Sure sign of a pikey
Tucking tracksuit bottoms in socks
Nike shox
Those nasty grey jogging bottoms they all wear
clown necklaces
Dummies on children who can walk and talk
Children in pushchairs who are too big for them
Wearing a baseball cap ... at that stupid sharp angle
Owning a Saxo
walking around with a hand wedged down the front of your trousers
spitting
rockports
swearing at your kids in public
love bites
greasy hair, in a pony tail in a scrunchie
(Barry Chuckle has gone out in the thong to feed the pigeons, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 13:24, 8 replies)

Spitters
It doesn't matter how you were brought up or how well to do that you think you are, if you spit in public then you're scum in my eyes. I would watch all the Portugese workers in the mornings waiting to get on their van to work.
You had to be careful as you walked past them, it was like an ice rink. Since then I have been secretly flobbing into an oil drum which I am going to take with me to Portugal one day and pour it out along a main road.
(Reservoir Ducks, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 13:18, 5 replies)

Another one that's just come back to me
A couple of years back I was standing (with a friend) outside a doctor's surgery in a small, fairly pleasant town near where I live, when out of nowhere comes a boy of about 4 or 5. He runs up to the wall of the surgery (right next to the automatic doors) and shouts over his shoulder "Here, mummy?"

"Yes dear".

He then whips out his cock and starts pissing against the wall. The surgery toilets were just inside the door, and clearly visible from the street. He then spins around, cock in hand, still pissing, and sprinkles the ground around him in a widening circle of piss, as me and my friend look on in horror (while retreating from the ever-growing piss puddle).

He finishes, grins, runs back to his (proud) mother, and leaves.

P.S. I should add that this wasn't night time or something. This was in the middle of the day, during the school holidays.


.
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 13:14, 1 reply)

This might be construed as regional snobbery, but...
Pronouncing Y at the end of a word as a sharp "Eh" sound.

As in "I was watching the tell-eh with Kell-eh and Trace-eh, and I saw Shell-eh on Jerem-eh Kyle"...
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 13:12, Reply)

Common
Posting jokes based on Pulp's Common People, it seems.....

Bindun to death and it's only Friday: lord help us!!!
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 13:08, 3 replies)

I agree with a couple fo the other posts here
It is people trying hard not to be that are the most common. For example my grandma. She is the real life Hyacinth Bucket.

When I was born, as her first grandchild, she spent ages deciding what I should call her. The conclusion was that 'granny' sounded too old and 'nan' was far far too common, so it had to be Grandma.

When engaged to her current (third) husband, she found out that his surname was originally Harrop-Turner, rather than the Turner that he and his whole family have used for 2 generations. They are a very wealthy well-to-do upperclass family, but prefer Turner, they arent pretentious or pushy about their wealth or class.
She got so excited about the idea of having a double-barrelled name that she uses Harrop-Turner and therefore had a differnt name to the rest of her new family.

She is a farmers daughter form Dorset, born and bred there and her accent is quite broad. Hearing her trying to pronounce words she thinks make her sound posh but shouldnt rightly be using, is pretty funny. Especially when she decides to talk French. It is all pronounced exactly as she reads it because she doesnt actually have a clue.

She taught me how to lay a silver service table at the age of 5. I havent yet needed to use that knowledge.
( TheGirlWithNoName, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 13:06, 1 reply)

Licking the plate!
Why lick the plate?
If you are still hungry than there's plenty more in the pan. Do you think that you're saving on the washing up? Mmmm?! Mmm?!!
Does my head in.
But do I say anything to my wife, dear God no! I'm too busy biting my toenails short.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 13:04, 3 replies)

Ok, here goes - I'll just spout my list
Gold jewelry.
Babies with pierced ears.
Fat people in sports clothes (ok, at the gym I can deal with this).
The Sun - every time I read it I can feel my IQ going down.
Zoo/nuts/etc - see above, if I ever read it.
Walking down the street playing tinny R&B out of your fucking cellphone - sorry, this one really annoys me.
Macdonalds - no matter how much they patch it up with pastel coloured coffee house style chairs and salads, it's still a scum magnet.

I'll be back when I can think of some more
( Weetobix, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 13:04, 5 replies)

Gold
Gold used to be the rich thing of desire. The first thing you think about when presented with the word 'treasure'.

