German humour


"Negative scribblings will be ignored!"

Saw this at a new year's eve rave in an old artists' squat (now studios and exhibition space) in Berlin (the party continued well into january 2nd). The Germans get a lot of flak for not understanding irony or sarcasm. It's a myth. From what I've seen, they just don't understand the need to be sarcastic about everything. This is the kind of statement that sums up the people I met over there - always looking for positives, even on toilet doors.
(captain_najork, Mon 7 May 2007, 11:02, Reply)

back in the day in Auckland
"Be alert - your country needs lerts."
yes ok lame I know, but hell, this was a nation with two (2!) tv channels at the time....

or yours truly borrowing from Genesis P Orridge: did the whole side of the local bakery in a huge yellow and black Psychic TV logo with the missive "Technology will be thee end of us..." funny that I have been in IT for a number of years now and still consider it fairly accurate.

Where's ape and frank? off together?

Stayed there for a while too...maybe the Chinese bakers thought something of it.
(wino.NZ The Ayatollah of rock n' rolla..., Mon 7 May 2007, 10:35, Reply)

On the toilet door at my all-girls' school
'I like sucking cocks 'cos they taste salty, like'

then underneath in a different hand

'No they don't, they taste like wallpaper paste!'

Then again with the first person

'Wait, how do you know what wallpaper paste tastes like?! ANSWER ME!!'

The reply

'Um, I was abducted by aliens when I was young and was force-fed wallpaper paste until I was 6, at which point I learned their weakness for Doritos and escaped'

then underneath all of that in red pen

'God, aren't you lot meant to be revising?'
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Mon 7 May 2007, 10:15, Reply)

i made poopy times in a public loo in covent garden on saturday evening
and every bit of graffiti on the door was preceeded with the word "AIDS". the best one was:

"AIDS
chunky buttocks..."
(notjustahatrack peeling a sausage..., Mon 7 May 2007, 10:03, Reply)

Oh, and of course, the classic...
b3ta.com/questions/shame/post44239/
(Hermioninny, Mon 7 May 2007, 9:35, Reply)

JT
Under the bridge in Shepherd's Bush someone had climbed up to write on one of the music posters.

You know the one with Justin stomping on a disco ball? "take that dignity" had been added in a speech bubble. Legend.
(timewasterboy now with added wastage, Mon 7 May 2007, 9:30, Reply)

Stupotty
You were looking for anagrams of political figures:

Virginia Bottomley = I'm an evil tory bigot
(Stainer Has been treating objects like women since, Mon 7 May 2007, 8:45, Reply)

Bannerman's Toilet
In the toilets of Bannermans Bar in Edinburgh one delightful summer I noticed a long narrative grafitto on the wall that summed up Euroscepticism better than Newsnight ever could.

"I am coming from Utrecht and have never been to Edinburgh. It is beautiful. I love your pubs and your castle and your Princes Gardens."

underneath someone had scrawled in response; "Fuck off you Dutch cunt."
(Mike63, Mon 7 May 2007, 7:51, Reply)

Slightly off topic and sort of fitting last weeks question too...
For some inexplicable reason, there is a graffiti supply store near my house in Sydney, which sells nothing but spraypaint, marker pens and books about graffiti.
So predictably the entire neighbourhood gets tagged on a regular basis by the little arsewipes who buy the stuff.
Almost all the arsewipes that is, because when one did my place, I studied his tag, learned how to do it properly and tagged the shop, right over a large artistic piece they'd sponsored.
It was removed quickly, but I'll bet the little fucker finds it hard to buy paint there now.
Sucker.
( difficultchild, Mon 7 May 2007, 7:02, Reply)

Church
Once amended a 'permanent' church sign from:
Pentacostal Church
to
Pe a ostal Ch rch.

On first glance, nothing special. Takes a second....

edit: ok due to a few requests... its all in the letters removed, not the ones left.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 7 May 2007, 7:01, Reply)

Sheer genius...
Years ago when I was working for a newspaper in Adelaide, sex-crime capital of Australia (it really is, google it for some truly bizarre stories) the chief of staff had the exact same idea as Rob and ordered Randall, our rather flamboyant colleague to write a piece on the best graffiti.
To help things along, he placed a huge blackboard in the men's toilets with a bucket of chalk and left it for a week to accumulate what he hoped would be hilarious bons mot, witticisms and words of wisdom.
When he checked again after the week had passed, all that was written on it was:
RANDALL IS A BUM JOCKEY

Funnily enough that one never made it into the story...

Apologies for the scattered posts, by the way, I just keep remembering things.
( difficultchild, Mon 7 May 2007, 6:49, Reply)

domestic graffiti
When I was a young lass, then as now I enjoyed indolence, procrastination and lying around on my bed a lot (little has changed in 20 years). Our house was in the process of being built, complete enough to live in but without essential trimmings such as paint. One day in exasperation at my utter uselessness my dad grabbed a tin of poo brown paint and wrote in huge letters on my bedroom door:

DEAD SHIT HEAVEN

It's not often you have the privilege of knowing who has abused you via the medium of graffiti.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Mon 7 May 2007, 6:45, Reply)

Ah the pathos of it all...
Walking down an alley way in Sydney's Newtwon, I spotted something written in very neat, but very small letters high up on a wall.
I stopped, read it and seriously wished I could find the author and give him/her a hug.
It read:

fuck i miss you louise.
( difficultchild, Mon 7 May 2007, 6:43, Reply)

Oooh! I remember another one!
On a wall near my house someone had sprayed "Land rights now"*
It was there for months untl someone sprayed "Your name is Toby!"** over it.
Pretty fucking terrible, but I still thought it was clever***.

