Morning all,
This isn't really worth posting, but I'm bored.

Carrion Up The Vicar

Some time ago, the Mrs and I were looking into the possibility of marriage, and as she’s a good protestant girl we consulted our local Vicar. As anybody knows, in some rural parishes it’s still tradition for the Vicar to pay a visit to the engaged couple’s home, get to know them a little, and force them to endure weeks of getting up early on Sundays and sitting through hours of Bible-bashing, God-bothering verbal arse and niceties over tea and biscuits with the local elderly/insane people afterwards in the church hall.

So it came to be that the good Reverend Dick and his wife were to pay us a visit, and the following farce ensued;
It was a freezing cold winter’s afternoon when the doorbell rang, the Mrs and I straightened ourselves up, before opening the door,
‘Oh hello Reverend,’ I greeted them, ‘I hope you’re well, and this must be your wife…?’
‘Yes, Hello Mr Monkeysex, this is my wife, Fanny.’
I stifled a snigger, and beckoned them in. As they were taking their coats off, I spotted that Fanny had something furry on her hands, ‘Would you like me to take your muff now?’ I asked innocently. She smiled at me, and I went to hang up their coats.

Ushering Reverend Dick, and his wife Fanny, from the hall to the living room, Mrs Monkeysex went to the kitchen, as I tried my best to make small talk with the elderly and unfortunately-named God couple.
Mrs Monkeysex appeared again just as we were discussing the church roof fund, and how Dick was having trouble getting wood to keep it up. She offered around a plateful of some of her best homemade biscuits and cakes,
‘Don’t you think my fiancée makes a lovely tart?’ I said, as Fanny sunk her teeth into Mrs Monkeysex’s Cherry Bakewell.

Several references to baps, cocks, keeping it up, firm pears, feeling peaky, warm fronts, having a stiff one, getting my ring on the Mrs’s finger, oh isn’t that a hard one, my haven’t you got a big one, nurturing Fanny’s Clematis, Dick getting up and about, and I can’t be arsed to finish this story!

The End.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:06, 513 replies)

Morning Bert
Let's see if this becomes the Home Sweet Home thread today, seeing as you're here all day.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:09, closed)

I'd be happy for everyone to post here
but I don't like those threads, it's like being told where to post. So, I'll randomly post where I like thank you all very much.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:12, closed)

*click*
Morning!
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:22, closed)

I post randomly too
But because we all like a chat, we feel that it's unfair to hijack lots of threads. So ancrenne (I think) had the idea of choosing one 'chat' thread.

Seems to work.

Edit - Morning, Enzyme.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:23, closed)

Good morning Mr Enzyme
You're far too generous with those clicks, you know.

@K2k6 You're right, I can see why people chat in one long thread all day, I've managed to miss a few conversations in the past because of the random replies to certain posts.
I still don't like it though, it's too linear and not spontaneous enough for me and my crazywackyzany ways.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:25, closed)

Generosity?
Sometimes, yes. But I've given precious few for this QoTW.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:28, closed)

morning folks
I trust everyone is shiny this morning?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:31, closed)

Well I like threadjacking random posts
some of them could do with livening up. :)

I'm not arguing, I can see the upside of having all the replies in one place, I just like to bounce around a bit.

I'm shiny!

*SHINES*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:33, closed)

Why, Mrs Ancrenne, I do believe you're making me blush.
*coyly holds down kilt*

Oooh, you lucky devil, are you doing anything nice to celebrate?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:38, closed)

surely not going to work
is celebration enough!?!

I'm in an excellent mood this morning; after having pretty much wasted yesterday trying to get the same thing to work all day, I had a flash of inspiration when I woke up today. got to work, tried it, and it worked first time!

this has relieved the pressure by a huge amount :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:40, closed)

@Vipros
*pats on the back*

Well done that man, keep up the good work etc

@Enzyme I only just saw your tiny little reply above I hate to admit it, but I haven't clicked once for this QOTW, does that make me a bad person?

EDIT I'm lying, I remembering clicking someone yesterday.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:43, closed)

Morning!
I got called into a meeting as soon as I got to work.
I've gone from being happy and smiling to grumpy and frowning in less than an hour.

*frowns*
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:45, closed)

Bert
How could you be a bad person? The paucity of clickityness is due to the poverty of many of the posts... but yours is GOOD. Yay!
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:47, closed)

Good morning my big Kaola bear!
Cheer up mister, I'll do a little dance for you...?

EDIT You're too kind Mr Enzyme, there have been a few good posts though, I'm just not a very innuendo-ey person.

Double EDIT Aww Ancrenne, that makes me sad. I've hardly spoken to anyone in my new job though, you guys are my work mates now.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:47, closed)

I've clicked a few posts this week
but not nearly as many as usual.

Good morning to everyone I haven't yet said hello to. You know who you are!

Bit early for frowning isn't it, Kaol? Or is it never too early for you?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:48, closed)

Morning all
Happy Tuesday to you.
(Errorist, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:49, closed)

isn't it nice to have a happy group of friends
that you don't have to look at on a regular basis ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:51, closed)

@ancrenne
Who said anything about that kind of dancing? -you filthy, dirty little beggar.

*foxtrots*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:53, closed)

Pound coins...
I might frizby a few 2ps.
(Errorist, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:53, closed)

*jiggles it for Errorist*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:54, closed)

Nice Bert!
You've livened up an otherwise dull morning
(Errorist, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:55, closed)

*click*
Feel honoured, it's one of the few I have bestowed this week.

Morning all!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:56, closed)

Morning Tulips!
How you doin'?

Ta to you and Errorist, and efferybody else, you nice, lovely people.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:57, closed)

I clicked
on a classic pun from Apeloverage yesterday. It was simple yet effective.
(Errorist, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:57, closed)

Well...
I might well be out of the office tomorrow, and Thursday :|
At least I'll catch up with most of you Thursday night!
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 9:58, closed)

that pun from apeloverage
was a good one

he's had to work hard this week (fnarr)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:01, closed)

@Errorist
I can't remember who I clicked, it wasn't one of the regulars.

It was one of those 'set you up for an innuendo, but then just end on a rant of swear words' posts.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:02, closed)

'lo Berts
I is tops ta!

Back at 12 though - got to manage teh box office all on me ownio, no naughty interwebbing allowed.

Mind this cake for me while I'm gone, won't you, ancrenne! hope the non-smokery is still happening.

*hands cake*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:05, closed)

*stares at ancrenne*
*drools over cake*

Is it... chocomolate fudge-ama cayke?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:09, closed)

*hulas*
*drops hula*
*hulas*
*drops hula*
*hulas*
*drops hula*

*cries*
*hulas*
*drops hula*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:10, closed)

Oooh...!
*puts on all of fingers*

*bites fingers*

*goes to the hopital with severe blood-loss*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:13, closed)

I don't know what you're talking about.
Thursday.
Thursday.
Thursday.
Yes.

Friday is my "somehow dealing with holding a camera whilst pointed at scantily-clad young ladies" day.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:14, closed)

@Kaol
DO WHAT?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:15, closed)

It's true
I've been asked to help a friend take photos at a fashion show.

*sighs*

It's a hard life.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:16, closed)

Morning all
*effortlessly hulas up behind Bert and eats his hula hoops*

*wonders if hula-ing is some sort of sacrilege*
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:17, closed)

friend voice in my head

photos knives

fashion show cemetery full of rigor mortis addled lady folks

EDIT Morning al!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:17, closed)

*Eats cake*
Good morning...sorry about the crumbs...nice cake that.


Just popping my head in before I slope off to see my mate.



That's a stupid phrase - Just popping my head in - wtf am I doing with the rest of my body?!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:21, closed)

@chickenlady
I believe the question should be 'what the flip is PJM doing with the rest of my body?'.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:22, closed)

@chicklady
I don't know what your doing with your body, but feel free to enlighten us. Or, if it's nothing interesting, just tell us a good porn style lie.

edit - yeah, what Bert said was better.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:23, closed)

@ Bert
*winks* I always know what he's up to with the rest of my body.

*snigger*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:23, closed)

Burt
It's true, I promise!
(The fashion show, and the photos, not the knives and the voice in my head)
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:23, closed)

I'm not listening, Kaol
you just tried to groom me by gaz, I feel so dirty.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:24, closed)

IT'S NOT TRUE!
He's lying.
He just wants it to be true.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:26, closed)

What!
Why didn't I get groomed!

*flicks V-signs at Kaol while his back is turned*

*realises that isn't his back it's a space station*
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:26, closed)

He wants me to dress like a cowboy for him and give him a ride on my 'bucking bronco'

*cries*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:27, closed)

@ Al
I'm currently lying on my satin sheets - they're midnight blue so as to show off my creamy white skin as I recline. My silk penoir is sliding up my firm thighs....




Sadly all lies. I'm in t-shirt and shorts and about to go out for lunch :D
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:27, closed)

@chickenlady
Phwoar to the t shirt, the shorts, and the lunch.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:28, closed)

hurrrgh
shorts!

Lunch!

*spluffs in pants*

*is glad he's in the office alone today*

*still wishes he had shut the door*
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:29, closed)

@ Bert
I'm currently having the same sartorial crisis as you....


What shall I wear on Thursday?!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:29, closed)

Honestly al,
it's like we're twins, connected at birth, we share a unique, psychic bond you and I...

Goat or Monkey today?

@chickenlady very, very little.

Alternatively, a smile and a knowing looki in your eyes.

Or, me.

Or Goats.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:30, closed)

I think
I'm in the mood for monkeys today.

Personally I shall be wearing a little black cocktail dress, a neatly trimmed beard, and no underwear.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:32, closed)

*gives it to al*
Everythin' about you so sexy...

You don't even know what you go-h-h-hot,
you're really hittin' my spot...

work, just a little bit,
go, just a little bit,
me in the middle bit,
gimme just a little bit more...
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:34, closed)

FFS, people
What do we wear on Thursdays? Nothing - it's naked Thursday.

Solves all sorts of wardrobe problems, that does.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:35, closed)

@K2k6
THIS^^^^
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:35, closed)

Hmmm
A neatly trimmed cocktail dress sounds good along with no beard and some black underwear! Wahay!

I suspect it'll be shorts and a t-shirt....I see a pattern of summer wear forming here....

Righto, off now to for lunch.

Yes, today I am a Lady Who Lunches.
The work can wait!

I'll catch up later.
x
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:36, closed)

Mmmmmm
why yes thank you ancrenne, I'll have a large gin and a pint of cider. Ice in the cider.

Baby, I'm so into you
You got that somethin',
what can I do?
Baby, you spin me around
The Earth is movin',
but I can't feel the ground


Every time you look at me
My heart is jumpin', it's easy to see


You drive me crazy!
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:36, closed)

Thats a damn good point
K2k6, and since it's Tuesday today....

*digs out leather teddy and gimp mask*
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:37, closed)

Unfortunately
I won't be there.

But you know the drill - photos, or the bash didn't happen.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:39, closed)

@Al
nice withnail and I reference
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:40, closed)

No reason really, I was watching BTTF the other day...
The power of love is a curious thing
Make a one man weep, make another man sing
Change a hawk to a little white dove
More than a feeling thats the power of love

Tougher than diamonds, rich like cream
Stronger and harder than a bad girls dream
Make a bad one good make a wrong one right
Power of love that keeps you home at night

Don't take money,
don't pay rent,
don't take no credit card to ride this train
THAT'S THE POWER OF LOVE!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:41, closed)

*hugs ancrenne*
We'll block you out of pics if you like? -at least I will if I take any.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:43, closed)

@ancrenne
All you need do is upload the pics on a hosting website, imagevenue or the like. Then just gaz the URL to those whom you trust.

It's theoretically possible that someone could chance upon them, but highly unlikely. Especially if you give them obscure filenames and no tags.

Edit - a tulip on your face? Didn't know she was going... :-)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:45, closed)

^^^@K2k6
MFOTFABL!

edit - edited becuase I dont find ancrennes stalker description funny, but she was too quick at responding.

edit 2 - I like Jennifer Rush's The Power of Love:

'Cause I am your lady! and you are my maaaaaaaaaaaaan.
Whenever you reach for me I'll do all that I caaaaaaaaaan!
We're heading for something!
Somewhere I've never beeeeeeeeeeeen!

Sometimes I am frightened
but I'm ready to learn 'bout the power of love !
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:48, closed)

@ Al
That isn't funny...

EDITED AFTER Al's Edit: Er... I see, whoops!
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:49, closed)

@kaol and al
Pfft, your responses made me giggle.

@ancrenne whoever that bloke is, he's a piece of shit, al, Kaol and I will defend you from any cameras, don't you worry.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:51, closed)

@ancrenne
OK, fair point. I'll just need to wait until the Scots bash next year!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:51, closed)

Yep, I'm well up for defending people
*clicks knife*
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:52, closed)

@Kaol
I'm not as ninja as you.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:52, closed)

I wouldn't say I'm particularly ninja...
I'm not the creeping about type.
I'd rather see the Fear in someones eyes.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 10:59, closed)

*jumps from the rafters*

Hyugen!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:01, closed)

*collpases with fright*
*lulls Bert into false sense of security*

*bums him like a good 'un as he's walking away*
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:05, closed)

Hullo!
J'arrive! Ca va, B3ta?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:10, closed)

ancrenne
Generally, it's al's job to lower the tone, but now you've gone and lowered it... to an emotional and serious level.

*hugs*

It's impossible to know the right thing to say in these situations, so we'll just get tipsy and make merry instead. -and we'll stab/bum any bloke that comes anywhere near you too, ok?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:11, closed)

@ancrenne
Moved Foot On The Floor A Bit Laughing
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:11, closed)

Well
MFOTFABL is the cool person way of indicating a LOL without actually being 13 and a girl.

It stemmed from Miss CHCB who said that she almost LOLed at one of my comments, when Kaol pointed out that almost LOL is just L, she responded by saying that she Moved her Foot On The Floor A Bit Laughing. Hence MFOTFABL.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:12, closed)

@al
I was on the main board earlier, and I saw about half a dozen posts with 'LOL' in them.

It made me sick.

*steps away from ancrenne*

I'll be arriving at 7, and leaving by 11, that's plenty of time for me to get wrecked, I'm a lightweight.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:13, closed)

Damn it Enzyme
And Bert, does that mean if I want any bumming action on thursday I just have to go and stand next to ancrenne?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:13, closed)

Enzyme
Did you lecture philosophy at Keele?
(Errorist, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:14, closed)

@al
AWH YEAH.

(ancrenne can join in too if she likes, we'll be gentle, I promise)
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:15, closed)

No
he thinks about CHCB at home in his bedroom.

edit
@Bert - is ancrenne gonna bring her own strap on or do we need to provide one?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:15, closed)

@al
Puh-leez ancrenne has so many strap-ons she's built a tiny little city out of the 9 inch sky scrapers under her bed.

@ancrenne ROLFMAYO is a good un', but I'd still rather say it properly, and PMSL sounds like lady trouble.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:19, closed)

@Errorist...
Might have...

So... you a MEL, CPC, ESW, ProfDox or Business Ethics person? My gut says the last... as will be confirmed if you RIS on any but the that.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:19, closed)

100th
FUCK YOU ALL

:D

Love you really

*smooshes*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:22, closed)

@Bert
Balls! I'd never noticed the counter. 100 was sitting there for the taking for ages, an' all...
Bah.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:23, closed)

*lets Bert
fuck us all*

*wonders if this is a good time to tell Bert he might be pregnant*
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:24, closed)

Unfortunately none of the above
Sorry I was snooping a few profiles of you lovely folk and noticed you lectured there.

Only raised it because you might know one of the former staff: Dr Curran? She's my aunt.

I was wondering how long it would be before I discovered a B3tard with only one or two degrees of separation from me. Scarey.
(Errorist, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:24, closed)

Bwhahahaha!
I can see why people do it now, it's fun.

104th! In your face conformity!

@al Pregnant...? Really...? Surely, I mean, it can't be mine...?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:24, closed)

Out of interest
is there a way of seeing how many replies there have been without having to go back to the original page every time?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:25, closed)

@Errorist
Eleanor? Yep. I know her. Spooky!


(Actually isn't all that spooky.)
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:26, closed)

I don't sleep around Bert!
I'm not that kind of girl!

*cries at the implication*

edit - yeah 107, which backwards and upside down looks like Lol. Fuck the lot of you, I win!
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:26, closed)

@al
Count them all on your fingers as people post.

EDIT but, you can't get pregnant, not the way we do it?

Not another time to call in the anal abortionist is it?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:26, closed)

Yeah thats her
Think she's pretty into Hobbesian stuff..
(Errorist, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:29, closed)

@Erroist
what, the little people with hairy feet and magic rings (snigger).

Oh, sorry, Hobbesian. Gotcha.

@Bert - maybe I just need a big poo then.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:30, closed)

*grins hard*
www.bbc.co.uk/weather/5day.shtml
Rain, light rain!
Flappy coats all round!
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:32, closed)

@al
StifledASniggerWhileBouncingInMyChair
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:33, closed)

Al
Probably not far off. Little people and hairy feet make more sense to me. Don't think I've got a very philosophical mind.
(Errorist, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:34, closed)

Well, as a gentleman
I shall offer you my coat.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:34, closed)

Oooh!
I nearly forgot, I wrote a song;

Grown-up mutant disturbing b3tans,
Grown-up mutant disturbing b3tans,
Heroes on the internets, B3ta power!

Enzyme leads, while chcb does machines
(we’re really hip)

Kaol is cool but rude, and althegeordie is a party dude!
(wahey…!)
Grown-up mutant disturbing b3tans,
Grown-up mutant disturbing b3tans,

When D’s G attacks, Bert Monkeysex is tough and he’ll be fighting.

