Drugs are for mugs
but crack whores are quite a good bargain if you want a semi-professional blow job for £5.
( the RAND corporation a.k.a. Kevin Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 21:08, Reply)

nutmeg!!!
just last weekend i had a bit of an unusual drugs experience.
my friends were baking christmas biscuits, and in amongst the spices i spied some whole nutmeg, and remembered that a while ago one of my friends (a complete stoner) had told me that nutmeg could get you high in large enough doses.

so i ate one nutmeg, chewing it up from the whole nut. it tasted rather like spicy wood.
anyway, i felt no effects immediately (other than a numb mouth), so i ate another. still no effects.
then i looked online to see what other people said about doing nutmeg. and it was clear that the effects are always delayed (since it's ingested; a slow way of getting to your bloodstream). so i didn't eat any more.

about 6 hours after nutmeg consumption i started to feel a bit spaced out. at T+8 hours, i was really messed up. it was almost like being drunk, but not so 'blurry'. i kept having 'inspiration', and _constantly_ lost my train of thought. i also got really tired, and so went to bed at about T+10.

the next day i was still spaced out, and that lasted the whole day. the following day i could still feel it, and unfortunately it was the first day of my new job. the effects gradually wore off over the next few days though.

the effects:
loss of concentration/focus
red eyes
dry mouth
sounds seem more intense, almost visible
tiredness

nutmeg is completely legal, widely available, cheap, and caused me no unpleasant side effects (not counting feeling 'out of it' for a number of days).

maybe one day i'll have some embarrassing stories about things i've done while high on nutmeg...
(moik, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 20:49, Reply)

i remember it well....
well... thru a sorta grey haze of ganja smoke actually...
there we all were- 6 or 7 of us, very high, when my mate jason grabs some silly putty that was lying around... bright orange it was. and proceeds to mould himself a prosthetic nose- a look topped off by dark glasses and baseball cap- thoroughly fucking stupid i can tell u. so we're all having a right giggle, when jase says- "wouldn't it be funny if your mum came in?".... and lo and behold....
there was a a millisecond pause before all 7 of us totally lost it, with my mum stood at the door looking rather bewildered as 7 very stoned students laughed at her... one of whom looked more ridiculous than the others.
(Ferradura pitching curveballs from leftfield, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 20:39, Reply)

I've had very few drug related experiences for someone whos been to university but ive witnessed several
One night me and my mate (I was trippin on Absinth, him on weed) got hungry and went on a magical mystery journey to the newsagents where we spent 20minutes laughing at a packet of maltesers

Another time (again absinth induced) me and a couple of mates were having a beach party, i was absolutely convinced i was running at 100 miles an hour down the beach, when i was in fact, sitting cross legged on the beach.

Another time my mates had a few mushrooms, after watching the tv in slow motion and being convinced they were drowning (they were sitting in the sittingroom at the time) they went out for a walk down by the cannal where they travelled trough time and were verbally abused by some cheeky swans.

Another mate of mine took some shrooms and was convinced the blades of grass were all arms and he was walking through a field of arms all hugging him.

Another time my mate was convinced he had a window into space in his bedroom ceiling

oh and im not a good person to be around whilst trippin because im a complete bastard. case in point my mate had had a few spliffs and was feeling the fear. now i can do a pretty good impression of the growl that the predator does, so it goes something like my mates cowering with fear convinced a stealth hunter was gunna jump out and rip his skull out, like i said, utter bastard.

Length and width within nominal limits captain
(Absynth&Cheese Have you tasted my Jesus, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 20:24, Reply)

This only happened three weeks ago.
My housemates smoke a lot - I don't really smoke but have the odd pull if it's on offer. Needless to say it doesn't take me much to get monkeyed out of my mind!

