Dog Biscuits
My dad told me that Oyster crackers are dog biscuits. To this day, I still refer to them as dog biscuits, and get strange looks.
(pk, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 22:52, Reply)

uhhh...
to get me to put fresh sheets and junk on my bed, ma told me i had bedbugs! couldn't deal so i changed 'em
( Killerkitti Like my coffee black, just like my metal, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 22:43, Reply)

It's not easy being green
When I was younger, my mom told me that if I picked my nose, my fingernails would turn green.

Years later, when I was 14, I had a bottle of green nail polish. I showed mom that I had painted my nails green, and she says "I thought I told you not to pick your nose."


My mom is also the one who told me that if a girl wears a bra while sleeping, her boobs won't grow.
(pk, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 22:43, Reply)

A small lie.....
Me and some mates managed to convince my younger bro (he was 5, we were 7)that there was a monster that lived in the loft and would creep out at night and eat whichever child slept in the top bunk. Needless to say i got to sleep in the top bunk of the bunk beds for a very long time. Then there was that time that me and my bro were at my Gran's and we found some babycham (he'd've been 9 & me 11) we convinced her it was pop and that our parents let us drink it all the time. So we got wrecked on a bottle of babycham!
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Wed 21 Jan 2004, 21:27, Reply)

tart parts
A girl in the year above at my primary school went round telling all the kids that when she grew up she wanted to be a prostitute.
I asked my mum what prostitute meant (I was 9).
She said it was someone who sold parts of their body for money.
So when all my friends asked me (because I'd asked a grown up), I said
"Its someone who sells their arms and legs."
For quite some time I wondered how you could grow back lips.
And for that same time I had a slightly twisted outlook on the paraplegic kids at the disabled school next door.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 20:43, Reply)

At school
The teachers always used to tell me that if you ate the custs on sandwhiches theyd give you curlly hair.
Ive never eaten the crusts since.
(Thatguy, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 20:04, Reply)

Hmm. :-/
In an effort to stop me eating raw sugar, my mum told me that it would give me worms. The odd twist to this, though, was that my gran said that eating sugar was fine and that there was no problem with it whatsoever. When I told my mum that my *gran* said it was okay I never got to stay over at her house again. :-/
(CowInParachute, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 20:04, Reply)

Drunk
When I was about 12 (im 13 now so not much of a difference but anyway....) my mates told one of my other mates(who thinks shes very grown up) that they had sneaked some of there mum and dads ale and that they would make here a coctail. they mixed orange juice and grenadine(tellin her that grenadine is 20% alcohol) and gave her a glass full. when she finished the drink she stumpled around the house knocked over my mates mum's vase(ha ha) and went home feeling sick whilst worrying that her mum would smell it on her breath.
its fun bein pissed when ur a teenager
(RACH*D*, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 19:28, Reply)

There's always the obvious ones that EVERYONE has heard
"I'm doing this for your own good."

and

"Some day you'll thank me for this."


Never has been true...
(AKismet, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 19:13, Reply)

studying lies
If you work hard at school and then go to university, you will earn a shed load of money and be in a job you really love
(uttertosser, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 19:07, Reply)

pie lies
My dad told me that the filling in a pie was poison so he said he would eat the steak and kidney and i could have the 'safe' crust
(uttertosser, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 19:06, Reply)

my
Dad convinced me he was in southern comfort adn got about £100000 for doing it. I told everyone at school, then he told me it was a lie about 6 moths later :@
(Hythe, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 18:39, Reply)

Just remembered a lie
and a big one at that. Told to thousands I'd guess, by parents, but mostly primary school teachers I'd guess. The lie of the fake rainbow.
Remember they made us sing that rainbow song? I was horrified when I realised (during AS physics) that I knew 2 rainbows, the real version and the song version, and this had never clicked in my brain. If we were to believe the song then instead of:
red orange yellow green blue indigo violet
we'd have:
red and yellow and pink and green, orange and purple and blue...(I can sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow too)....



B.
Arstards.
( jme, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 18:00, Reply)

Not just my mum lied my big sis 2!
My mum's lie was that if we didn't put our hand over our mouth when we yawned she'd fall in and be lost forever and then daddy wouldn't love us anymore. Result I was petrified of yawning!
My sisters lie was that I wasn't my mum's baby but my Auntie Debbie's and if I was naughty she'd send me back to her. I still feel uncomfortable around her!
(GorgeBabe86, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 14:53, Reply)

When I was 7..
My big brother told me that a lesbian was someone who ate puppies (a fact that I proudly told people at my school until I was 11)
(NewWhit : Paul Club, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 14:53, Reply)

Archaeologists, Postman Pat and Sex!
When I was wee I wanted to be an archaeologist and my sis told me that you have to dig around in dogs' dirt and aren't allowed to wear gloves...changed career path after that!

She also told me Postman Pat had died in a terrible accident in Greendale - I was supposed to cry for a game we were playing! I howled - he was my hero!

Lastly - she told me that every time I left the house, mum and dad had sex in my bed. They think this is hilarious and still all slag me today! It took me ages to give them a key to my flat...funny that!!

She is lovely really, just that I'm a gulla bull!! ;0)
(funkylins, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 14:44, Reply)

Father Christmas.
For 8 years I was a believer. Until I rigged up a series of traps involving cotton thread and an empty biscuit tin with a few pieces of lego in it.....

!!Crash!! "Oh bugger!"

Dad: "Did you hear that? I could have sworn I saw Father Christmas..... oh look, he's left some presents.." /puts down presents.
( Toma_o, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 14:42, Reply)

Killer Moths
My Dad used to chase me around the house with a moth in his hands saying that it was a killer moth and was going to eat me.

My cousin told my sister that the hole you see in ham is its butthole. She wouldn't eat ham for years.
(nothere, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 14:41, Reply)

my mamma told me if i was goodly she would buy me a rubber dolly
I remember being told that if i ever swallowed a needle i'd have to eat a cotton wool sandwich.strange advice as this would hamper surgeons attempts to remove said needle-perhaps my friends mother hated me?
(LANCASTER, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 14:37, Reply)

My *lying bastard* Parents
Told me for the first 5 years of my life that the correct way to spell my name was 'PEST'

i got sent to the headteacher on the first day of primary school because i was "bieng insolent"

they apologised for getting me in trouble that night though

when my dad tried to tell me it was all a joke, i wouldnt believe him
(Mungo Monkey the Magician of Beer, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 13:58, Reply)

My parents always told me . . .
. . . that there were plenty more fish in the sea, but actually there are shortages and quotas.
(DoctorJ last upset some twat who doesn't like swearing on, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 13:56, Reply)

Lies.damn lies.
My wife comes from Yorkshire and there is indeed a biscuit called a nig nog.if you look at the word objectively it is just a nonsense word like tip top or kit kat or indeed hob nob.I dont believe it is a racist term(in this context anyway)PC is fine,but if it interferes with innocence and history then it is counter-productive.
(LANCASTER, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 12:56, