Dare I say

North of Watford?






Can of worms?



*awaits flaming*



*for the record is pissed*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 2:28, 3 replies)

Has everyone done their CCST?
Compulsory Caste Self-assesment Test:

- Do you pronounce "th", "f" and/or "v"?

- Do you drop your "t"s?

- Have you ever allowed the word "innit" to pass your lips, other than in jest or derision?

- Do you use the word "like" more than any other?

- Does the apostrophe frighten or confuse you?

- Do you pronounce the word "ask", "aks"?

- Do you often ask people for information which is clearly displayed in close proximity to you? or entirely obvious to anyone who can tie their own shoes?

- Have you ever worn an earring bigger than your ear?

- Do your current trousers have any kind of stripe on the side?

- Would standing within three feet of an electric heater in your current trousers constitute a fire hazard?

- Does an evening with friends entail standing around in a public street? outside a local shop perhaps?

- Do you challenge random strangers to fights?

- Have you spent any money on a modification to your car, which, while not improving its performance in any way, is aesthetically modelled on a performance enhancing modification? (ie, have you paid a grand to have someone stick an airscoop through your bonnet, and done nothing with the air scooped by it?)

- Do you communicate solely in short questions? waiting for a response? after each question? just to be sure the other person understands? do you repeat those questions? almost endlessly? in a variety of barely altered alternatives? just slightly different each time? nearly the same? all very similar? just to be sure? because you don't want to get confused? or suffer any misunderstanding? or not get it? *fade to black*

If the answer to any of these questions is in any way affirmative, then I'm afraid that you are common scum of the lowest caste, and, as such, fully deserve to be put to death.
(misanthrope is so adjective he's verbing nouns!, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 2:10, 7 replies)

my friend used to talk about buying clothes from
Vincent's Boutique. Better known as the St Vincent de Paul op shop.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 2:02, 2 replies)

Argh
People who say "ff" instead of "th".

I know some people have a speech problem and I'm ok with this. It's the people who think it's the cool way to say it or just can't be arsed pronouncing things properly.

"When are we meeting?"
"Free o'clock."

SHUT UP.
(sparkly_penguin, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 1:42, 1 reply)

Since you're all posting pikey place names that mean nothing to me
I'm going to join in


Bellambi.



Thats is all.
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 1:18, Reply)

If it was a sketch it would be funny, but real life....
A girl in her mid-twenties, heavily pregnant in the pub when england were playing in (i think) the world cup. She was stood right next to the big screen with a pint in one hand, a cigarette in the other and an england bikini top. She stopped short of resting the pint on her bump but she certainly knew how to get the rounds in, people actually let her in to the bar before them to get another pint. Some people really have no chance before they're even born, poor little fucker.
(el perro grande, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 1:12, Reply)

Highway to Hell
When my Mum was a district nurse, she used to visit the houses where a new sprog had just been born and give them a check-up to see how they were doing.
On one occasion, she visited the abode of a family who were keen petrolheads, bike parts littering the driveway, oil stained clothes hanging out to dry on the line, 9 year-old kid with a fag hanging out its mouth, and a huge love for a well known motorbike company.
So when Mum visited the Davidson family, she wasn't all surprised that they'd named their newborn son Harley.
(A Good Egg, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 1:10, 1 reply)

Cider
I know a gay bloke, camper than a row of pink tents...

Anyway, he says Magners as in Magners Cider with a French accent: "Manyay".

Sorry it's common not posh isn't it.

Right this Chavtastic family, two stripe, gold hoopy earrings, you name it, came into Herne Bay cinema after a film had started, anyway five minutes in Mr Chav's phone rings, he stood up in the MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING CINEMA and shouts at the top of his voice down the blower, "AWIGHT BRUV!!!"

He was made to leave.
(davefromkent, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 0:56, Reply)

Commoners
Fat parents taking their 6 fat kids to an "all you can eat for a fiver" Chinese Buffet every fucking sunday.
He's wearing a replica football shirt (several sizes too small), tracksuit bottoms (oil stained) and flip flops (manky toes on full display).
She's wearing stilettoes, tracksuit bottoms, a tight (about 9 sizes too small) t-shirt with a cutesy logo on it, and a manky anorak.
The kids all look like mini replicas of the parents, and all nearly have asthma attacks trying to get in and out on the minibus.

But I don't have any room to talk. I live in a rented bedsit, drive a taxi, and at one time had 2 burned out Fords outside the house.
(coobeastie Used to Be in Evil Gazebo, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 0:07, 1 reply)

in the US of A
I read books. Not only does this render me unforgivably "posh," as you funny-talking foreigners put it, but if any Sarah Palin fans ever find out they'll try to hunt me down and kick my ass.
(wkiernan, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 23:55, 8 replies)

dirt spotting
there's an easy way to see if you're common:

look at your neigbours. all of them. if you can't find the chavvy, pikey, common-as-muck family amongst them, then YOUR family is the chavvy, pikey, common-as-muck family.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 23:47, 2 replies)

Dado rails
Fucking hate em.