Grown-up mutant disturbing b3tans,
Grown-up mutant disturbing b3tans,

Heroes on the internets, B3ta power!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:34, closed)

*smirks*
*hopes ancrenne was aware of what she wrote*

Awwww Bert, I want to bounce on chairs.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:35, closed)

Very well, thanks!
Apart from this sodding hayfever. Never had it before and I don't know how to deal with it!

Argh!

Also, I have just been told by one of our clients that he's only had 'x amount of hits' on his website 'FACT'.

Anyone who uses the word FACT immediately invalidates their argument. Especially if they're wrong.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:37, closed)

*scratches al*

*shares*

EDIT @DIT FACT
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:37, closed)

@ancrenne
I've got the Scratch Perverts Fabric Live album.

Unfortunately not about on Thursday :(
(Errorist, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:39, closed)

Morning DiT
You should go onto his website quickly, then call him back, point out that he's now wrong, call him a cunt and then go and set fire to his trousers.

And then kick him in the balls while he's running around screaming "Aaaaagh, my trousers, they're on fire! My Trousers! Help! Help, I'm on Fire!"
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:41, closed)

September Southampton?
That's news to me!
Or were you avoiding telling me on purpose?
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:42, closed)

Of course I will!
May well be around for the August bash.

Its a good CD, the Scratch Perverts are awesome.
(Errorist, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:47, closed)

Ah cool!
*considers coming to Southampton*

I wanna eat one of those horse.
The forest ones.
Mmmmm...
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:49, closed)

Forest (w)horse?
How do they ever get any johns?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:50, closed)

You're rubbish, Burt.
I just felt I should tell you that.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:56, closed)

@Kaol
Cheers, I do my best.

*blushes*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 11:59, closed)

@ancrenne
and you would know about all the cars, because...?

Admit it, you have a horse suit, it's ok.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:01, closed)

Awwww
I don't think you're rubbish Bert. I love your little pink cheeks and the humorous way you turn apparently innocent comments into something smutty.

Maybe they could do a QOTW with that sort of theme?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:01, closed)

No problem ancrenne
They are even better live. Seem them dj a few times and their skills are amazing. There are some good clips of them on YouTube too.
(Errorist, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:01, closed)

She knows about the cars
because she goes dogging with CHCB.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:02, closed)

@al
You mean like an 'Accidental Innuendo, pointed out by Bert' QOTW?

*imagines the lovely ancrenne dogging with the lovely chcb*

Ahh... in my mind there's cuddling and spooning and goats in the car too.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:02, closed)

I love the concept
of ancrenne dogging with CHCB with a car full of 9 inch strapons, goats and spoons.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:06, closed)

I would never leave my implements of love behind
They must be yours or al's, have a sniff and see.

If it smells vinegary, it's al's.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:06, closed)

If it smells that bad
it's most likely CHCBs. There's a girl that needs more fibre in her diet.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:11, closed)

You're all disgusting
I don't know if I could meet you without throwing up my vodka.

*walks away*
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:11, closed)

*emerges, dripping and gasping, from the sub-ether*
'lo everyone, have we all had a delightful morning?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:12, closed)

*drinks Kaols Vodka*

( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:12, closed)

@al
:)

You're a bad man!

EDIT Que? What happened there? B3ta edited out most of this reply...?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:13, closed)

Wow, never heard of 'sub-ether'
Whats it like?
(Errorist, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:14, closed)

Like ether,
But more likely to does what it's told.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:14, closed)

it's dark, wet and scary
but yes, it does as it's told.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:15, closed)

@hlt
It's Berts Arse! AICMFP!

(arf)
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:16, closed)

*does as it's told*

Oh and hello again tulip!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:17, closed)

hey bert!
al, what does AICMFP mean?

*stupids*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:19, closed)

And I Claim My Five Pounds
It's for when you point out something obvious or something, I think.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:20, closed)

It mean
And I claim my five pounds, indicating that your description fitted with whatever I called it in a funny way.

Now laugh.

Please?

edit - example - Kaol plays the bass and is an evil scary man. So I once said, you are Sting. AICMFP. And it was very funny and we all laughed. and then had tiffin.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:21, closed)

er
ha ha?

edit: you had tiffin without me?

*cries*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:22, closed)

Or
All I Can Manage is Four Puppies.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:22, closed)

Or
Al Is Creaming My Frilly Pants

I win
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:24, closed)

*looks in bag*
*finds some leftover tiffin*

*offers to hlt with a tissue*

sorry

I like Berts interpretation better actually. I may start using it to annoy internet acronym user type people.

edit - Nope, that a lie, it's hlt FTW!

*creams hlts frilly pants*

Woo!
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:25, closed)

HLT wins!
You're getting a 99,000+ score of the cake-o-meter.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:25, closed)

*uses tissue to clean up frilly pants*
ooh, that was fun!

ta for the tiffin too. and the cake points.

*awards medals to al and bert*

another one, not as good - Ah, IfonlyI Could Make Fursday's Party :(
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:29, closed)

*beams*
I like my nice new shiny medal.

I want al's cream pie, any day of the week.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:30, closed)

@ ancrenne
Don't worry, I've made you tiny fairy cakes. Look, they're all pretty and pink and have sparkly things on.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:32, closed)

Pink? Pretty? Sparkly things?

Damn, I thought I'd got all of the glitter off my cock, damn you Cheer Bear!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:33, closed)

Thanks, but it's
already covered in multi-coloured spots and flaky enough as it is.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:37, closed)

got to stop doing this
Al Is Currently Munching Fur Pie

I wins again
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:37, closed)

I presume
the tiny fairy cakes are nothing like hlt's not at all tiny muffins? It's the pink sparkly description had me a little confused.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:37, closed)

God Damn HLT
I really wish I was.

mmmmmmm

Well, I know one lucky lady who is going to get some tonight.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:39, closed)

*winks at al*



You do mean me, right?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:39, closed)

the post about fairy cakes
actually meant fairy cakes. and nothing else. i was being nice and sweet and innocent, like i always am.

*does big eyes*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:41, closed)

@ancrenne
al keeps giving me cream, I rub and rub and rub it in, but it just seems to get worse.

@HLT Wanna see my big eye...?

*unzips*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:41, closed)

A fairy cake
at this time of day sounds very appetising.

So long is it doesn't have any of Al's cream on it.

I see I've not missed much in the last half hour then.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:42, closed)

huh
the mention of hundreds and thousands has left me with a lasting image which involves multi-coloured hundreds and thousands, raspberry sauce and a lucky fellow who would probably thank you for suggesting it should he ever have the good fortune to meet any of you.

*wriggles*

*looks bert in the eye*

*falls off chair*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:44, closed)

Just so I'm clear in my mind
How "not at all tiny" are these muffins? And do they are come with a raspberry sauce and hundreds and thousands topping?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:46, closed)

@HLT
Actually, that's not a bad idea, I'll have to give it a go myself!

But, when I first read that I did think you meant as some kind of lubricant, and thought the hundreds and thousands would almost certainly chafe.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:46, closed)

@ ancrenne
They are. Just think of me as your very own b3taNigella.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:47, closed)

You can't
B3taNigella.

Phwoar.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:48, closed)

darling al
"And do they are come with a raspberry sauce"

you're all confused, i suggest you go and lie down for a bit...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:48, closed)

They're Nigella
sized?

Mmmmmmmmmm.

edit
@Bert - but you could b3ta1off on Nigella. Or I could anyway. If she stayed still long enough.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:48, closed)

You wouldn't want to b3ta though
You'd just make her eat asparagus as you took her from behind.

Yeah, you love it, don't you Nigella?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:50, closed)

Isn't that delicious
Nigella, isn't it, no suck your fingertips, they're wonderful aren't they Nigella, look how gooey that looks Nigella, yeah, you love that don't you.

I really am sorry, I feel quite wrong.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:53, closed)

asparagus
mmm, my favourite!

*eats, slowly*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:53, closed)

It's ok
We're just talking about Nigella, and we can do it.

*takes HLT from behind*

Don't mind me, just passing through.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:53, closed)

ooh
*uses wooden spoons on bert*

Why, why, why does it ALWAYS come back to food and sex?

I'm not complaining, I'm just curious.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:55, closed)

Asparagus
HLT, your next wee will smell a bit funny if you've been eating asparagus.

But it is a sexy vegetable, so it's worth it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:56, closed)

Wooden spoons?
How?

Food and sex are the be all and end all, nothing else in the universe matters.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:56, closed)

sorry, a sexy vegetable?
So... many... jokes!!!!

edit@bert: oh, any way you like.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:57, closed)

@HLT
Stephen Hawking?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:57, closed)

Two words...
"Kitchen" "Knives"

*shudders*
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:58, closed)

@ Bertram
you just wrote what I couldn't quite bring myself to. I was going to mention Superman as well.

*buys ticket to hull*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 12:58, closed)

Christopher Reeves?
No, Christopher Walken! I love that joke.

You and your knives, Kaol. Honestly, there should be a register for you people.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:00, closed)

Sexy veg
Yup, I provide the inspiration, you write the material!

The fact that asparagus is vaguely phallic in appearance does help though.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:01, closed)

hee hee hee!
@ k2k6 - glad you said "vaguely" just now, I was seriously considering leaving my mirrored shoes at home...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:02, closed)

@HLT
Pffft.

Hi, I'm Robert 9.5" (cut) pleased to meet you Tulip.
Please don't post pictures of my winkle on the internets.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:04, closed)

@ Burt
There is.

We've got a logo and everything.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:05, closed)

@Bert
is that minus 9.5" there? surely that makes you a women?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:05, closed)

um, ok, I promise
but yeah, ^ what al said...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:07, closed)

al
You're so mean! Of course it isn't! I just used a dash so that I didn't have to use brackets twice.

Meanie.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:08, closed)

Don't worry HLT
My phallus is not like an asparagus tip.

Although I'm struggling to find a suitable vegetable which which to compare it, aside from the obvious cucurbit family.

Anyway, judge for yourself with your mirrored shoes.

*dons kilt and approaches HLT*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:10, closed)

@ Bert
there there

*soothes in nice ways*

edit: *whilst eyeing k2k6's kilt area*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:10, closed)

Thank you Tulip
You're not mean, not like those boys over there.

They're just jealous of my 9.5 inch trouser meat.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:11, closed)

Asparagus does so look like a cock


See.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:15, closed)

@al
So it does! I never noticed it before, but now I can really see where you're coming from.

EDIT @HLT vvvv WTF?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:16, closed)

^^^^
Laughs So Much A Little Bit Of Wee Comes Out!!!!

and I've had to minimise the screen so no-one else can see.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:16, closed)

Eh?
Laughed So Much A Little Bit Of Wee Came Out?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:19, closed)

ahem
LSMALBOWCO!!!!

Laughed So Much i Blew Als Load Back Onto errrrrr, no I give up.

I'm sure someone else can do better.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:20, closed)

yes, that's what I meant
Not sure I'll ever be able to eat asparagus again, mind...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:22, closed)

@HLT
But if you do....

we all want to watch!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:23, closed)

Can you possibly arrange to attend
the august bash, and bring some asparagus. It'll have to be tinned by then obviously.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:24, closed)

ugh, tinned asparagus?
certainly not. It'll be far too limp.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:25, closed)

But if you held it in your mouth with some ice cubes
then osmosis would make it far more turgid!
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:27, closed)

oh, right
and you would all want to watch that, would you?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:33, closed)

Depends
Are we still talking about asparagus?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:35, closed)

Nah, I'm more of a Marrow man myself.
Lunch time!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:35, closed)

@k2k6
well, yeah, did you think we were talking about cocks or summat?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:36, closed)

@HLT
No, of course not!

_Yes
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:40, closed)

*falls into thread*
hi everybody *waves*

got waylaid (oo er) by Bert and al and some whale meat, only just made it back out safely.

*shakes nervously*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:40, closed)

hello weewitch!
*waves*

*passes cake*

*soothes*

it's much nicer in here, there's only asparagus.

edit@k2k6 - yes, thought so, you naughty person you.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:45, closed)

*accepts cake*

*is soothed*

thanks hlt. It was a close run thing, I tell you. Asparagus I can cope with. Just about.

*looks anxiously over shoulder*

are they in here as well?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:46, closed)

.
*blushes a bit*

*smirks*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:47, closed)

We're here too TWW
but we're being well behaved in here. Unless you're Nigella.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:49, closed)

APRIL?!
That's millions of time away, I want to meet up NOW!

*stamps feet*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:52, closed)

@ancrenne
hiya babes (in mock Barbara Windsor accent)

how you doin? April's fine (not the 20th) but other than that, pretty clear. My social diary is, well, pretty empty that far in advance.

@al, no I'm not Nigella. I don't have the curves.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:53, closed)

I'm back
Woo!
*does the "I'm back" dance*
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:54, closed)

How about
April 4th?

I think that's free.

Maybe even for the person who is "already busy in ALL of March..."

*whistles and looks innocent*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:55, closed)

Ooooooooh
*is impressed by Kaol's dance*

*dances back at ya*

*falls over*

stupid high heels!

Edit: April 4th is okay with me. We can raise a drink in memory and toast "I have a dream"
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:56, closed)

Now now tulip
we're not at home to Little Miss Grumpy Pants.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:58, closed)

^
I'm spartacus Nigella!

I'm all dark and curvy and I'm made of cake.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 13:58, closed)

oh, that's a fair point
and you are making all the effort by coming up from south-of-england-land, so I guess that's ok.

sorry for my earlier tantrum

*pouts*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:00, closed)

Perhaps
TWW would be best to be the point of contact - she's in Edinburgh and no doubt knows the best pubs!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:00, closed)

< insert generic entry-related double entendre here >
.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:01, closed)

@ancrenne
well, there was this one time, at band camp ... no actually, when he succeeded in his chosen quest of achieving "Last then First" on consecutive QOTW's.

It was a burlesque dance, but it didn't go so well, unfortunately.

Edit: I don't know how to do that ... but I'd suggest a pub either up the High Street or down the Grassmarket. (ooo er) Nothing in the New Town appeals much - they tend to be full of posers.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:01, closed)

ha ha, have dunnit
it's on the calendar...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:05, closed)

.
@ancrenne:
That's content I've inserted into my profile.

@everyone else:
Haven't yer read all the comments but we seem to be talking about bashes. I get the impression the July 26th one in Exeter may not be going ahead. What others are lined up?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:06, closed)

posted on the calendar
but then saw hlt's message above. I'll take mine off again, shall I?

You're far too fast, hlt. Make way for the old lady, here.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:10, closed)

oops!
sorry ww! got carried away there.

re pubs - grassmarket good. what about rose street?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:12, closed)

@hlt
Rose Street's not bad, depends on how many tourists and stupid people are trying to do the pub crawl.

I suggested to ancrenne at one point doing a ghostwalk or maybe we could visit Mary King's Close . Or just sit in the pub ... whatever ...
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:16, closed)

oh yeah, tourists :(
ghostwalks are cool, my mate dave used to play one of the ghosts!

sorry, I mean, all the ghosts are real.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:20, closed)

@hlt
you mean the ghosts are actually people?

*gasps*

*clutches throat in shock*

Yeah, they are a good laugh, especially when you know what's coming (if you'll pardon the expression). MKC is better if it's pissing down though.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:26, closed)

Sounds good
I fancy going into Mary King's Close (arf).

Re Edinburgh pubs - in my experience the busy city centre ones are all noisy as hell. You can't hear yourself think for loud music and pretentious wankers. As an ageing, increasingly irascible type I'd prefer somewhere a bit more civilised!

Suggestions, TWW?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:30, closed)

Re bashes
From what I heard, Vipros is too busy playing and partying to sort something out in Exeter on the 26th of July, but even so, we could still come along, see him for a bit, watch his band and go and do our own thing. Or we could have a bash somewhere else in the West country and anyone who wants to see Vipros play could extend their journey.

As you know, I live on the continent so would prefer at least a month's notice so I can sort out a journey. On the plus side, if you've got a month's notice, you can get ultra-cheap UK train-tickets. Last year, I got a ticket from London to Glasgow for £15 (£18 for the return leg).

Another idea I had is for a roaming bash that takes place on a train. So for example, if we do the Exeter one, the London people will get on the train first and as we head west, we pick others up along the way.

PS. Anyone up for a Yorkshire bash?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:31, closed)

Some lovely people here...
think I'll hang around for a while!
( thealternativefact, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:31, closed)

What's going on here?
People arranging a Scottish bash?

I demand that the tone be lowered forthwith.

*moons*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:32, closed)

Well Bert
ancrenne is "going to be up" for the whole weekend *nudge nudge, wink wink*

Like "up for it*

Like she wants to "do it", you know, with boys, you know all sticky and squelchy and stuff, you know. you know? You must have known at least once you've got a daughter.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:34, closed)

I'm OK for the 26th
I'll stay in Exeter that night or go down to Cornwall.
( thealternativefact, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:34, closed)

Edinburgh Bash
provisionally arranged for 4 April 2009. All welcome (ish).

@K2k6, quiet pub? I'll have to ask the youngsters at work which pubs they wouldn't be seen dead in, then. Some good ones down Newington way, not too far from the centre. Get back to you on that...
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:35, closed)

you'd be welcome
way out west in where I am. Come and see me Bristols, fnarr fnarr.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:36, closed)

@al
I understand all of that post, except the daughter part? What are you blithering on about? Speak English man!

Pfft, ancrenne's 'going to be up all weekend' indeed.