Nowadays it's more the mark of the Chav. 'I may be pushing a pram around poundland, but I've enough gold round my neck to cause serious back issues in later life'

(just got our wedding rings ordered - white gold for her, paladium for me :))
( Weetobix, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:57, 4 replies)

my wife-
bless her soul, but she's common as muck. her follies are as follows:

she eats crisps with her mouth open.
is adsdicted to x factor and hollyoaks
can't say specifically or pedestrian
ends words with ing at the end with ink (somethink, anythink ... the list goes on)
likes KFC (so do i but that's a different matter)

but i love her and she has a nice bum.
(Captain Benzo Panda fighting, live on tuesdays., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:56, 2 replies)

Innapropriate attire outside of your home
Matching Tracksuit tops and bottoms.

You know the ones - the Shell Suits, the NY tracksuits, the canterbury/ adidas pants with the buttons down the sides, great if your at the gym, or rugby training but not to go down the shops to stand around in front of the newsagents with your idiot mates.

The worst ones are girls with the over done faces, massive earrings, and elaborate hairstyles - wearing matching pink top and bottoms with 'juicy' written across the arse. Its a tracksuit! Why did you put in the effort with your face/hair/nails/jewels to put on a tracksuit!
(spent.fish flipping and gasping, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:56, 1 reply)

I am revelling in my common side
My mum, cannot really cook. I didn't really discover this till i was in my teens when i realised that:

1. Bernard Matthews Roasting joints (turkey roll, portk roll etc) were not cuts of meat direct from the animal.
2. Not every meal was meant to be eaten with chips. From a proper chip pan. Even though gran has had 2 chip pan fires, fire brigade and burnt kitchens.
3. My mums favourite knife - as in most used - was her chip peeling knife. Potato peelers?? in fact she only ever used table knives to eat, and the potato knife.
4. Vegetables did not have to come in tins. They could be bought fresh.
5. Arctic roll for afters. Moved on to Vienetta later on.

Never did me any harm! Whats really sad is to see the Chavs these days that would view this as aspirational. If they could get their nutrient starved brains round the idea there was anything other than Chavdom.

And i still have my shell-suit jacket, and Adidas tracksuit jacket. My wife takes great displeasure if i decide to head to the pub dressed like its 1992, its a mixture of "retro chic" for somefolk, down the nose snobbery from others - and car-stopping spit-stuff-out-your-nose-and-point funny for the rest.

I claim i wear it ironically, but theres a little bit of common in me that sometimes gets to shine.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:54, 1 reply)

Family Christening
Not my family but a family that hailed from the Old Kent Road part of London. I was talking to the Grandmother of the baby (they must have thought i had money because i could pronounce words correctly) when all of a sudden two great hairy arms reached around the woman from behind and started playing with her boobs. Frightening anyway, then i realised the hands belonged to her brother. Cor Blimey Guv'nor...or something
(Reservoir Ducks, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:54, Reply)

I get told off by the wife
for tipping my head back and pouring the last of the crisps in the packet straight in. I reckon this is a practical thing and not common at all.

I also do it with gravy in a tray, milk in cereal and I have been known to lick the plate, too.
( Smallbrainfield, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:53, 5 replies)

The Garden Party
Long time lurker, first post, figured I would wait till I had something to say.

GF at the time's parents cordially invited me to their garden party. I said "what's one of those?"

They kindly informed me that basically they invited friends and neighbours round, got the barbecue out, cooked some food, and ate it.

I said, "so you're having a barbecue then?"
"No, its a garden party" was the response.

I went, and I must say it was probably the most boring barbecue I have ever been to.
(Its_Curly as officially been initated into the talk board, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:47, 3 replies)

I can't be common
as I'd no bloody idea what Ugg boots looked like until I Googled them.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:40, 8 replies)

The oirish
I find the oirish quite common, especially the oirish with money, especially those that live in the Dublin 4 'omg loike' types, with their fucking ugg boots and their fucking false tan and their fucking worhless degrees from their phony fucking universities. West fucking brits the lot of em. Common as muck, and just like everyone else, they're individuals. And they dont see it. Thats the funny part.
(were all dEvO!!, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:37, 1 reply)

as muck...
I hate it when people on BassF*ck leave me notes in textspeak, it makes MY page look common, which I am not, obviously, my tattoo is in LATIN FFS!!! and my house is housing association, NOT council!

