'Have you ever heard of a comedian called Bill Hicks'
Yes.. fuck off.. I'm assuming you've just found a book in Asda and may have just purchased one of his DVD's in HMV , he was satirical , offensive and 'ahead of his time' , but fuck off.

Sorry for the rant - but recently i've had to deal with a lot of Bills' biggest fans. They found out who he was last year.

/sigh.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 2:59, 6 replies)

'patientisms'
'emphysemia' instead of emphysema
'Prostrate' meaning prostate
'bronical' for bronchial
'ammonia' for pneumonia
Grrrr
'I've got blood pressure' (thank fuck for that, you'd be unconscious otherwise!)
'I've got sinus' (yes, we all do you cock-jockey!)
I'm sure there are more but I'm too cross to think properly now.
(W3BOPLASTY, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 2:55, 2 replies)

Tax
The worst word of all

It wouldn't be so bad if it paid for schools, roads and hospitals like in the 'good old days' but as it simply pays to keep parasites in power (think - nose in trough) - no thanks
(schrodingers cat now you see me, or not, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 1:30, 2 replies)

Call centres
seem to want people who can follow instructions to the letter repeatedly. Which they describe as "thinking outside the box."
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 1:25, 1 reply)

Common sense
There are legitimate uses of this phrase, when something is generally accepted among your audience and doesn't need further discussion. It's used far too often, though, by people who can't explain their reasoning well. Usually it means a common view held by the people you usually talk to, such as your family and friends. "People you normally talk to" is a terrible sample of the general population, so if you're going to use "common sense" as an argument to the world, please do a bit of research to see if it really is.

Laws based on "common sense" are often advocated, but laws are usually the outcome of democracy. Democracies do go wrong sometimes, but if the laws you see don't agree with your idea of common sense, do at least consider that your idea of common sense might not be all that common.
( JimM, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 0:58, 2 replies)

I find it annoying when
my friend at university pronounces toothbrush with the 'tooth' part rhyming with 'poof'. But I admit I say 'terrain' like 'heron'.
(MikeyNiv can coin snatch 32 pennies, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 0:57, 8 replies)

racist words commonly used
I get so upset that some racist words seem to be ok to use and others are ohhhh thats bad.
When people say the word gyped I say oh, why,are you a nigger? They seem to think a racist slam against romany is ok but not against blacks?
Or the ignorant losers that use the word eskimo, which is a horrid demeaning word, I also call those people a racist name back that pertains to their race everytime someone asks me if I am an eskimo. I figure if they can use a word thats completely horrid I can to.
To those who are still idiots that cannot read or learn, eskimo is the single most horrid word you can use, there really is no other word that demeans a culture as much as that word, if you dont know why, then go back to a real school, not a public school.
(zhinka If you don't rescue,don't breed!, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 0:32, 26 replies)

"Coolbeans"
For some reason "cool" wasn't enough, so some twat added an unrelated word on the end to try and come across as wacky and "random".

That's another one, "random".
(The Artist Formerly Known As &c You can order curries ONLINE these days., Sat 10 Apr 2010, 0:25, 2 replies)

Similar to previous mentions - 'kekkle' instead of kettle. Women who speak like five year olds because they think it makes them cute. FUCK OFF! It just makes you look retarded and you should be banished from society by Germaine Greer and Andrea Dworkin.
The use of the phrase 'I'll learn you something' or 'That'll learn you'. No it won't, but it might TEACH me something you ignoramus.
Business speak - 'synergy'; 'Performance Review'; 'Human Resources';'Team Player' I work in science. If I really was a team player I'd be playing football! We are not resources! We are workers. The word resource just makes it even more obvious that you think of us as objects to be totally used-up and cast aside.
(sleekloon Curing Cancer one cell at a time., Sat 10 Apr 2010, 0:08, Reply)

Irregardless
Irregardless of party, Gordon Brown is still something of a regardless twat.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 0:04, Reply)

a mate
who uses the phrase "can you borrow me some money"

lend. ffs LEND!
(imallamallama looking forward to llamageddon on, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 23:47, 1 reply)