Hey chcb! Nice Bristols, now show us your Dartford Tunnel.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:37, closed)

ey up CHCB
how are you feeling today?

*feels CHCB*

Mmmmmmmmm
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:37, closed)

@Bert
it was meant as in you must have had squelchy fun time at least once because you have produced offspring. Unless all the stories about your child have just been made up to make us feel sorry for you while you secretly laughed at us.

You wouldn't do that would you?

would you?

edit - pfffft! Dartford Tunnel!

Surely it should be your Bristol Channel?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:38, closed)

*coughs weakly*
*laboured breathing*

I'm... okay
*weakly coughs*

Me Dartford tunnel's currently closed to traffic.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:39, closed)

Would I?
Would I?!

I'll be showing off pictures to all the ladies at the bash, I'm one of those sickeningly proud parents who uses his daughter to endear and entrap womens

It's ok chcb, pestilence isn't something that could ever put a b3tan off.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:40, closed)

@ancrenne
I don't know what they mean! And even if I did, they can't prove it because I checked there was no one around.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:40, closed)

But I'll bet you didn't check
under the whale meat on the back seat. That's where hlt likes to hide herself.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:41, closed)

*moons back at Bert*
*gasp*

oh, sorry, all out of breath and a bit ... well, sweaty. Exercise is good for me, though, yeah? Not sure about constantly stopping to keep an eye on this thread, but ...

*leaps back into vigorous physical exercise*

*wonders if Bert is happy now?*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:42, closed)

@CHCB
Is your Dartford tunnel closed due to ongoing work, or was it an accident?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:42, closed)

It's true, it's true
*sobs*
*tries to clean whale meat off self*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:42, closed)

Of course I am, TWW!
You're here! You're not queer (that I know of), and I'm used to it.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:43, closed)

@K2k6
it was leaking.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:43, closed)

@HLT
You missed the comedy potential -

*sobs*

should have been

*blubbers*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:43, closed)

@Bert
would it matter if I was queer?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:44, closed)

Arse!
oh well.

feeling better chcb?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:44, closed)

@chcb
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwws!

/is an american teenager


@TWW It might make things a little more interesting. Are you...? -if so your husband is a very lucky man, and somebody should probably tell your children!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:44, closed)

@CHCB
*tries to think of clever 'sealing crack' comment*

*fails*

*gives up*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:45, closed)

@hlt
breathing is less painful today - that's a bonus!
I like breathing, mostly.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:45, closed)

I always like breathing
it gets me through the day.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:46, closed)

@chcb
glad you're breathing. breathing is one of my favourite hobbies. as follows.

in
out
in
out
in
out
and so on and so forth
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:47, closed)

I find that breathing's a little over-rated myself.
*photosynthesises*

(that's not the first time I've said that on b3ta, how odd)
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:48, closed)

Exeter & Bristol bash
CHCB could show her Bristols and I could show my Exeter-branch.

This could be one of those roaming bashes where we spend one night in one city and another night in the next city. Perhaps even a London bash the night before (or the night after)?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:48, closed)

@hlt
after how many ins and outs do you sort of shudder and go "Fluffeh tiem!" or "Oh Noes!" then?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:49, closed)

@ancrenne
yes, I'm still up for it. Swallowing is still hard, but I can do it. I may get out of breath but a quick lie down should help. I'll come, anyway.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:49, closed)

@Bert
Nah, not queer. Boring old straight.

@CHCB: glad you're feeling a bit better

*mops up leaky tunnel*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:49, closed)

@al
PFFFFT!!!

HAHAHAHA

*ins and outs*

*fluffy tiems*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:49, closed)

@ ancrenne
that sounds like my patented secret cure for hiccups!

@ al - well, I could tell you, but showing you would be much more fun

edit@bert - are you a girl? again?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:50, closed)

@hlt
Have I been a girl before...?

*Stands over steam grate*

Ooooh!

@ancrenne, she's saving herself for our long-haired philosopher.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:52, closed)

@Burt
You still need to breathe...
Plants have to, even though they photosynthesise.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:52, closed)

@ancrenne
No, I'm skipping 4pm tomorrow so I'll be good n'primed for Thursday with all that raw sexual energy at my disposal.

*coughs weakly again*
*spreads germs*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:53, closed)

@bert
yes, you were a girl earlier when you offered to show me your -9.5 inches and all the other boys picked on you and I soothed you in nice ways, remember?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:54, closed)

@Kaol
Oh yeah? Well...

*slaps and runs away giggling*

@hlt that's just not true, but I'm a girl if anybody wants me to be.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:54, closed)

I do hope
Enzyme has a shave and wears a pretty frock, otherwise it's going to be very hard to imagine I'm having sex with anything other than a hairy man.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:56, closed)

@al
As a hairy man, I find your reply to be offensive to my people.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:56, closed)

Afternoon all!
*waves*

Having trouble keeping up today... and I've been told I don't know what an innuendo is!

*stands in the corner*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:56, closed)

4pm
If you lot are saving yourselves up for the bash, does that mean I should have my '4pm' during the bash instead?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:57, closed)

@al
my money is on him wearing a b3ta t-shirt and a grey cardi - which is why I won't be wearing my b3ta t-shirt a grey cardi. Imagine! Social death!

Did anyone settle on a dress code because I was going to stick with jeans and a t-shirt, as per every bloody day.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:58, closed)

@DiT
If you don't know what an innuendo is .....

....


..


.......


...


.....


I'll give you one!

arf

but seriously, whoever posted that reply was a twat, I was going to respond, but couldn't be arsed.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:58, closed)

Bert
how hairy?

Hmmm...
( thealternativefact, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:58, closed)

@al
I shall shave - but the frock may have to stay at home. Sorry.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:58, closed)

I beg you a pardon?!
When was I rude?!

*moons*

*trombones*

*teabags*

*pokes out tongue*

*raspberrys*

*felches*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:58, closed)

hi DiT!
*waves*

don't stand in that corner, it's full of whale meat.

yeah, all the boys have been really naughty today. I haven't. I'm good, me, yeah, me and ancrenne and chcb and tww are the good ones.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:59, closed)

@CHCB
Bert and myself will be wearing matching black cocktail dresses, but with complimentary coloured pashminas, ancrenne will be wearing underwear and Kaol will be in a flappy coat.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:59, closed)

@Enzyme
don't shave, I prefer it rough.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:00, closed)

*glories in being one of the good ones*
Hi DiT, saw that reply and thought "what a tube". Like hlt said, stay out of the corners, you may never be seen again

*moons back at Bert*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:00, closed)

Whalemeat?
Oh... God!

*washes*

OK, I'll come out of the corner...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:01, closed)

@clendrix
Imagine a Chimp, and well, that's pretty much me really.

Hairy chest, hairy arse, hairy legs, hairy shoulders, hairy head, and hairy arms, but I do have some of these areas waxed occasionally. I like the waxing I do.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:01, closed)

*waxes Bert innapropriately*
Ooooo, pink and shiny!
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:02, closed)

Wax on
Wax off
Wax on
Wax off
Wax on

*whacks off*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:03, closed)

@Burt Were-Monkey
Thanks for that, reminded me that I need to buy some razorblades.

Can turn up looking scruffy, can I?
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:04, closed)

@Kaol
I haven't shaved since sunday, should I turn up at the bash looking like a Gibbon, or like an underage boy-child?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:05, closed)

Yes
scruffy or hairy, the choice is yours.
( thealternativefact, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:05, closed)

@Kaol
you can but there is a very strict dress code, last time i was in there a group of men were wearing german army uniforms whilst a number of other were wearing cocktails dresses. And some of the women had moustaches.

edit - Bert, thats the hardest choice I will ever make, my two favourite things. Could you shave half of your face, then I can just turn you to the other side.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:06, closed)

@Bert
"imagine a chimp"

was it you I saw at Edinburgh zoo, pumping a capuchin? I did wonder at the time ....
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:06, closed)

hmmm
I'm not sure that Kaol would use razorblades for shaving...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:06, closed)

@al
You are Prince Harry.

AICMFP
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:07, closed)

@ Al
You're Max Mosley!
AICMFP.

EDIT: Great minds, Enzyme...

@HLT What else would I shave with? Broken glass?
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:07, closed)

@TWW
What can I say? I like to get around

just don't tell al
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:07, closed)

Yay!
I got to cream Enzymes frilly pants too!

Edit - And Kaols, what a day this has been.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:08, closed)

dammit
Enzyme got in there before me

*lowers tone*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:08, closed)

@al
And Kaol's.

You tart.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:08, closed)

@Enzyme
no, he's Max Mosley, AICMFP.

Edit: Fuck, Kaol!
(that's an order)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:08, closed)

@kaol
well, possibly. or you might have an electric one. i don't know.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:09, closed)

That's a whole lotta cream
You must be exhausted, sit down for while and let us cream your pance for a change.

