Nuclear Wombles
Womble eggs are injected with special radioactive waste and then left in prime locations (such as Iraq, Libya or France)

The Womblings hatch and scurry silently around, Wombling free - making the most of the things that they find, things that most everyday folk leave behind.

Then, when there's a war, a special walky talky owned by President Bush is pressed and the nuclear Wombles explode, killing millions of innocent people and bringing peace to this fair world once more.

I'd imagine there would be a resistance movement, but they would have to remain underground, overground.
(ccc, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 9:31, Reply)

Twuntlights
Replacement car headlights that would safely pass an MOT which at the flick of a button on the stearing wheel, would instantly switch to 8-Bazillion Candelas to blind that Twunt coming the other way at night with his main beam on.

Company slogan : "Twuntlights - that'll teach the fuckers".
( Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 1:11, Reply)

For long boring trips in a tunnel
Images could be attached to the tunnel wall for it's entire length, each image slightly different to the last. As you pass them in a train at high speed it would give you the impression that you are watching a cartoon.
( grifftinfoilhat, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 13:29, Reply)

LazyPlates (tm) for students*
These are plastic plates, coated with many thousands off strong, transparent, peel off layers. Simply eat of the plate as usual (the plastic is strong enough to withstand knife cuts) and when you're done, whip off a layer and bin it! Bingo, no washing up to do!

After you've peeled off all the layers, stick on a refill pack, or bin the plate!

*Inspired by an extremely lazy dickranger in halls who would cover every item he used in cooking/eating with foil (yes, even the knife and fork) so he didnt have to wash up. Oh and when he smiled he looked liked a paedophile.
(idlemind, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 10:20, Reply)

My Brother invented
a 99p coin, which i thought was a great idea.
(oiseau, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 14:07, Reply)

fortune beer
bottled beer with a message at the bottom.
(slogan - the answers to your problems *are* at the bottom of a bottle)
( fishsticks, Wed 7 Apr 2004, 23:59, Reply)

Margarine-stick.
Like a pritt-stick, but full of margarine.

So if you're too lazy to get a knife and faff around with the tub, you can still have margarine on your sandwich.

Also, it would be ideal for packed lunches.
Maybe Flora could jump on the dairylea bandwagon, and sell "Flora Lunchables" containing bread, fillings, and a "margarine-stick"
(snitchell, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 9:24, Reply)

high amplitude, low frequency speaker
to be placed on the ceiling of a dance floor.

In physics we were watching a video about resonance, wherin we discovered the resonant frequency of man boobs to be around 5Hz.

So this speaker could emmit an inaudible but high amplitude tone at around 5Hz that would cause man boobs (and mabey female ones aswell) to flail around.. i just think it'd be funny to watch.
(not_a_monkey, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 18:22, Reply)

The HedgeHogWatch
A device so simple - it'll make you weep blood, a hedgehog strapped to your wrist - you can now tell the time. If its winter, it's asleep.

Two alarm settings, winter and not-winter. Never be unsure what season you are in again.
(callipygous everytime I kill a hitchhiker, God masturbates, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 16:13, Reply)

Stairlift/portaloo hybrid
If you fitted a portaloo to a stairlift then you could take a dump whilst gliding slowly upstairs , a real boon to the elderly/incontinent. Extra features could involve fitting soft brushes etc the length of the stairs enabling you to wipe as you glide gently back down.
(Bringing Sarcasm To The Masses (Valis), Thu 8 Apr 2004, 10:49, Reply)

You know how people have those neon light underneath their cars?
Well, I thought how about the same thing, but with trousers
so you'd get a neon glow from under your rouser legs, so it'd light up the floor and shoes.
You coudl expand it to include lights around the inside of your fly that switched on when unzipped.
( StickFigureNinja is worried he may be on the list, Wed 7 Apr 2004, 23:59, Reply)

A petrol
pump that has a button with £5, £10, £15, etc etc £fill it up on it. No just going over.....
( theWooinator, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 17:54, Reply)

Head rests for Gents toilets
It's reaching the latter part of the evening, you're fast approaching that state of drunkeness where standing up is getting to be a bit of a bind, the old bladder needs emptying so off you head to the gents. That quite, peaceful moment of relief is a time of rest..... of quiet reflection. As you start to take stock of the evening's progress and enjoy the slow release of pressure from down below, you allow your head to rest against the wall.

The cold, hard, dirty wall.

It's clear to see..... What every pub / bar needs is a padded headrest above each urinal. Simple. You return to your friends feeling relieved and rested.
(smerv, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 15:26, Reply)

~sigh~ Sorry. Couldn't resist...
I manged to invent a special van with an ice box in the back, to keep things nice and cold.

But then, when the ice box is empty, the van plays a nice tune, just to let everyone know.

~re-lurk~
(Benjimawoo, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 14:44, Reply)

Jackets with mirrors, stop lights and indicators.
And people have to use them on crowded streets, to stop them fucking stopping without warning. Bastards.
( PastorSauce : easy on the anchovies..., Thu 8 Apr 2004, 14:04, Reply)

You know!