If your house did not come with dado rails, do not put them in.

Common as a bleached blond with her roots showing, wearing Ugg boots with a mini skirt, and drinking WKD in a Weatherspoons. Go into any town centre this evening and there they will be.

Absolutely frightful my darlings!!
(cupid stunt, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 23:00, 3 replies)

I like to confuse people about my social status.
So I made sure my front yard is full of rusting Porsche parts.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 22:57, 1 reply)

I supose this fits in with the question
I had an Australian Teacher who would call the well known shopping chain in Australia Ta'rget instead of Target(not sure how to put accents in) she was a stupid tit, walked like a swan and smelt of milk.
(yousatonmybiscuits liberty city has the worst cab drivers, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 22:55, 3 replies)

The Woodman, Shirley, Solihull, lunchtime, today
Approx 10 blokes (with rucksacks, and wearing anoraks - its not that fucking cold!) ordering lunch and drinks at the bar. You'd think common sense would prevail and one of them would take the order and get the round of drinks in and order the food, on a tab. But no. They had to be common and order and pay individually. And I had to wait 10 minutes to get served.

Students obviously. They probably wanted to know if they got a discount for using a NUS card. Plaid shirted, tight arsed, woodbine smoking Bastards. I only get an hour to get drunk on a Friday lunchtime.
(cupid stunt, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 22:51, 4 replies)

Why...
are there so many people saying that Bristol is common?

Ok, it is in places, I live in Bedminster for gods sake, but is it really that common?
(Laxly, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 22:48, 11 replies)

I'm Common
My Mum and Dad seperated when I was young, I work with my hands, I have lots of tattoo's and some piercings, I often have lunch out of those truck stop caravans, I swear like a trooper, I'm a lightweight boxer (just went up in weight class yay) and I buy the Sun everyday. I know many people consider these things to be common, but fuck 'em I'm proud of what I do (and probably earn more than them anyway, High voltage electrical engineers are hard to come by), all my tattoo's are tasteful, Boxing is very much a thinking mans sport and I'm hot for Dear Deirdre.

Edit: Oh and I also decendant from Roma Gypsies, thats why I'm so farcking sexah.
( Laird Dave Draws Now charges to take off his clothes., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 22:37, 5 replies)

Jamie Oliver
but not Gordon Ramsay

When I was at school, because I enjoyed reading (and could actually read), didn't smoke roll ups, lose my virginity in a church yard, and hated Take That I was considered posh. And when I had friends round for dinner, Mum made lasagne or a casserole, and not burger and chips, we were considered posh.

Nearly 20 years later, because I still enjoy reading (and also writing books), drink wine and whiskey, can cook and I don't speak with the lovely regional accent of my birth, I am considered posh.

Posh I may be. But I'm also proud to be really filthy tart in private. I'll do stuff that will make your hair curl! Now that's proper posh!
(cupid stunt, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 22:34, 6 replies)

Confused liberal
My Mum, God rest her, had two diametrically opposed views.

1. We are all God's creatures.

2. There's no excuse for some behaviour.

The very best example came when we were watching the story of the Essex gay couple who had surrogate twins. In theory, it had all the ingredients to drive a devout Yorkshire Catholic up the wall: artificial insemination, buggery, southerners.

The only thing she could find to say was this:

"They were very nice boys, but did they really have to call the poor little things Aspen and Saffron? Children should be named after saints, not vegetation."
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 22:27, 2 replies)

Scum
Naming your child any name that will prevent him/her gaining employment e.g. Chantelle, though in NZ I have met chilldren called "Mettalica", "Back seat Holden", "V8" and best of all "Pete" and "Repeat"(twins).

Food stains on your cheap t shirts in public.

Slippers on your feet in the street.

Tattoos on women (unless on Maori, and traditional) esp on your fat, saggy, white tits.

Shit 70's Ford/GM cars. They are not classics, hey were shit then, they are shit and polluting now.

Bad teeth.

Loads of rings on your fingers (esp sovereign rings)

More than one ear-ring in each year.

Piercings on any pre 14 year old.

Clothes that are too small, and cannot cover your gross obesity.

Baseball caps, gold teeth, mistaking New Zealand(or anywhere) for Compton.

"Rims" on shit Japboxes.
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 22:26, Reply)

I'll tell you what ISN'T Common
Pouring the milk before you pour the tea. Pouring the milk first makes the milk mix with the hot water less, meaning your tea doesn't taste like scalded milk. So there.