*fucks Kaol* Anything else, oh messiahed one?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:09, closed)

@CHCB
But I don't want to fuck Kaol. Not on the first meeting, anyway. And not with spare commas like that, either.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:11, closed)

@ Tulip
Can you really see my using blunt electric clippery things, when I could play with sharp, sharp metal blades?

LOUD EDIT: Nobody fucks me unless I say so. If your name's not on the list, you're not coming in.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:11, closed)

*whispers at al and bert
should we mention the new meaning of AICMFP?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:11, closed)

@Sexmonkey
more tissues and some chicken soup, please.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:11, closed)

@Enzyme
It's not Kaol you have to worry about, cupcake...
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:12, closed)

@CHCB
I'd be very cautious about accepting tissues from Bert. You won't know where they've been ...
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:12, closed)

@hlt
*whispers*
we probably should, I don't think any of them got it that time*
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:12, closed)

Leave them to it, Tulip.
*kneels before Mistress ceilidhband with boxes of tissues and a red hot soup tureen on his back*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:13, closed)

yes
because you would obviously use the sharp, sharp metal blades for other things that are more exciting than shaving, rendering the blades useless for shaving, oh it's too complicated, yes you probably do shave with blades and anyway what do I care, I'm not meeting any of you on Thursday.

*cries*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:13, closed)

@TWW
I'd be considerably more cautious about accepting "chicken soup" from Bert!
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:13, closed)

Thanks Bert
*bestows germs of plenty upon teh Sexmonkey*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:14, closed)

good point, al
I'd be very careful about accepting anything from Bert. Particularly if he needs a shave.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:15, closed)

There, there
It's full of protein, and white meat, that.

I hope you all enjoy my hot cock soup.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:15, closed)

@HLT
*hugs you*

I'll make sure I'm clean-shaven and suave for April.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:15, closed)

*tastes*
Hm. Too salty for my liking. Like McDonald's chips.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:16, closed)

Uh oh
*puts local police on alert for clean-shaven, suave young lunatic in April*

*hides all sharp things*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:17, closed)

April...
...I shall be away for most of.

I think I shall never go to the ball.
( thealternativefact, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:17, closed)

TWW
I resent the term "lunatic".
Innocent until proven guilty...

EDIT: Clendrix, are you always busy?
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:18, closed)

@Kaol
innocent? Really? Sorry, I'm a mum, that means everyone but me is guilty until I say otherwise.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:20, closed)

@clendrix
Edinburgh is 'away' for you isn't it?

So therefore you can come to the bash, and not turn into a pumpkin or whatever.

*is pleased with logic*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:20, closed)

It's a fair point Kaol
Your mum is always right, and if your mum isn't around, someone else's mum immediately becomes the highest form of authority.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:21, closed)

@kaol
Aww, thanks

*checks for sharp things*
*finds kittens*

*hugs back*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:21, closed)

TWW
Prove me guilty then.
They'll NEVER take me alive.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:21, closed)

My Mum
could have all your Mums.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:22, closed)

*books tour of Edinburgh Dungeon for Kaol*
We don't need to import nutters, you know. We've plenty of our own.

You'll do as I tell you, lad, or you'll go over my knee ..... again.

Edit: @Bert, my mum is 5 foot nowt and weighs about 8 stone. Mind you, she swings Scholl sandals with a lethality not often seen in these modern times.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:22, closed)

well, I'm ancrenne's adopted b3tamum (apparently)
so I could have all of you

*sterns*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:23, closed)

*gets in queue*
Mum! Mum! Can I have some sweets?

Or a spanking?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:25, closed)

You can have me any time
you like, tulip ;)

But my Mum is not to be messed with.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:25, closed)

@kaol
No! Just occasionally (like, everytime a bash is arranged, ffs).

@k2k6 - I've never been to Scotland - it's far away, but I'll be in NZ so it'll be even further away than usual.

Depends on the date though. A small chance I'll make it...
( thealternativefact, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:25, closed)

This has all gone
A bit Freudian for my liking.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:26, closed)

Oh yeah
you like being the stern one don't you hlt. Yeah, tell me off, i'm a bad bad boy, my room hasn't been tidied for weeks, I need a good smack with a slipper. You love a bit of that ......

Oh dear christ, what is wrong with me! I don't find that thought remotely arousing.

*goes and dunks head in cold water*
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:26, closed)

*peers over glasses at DiT*
have you been a good boy then?

*hands over sweets*

*decides that he must be guilty of something*

*administers a sound spanking*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:26, closed)

@al
I do.

Not the Mum thing though, just the spanking with a slipper.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:27, closed)

bert, al, devil
form an orderly queue, gents, and i shall administer discipline and cake as required.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:28, closed)

Hmmmm
discipline or cake?

almost as tricky as choirboy or gibbon.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:29, closed)

*sighs*
If it's not cake or sex, it's discipline.

Thank goodness I love all three.

*bares bottom*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:30, closed)

TWW
I'm always guilty of something.

*presents bare toosh for spanking purposes*

HLT: I was first in the queue! Me! Me!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:30, closed)

*fetches strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands*
*grins*

edit@devil - you think you're first, do you?

I shall just have to make you wait...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:31, closed)

@ancrenne
arrrgh! mindbleach!

unless you're offering to help?

SORRY - *hands cake to ancrenne*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:33, closed)

*decides it's time to be the good parent for a change*
hitting is NOT NICE and I won't have it you hear?

*sees that one falling on deaf ears*

*picks up slipper (pink and fluffy of course) and prepares to administer discipline*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:34, closed)

yes, it is absolutely the place for cake
*cakes*

now run and play dear...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:36, closed)

ancrenne, TWW and hlt
You're a right bunch of filthy little go-ers aren't you?

This whole interweb thing's got me scared now.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:37, closed)

@hlt
I'm surprised and disappointed in you. You didn't ask where she was going, who with, when she'll be back, didn't mention talking to strangers, I mean NOT talking to strangers, not accepting sweets from strange men (which rules out this lot!) and forgot the one big basic ... no running with scissors.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:38, closed)

Don't know if this is still used...
But when I was knee high to a grasshopper words that would always strike fear in to me were:

"Devil in Tights! If you don't stop that right now I will pull your trousers and pants down and smack your bottom!"

The combination of my full name (complete with long and funny sounding foreign words) and the threat of public nudity was always enough to stop me dead in my tracks.

Profitterole, anyone?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:39, closed)

* follows cake crumbs *
maybe I shouldn't have...
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:42, closed)

she'll be all right
and she's old enough to know better.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:42, closed)

*accepts profitterole*
my mum did that "whole name" thing as well. I try to avoid it, cos I hate the feeling that sometimes I'm turning into a younger version of my mum. Oh, and pick your feet up when you walk.

*sorry*

edit: hlt, are we ever old enough to know better?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:42, closed)

ooh, profiteroles!
*accepts*

*bites*

*squirts cream everywhere*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:43, closed)

I do the
whole name thing to my girlfriend when she farts on the sofa.

But I think that's reasonable. Am I right?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:43, closed)

@WW
no... i don't think we are. hurrah!

edit: and don't talk with your mouth full.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:43, closed)

^@ HLT
Fnar!

@Al - Nothing wrong with a woman farting... Shows they're comfortable in your presence.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:44, closed)

ooh, sweets!
ooh scissors!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:45, closed)

I do the full name thing when I reach climax
Though normally it's not the Mrs's full name, it's;

Chad Michael Murray
Wee Jimmy Krankie
or Leslie Crowther
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:45, closed)

*snatches scissors off ancrenne*
.
Now don't cry dear

*placates with kittens*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:45, closed)

Bugger
Cake time, and I'm missing it.

Any profiteroles left? Or are we all creamed out?

Edit @clendrix - you could go to Dunedin in NZ. That's named after the anglicised version of the gaelic for Edinburgh. Close enough?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:46, closed)

*offers profiteroles to K2k6*
"creamed out?" I read that wrong the first time.

*blushes*

edit @ancrenne, now that's enough from you young lady. Wait til your father hears about this ....

*offers hug to spakka to make up for sweetie throwing young friend*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:48, closed)

CHILDREN!
That is enough!!

ancrenne, play nicely. bert, al, devil, go and stand in the corner behind the whalemeat. NO, don't look at me like that or I will come over there.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:50, closed)

I was quite
disturbed at the weekend when we were having a laugh at one of my mates when for some reason his mrs started telling us about what he did and didn't like in the bedroom and then proceeded to impersonate his vinegar face.

It was both very funny, but somewhat disturbing at the same time.

@DiT I don't actually have any problem with her farting, in fact the other day I pointed out that we were worringly open about all things poo and bathroom related. Sometimes I have to lock the door to get a bit of alone time or she bursts in and starts talking to me or just using the mirror.

And i didn't alone time like "alone time" I just sometimes like to poo in private.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:50, closed)

*accepts profiterole*
Mmm, thanks!

*consumes*

Lovely.

The creamed out thing was of course deliberate. It's innuendo week after all.

