a dentist told me a secret
The last dentist I went to (~8 years ago) was commenting on my very healthy teeth, and I said something along the lines of, well I do brush regularly.

That's when he told me that dental problems are caused by genetics, and brushing actually doesn't have much to do with it. But it does freshen your breath.

Meanwhile, I'm over 30, never had braces, have no cavities, wisdom teeth are doing just fine, and I see no reason to go to a dentist whatsoever. You may feel free to be jealous.
( madrabbit is fully prepared, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 6:56, Reply)

GNARLY AIDS
The dentist once injected me with Gnarly AIDS.
(Alexxx It wasn't me, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 6:30, Reply)

"Pain free dentistry"
I had absolutely no fear of dentists until I was about 19 years old, when I got my wisdom teeth out.

The dentist promised that it would be absolutely pain free- I would be completely knocked out, wouldn't feel a thing. Yay, thinks I.

So, they gas me I feel very relaxed and close my eyes. This is good, thinks I. At first. Then I realized I was still thinking. And I could hear the dentist talking to the hygenist and the anasthetician. And I could DEFINETLY feel him poking around in my mouth and yanking on my tooth.

I tried to signal to them that I was still awake and could feel them trying to take my teeth, but I couldn't move so much as a muscle. The dentist, not realizing I was only unable to move but other than that full consious, proceeded with surgery. I had all four out at once, and they didn't go without a fight. Then they stitched the holes up, which I also felt.

When they were done and I regained the use of my body, I told the dentist I'd been awake and felt everything.

"No you didn't. See you in a week to get those stitches out!"

Thanks. Thanks a lot. Fucker.
(dragonrose, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 4:07, Reply)

"Hey! Come and look at this!"
Inspired by Egan below, I remember a visit to the university dentist, which I attended because it was about a quarter of the price of attending a real dentist.

Aside from being a rude prick - he yelled at me for not opening my mouth wide enough - at one point, he turned to his nurse who was in the next office and said "Hey! Come and look at this!" WTF???

It turned out that one of my side teeth had turn 180 degrees from what it was supposed to be, so it was effectively "backwards". It still works, cockface!
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 3:07, Reply)

she was only the dentist's daughter

but I filled her cavities.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 2:57, Reply)

and.....
My aunt was my dental hygienist, and she always shined that bright light right into my eyes.

needless to say I hate the bitch
(hotdogwheel, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 1:34, Reply)

'nam vet ortho
I went in to get some adjustments done on my braces. He told me to say "oww" if anything started to hurt.

Well, I said "oww" a few times and he had a flashback. "You don't know what pain is! You never had to crawl on your stomach beneath barbed wire! you've never been shot!"

I was 11!
(hotdogwheel, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 1:30, Reply)

A Scare
i was at my routine Checkup a couple of years ago. The dentist does his thing, making me uncomfortable by ramming his hands in my face and after a couple of minutes of some random jibberish i get a *pasue* "What the HELL is that!?"....
....
.... Shit myself... bastard.
twas nothing to worry about either, the git...
( King of Beasts Your Farther's Brother's Gerbil's Former Room Mate, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 1:29, Reply)

hurrah - finally a qotw i can post too
i hate dentists, i have had terrible times with them, however my 2 most notable were a dentist in Battersea called Dr Bosch.. he used to get into arguments with his dental nurse all the time. Once, while in the middle of doing a filling, they had a massive row, and he said angrily to the poor girl, "you've obviously not been brought up properly." I think she cried and ran out. what a night mare position, gob full of dentistry implements and a blazing row breaks out.