*This is a common graffito in Australia, where the Aboriginal population is still fighting to reclaim lands taken from them by white settlers.

** This was a line from the mini-series Roots, where the slave owner whipped Kunta Kinte every time he refused to accept his new slave name.

*** For a racist twunt, that is.
( difficultchild, Mon 7 May 2007, 6:40, Reply)

Tasty...
Best one I remember is a bit of a Sydney legend and was on the famed Parramatta Road for years.
Someone had spraypainted:
GOD HATES HOMOS
And underneath someone else had countered with
BUT HE LOVES TABOULI
( difficultchild, Mon 7 May 2007, 6:36, Reply)

Advertising Billboard....
for Volvo... MANY years ago.

Someone must have spent an inordinate amount of time and effort on the giant billboard near home - high above a factory roof, one of those 10-15m wide jobbies - look just like a 'shop job before the days of photoshop. Changed the wording of the then in-fashion catchphrase of

"Yes, it's a VOLVO"

to

"Yes, it's a VULVA"


And just like all Volvo drivers, this pun has no penis.
(Sir Jester, Mon 7 May 2007, 6:31, Reply)

A scratched out "R"
Led a sign in the bathroom of a Chinese restaurant to read:
"Wash hands before returning to wok"

Gave me the giggles for a good five minutes.
(Windy Shrimp "wuz heah", Mon 7 May 2007, 5:11, Reply)

Bathroom Graffiti

Those who write on shithouse walls
Roll their shit in little balls.
Those who read these words of wit
Eat these little balls of shit.


On the inside of a stall door, near the top:

Your wallet just fell in.
(Blob, Mon 7 May 2007, 5:10, Reply)

On a night club...
bathroom wall, someone had written:

"Embrace Oblivion"

which had been crossed out and underneath it someone had written:

"CLOSE THE OBLIVION GATES!"

....nerds.....
(Ikarimaru, Mon 7 May 2007, 5:06, Reply)

My mate sent me this...
...said he saw it on a toilet wall...legitimacy is unknown:


(mcgandhi doesn't like flange, Mon 7 May 2007, 4:20, Reply)

My dad was traveling in Switzerland
during a backpacking tour through Europe. He stopped in a bathroom and someone had written on one of the walls "Save Soviet Jews" and underneath another person wrote "Win Valuable Prizes!"
(Towedwart, Mon 7 May 2007, 3:38, Reply)

My friends and I "broke into" a cellar underground at the beach by prying up a manhole cover.
we go down there all the time now and draw shit all over the walls with permenant markers. we don't use spray paint cause we'd probably all suffocate. at one point during the third time I was down there with my friend, I uttered the timeless phrase, "I taste cheetos, but I'm not eating cheetos." we decided to draw it on the wall with each letter in a different style. in the middle, we took the letters t, o, and s from the end of the word cheetos and put them on a support beam in just the right spot so that only if you stand in a certain place on the floor can you read it. we traced my sandals and I drew insane cycloptic faces inside the outlines. we'll take pictures as we add more artwork and i'll probably post them here if anyone cares to see them.
(USER No: 21515...FUCK YOU TO FUCK YOU FU see profile for limited time offer., Mon 7 May 2007, 2:45, Reply)

On a lampost near me is says.
Amys dad takes her up the ring piece
( diffy maybs, Mon 7 May 2007, 2:13, Reply)

A few mates and myself
once sprayed 'Sally is a slapper' on a wall. At the time I had no idea who Sally was. I still don't.

It was just hilarious..... You had to be there.
( Black Moon Not cracked, I'm all up to be., Mon 7 May 2007, 1:50, Reply)

I've seen plenty of signs

(evil_penguin_17 Robots of Doom... Attack!, Mon 7 May 2007, 1:37, Reply)

Not shopped
Someone decided to use a marker to make this charming alteration to Canary Wharf DLR station, every inch of which is covered by CCTV cameras I'm told.


(Buster Gonad needs to borrow your wheelbarrow on, Mon 7 May 2007, 1:15, Reply)

Not there any more I'm told
I recall someone having painted FREE IAN BROWN across a couple of walls in South Manchester a number of years ago.

Probably around the time he told an air stewardess that she was gonna get her hands cut off...
(Buster Gonad needs to borrow your wheelbarrow on, Mon 7 May 2007, 0:56, Reply)

Ladles and Gentlemints...
...I give you the anonymous genius who wrote on a toilet cubicle wall:





SUCK MY WANKER
(Troutbiscuits, Mon 7 May 2007, 0:49, Reply)

When I was at Poly...
... someone had written in one of the gents': "Scousers rule Liverpool".

To which someone had wittily replied: "Well, obviously dickhead..."
(Ghostlight, Mon 7 May 2007, 0:34, Reply)

Commies
In Bowland Bar, of Lancaster University, i have been slowly adding to a giant debate about communism in the mens toilets, over the course of the year. Some people like it, some people hate it and apparently someone "sucks goats"

Another funny one iv seen, yet not participated in, starts off "***** Is a fag, call this number 079#######" followed by a collosal list Naming and Shaming known gay people.
(orison_2007, Mon 7 May 2007, 0:30, Reply)