What's really common is checking the contents of your hankerchief after a big blow. What do you really expect to see in there, eh?
(TheWonderfulWombat It came to me in a dream., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 22:23, 12 replies)

What stuff do I think is common?
The amount of answers which are regularly posted on QOTW. They're incredibly common and some of them quite intelligent.
(beatpig understands subliminalesbianmessagaying., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 22:10, Reply)

Anyone seen this anywhere else?
The amount of posts here where people are saying 'this must be a (insert name of place the poster has obviously never been out of) thing but...is really common' is unbelievable. Most of these stories can be seen anywhere you care to look!! But! Has anyone else seen people walking round, or even out and about obviously a fair distance from home in pyjamas? I visit a fair few cities but i've only seen this in Liverpool, it's as if they actually change into them to go out shopping! As far as i can see it's truely localised.
(el perro grande, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 22:08, 4 replies)

People who go out and have fun, enjoying themselves, not caring what other people think.
Isn't it just horrible?
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 21:52, 5 replies)

Common is...
Tats (particularly DIY ones)

People who say "Alwight mate?"

Dinner or Tea (rather than Supper)

Hounslow ('nuf said)

Astin Martins - filthy common these days - every tosser has one
(copygir1, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 21:44, 2 replies)

Commoners...
The following people were indicted recently by a grand jury:

Tyrone Theodore Baylor, unknown date of birth and address, possession of marijuana, possession of a schedule I or II narcotic

Melissa Nicole Bentley, 23, Woodford, assault and battery against a family member

Michael Thomas Brockmyer, 41, Ruther Glen, sodomy

Paul Phillip Benson III, 30, Woodford, grand larceny

Beverly Cook Brooks, 41, Richmond, habitual offender

Angela Marie Brown, 41, Hanover, malicious wounding

Carl Eugene Brown Jr., 21, Hanover, possession of a schedule I or II narcotic

Jermaine To'Mas Brown, unknown date of birth and address, breaking and entering, damage to property

Adam Clinton Butler, unknown date of birth and address, child neglect

Gilberto Cisneros, unknown date of birth and address, indecent liberties with a child

Maria M. Cruz, unknown date of birth and address, possession of poison with intent to kill

Tracy Leigh Cranford, 41, Milford, arson, two counts of child neglect

Anthony Davis, 42, Richmond, grand larceny, wearing a mask in public, possession of burglary tools, conspiracy, breaking and entering, destruction of property

Carrie Sue Duke, 31, Bowling Green, six counts of forgery, three counts petit larceny, three counts identity theft

Terry Lee Duke, 22, Stafford, four counts breaking and entering, four counts grand larceny

Lloyd Vincent Ferguson Sr., 49, Ruther Glen, possession of a schedule I or II narcotic

Patrick Ryan Flaherty, 21, Stafford, grand larceny

Sherwood Milton Fountain, unknown date of birth and address, DUI-2nd offense, refusal, habitual offender

Jermaine Lavell Freeman, 35, Hanover, failure to register as a sex offender

Michael Dean Gilbert, 53, Woodford, breaking and entering, possession of burglary tools, two counts of possession of stolen goods

Leroy Habibilah, 52, Ashland, wearing a mask in public, possession of burglary tools, burglary, breaking and entering, destruction of property, grand larceny

Richard A. Haynes, 24, Ruther Glen, breaking and entering, grand larceny

Margi Nicole Lewis, 26, no fixed address, possession of stolen goods

David Lee Harris, 42, Ruther Glen, indecent liberties, aggravated sexual battery

Phillip D. Harris, 33, Ruther Glen, grand larceny

Benjamin Jon Heath, unknown date of birth and address, possession with intent to distribute heroin, conspiracy

Ricky Alan Heinbaugh Jr., unknown date of birth and address, robbery

Andrew Scott Hopkins, 39, Beaverdam, possession of cocaine

Hiroko O. Hughes, unknown date of birth and address, malicious wounding
(The Lunatic Artist throws paint to the wind, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 21:34, 18 replies)

pyjamas.
if i see you out in the street in the daytime, slathered in cheap make-up, dripping gold and WEARING FUCKING PYJAMAS, i will stab you in the eyeball.

wear some clothes, you pikey slut.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 21:27, 8 replies)

Just yesterday
I came home from a long drive in the country, feeling a little thirsty. I asked my dad if he bought any more soda (diet ginger ale, if you must know).
"Soda?" he says. "You call it soda?" "Yes," I respond. "Soda? Stuff you drink?" He looks at me funny. "You sound like a nigger," he says, and walks off.

note: I live in the southern USA, and around here pretty much all black people are considered "common."
( trintrin has jam for blood, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 21:23, 2 replies)

Reading.
(In Berkshire. Not the past time of looking at books 'n' stuff.)
(Clownkiller, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 21:23, Reply)