My Husband
Attempt number 7 to give up cigarettes. Hasn’t had any since early January (apparently).
‘Yep, I’m doing well, the electronic ciggies are really helping, feel better in myself, proud of myself’ etc etc.
Nicotine/spidey sense has been niggling for a few weeks now - found half empty packet of ciggies under the seat of his car on the weekend.
How long should let him go on telling his little lies?
(Monkee girl not a monkee, not a girl, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 3:18, 56 replies)

I'd see if you can string it out for years, building up a simmering resentment that you can use against him should he step out of line.

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 6:39, closed)

^^ This

(Ovon Bort Wondering why he chose this username, since 1999, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 7:23, closed)

You want her to cut her finger?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:31, closed)

or, unless he has emphysema or lung cancer,
you could treat him like a grownup and mind your fucking business.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 7:56, closed)

Fuck It

I'm off to slit my wrists. I'm forced by my convictions to agree with janet.

I feel so dirty...
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 13:52, closed)

If he thought it was his own fucking business
He wouldn't be lying to his wife about it. In any case, she's his wife. If he does something as fucking stupid as smoking then it is her business.
(ubergeekian, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 21:51, closed)

excuse me, what?
you're firmly in the 'marriage as subjugation' camp then?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 12:37, closed)

Do you mean
it only becomes her business once he gets emphysema or cancer?

My wife has neither of those particular ailments, but has smoked for years.
What I can tell you is that it's really shit to see her in ICU, tubes and oxygen and shit, going grey and gasping for breath, while the doctor tells her that her lungs are so fucked, that the best the would do for her is make her comfortable till they stop working completely, no resuscitation. I can't even imagine how she felt about it.

Secondly if an agreement was made, surely it deserves to be respected, bit like the whole marriage thing really. I'm quite sure there'd be no "mind your own fucking business", if she was fucking someone else behind his back, and he found an open pack of condoms under the seat of her car.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 10:14, closed)

Ok, there's three ways of looking at this.
1 Why were you searching his car? Are you some sort of mental stalker type?
2 Maybe it was an old pack. Maybe it had been under that seat for years.
3 If he's only giving up to stop you whinging at him about smoking all the time maybe he'd be better off without you. You're supposed to be his wife not his mother.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 13 Mar 2012, 8:03, closed)

when is your aniversary or birthday ?

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 8:30, closed)

Confront him,
and make smoke the remaining cigarettes, consecutively.

If that doesn't work, get loads more and make him smoke them all, until he is cured (like bacon is cured).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 8:31, closed)

Seems he's trying to
stop smoking because you told him to.

He'll never give up until he wants to. That might be when he's breathing his last breath, sadly, but you're just making him uncomfortable and not achieving anything.

I'd suggest you tell him you know now.
(username failed moderation, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 8:45, closed)

It seems you're on the other side of the fence.
b3ta.com/questions/liesthatwentontoolong/post1556783
You seriously want to set him up to fail and then guilt him out because he failed?
How about telling him that even tho you may not like him smoking you accept him for who he is and for all his foibles (much like he may have done for you in the past).
If he wants to quit then offer/find him some support rather than questioning him, putting him on the spot and being suspicious of him.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 13 Mar 2012, 8:46, closed)

Seems like the B3ta marriage guidance counselling service is open for business

(Smale is stuffed, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 8:49, closed)

At a nominal fee
no less!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:02, closed)

Have you agreed to give up together?
Is he breaking a pact by lying to you?

Maybe he's seen how well you are doing and doesn't want to risk ruining it for you even though he's not succeeded?

At the end of the day, it's his business, no?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 8:56, closed)

I hope he get's cancer,
just so his missus can remind him that that's his business, and nothing to do with her. Then he dies, alone.

There's a lesson for us all, kids: smoking makes you look cool.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:02, closed)

Well, assuming that he already knows that he is going to give himself cancer
then I stand by my point.

Obviously if he is so utterly oblivious to the outside world that he doesn't know it's dangerous, disgusting, dirty and other dergotatory 'd' words, then yes, maybe bring him up to speed.

(Can you spot the righteous ex-smoker here?)
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:14, closed)

Is it you?
My weak claim to fame is that I once had a hole burned* into my jacket by one of the cigarettes that contributed to Roy Castle's death. This first hand experience of the true horror of smoking allows me to speak with a high degree of authority.

*Being a nylon jacket, it didn't so much burn, as melt.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:39, closed)

Yes, it's me. Award yourself a prize of your choosing.
There is a contradtiction in your argument, I'm afraid. On the one hand you say smoking is bad. On the other you say it lead to the death of Roy Castle.

You can't have it both ways.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:44, closed)

Oh, you awful, awul man!
You're just bitter 'cos you never got that "most cigarettes smoked at once" record, aren't you?

