We found some blank rounds
on the army shooting ranges not far from where I lived as a kid. We hacksawed the ends off (!!!) and tipped out all the black powder. Took this back to the woods and tipped it into a small hollow in the ground. A lighted match was introduced to the pile and..... nothing happened. We looked in hollow and realsied nothing had happened. The (still glowing red hot but no flame) match was placed by my mate into the hollow while we were looking. Now it seems that a flame is not what black powder needs to get it to flare off - as the red hot bit ignited the powder. The flare removed our eyebrows, eyelashes, some hair from our fringes and gave us very red faces.

BTW we later set the caps off in the rounds by putting them in a vice and hitting a nail on them with a hammer. Resulting ringing in the ears was to be heard for hours after....
( enthusiastic amateur delurked at:, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 12:16, Reply)

gone... all gone
Was cold... was burning some books the other day, as one does, and accidentally threw on my copy of teh uplaod codez. Now my kettle doesn't work! Can anyone send me a copy please?
(clothtoucher, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 12:08, Reply)

Hi pressure petrol cookers
I went on a camping expedition a few years back and took with me what i thought was the coolest gadget. While everyone else used standard Trangia cookers for their breakfasts, I produced my beast. A fuel tank with a pump that allows you to pressurise it. This feeds to a cooking ring and should have had my food cooked faster and with a reduced risk of food poisoning. But I paid no attention to the recommended pressure, exceeded it greatly and burnt part of my eyebrow off when i lit the damn thing. Not so cool.
( Devon Dan without geometry, there would be no point, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 11:56, Reply)

Super Soaker
Do you guys remember this water pistol? Pump action, big reservoir, driving fear into all it was pointed at.

My brother bought one. It was called the "Super Soaker 3000". It had two huge reservoirs and was so heavy you needed to wear a shoulder strap to brandish it, and pump it up for a few minutes. Couple this weapon of youth with a canister of petrol kept stashed for the lawn mower and you have the best bloody flamethrower a kid might wish for. What fun I had... until I had to spend the rest of the day jetwashing "James rules," cruedly written in giant charred writing, off the garage door.

Happy days. Kids - do NOT try this at home.
(vinyljunky, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 11:42, Reply)

Cub Scouts return
We went on a field trip sponsored by tampax to Windsor castle back in 1992. I remember launching a cigarette end into the castle grounds, but i dont think anything came of it. Did it?
(Mapper, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 11:33, Reply)

Hi
Can you do me a couple of favours.

Ring Mum and tell her I've picked up the Pork Chops (my mobile's on the blink)

And can you tape Eastenders tonite (I wont be back in time).

See you later alligator
( insignificantsnivellinglittleturd I Like Peas, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 11:24, Reply)

Disposable BBQs...
During our camping trip in Devon we couldn't find any bricks to put the disposable BBQ on. So we turned the cardboard box upside down, and put it on there.

Needless to say we got a take away that night.
(cjrobs, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 10:50, Reply)

Cub Scouts
I remember once on a trip to Kabul with the Cub Scouts (which was funded by my uncle George as a special Easter treat) we would sit around the camp fire singing songs like:- Go easy on the gravy Cecil theres plenty to go around, and:- Put your mouth around my organ and I'll fiddle with your pastie. What fun we had. Anyway on the said trip we met a shy but loving old Afgan lady. She would prepare food carefully for us and nurse our cuts and bruises.....Ahhh so sweet. We killed her.
(Mapper, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 10:42, Reply)

Granny knows best
My Granny taught me this poem about fire, and for some reason I've never forgot it.

Never look a badger in the eye on a Tuesday
If it's raining in the village down the road
If you see a frog on a Saturday or Wednesday
It's probably not a frog, but a toad.

The wind that blows from the West is better
Than the wind that blows from the South
Your Grampy likes a blowjob on a Sunday Morning
But I don't let him come in my mouth.

Ahhhh...fond memories
( insignificantsnivellinglittleturd I Like Peas, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 10:31, Reply)

Don't
try to warm up wooden chopsticks in a microwave, they cause fire.

Yes, you read it correctly. Some fool at work had brought in a Chinese meal for lunch and for some reason he wanted to warm up the chopsticks provided so he popped them in the microwave, left them for too long and a small fire started.

Strange man.
(sionnach, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 10:21, Reply)

Fire Starter
My friends and I got facinated by fire at school. In fact we had our own personal arms race going on, it started with gun powder from a shotgun cartridge, then escalated to butane in school desks, then up to full on firework duels on the common. It all came to a head when we had the whole common on fire, it was a mistake, and the local firebrigade were none to impressed. Even to this day I laugh at the mortals who think candle flame is hot, or even butane, I only get a sweast up at oxy-acetaline!
(CerberusDog woof, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 10:21, Reply)