The next strangest was a doctors in Whitton, nr hounslow, and when i went he said "you need quite a bit of work doing, do you not like going to the dentist?" I said, no, it gives me the fear mate, and he said, " that's ok, would you like valium?" well too fucking right mate.. so i go along for the appontment, and go in, expecting to get my valium pill, and he injects valium into my arm!!! fucking hell i was wasted... i just lay back and shut my eyes, and soon he was sitting me upright and telling me it was done. best dentist ever.. his sexy asian nurse used to have to walk me home after the effects had worn off, and one time i snogged her at the back door, and we went on a date.. we actually went to see silence of the lambs, but she was on the rebound and had issues with her ex, so nothing more happened.
( Avast is still alive!!!!, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 1:26, Reply)

decay
my worst experience with my dentist was the time i went for a check up and she proceeded to stab me in the gum with a very sharp pointy metal instrument and said in a very loud angry voice

"YOU FEEL THAT?! THATS DECAY!"

she has also given me many fillings, made me cry with pain and choke on my own mixture of blood and drool...
(harrietthespy, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 1:16, Reply)

Bubbles
The oral surgeon who took my wisdom teeth out also punched a small hole into the sinuses. So, for a couple of days, I could blow bubbles behind my last molar.

Hard to lure women close enough to look past the blood and inspect this new trick, however. Although it's not a particularly gay thing, the guys were OK with it.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 1:14, Reply)

not too long ago...
i had a dentist who just kept yapping away at her assistant while she was fixing a cavity. that, of course, involved anesthetics and drilling. okay, so she put the anesthesia and i'm not supposed to feel any pain in that area. she starts drilling away but guess what. there she is, talking to her assistant while drilling, when suddenly i feel an intensely sharp pain ON MY TONGUE! the cow drilled the side of my tongue!!!!! >_____<

after that incident, i immediately sought another dentist. the one i go to now is really nice and gentle. AND HE PAYS ATTENTION TO HIS WORK!
(kodomo_ja_nai fuck it, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 1:12, Reply)

When I was about 3 or 4
I had to have a filling in a tooth that was dead. This was just to hold it over until I had it removed. My Dentist assured me that due to the fact that the nerve in the tooth was dead, I would not need anaesthetic. Fair enough.

It turns out he was pretty far off the mark with that prediction.

The drill penetrated straight through the rotting enamel and straight into the live nerve. If you think you know pain, I'm sorry to inform you that you're wrong. Nothing I have done before or since will equate to that feeling. I still get a shiver thinking about it, and it was 18 years ago. Apparently there was a 99.5% chance (or something very similar, I don't quite recall) that the nerve was dead. My mother recalls that I squeezed her hand so tightly she thought it was broken. My dentist recalls the fact that a 4 year old shouldn't have such a fierce left hook...
( PMGT -Bacon., Fri 3 Nov 2006, 0:19, Reply)

Pain? Who cares!
Look, this is pathetic, but here we go.
My dentist is a beautiful woman in her mid 30s with a chest which would have been quite at home in a 1950s sitcom... I'm talking big, perfectly formed and big. And big.
And she insists on the gas and lets you play your own CDs while she works...
So basically when she leans over to start work on my mouth and I'm slightly off my bean with some of my favourite tunes blaring away and the eighth and ninth wonders of the world in my face to be quite honest I couldn't care less whether she starts drilling with a jackhammer.
I'm thinking of flossing with a mouldy bootlace in the hope of encouraging dental problems.
Oh yes and her name is Dr Zongas. No kidding
( difficultchild, Fri 3 Nov 2006, 0:01, Reply)

Forces dentists....
Aren't the most fancy surgeons in the world.

Had a filling 3 yrs ago, and developed a toothache in the same one a short while later. After a brief x-ray, they found an abcess in the root, and proceeded to remove the root.

10 shots of anaesthesia later, and I was still crying like a little girl when the filling was pryed out, and the nerve removed by a sharp stainless steel implement.

Not only that, but they had to get what felt like (and essentially were) drill bits into the root canals to clean out all of the "gunk" that was in there.

During this, they decided to take another x-ray while leaving the drill bits in.

they neglected to tell me this, and as my jaw was aching rather badly, I decided to ease the pressure by closing my mouth slightly.