After smoking very little, I was completely gone. Somehow we got on to the subject of fancy dress parties and who we should go as. (regardless of theme, context etc) Firstly I declared that I was keen to go to the next fancy dress party dressed as David Bowie from the film Labyrinth. Equally I wanted to go armed with a tape deck and a baby doll. Why? In the heat of the night, I would put 'Dance Magic Dance' on the stereo whilst tossing the poor infant (Baby All Gone was decided upon) to the ceiling.

My 2nd (and equally strange) idea was to go in standard dress but with several pairs of scissors Duck Taped to my hands (e.g. paper, kitchen, garden etc) I would then write in biro 'Edward' on my cheek. When the unsuspecting asked who I had come as, I would simply point at my cheek and then my hands (although this would prove difficult with all the scissors...perhaps is would add to the effect?) whilst saying nothing. I'd then walk off.

I'm such a fucking C*nt when I’m stoned!
(mungojerry, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 20:19, Reply)

oooohh, so many tales, here's a recent one
i was wandering around the electric picnic (a festival in the south of ireland) on sunday evening and I had been steadily munching pills and mdma and smoking weed and drinking since friday evening and was rather wide eyed.
I came across one of the stalls being dismantled and started chatting to one of the chaps standing beside it, I was blethering away and after a few minutes I thought "this guy's really friendly, that's a nice uniform, uniform...... uniform, hmmmmmm, u ni formmm, oh"
"Good evening to you officer" I said " Keep up the law enforcement" and scurried away from the coppers as fast as my addled legs could take me.

Or the time I went to amsterdam, took magic mushrooms, went to the van gogh gallery, I tried to pet the crows in the cornfield painting and the security man asked me to leave.
Wouldn't be so bad except that two years later I did the exact same thing
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 20:19, Reply)

Not me, but a "friend"
Someone I know, who has succumbed to the evil ways of the substances that alter the mind. They moved out of their house and into a flat with some others, among many other drug related stories, this shines out for sheer bizarreness.

Some friends went round to see said person. On arrival; they found him standing - butt naked - in the kitchen. His excuse? He was a wizard.
(SpookTheHamster, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 19:54, Reply)

ugh i have loads of these actually
my friends decided to break into richmond park last guy fawkes night and they also decided to take a lot of mushrooms. after a fun few hours feeling like they were in world war II, they attempted to get out only to be caught by a park employee person telling them it was deer hunting season in the park and they could've been shot. woo!
(froffee, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 19:44, Reply)

Right then...
My mate and I did a trip in Blackpool and we'd just come out of the hall of mirrors in the pleasure beach. We'd seen ourselves as giants and, more importantly, as dwarfs. As we exited (I had to ask a slightly worried kid to lead us out because we were too confused) a group of young people walked past. One of them was a dwarf. I didn't connect that this dwarf was a 'real person' and dropped to my knees in front of her, pointed at her and shouted "Pete! It's a dwarf! A fucking dwarf!" As the whole crowd stopped and stared at me, I realised what I'd done and we scarpered.
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 19:42, Reply)

raging stupidity
i used to love going on Public Transportation Adventures after a spliff and a few too many. Once I decided to play 'Where does this bus go?' in which i ended up in a council flat in elephant & castle listening to a scottish heroin addict tell me about his prison time for GBH. fun times!!!!!
(froffee, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 19:41, Reply)

Pearoast
This was on the last page of the shame qotw, so it didnt get read :(


At a pub I used to work at, the manager's party trick was enveloping a cigarette in his foreskin without breaking it.

One drunken, smoking, pilled-up night I set him a challenge - "I bet you a bottle of Jagermeister I can get more £1 coins under my foreskin than you"

He did astoundingly well - 22 quid wrapped up inside his cock before beer and laughter made him lose concentration and drop them all.

How many did I get? What's my username?

I'm sure this is some sort of world record - the 20 or so witnesses certainly thought so.

Thinking about it makes me cringe, but I'm SO PROUD!