Like every other week.

Edit TWW - I have resigned my post of adopted father to ancrenne. Nothing personal, I just can't really do the paternal thing. Unfortunately poor HLT is now a single mum.

*fears CSA*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:50, closed)

@k2k6
been there! didn't think about that!
( thealternativefact, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:54, closed)

*hugs newly abandoned hlt*
*offers support in tracking down absent father and kicking some ass*

*looks up "head kicking hardcases" in yellow pages, is disappointed to find no entries*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:54, closed)

400?
EDIT: Bollocks. Missed it by one.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:55, closed)

thanks, ww
*glares at k2k6*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:56, closed)

@Enzyme
Are you just sitting there lurking, waiting to claim significant* milestone posts?

*in base 10, at least
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:56, closed)

afternoon
decided I can't really be bothered to do any more work for the next hour

how's things?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:57, closed)

Aaaah Enzyme
we need a father figure for ancrenne before she runs any wilder. You up for it?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:57, closed)

@K2k6
have you been secretly popping in to claim significant posts in binary then?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:58, closed)

Hey!
Why should I have to go in the corner? Bert started it!

(Al, I often look on pooing as my 'me' time. Woe betide anyone who disturbs my movements!)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:58, closed)

.
* accepts sweeties *

* accepts hugs *

Are ther still some profiteroles going?

@ancrenne: Will gaz you later re political compass.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:59, closed)

TWW
Looks like responsibility. And I don't think I could handle ancrenne when she's got a strop on.

So: no.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 15:59, closed)

I don't care who started it
but you're all my favourites, so I have to punish all of you
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:00, closed)

sorry, hlt and ancrenne
I have failed to secure a "new daddy". I did try, and will make up for this sad failure by supplying all manner of cakey goodies. And hugs of course

*hugs*

*offers cream eclairs*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:02, closed)

Afternoon Vipros
We were discussing a possible Exeter bash on July the 26th. I know you're too busy with the band and the after-party, but even so, we can arrange our own entertainment/accomodation etc. and you're welcome to come chat with us even if it is just briefly.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:02, closed)

@al
No, I've just been posting shite all day.

@HLT - sorry dear, but I just couldn't. I'm not that responsible!

*shames*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:02, closed)

@anncrenne
You are Lady Sovereign! And I fill my own frilly pants with creamy goodness.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:03, closed)

.
"Looks like responsibility. And I don't think I could handle ancrenne when she's got a strop on."
Am I the only one who read that as 'strap on'?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:04, closed)

@Enzyme...
"when she's got a strop on."

stroap on.

Well, that's how I read it...

EDIT: Looks like you weren't, Spakkaman...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:04, closed)

Spakka
I sure as hell couldn't handle that.



I don't think.

*imagines*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:05, closed)

NOoooooo
food is not love!

*steps away from the hobnobs*

*resigns self to lifetime of meaningless encounters, guilt at being a bad b3tamum, and shedloads of cake and wine*

*blames k2k6 entirely*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:06, closed)

*offers ancrenne millionaire's shortbread*
if that doesn't bring you back to the straight and narrow, nothing on earth will.

*glares at K2k6 for abandoning the virtual fruit of his virtual loins*

*offers hlt healthy fruit snack instead*

Edit: time to go now, witchlets are both home and uttering those three priceless little words. Not "I love you". No. I get "What's for dinner?"

Catch you all later ...
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:06, closed)

@Enzyme
You don't know what you're missing. Although I'm not sure if I can handle ancrenne with a strap on and a strop on at the same time.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:09, closed)

Tea
Yes please?

How are you going to deliver it to us? Will it squirt out my monitor?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:10, closed)

ooh, a healthy fruit snack!
lovely mangoes, these...

edit@ancrenne - i just misread that as "cabbage" - arp!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:12, closed)

*Sighs*
Another lengthy one that I've totally failed to get to grips with. I've spent the whole day being pumped with information on EU regulation and State Aids you see.

Curse my job for getting really fucking busy lately.

*Checks watch*

*Still only Tuesday*

*Drums fingers on desk*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:12, closed)

@spakkaman
I should imagine that an ancrenne with a strap on and a strop on would be just one great Nigellaesque ride of wonderfulness.

*goes to a happy place with that thought*
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:13, closed)

Time for me to go, I think
I've to disappear early today.

And it's probably a good idea given the amount of glares coming my way after my shirking of parental duties.

*examines virtual loins*

Phew, still there.

Bye all.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:17, closed)

*puts cap on sideways*
Yo DG!

How is your, er, 'bad self'?

EDIT: BYE TWW! BYE K2K6! *waves*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:17, closed)

bye k2k6
and bye everyone - off too!
( thealternativefact, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:18, closed)

@ancrenne
It was meant as a real compliment, honest!

Have a picture of cute australian kittumz to make you feel better.


( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:18, closed)

@mistaspakkaman
missed your comment a while ago!

It'd be great if some of you guys came down even if I only get to meet you for a few minutes

we're playing at The Hub, doors open at 9pm, we're first on at 10, tickets are £4 in advance

hmmm, I'll have to look into whether you can buy them via the wonderous interweb
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:19, closed)

@Davros
I really want one of those fancy watch you have that tells the day...
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:19, closed)

My watch used
to tell me the day, but it doesnt work at all now.

Really should get a new battery.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:21, closed)

'ternoon ancrenne
Not sure - my train gets into Kings Cross at 6.30ish, I need to get to Victoria to dump my bag and get changed into my flappy coat and spandex, and get back to Covent Garden. Conservative estimate I'll be there by 8, hopefully before. Depends on how much trouble I have locating my hotel. It looks simple on the map, but I've got the directional sense of a blind homing pigeon sometimes!

*EDIT* Hello yourself DiT. I'm all the better for not being in that training course any bloody longer! Christ, I felt as though my brain was going forcibly escape via one of my nostrils at one point.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:22, closed)

*wakes up in a strange place*
*panics*
*looks at watch*
*sigh of relief*
Well... At least I know it's a
Friday.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:23, closed)

8
seems a reasonable time.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:23, closed)

8?!
8?! I was going to be there for 7, now I have no need to rush.

EDIT and hello again everybody
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:25, closed)

I'll be in London
From 9.
In the morning.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:25, closed)

I think
8 is an excellent sort of time.

Edit - so the very drunk man in the flappy coat vomiting in the corner when you go into the pub will be Kaol
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:25, closed)

or 7
7's good too
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:26, closed)

@Kaol
The watch tells me the date. I know that the bash is on the 19th, so by my superior mental processes I can work backwards and work out what day it is. Gotta love education sometimes.

*Taps nose*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:27, closed)

That's better
See you there at 7, Kaol and chcb..?

I have to leave at 11 to catch the last train home :( unless anyone staying in a hotel wants to top and tail?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:27, closed)

7 it is
white carnation on display
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:28, closed)

oh Bert
I thought you'd never ask!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:28, closed)

I'm not sure when I'll be getting there.
But I'm more than happy to give my mobile number to anyone that wants it.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:29, closed)

Well, I finish work at 5.30...
And I'm a hop, skip and a jump (ok, half an hour) from Covent Garden, so any time is good for me really.

If any non-london B3tans need a tour guide/directions/goats, gimme a call. I'll fly wid ya!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:29, closed)

@ Bert
7 is good too. If it wasn't for the fact that I have to wear a suit for work, I'd be straight there at 7.

But I'm not going out drinking in a suit. I'd look like a cityboy or something and that isn't good for my credibility. No, flappy leather coats and comic book t-shirts, that's the way to go.

*EDIT* Mobile number swappage would be an idea. Chickenlady's already got mine from the last time.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:29, closed)

Oh Tulip!
How romantic!

*runs through fields of corn on a Summer's day to HLT*

*reams*

@Kaol You're such a tart 'anyone who wants it' indeed.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:29, closed)

I shall make sure
I leave work on time (should be easy, I don't do much) so I can get home by 5.30, then change and head into town so 7 should be fine for me too.

I shall walk into the pub making the sign of the cock at passing strangers so you can recognise me and stop being strangers but become strange people I know.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:30, closed)

@Bert & HLT
You'd have to be in the same hotel though.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:31, closed)

@spakka
oh yeah.

oh well!

*runs to bert in cornfield, wearing thin white floaty cotton frock*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:32, closed)

Hah!
I've got a number already.
I rule!
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:34, closed)

My mobile is..
Also available to the discerning B3tan. all you need do is ask!

I shall be wearing jeans and a tshirt and I have a close-shaved head and glasses.

I do not look like a Devil.

*excites*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:36, closed)

I'm not quite sure
who on this board I think is trustworthy enough to have my number.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:36, closed)

Mr. DiT?
I shall take your number too then.
T'will put my total up to 3.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:37, closed)

@al Oh! OH! OH! Oh! Ooooh!
*puts hand up*

I know! I know!

ME.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:38, closed)

Afternoons muckers
How's things today?