This forced the 'drill bits' further into my root canals with such pain that i've never felt before, and they required the 'dentist' to remove them with a big pair of what looked like electricians pliers.

even though she rubbed her breasts all over my face during the majority of the procedure, it wasn't the boobs that make me feel violated when I think about it. I've broken several bones playing rugby since then, and NEVER did they come close to the feeling of a scrawny, large breasted woman stabbing the nerve endings in your teeth.

if you require an adequate demonstration, watch marathon man, and cry for me!!!
(Darkpie 3.243F6A8885A308D31319, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 23:45, Reply)

evil
My grampa's dentist (back in 1940s 'merika) had a mistress. In order to support her, he had to fill loads of cavities (paid extra for cavity filling). My grandpa did not have loads of cavities, or at least not until the dentist got at him.
The twunt actually drilled his teeth full of holes, then filled them.

The only sure way to prevent your dentist doing this to you is to clicky on "i like this!" and tell ten friends to do the same.
(TheSpode has little toe-hats., Thu 2 Nov 2006, 23:33, Reply)

3rd Set...
I've inherited some dental problems from my Father (for example, I'm 36 and still have one milk canine).

As a teenager, I also started developing tooth-buds above my new adult teeth; without anywhere to go, they started heading for my sinuses.

Cue four days in hospital, having my palate removed, the tooth-buds hollowed out of my upper jaw, the bone being filled back in with polyfilla or whatever and then the roof of my mouth stitched back in.

I lived on soup for two weeks, and having a circle of stitches behind every.one.of.my.upper.teeth drove me nuts.

Still, it worked, so really I can't complain - except my jaw has clicked ever since (I think they used a car-jack).

/Length is not a problem.
(mungo_spanner, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 23:25, Reply)

Dentists and Aids
A few years ago there was a story in the paper about a dentist in the west Midlands having AIDS and still working. At the same time our familys dentist was offsick a lot of the time. Of course my mum put 2 and 2 together and got 5. She said it must be him because the silhoutted photo in the paper looked a bit like him. It was pretty obvious that it was some male model posing, but no convincing my mum. She has now transferred to the dentist over the road. As far as I know he hasn't been off sick since my mum transferred. Maybe he was sick of treating her. Who knows?
( nikdude, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 23:22, Reply)

Nil oral pain...
I've never found a dentist as good as the one I had when I was a kid.
He always gave me a general anaesthetic for even the most minor procedure.
In fact the only pain that I can recall was always waking up with a sore bum.

But the dentist assured me that was a common side effect of the anaesthetic…
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:56, Reply)

Anyone noticed...
...how many people here (feel as if) they didn't need treatment - we pay them and trust them to tell us the truth (I wouldn't question one, they could get their revenge easily when I am vulnerable!).

I read somewhere the other day that brushing once a day may well be sufficient and yearly check ups are OK too.

And also, when we were NHS we got a polish every time (which we payed for). But now we have to pay monthly we dont get it - bizarre.

(or am I being Cynical ?)
(kitescreech still here, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:45, Reply)

Dental Deception
Dentists are well in the top 20 things that really piss me off.

I disagree with their extortionate prices for dental work, and I refuse check ups as they are getting money out of me to tell me that my teeth are ok. Which, I can decide for myself.

The last time I went was for a checkup, and off the top of my head they were under the belief that I require a few fillings (I am a twentysomething and I have never EVER had fillings in my life) and a root canal. Like, what the fuck?

I have a slightly darkened front tooth that was caused many moons ago in my mid teens where I got smacked in the mouth in a fight. This tooth has had X Rays in the past (did hurt at the time of the injury) and it shows some form of hairline crack. Otherwise, my tooth is fine.

The dentist deemed there to be a nasty as fuck abcess hiding in there (NO, there IS NOT. This tooth DOES NOT HURT. FUCKING LIAR) and the dentist basically made out my mouth is more fucked than Shane McGowan of The Pogues. Despite my own bodily senses, nerve endings, and looking at my mouth in the mirror telling otherwise.

Not forgetting the irony of being in full time employment and being ill = expensive.