(addendum - one of the shocked lady witnesses was goodly enough to sleep with me a month or later even after seeing that which no lady should)

It's not about the length, it's about how much cash you can get in it
(FiftyFour, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 19:20, Reply)

Ah, Glasto '05, good times...
Went to Glastonbury for the first time this year, with - if you can follow this - 3 of my mates,, plus one of them's sister, father, uncle, 2 cousins and 2 of his cousins mates. Got that? Anyway, the entire lot of them were all stoners, apart from me, as I intend never to take any drugs (personal reasons).

Anyway, they spent most of the weekend getting high, which was quite entertaining for me at least. One memorable experience was sitting aound in the sun, when someone threw a scrunched up piece of paper at one of my mate's cousins. He sat there, not noticing, but then 5 minutes later picked up said piece of paper and looked at it quizically.

"Did you throw this at me?" he asked after about a minute, to our glances and smirks. He then spent at least half an hour asking in as many ways as possible (eg "was this projected in my direction by yourself?" etc) the 3 of us sitting around him as we fell about laughing.

Was great at the time anyway...
(Graz Da Frog, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 19:17, Reply)

Impressed by all the K-Beast stories
My own first experience with regretamine was at the Royal Shakespeare Theatre in Stratford with a mate. As uni was about to start we decided it would be a good idea to watch a play beforehand. Not such a good idea spending the day before that drinking and smoking weed on a hired boat on the river.

We hit the theatre bar, did a monster line of ket, and went in. All I remember of the first half was that the wall opposite was infinitely more interesting than the stage, on my right. After an hour or so I'd worked out what was going on, so I just reverted to being terrified that the people on my left were onto us, and edged my way away from them, almost into my mates lap.

We decided to get some air during the interval. I barely made it out of the building, but when I did, my mate thought it would be a good idea to skin up. That was goodnight for me. To this day I have no recollection of anything after that. He tells me he drove home via his dealer, and that we both went into this bedsit where he scored another quarter for the next day. Me? I was somewhere totally different....

Best recent experience was a month or so ago. Smoked an unusually strong spliff, made a cup of tea, went to play some GTA. Suddenly realised my tea was hissing at me.... I couldn't act normally in society for three days after that night, really strange. Ah well.
(unholysmoke, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 19:13, Reply)

I get the munchies so bad it's horrific.
I once got completely palseyed, and ended up eating 11 rounds of toast back-to-back. That's right- 11.

Now I'm a guy of 8 stones, so that's a feat.
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 18:51, Reply)

my first skunk experience
I reversed my split screen camper into a ditch leaving it pointing into the sky at a 45 degree angle, i then spent 5 minutes of sheer panic seriously attempting to push it out. that convinced me to give it up - 8 years later.

mind you, in my current sober state i have just spent two and a half hours watching stephen gately and barry from eastenders in panto in Bromley.

where did i put my dealers number?
( harryfreeze Ignore, Hide, I like this!, Reply, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 18:39, Reply)

Where else but glastonbury?
I live in Somerset, quite near to the site of glastonbury festival so my friends and i always show up 3 days early and get the drugs in before we have to go and see the bands. This year we decided to spend our thursday night (the last "warmup" night) getting our smoke on at the stone circle (as you do).

I am by no means heavy on the drugs, but I decided to have my first go on the shrooms that night, an awesome idea. They were a bit shit really and their main affect was to make it possible to smoke copious amounts of weed without even realising it. This resulted in the usual shit, me confusing the obligatory festival flare with a spliff and trying to smoke the flare instead, becoming too emotionally attached to inanimate objects like other peoples phones, laughing at stuff for longer than you should and shouting "ARE YOU FROM Q MAGAZINE?" at a random photographer (he wasn't from Q, but i scared him real good).

The highlight of the evening came from my over the top emotional attachments, when my flare went out I shouted "DON'T DIE LITTLE BROTHER!" at it, before bursting into tears.