Don't
Tape up a firework in a telephone directory and ignite it in a phonebox. Some loathsome burbery-type-wearing individual entertained himself with such practices recently in my area and was made public enemy number one on my local news. I can't believe the stupid reporter actually told everyone how to do it and then said it would be foolish to try repeating such an act of terrible danger!
...now where did i put the selotape?
(foxdaniel, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 9:56, Reply)

chickens
I once had a freind who lived on a Farm when we were younger. One cold winters morning he was off school and decided to enjoy a morning walk taking in the countryside and the like - he was only bout 7 or 8 at the time and being from the country lacked knowledge. He went into the chicken coup thing and was looking around and decided that the chickens were cold - so he decided to light a small fire to warm them up - he left after about 5 mins feeling he had done them a favour - however his dad comes running into the house about 10 minutes later screaming that the Chicken Coup was on fire.
Result a lot of dead birds and chicken for tea for the next month
(Fwap Attack, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 9:47, Reply)

Dude & Mapper
What planet are you two from? This is supposed to be a serious thread about fire.

However, Mappers last post has reminded me of a funny story.

Last summer I was walking across Dartmoor with a couple of freinds when it started raining.
( insignificantsnivellinglittleturd I Like Peas, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 9:45, Reply)

Dude!
Hi Dude (Last post). Thanks for that timely reminder of a pet story of my very own. I recall a pet rabbit i once owned called Derek. He was born with 6 legs, a lisp and two human fingers. Oh the fun i used to have burning his fur just to get that wonderful smell of chicken. Derek is now 28 yrs old and not a bad typist i might add......Oh that reminds me, i must put the bins out this morning........Mother, Help!
(Mapper, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 9:37, Reply)

I can beat you all
My friend liam linch was bedding a lama one night when his x emu wanderd in declaring her love for him. Liam decided enough was enough and to get the emu out of his system he took a box of matches some parafin and a soiled copy of playboy to the bathroom.

Can you guess what happened next? Yes he burnt the emu and had a wank.
([email protected]/Dude.xml, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 9:21, Reply)

More chemistry experiments
When I was working in a chemistry lab a few years back, I was doing experiments using diethyl ether, which is highly volatile and flammable. To make sure the ether is absolutely dry, sodium is extruded through a die into the ether bottle. But when the ether is finished, you have to fish out the sodium wire and put it into methanol, whereupon it bubbles away slowly and turns to relatively harmless sodium oxide.

This takes a while, so I decided to accelerate the process. I put some water into the sink (one of these big lab sinks) and tipped the sodium wire into it, along with a little dribble of ether in the bottom of the bottle. However, a little dribble of ether creates a lot of ether vapour, and a lot of sodium in water creates fire......

Fortunately I had my labcoat and safety specs on so I was unscathed!

Another of my chemical expoits was when my mate and I decided to do the aluminium/iodine volcano experiment. We'd come across a jar of powdered aluminium (not easy to get these days) and we had some iodine. So we mixed it up in the correct proportions, made it into a wee volcano and added a drop of water. We had this in the fume cupboard, as it produces a huge amount of purple iodine vapour. Unfortunately, the quantities we'd used were a tad excessive, and purple emanations could be seen from the fume cupboard vent on the roof (we went out to check!). The aluminium burned so violently it ruined the fireproof bench mat and I spent a long while with an alcohol soaked cloth rubbing resublimed brown iodine stains off the inside of the nice white fume cupboard.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 9:19, Reply)

A dozy coworker of mine once decided to make popcorn at work
She misread the label and stuck the bag in for 12mins rather than 2. There was no smoke alarm in the kitchen so the first we noticed was when someone went to the loo and saw billowing black smoke pouring from the microwave.
Interesting fact: charbroiled popcorn looks alot like volcanic larva but smells ALOT worse.
( Lynxkitten, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 9:11, Reply)

ooh, this one is for me, I've been starting fires all through my youth (haven't stopped yet)
the earliest I can remember must have been the bus-stop across my school, I used to put everything (sometimes everyone) on fire if I could. It got me on trouble when I was burning papers that belonged to my school. Then I remember throwing matches in the waste bin outside, I've been told that after I ran off one of the teachers came to put the fire out...
Then there was the occasional burning plastic bag on the playground or in the toilets. And soon after that I started playing with gasoline, that one was fun, we watched the fire from 500 meters away while it was devouring a tree-house (I checked to see if those kids weren't playing in it first, I'm not THAT bad). I guess that's about it, my father did put himself on fire while trying to light the fire, but I put him out (well, the fire that is...)
(NoToRiouS, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 9:08, Reply)

heres another
my most recent notable fire was a bomb surrounded by 7 330g cannisters of butane, the fireball was 15m across and I have it on film, one day I'll stick it online with my others.
(Arsenic, Fri 13 Jul, 2:73 and, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 8:54, Reply)

during my school days,
i went through a stage of wearing far too much hairspray for what was in fact a crap hairstyle. During a physics experiment, leant over the table a bit too close to the bunsen burner. I feel things are getting a bit warm, and wonder why class mates are laughing/screaming. Then helped out by best mate hitting the flames out very hard.
The hairstyle was changed that very day.
( Ulic hissing slightly, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 8:48, Reply)