Anyhow, they were wanting £120 off me for allsorts of work that I feel they didn't need to do. I actually did tell them something along the lines of "I cannot justify the cost of forking out £120 seeing as I am in no form of suffering whatsover".

The next appointment was for a de-scale and polish. I, convieniently went AWOL and never did show up.

Hopefully my mouth will continue to be fine *fingers crossed*
(Panteneman Isn't entirely sure why he bothered on, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:39, Reply)

Myself and the dentist round here are on first name terms.
His names Robin.

Robin Meblind.
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:34, Reply)

I have no wisdom..
teeth anymore as around a year ago I had to go have the lot out. Not much of a story, except it was probably the most traumatic experience of my life. Woke up with a nosebleed but so doped up, I was pain free.. until a few hours later when they'd shipped me out of there with tablets to free up a bed. Couldn't stop vomiting, a mixture of stitches & blood, & my face looked like I'd gone ten rounds with Tyson - & he'd won by strangulation. Couldn't take the pills, couldnt eat soup, not even baby food..I went around 48 hours without even keeping water down - but such is my fear of needles & drips, I clung to the sink so motherbox wouldn't drag me to A&E.
No punchline, just that my suffering was such that I swear to god, I wish they'd just left me the fuck alone; my teeth weren't even that bad! I'm still not really at the end of it all - they didnt take out the tooth that was stuck in the jaw, so that had a chain on.. came up on the side of my gum, & now I have metalworks in the back left side of my mouth..
I'm refusing to wear the elastics as a protest..

Length? If I ever bed a dentist, I'LL BITE IT OFF!
(godbox 3rd best prostitute in London, after mum & sis, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:29, Reply)

Drug-free dentistry.
My dentist back in the day was Chinese, and he offered me the choice of having a filling with, or without anaesthetic. He told me that he'd be careful and I wouldn't feel a thing if I chose the anaesthetic-free route.

I hate the feeling of my face being numb and dribbling without knowing it, so I opted for the second one. It hurt alright, not as much as I expected but there was still definate pain and was one of the most frightening experiences of my life, feeling that drill grinding away at my tooth, jarring my jaw and the picky thing scraping away at the inside millimeters away from the nerve. The vibrations of the drill made my mouth go numb anyway.

Absolutely horrible and not to be repeated.
(crabgirl, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:27, Reply)

Scariest name for a dentist ever.....
Not sure if he's still going or not, but there used to be a dentist called Peter Sutcliffe in Gorton (Manchester)....
( the bonzo dog , down on Jollity Farm on, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:24, Reply)

One more (and another)
Just remembered, one time I went to my nice dentists I was summoned and went up the stairs. On the way I passed a guy with a huge fucking pair of Pliers and stuff - turns out he was fixing one of the chairs - phew !

Also Mrs. Kite's old dentist (when she was a kid) was called Mr Urine, she called him Mr. Wee Wee.
(kitescreech still here, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:17, Reply)

i went to the dentist on monday
after half an hour of drilling and pushing metal into my tooth i was a free man - less than 48hours later my filling fell out into my tea! Crap!!

i've got to go back next wednesday to have it refilled then the following monday to have a wisdom tooth removed - fun fun fun!!

oh and how could i forget 5 years ago visiting the surgery of Sanjay Dave! the dentist - who took four months to put one filling in! ironically enough - this is the same tooth as i've just had the filling fall out of.
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:15, Reply)

Cunt of a Dentist
My parents insisted we go to a dentist in town - a right psycopath (and speaking as a Psychiatric nurse I do not use that word lightly). This wanker would NOT use anaesthetic on my fillings, despite me asking, and yes it bloody well hurt. And yes I had quite a few. And my folks wonderd why I hated the dentist? My anxieties about dentistry were so bad I could not listen to the B side of New Order's "Blue Monday" 12" as it contains a sample of a dentists drill.

From 16 to 26 I never went to the dentist and had no problems. My current dentist is great (but I still dont like going ).

Sorry for lack of humour, but he really was a cunt (and if there's any Justice hell be dead now)
(kitescreech still here, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:11, Reply)