To this day, my friends insist on telling this story to any girl who shows the slightest bit of interest in me. Bastards.
(TheintolerableGS, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 18:33, Reply)

Can't touch weed anymore...
Although I always think its a good idea to have a couple of tokes when I come home pissed up from clubs. Last time I did this, I hadn't actually drunk that much, but was just recovering from the flu. After the usual giggling and stuff, I started feeling a bit funny so decided it'd be time to go back to my flat and get something to eat. I managed to make a peanut butter sandwich and then crawled into bed. After the ceiling and my bed started spinning wildly in opposite directions, I figured it'd probably be a good idea to get near the toilet for the inevitable puking.

Some twenty minutes later, after feeling like I'd given birth out of my mouth, I looked into the toilet bowl. There was my peanut butter sandwich, looking exactly as it had when I'd eaten it. And the sight was so revolting, I no longer smoke weed for fear of what I'll next throw up.
(Lizzilla, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 18:22, Reply)

Going back a bit...
Knebworth Festival 1978. We gave one of our "mates",(a huge Pink Floyd fan, who'd been looking forward to this for months), some money to go score whatever he could get, with express instructions to get back before the Floyd came on. He arrived about 10 mins before they were due on with some lame-arsed excuse of "losing the stuff on the way back", despite his eyes looking like the preverbial piss-holes (he'd dropped and smoked the lot). Our mate starts nodding off - so we let him sleep through both of the entire Floyd sets, and only went to collect him at about 7am, where we found him exactly where we'd left him, only smelling like something that had died. He smelled so bad he got thrown out of a service station on the way home. He did get the back of the van to himself though. Ah, fond memories.
(sandman0733, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 18:11, Reply)

I ate a live child once.
Oh sorry you mean on drugs, oh no sorry, never touch the stuff.
(Chiligrrl WHERE'S MAH DUBLOONS, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 18:02, Reply)

YES!
I remember this time... we... I... um...

Oh.

Did you ask me a question, or did I ask you?
.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 18:00, Reply)

take your billet!
Hmm, my one and only drug experience was after taking some mushrooms, and perching on my bathroom counter for half an hour to ruminate on the amazing feelings running water and modern plumbing can inspire.
my friend and I also found some old paris metro tickets lying around. she wanted to go to the vending machine in the lobby of my hall, but I INSISTED that we needed the tickets to go, just in case we got stopped by the gestapo. it was a long night
(The 3rd Duchess of Spank, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 17:53, Reply)

I would post a pithy, funny story
but I'm too stoned.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 17:45, Reply)

Back from the dead
Well i'm only 15 so i haven't got any personal experiences but i was in town with a friend when we walked past the town square.We saw a man who we later found out was on drugs.

The man was about 40 an he was stood in the square shouting "i am ur mighty saviour the one true god i am jesus christ an i have returned to save u all from the dangers of sin. Brothers an sisters accept me as ur messsiah an reject all others WORSHIP ME!!"

To which me an my friend pissed ourselves laffin. The police came an told him to calm down an come with them. God i wish i'd had a camera.
(torture bunny lives under the kitchen sink, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 17:44, Reply)

leeenks
not sure if this is allowed but...

i totally believe fore-warned is fore-armed ... eh? ... dude i've got four arms! cooool! lokkit my wavy arms!

www.dancesafe.org/

www.herbal-shaman.com/

www.erowid.org/

also. go read anything by alexander shulgin (particulaly 'pihkal' and its sister book i con't remember the name of). and of course timothy leary, ken kesey and the merry pranksters, shamanism oh and watch pocoyo. pocoyo is a definate drug recovery porogramme.
(unlawful odour i dunno..., Thu 15 Dec 2005, 17:37, Reply)

salvia davinorum
i think, and i may be wrong that this works as an absorbtion inhibiter, thus keeping the drugs you take swishing around your head for hours. any drug. mdma, lsd, beer, fags, whatever. only tried it a few times but i chain smoke so didn't want to risk hideous nicotine overdose.
i may be wrong tho.