I love this question :-)
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:36, Reply)

Princess Diana is pregnant with my child.
How common is that?
(Pol_Pot is wanking furiously on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:35, 1 reply)

Reasons to not wear pjamas in the street
No:367



www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/liverpool-news/local-news/2007/10/08/girl-10-trapped-in-drain-100252-19914824/

Because you might fall down a grid and get snapped for the Liverpool Echo
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:29, 10 replies)

Barbecues
"sun's out, let's have a barbecue"

They all want shooting.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:25, 6 replies)

The wedding
Oh gawd it was bad.The wedding was a circus. It was like planet of the apes meets the royal family. The children were tied to a post to stop them running away. The more cultured among us stood in the corner and discussed sudoku tactics. God blessed the holy union to to loud grunts of what I could only guess was the trogladite equivalent of applause.There was a trough in the one corner where the guests buried their heads. The mêlée round the trough only died down once the food supply was exhausted. The wine flowed and we were eventually able to decipher some of the grunting. It was English of a dialect yet to be identified. Time morphed from minutes to hours and the apes danced. I did the robot. They did the chicken dance. An alcoholic haze descended upon me and I was now fluent in grunt. I talked. I entertained. I swung from tree to trough like the alpha apepig of the room. Connections for discount Elizabeth Duke jewellery were made as was a promise of "as much tennants super as you can drink". I left a happy man, but not before I let one of the apes nosh my banana.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:24, Reply)

In manchester
It’s 'common ' to end or begin every sentence with the word 'proper'

Pronounced: PRO-POHH.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:24, 1 reply)

Having now read most of the answers…
I have come to the unavoidable conclusion that the most common thing in the world is…

… Um...

…me.

I do/have/wear/say so many of the things that people have listed. I guess that’s what happens when your from Basildon.

It’s a bloody good job I’m thick skinned really.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:22, 9 replies)

Drinking beer from a can
in the street.

Extra common points are awarded if the drinker is en route to a pub. Couldn't you wait, for goodness' sake?
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:17, 10 replies)

Common
People on here seem very common. They swear at each other a awful lot, why?
(angel eyes, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:15, 24 replies)

This one is always a school classic
"Sir, can I go to the toilet?"

"I don't know, CAN you?"

"...what?"

"It's MAY I go to the toilet!"

I always wondered whether I should have just done a big poo on the classroom floor. Maybe that'd stop them being facetious.
(GONEism, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:10, 7 replies)

My mum grew up in the post war streets of N.Ireland
The sort of streets with terraced houses that were all occupied by the local factory staff, where the children played in the streets and the mothers & wives polished their front door steps until you could see your reflection and swept the pavement.

My mum likes to tell stories of this and remind us of how she came from nothing and isn't a snob and how being a prude only makes you look stupid.......

She has since refused to sell the Merc she can't afford to run, when pushed about selling it she agreed on the condition that she could get a Jaguar and I quote "It's has to be easier to run at that price".....when I suggested getting something a little more practical like a Focus or Bora etc she looked horrified and said that no-one would ever see her driving a common car like them.

When I was booking accomodation for my family to attend my graduation my mother refused to stay in the 3 star hotel I had booked on Salford Quays....she went and booked herself into the 4 star Copthorne Hotel accross the way (we were only in Salford for 1 night!)

She asked me not to show photos of the area I lived in Salford to friends of her's as it looked 'rough'

When I introduced her to my girlfriend and announced she was from the east of Belfast she told me 'That won't do' to which I replied 'You can fuck off mother'

She has repeatedly asked me to replace my Ford Ka with something larger as it 'would create a better image for the house' (!?!?), and she asks my brother to park his white van out of sight when he visits...he does not.

Then every Christmas we get the chat about how everyone is equal balh blah blah and how she is just as common as everyone else and how she lived in a street where blah blah blah
( Bamboo Steamer, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:10, Reply)

not sure if this counts for this qotw..
.. but what the hell. I heard an interesting one recently from a friend of mrs sarcasmo...

Recently NTL (or whatever their called nowadays) sent an engineer out to replace their decoder. While she was off doing her daily housework stuff, NTL man (who was obviously on the chilli the night before) decided to leave a steaming great 'barry-white' in the loo and legged it, not so much as an "oops sorry there love".. he just dropped and legged it..

She didn't realise he'd legged it, until she realised it was a tad quiet in the other room, so went to see what was going on. she realised then once she encountered the lingering smell.
(sarcasmo needs more sleep, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:10, 1 reply)