I'm sad that I shall not make it to le bash. But it also means I don't need to give my mobile number to strangers strange people.

On the plus side, someone knocked coffee over their son today at work. Reasonably amusing to watch the reactions.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:40, closed)

Afternoon PoD
Coffee sounds nasty, did you beat the child for being so stupid as to get in the way of a pool of scalding liquid?

I would have thought that at least a kick in the face would have been deserved.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:42, closed)

Afternoon POD
I too won't be making the bash. :.-(

Re giving my mobile number to strange people: I've got the mobile number of my other mobile on my mobile so I already have a strange person in my address-book.

@ancrenne:
Is there some kind of a dress-code?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:44, closed)

I did actually chuckle slightly al
Almost felt a bit bad for it. But then didn't, seeing as I manage to get coffee on myself many times during the day, and I just carry on with what I'm doing. I rubbed a 180 degree grill with my knuckles one day too. It was sore.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:44, closed)

'lo PoD
*sends feelbetters to knuckles*

Are we all swapping numbers?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:46, closed)

I cooked my
right ring finger when I splashed a load of hot oil onto it a couple of weeks back, it's still not completely healed.

I'm hoping the friggin messiah will let my touch her with my finger (use your imagination) and it will be as if it never happened.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:48, closed)

@al
you can stick it in me Box Tunnel
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:49, closed)

Wrong wrong wrong wrong,
wrong wrong wrong wrong.

WRONG! WRONG!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:50, closed)

@CHCB
That depend if it's still leaking or not.

I don't have a problem with that per se, but I don't know you that well at the moment!

edit - Bert, i think you posted a little too quick there!
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:51, closed)

Hot oil on finger action?
Sounds good. Not for you though.

The kid was well upset.

*feels left out of bash stuff and number swapping*

Oh well.

Anyone do anything productive today?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:53, closed)

Please stop talking about
fingering the Messiah's bumhole.

To me, she is as pure as the driven snow, and as chaste as Jerry the Mouse.

@POD Hell no! But if you want my mobile number it's 0775GOATRAPE
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:53, closed)

Bum Hole!?
Urrrgh, I didn't want to put it up her bum, I was after some full on minge action.

I can't see how fingering her arse is going to make my finger any better.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:57, closed)

Don't be silly Bert
That's too many digits for a number.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:57, closed)

Heh heh
digits! fingering!


heh heh heh
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 16:59, closed)

Sorry, I meant GOATRAP
i said a hip hop the hippie the hippie
to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop
the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie
to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat
now what you hear is not a test--i'm rappin to the beat...

GOATRAP.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:00, closed)

hm, productive
what's that?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:00, closed)

Bye ancrenne
*waves*

*fingers bumhole*
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:01, closed)

Sugar Hill Gang?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:01, closed)

Bye ancrenne!
@POD Sugar Hill Goat Gang to be precise, they were much better than their black counterparts.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:02, closed)

@bert
Your pure and chaste thoughts on CHCB has prompted me to pearoast this...



EDIT: Bye ancrenne
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:03, closed)

I'm impressed I got that actually
I'm not entirely sure what productivity is either, but I heard someone say it earlier on.

I got to teach a new person to make drinks today. They didn't really want to learn. Good combination.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:04, closed)

And who can forget
Grandmaster Melle Goat's White Lines.

Aaaaaaaaah - get higher baby!
Aaaaaaaaah - get higher baby!
Aaaaaaaaah - get higher baby!
And don't ever come down!
Free Base!

Bang bang diggy dee
band de bang diggy dee
Bang bang diggy dee
band de bang diggy dee
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:04, closed)

@mistaspakkaman
That has got me SO horny.

I don't know if it's the veil, the support bra, or the fact that they both compliment what is normally a very pretty face to the extent that she now looks like a disgruntled retard.

*BELMS*

White lines, going through my mind
White lines, make me feel alright
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:06, closed)

@Bert
I hadn't noticed how much that shopping makes her look like she suffers form Downs Syndrome before!

*BELMS! with Bert*
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:09, closed)

@bert
It's still the apple wot does it for me. No ammount of PaintShopPro'ing can compete with the maloideaeic beauty of the original pic.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:10, closed)

Right
I'm off home.

Bye everybody!

edit - what on earth does maloideaeic mean spakkas?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:10, closed)

Another rap classic, from memory;
Woke up quick, at about noon,
just thought that I had to be in Compton soon,
gotta get drunk,
before the day begins,
before my mother starts bitchin' about my friends.

Bored as hell and I wanna get ill,
so I got to the place where my homeboys chill,
Jump in my four, got juice in my ride, front and back, side to side,
then i let the alpine play, it was pumpin' new shit by NWA, it was gangsta-gangsta at the top o' the list, the i played my own shit, it went something like this...

EDIT bye al!

Cruisin' down the street in my '64, jocking the bitches, slappin' the hoes,
I went to the park to get the scoop, and old Ed's out there cold shootin' some hoops.
Car pulls up, who can it be?
It's the fresh out of Juve known as QOG,
He rolls down the window and he starts to say,
'It's all about making that GTA.'

Cos the boyz n the hood are always hard, come talking that trash and we'll pull your card,
knowing nothing in life but to be legit, don't quote me boy I ain't said shit...

I'll stop now.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:12, closed)

@al
It's a word I invented from the Latin word for Apple.

* tries to raise the tone of the discussion *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:14, closed)

can we please
make me and my apple-chomping face go away? I knew I should've posted my facebook pic with the cleavage instead.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:15, closed)

Aaaah
I see, like Capraphillia.

I am going now. Bye.

edit - hold up! The cleavage CHCB! The Cleavage! otherwise, how will any of the men recognise you on thursday!
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:16, closed)

Ohhh!
*has learned something today*

I like how the French for potato is literally, 'Apple of the Earth'. (I was confused!)

@CHCB FACEBOOK PIC NOW
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:16, closed)

@ Burt
You mean potato?
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:17, closed)

@Bert
your thinking of the french for potato, not apple.

edit - Kaol jinx 1,2,3!
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:17, closed)

@Kaol
You're always correcting me, you smug git.

If only I wasn't so dim.

Of course I did, or the post made no sense whatsoever. I spotted it before I read your replies though.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:18, closed)

nope
for the cleavage you have to be on Facebook. Then I can stalk you back.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:18, closed)

@CHCB
Are you sure you want to invite your cleavage to be photoshopped?

* lowers tone back again *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:19, closed)

so how
do we find you on facebook?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:19, closed)

Burt
Aren't you meant to be cleverer then me?
I mean, you've got a definite age advantage on me, old fella.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:19, closed)

I am on Facebook!
now

@Kaol Age has nothing to do with intelligence, I've known many stupid old people.
I would never say that I was cleverer than anyone, least of all a person who has been through higher education and got a worthwhile degree .
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:19, closed)

@Bert
so clearly anyone who did media studies or sports science can just fuck right off.

*runs from anyone who did sports science, but media studies, you can fuck right off*
( Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:22, closed)

Exactly al,
An old schoolmate of mine got a 2.2 in his Social History degree.

He now works in Sainsburys, stacking shelves, and lives with his Mum, i no longer talk to him.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:24, closed)

Sorry...
I re-read my post and it sounded arrogant, rather than than sarcastic, as I intended.
*frowns*
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:25, closed)

Bertie old fruit
nothing wrong with a desmond...

or was it the subject you objected to?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:26, closed)

S'ok Kaol
I wasn't taking you seriously, but I know that as B3tans go I'm not anywhere near the top of the list when it comes to intelligence.

I'm near the bottom, with BGB.
(thank the Messiah she's not here to reprimand me for that!)

@HLT It was the subject, in fact, I think it may have been Social Science. Whatever it was it was a total non-subject, and he went to a uni just up the road so he didn't have to leave home.
...and his mum irons creases in his jeans.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:28, closed)

*grins at Burt*
Without you, who would keep Al away from molesting the children?
You're a noble sacrifice.
Most noble.

I'm going home now.
Need to sharpen my knives for Thursday.
( Cawl, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:32, closed)

Bye
I'm going to dismantle my computer (the DVD-burner doesn't seem to be working). I'll catch you guys in the evening/night.

EDIT: Bye K
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:33, closed)

al doesn't molest children,
he just threatens to, to get me riled up and ready for him.

I'm off too now, bye everyone!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:34, closed)

So,
Has everyone left now, just as I get back?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:37, closed)

urgh, creases in jeans!
wrong, just wrong!

edit: I'm not very clever either, can I come to the bottom of the class too?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:38, closed)

Creases mean ironing
So they really aren't something I have to worry about to be honest.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 17:39, closed)

Ning everyone
Where actually is the pub by the way? I've been to Covent garden plenty, but have no idea of what the pubs there are called.

My feet hurt and I'm tired, so I'm going to have a nap for a while
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 19:14, closed)

.
.
Chat continues here
.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 1:09, closed)