also, before you drop mdma in whatever form eat some 70% coco solid chocolate (then brush your teeth). raises the serotonin so when it starts you already have some swilling about so you gat a better, faster, happier high.

and if you always crash mid-party you don't need more pills, you need something to eat. even if its only another bit of choc or a coke or best of all some energy/mineral bar like athletes and weightlifters use. its a bugger to eat sometimes but you'l be fixed and gat to watch the others around you crumple as you reach for those beeeauuutiful laaaazzzzooooooorrrrrrrzzzzzz......
(unlawful odour i dunno..., Thu 15 Dec 2005, 17:27, Reply)

.
I was about 13 and messing about on the river in a boat with my friend, on one of my first occasions of being really stoned.
This gargantuan dragonfly started attacking us. I swear it was about 8 inches long as had a head the size of a golf ball. Anyway, it had obviously decided that we were the enemy, and was diving down on us repeatedly, making a noise akin to a chainsaw.
We completely freaked out, screaming trying to fend it off with oars.
To our everlasting shame, a farmer came running down from a field about a mile away, hearing our screams and thinking we were drowning.
Explaining that we were screaming because of a dragonfly didn't seem to impress him much, and i got the impression that he didn't believe our tales about the length and girth of the dragonfly
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Thu 15 Dec 2005, 17:25, Reply)

At Leeds festival a couple of years ago
we were standing towards the back of the crowd, watching The Strokes. I say 'watching'; I couldn't really see as I'd been viciously tricked into ingesting heroic quantities of mushrooms and pills and was spending most of the gig screaming incoherently at the top of my lungs whilst failing miserably in repeated bids to line up a can of cider with my dribbling cake-hole. I overheard a woman behind me berating her fella for not having brought any booze from the tent, so I turned round to offer her a delicious swig of apple heaven. She looked at me really oddly, and said "piss off, will you? I hate that fucking stuff!" She sounded really offended, so I turned round again to try and make piece with her. My welly stuck in the mud, I lost my balance and went crashing down on top of her.

Lying there 'missionary' in the slurry, I realised I had one filthy hand gripping her nork, with cider leaking all over both of us. The only thing I could think of to say to her that might appease the boyfriend towering over us was the first thing that popped into my head: "I'm not trying to pull you!" I shrieked, slurring terribly. "Christ, you look just like my sister!"

I'll never forget the reply, and I'll never do drugs again because of it. "It is me, you spazzy cunt. We're staying in the same tent, remember..?"
( grey kid is breakdancing to save a community centre, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 17:21, Reply)

Many years ago
I decided it was time to have a go at mushrooms. I had never had any kind of halucinogen before and I was under the impression (quite from where I do not know) that it would be just like being drunk. Oh how very wrong I was. After scarfing down over 300 of the pesky little bleeders it wasn't long before I was lying under a bench on Baildon Moor having no concept of time. I had no memory of not being off my head, I thought this was the normal state and this was how it was going to be forever, consequently I came to the conclusion that I was actually dead and it wasn't much fun either. My mentalness peeked on a bus into Bradford when I swore blind that the bloke infront of me was the bus engine. It didn't stop me doing shrooms (and everything else we could get our hands on) all the rest of that year, my only regret being that I was once convinced that the wallpaper on my mates landing was made up of space invaders, me and a girl, who we shall call Cheryl Dibbin for that was her name, sat there laughing at the wall for a good few hours, when I came to I decided that such a twatty episode should never be mentioned again, until now obviously, but it was twenty years ago.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 17:10, Reply)

Saturday night in Popst*rs
Not really a great story, necked a pill that turned out to be far stronger than I was expecting. Instead of dancing like a lunatic and flirting, I was reduced to sitting in a comfy seat, sipping water, totally suffering and occasionally groaning as the MDMA kicked my arse roundly.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 15 Dec 2005, 17:07, Reply)