For kids!
( WhoElse I'm what Willis was talking about, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 11:47, Reply)

Well it might save on your car insurance premiums...
Prescription windscreen and windows on your car so you could drive even if you forgot your glasses?
( Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 10:32, Reply)

Breathalysers...
A lock for your mobile/landline/keyboard to prevent you from calling or emailing people when you are under the influence. If over the limit, you will be barred from contacting people, particularly ex-es and people you fancy.
( Strangey is present at, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 2:23, Reply)

Tampons for childs play things
In an attempt to make toys such as barbie slightly more education, i wanted to modify a slimline cigarette filter so it became a sort of tampon for barbie dolls, teaching the young lady owners during their tender years about the monthly surge of blood that would inevitably come from betwixt their legs. the only problem was persuading mattel to include the relative genetalia, and actually finding the enthusiasm to make the thing in the first place. seeing as i have very little motivation whatsoever, a letter was never forwarded to mattel regarding giving barbie a fanny (even though the response and humour involved within it would be more than worth it) and a piece of string was never crudely attatched to the aforementioned filter.
( Muns, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 0:33, Reply)

You know those blank lines that they use for censoring stuff on tv?
how about real adhesive ones of those, so you could just slap them on when you go out in the morning, save getting dressed.
( StickFigureNinja is worried he may be on the list, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 0:12, Reply)

I really think we could use this around the board.
A small device attached to every computer made, which delivers an electrical shock to the user whenever they type in 'lol', 'u', 'gr8', or other such alleged words. Perhaps it could also distinguish between 'your' and 'you're'.

The voltage would, of course, be non-lethal, so that conditioning could occur.
( TheFelineAnarchist, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 0:04, Reply)

Square sausages
Sausages that aren't round, requiring you to chase them around the grill/pan and leading to a disparity in the amount of sausage area cooked.

Square profile sausages would cure this in an instant
(driverchris, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 10:54, Reply)

GM "Stealth" Spuds
I know that the boffins have already genetically modified vegetables so that they are resistant to diseases or whatever, but this idea involves the modification of horrible vegetables that nobody wants to eat to make them look and taste exactly like potato, whilst retaining all the vitamins and what have you of the source plant.

Once this holy grail has been achieved, these ‘good for you’ vegetables can be cooked just like King Edwards and everybody will be happier and healthier. Especially kids;

BroccaChips – The look and taste like chips; but they’re made of Broccoli.

CauliSmash – With all the creamy goodness of Smash® but actually cauliflower.

Mrs. Beeton’s Roast PotSnips – Just like roast potatoes, but actually parsnips.


Do you see?
( Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 9:07, Reply)

DashboardDrums(TM)
Small electronic drum pads for mounting at convenient reach in the vicinity of your steering wheel. Ideal for beating out the giddy rhythms of the rumba or cha-cha-cha while waiting for the lights to change. With optional "TrafficJam" (TM) MIDI-over-Bluetooth pack (sold separately), play along with fellow DashboardDrum owners when stuck in those clockwise-M25 weekday afternoon queues and turn otherwise tedious gridlock into something approaching a Santana concert.
( drdavej, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 8:34, Reply)

A special pint glass....
...that brews lager to your specification

The bottom half could be a brewery, you could pop concentrated lager ingredients in there and over the space of the night it'll gradually brew ale lager for you and fill the glass.

I'm still working on the cooling method... Some sort of polar bear may work
( beefandcheese, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 1:27, Reply)

Remember fly paper - that sticky roll of paper you hang up and
flies, moths and wasp get stuck to it. Why have we never made a very big one of these to catch UFOs and hostile enemy stealth planes. Hang it from a very tall tower and see what we can catch. Proof of life from other planets could be just a sticky roll of paper away!
( maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Thu 8 Apr 2004, 0:19, Reply)

A duvet cover
with shoe lace style ties on the inside in the corners so you can tie the corners of the duvet to it to stop the duvet getting rucked up and all rubbish like.
( fishsticks, Wed 7 Apr 2004, 23:56, Reply)

Groad
A genetically engineered high friction plant that gets nutrients from car fumes. Use it to pave roads and then you never have to resurface them ever again, the plant will just 'grow' if it gets worn.

The clever bit is, the more cars pass over it, the more worn it gets, but the more fumes it gets, so it grows back quicker.

No I haven't thought it through properly.
( fishsticks, Wed 7 Apr 2004, 23:54, Reply)

A weather detector
You can hang a piece of string outside your window and detect the weather.

Wet string - Its raining
Moving straing - Its windy
No string - Its foggy

:-)
( Dugs - The artist formerly known as Dugsybaws, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 11:42, Reply)

I thought of this a while back...
A GIANT furnace, a massive one.. maybe even two or three y'know, dotted around england. Atop it there's a sign saying "come in! free fags, rockports and cider", and all the scallies/pikies/ruffians who are too thick to realise the screams of dying youths means to not go in, jump to the opportunity and run in.

they all die. we're all happy.


you may call it genocide...

i call it geniuside!

(quote of the century)
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 9 Apr 2004, 1:31, Reply)