I would like a cuddly toy, please. If you don't have that, an X-box will be an acceptable substitute.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:46, closed)

I hope you both die of cancer

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:17, closed)

I hope they both get killed prematurely in a car crash or something
and their final thought is "If only I hadn't given up smoking, I would have enjoyed these final months more"
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:22, closed)

Hopefully the crash will be their own fault because they are still dazed from being hypnotised to give up smoking.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:27, closed)

James Dean had the right idea.
He got the maximum amount of looking cool by smoking, that any man could, then neatly avoided all that lingering death bollocks.

Remember kids: Smoking makes you look cool, and driving like a twat will cement your legacy as a true icon.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:41, closed)

My grandfather was hit by a car at the age of fourteen
and he was hit by a car every day for the next 73 years until he had a cigarette and died.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:46, closed)

Everyone knows that smoking will weaken your bones.
I'm glad he's dead, so you can learn this valuable lesson.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:50, closed)

murder him.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 13 Mar 2012, 9:38, closed)

Strip him naked, blindfold him, gaffer tape him to a chair and beat the crap out of him
Then shine a light in his eyes while waving the half-packet of cigarettes at him and shouting "Confess! Confess!"
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:01, closed)

Then sharpen a pencil over his head.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:08, closed)

DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:15, closed)

You
just crossed the line.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:23, closed)

Can I just point out the fact
whilst he is still inhaling nicotine from an electronic cigarette he actually hasn't given up anything, in fact he's probably got a bigger fucking habit now. Granted it's cheaper and doesn't fuck your lungs up as much, but he's still hooked and while he's still hooked he'll still crave it like a man possessed until he rids his body of nicotine for at least three weeks.

Champix (from my GP) and Alan Car (from the Library) worked for me The Champix fixed the physical craving and Alan Car's book broke the mental obsession. Tax helped a lot too - it was either eat or smoke in the end and I couldn't afford to do both.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:21, closed)

I didn't want to mention this.
Also, e-cigarettes do not make you look cool. An arm load of patches is where it's at - way cooler than tattoos.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:25, closed)

Entirely this.
The substitutes/replacements all have nicotine in them to keep you hooked.

Cold turkey is the only way, and it will only happen if he wants to - your nagging will only serve to fuel the surreptitious behaviour, although it would be funny as fuck to confront him on it.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:31, closed)

Maybe they should get a dog.








Like a beagle.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:34, closed)

and call it
Jeremy
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 17:38, closed)

I just did a LOL.

( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 8:38, closed)

Bullshit
I used nictone gum for 9 months, switched to regular sugar free gum after that and have now stopped that too.

Not a craving had.


Not saying that it will work for everyone, just saying that sweeping 'cold turkey is the only way' statements aren't true.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:38, closed)

You lie.
You've never smoked, you asthmatic weed.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:45, closed)

Oh shit, you're right, sorry.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:51, closed)

Plus
E-cigarettes contain glycols, so you're inhaling vaporised antifreeze. Probably not great for the inner workings.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:45, closed)

it's a fucking ace buzz though.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 12:26, closed)

He was probably lying that time you confronted him about his new secretary, too

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:44, closed)

Why not just
say to him: "Look, I saw that ciggie pack under the car seat, so I appreciate that you care enough about my feelings to give up smoking when you are with me - which is a fairly big chunk of time - and that you must have cut down drastically. I understand your work is probably fairly stressful at times and I tend to agree that the odd ciggie may help you deal with the stress and is, possibly less harmful than dealing with it by getting drunk every night. So, thank you darling, I'm not going to have a go at you or get into a strop, in fact, if you want to go into the garden for a quiet fag of an evening, then I won't mind, so long as you brush your teeth before you come to bed. Darling."

I think that might be a good compromise, don't you?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:46, closed)

And while you are saying it, cry and stick your bottom lip out.
Make the cunt feel really guilty.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 10:52, closed)

And then suck his penis.

( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 8:39, closed)

Did husbands number 1-6 smoke too?

( AWPS, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 11:11, closed)

That's what she told the coroner.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 11:23, closed)

Until she turned off the electricity
and took the hair drier out the bath, why yes, they did, a little.
(ubergeekian, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 21:54, closed)

Don't worry, they probably belong to his girlfriend.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 11:52, closed)

I think
you should kill him, then yourself, leaving only a note stating how it's all his fault for his smoking and his lies. Then you should send the note to Rob Reiner.
(rampants, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:09, closed)

Is that Rob Reiner
the drummer from Anvil?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 13:08, closed)

I'm deeply dissapointed nobody has mentioned the correct solution.
Simply take the packet of cigs, wee a little on each one, and then dry in the oven at a low heat, before carefully replacing.
(speedevil, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 13:23, closed)

Sexy!

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 13:56, closed)

I'll take ten.

( Pig Bodine., Wed 14 Mar 2012, 14:57, closed)