I started a bushfire once
Me and a few friends climbed a nearby mountain with the idea of lighting pipe bombs at the top and throwing them out into the air and watching them explode, sadly the gunpowder was pretty weak so all we were doing was throwing flares into the bush. We got down pretty fast once we saw smoke, and they put it out in about 3 hours.
(Arsenic, Fri 13 Jul, 2:73 and, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 8:40, Reply)

I once set fire
to a whole group of skinheads dressed in saffron robes who, bizarrely blessed my soul as they burnt. Charming folk skinheads
(It doesn't always sting when you piSSSS., Thu 4 Mar 2004, 8:13, Reply)

We didn't actually set fire to anything,
but back in '91 I canoed down the Yukon River with the Yorkshire Schools Exploring Society. Part of the rules of the expedition were no drinking. Our leaders were total alcoholics, so they allowed us to drink (we were all 17/18 at the time).

One night, we set up camp by the River and after our exploration of the area - bear in mind this is pure Wilderness and to take a shit we had to dig a hole in the ground - we came across a drum of kerosene. Woo, we thought, we can have fun here! So after downing a few beers (every few days we hit a small goldrush town and stocked up), some of the guys went and filled black bin liners with kerosene.
We started out throwing small amounts on the campfire and jumping over it, then went on to bigger and bigger amounts. It was great fun.
The highlight of the night though was getting the blind girl on the expedition to jump over while holding hands with one of the lads! She rocked.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 6:28, Reply)

I didn't start a fire.
In fact that was the problem.

Through experimentation, I actually have determined that it is
impossible to light a fuse for a fire work with
a lighter and WD-40 flamethrower.
(Armer Farmer, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 5:44, Reply)

hahaha
i know i've posted like three stories already, but i just remembered another one from reading pub stories...with fire...there was this club that had $1 highballs from 8-11 every thursday night. my friends and i would have a few drinks and then be there by 7:30. by the time 9 or 10 rolls around we are rolling on the floor - we would stay until 11 and then go elsewhere (anywhere really). one night we decide to make paper hats in the bar. we get everyone to wear them. my friend dave statrs making paper boats, and i tell him to make a bunch. after they were all constructed, a fleet on the table, i say "this is what happened to the spanish armada" and proceeded to light them afire. next thing you know, the table is up in flames and the bouncers proceed to eject us in an unkindly manner. haha. we got in the next week, but that's another story.
(goorf, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 4:20, Reply)

Roman candle fight!
I can't think of a better time I've had. Buddy and I grabbed some cheap bootleg fireworks from the nice Pakistani man at the flea market, and headed down to the ravine. We played it safe, and shot at each other across a small creek shored with rocks. And some lesser men came along armed with super soakers, since they thought we were bonkers for even thinking this whole thing was a good idea.

The trick is to keep moving, but try and count the interval between bursts so you'll be able to aim it in time. We didn't try to actually hit each other, more make the other one jump out of the way amusingly. Of course, if you've ever seen a rocketing ball of burning explosive material hit a slab of granite, you'll know that there's no dodging the resulting fireburst.

Would I do it again? Hell, we're making it an annual event. Going to videotape it this year. And aim at more rocks.
(Random Ferret, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 3:16, Reply)

I remember my first fire
I used to live in the outskirts of the city and there was a sewage channel nearby with high, sloped banks full of weeds as tall as a man. During the summer, the weeds would dry up and turn the slopes yellow. I was 12 at the time and that day I had found a matchbox in our kitchen. I tried burning the weeds directly at first by putting a match to them, but the wouldn't burn. After a few unsuccessful tries, I got frustrated and just tossed a lit match into the weeds and started walking home when a noise made me turn around: It was hundreds of rats running away from the fire I had just created by accident. I ran all the way home and later, saw in the news that the fire was still burning, about 2 miles from where I started it. No one got hurt (well, the rats, but who cares?)and there was no damage to property. A few months later, they started construction of a new channel underground and a highway on top of it. No more weeds, no more fire.
(Fragger, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 3:04, Reply)

Not me but my bird
I returned home from work to the smell of smoke. Running around, I eventually found the charred remains of a large owl in the front room. It had come down my chimney, set itself on fire, knocked down the fireguard, flapped across the room presumably in flames (wish I'd seen that) and perished. The only real damage was the masses of owlshit on my carpet but my insurance company paid for the whole lounge to be redecorated. Ha ha. Twats.
(skindley, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 1:42, Reply)

hmm, lets see
Mucking around with a can of deoderant and pursuaded a mate to spray some on his hand and light it.
Another time in science, I sprayed deodrerant over one of those tall taps and lit that, causing the spout to melt. Luckily it still worked and I dont think the teacher ever noticed.

Setting wasps nest on fire with a deoderant can 'flamethrower' is always fun as well.

Nearly set my bed alight when my angle-poise lamp tipped over so that the bulb was touching the pillow while i was in the bathroom. I still have a pillow case with a large hole in it where it scorched right through.
( DonnChadh, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 1:38, Reply)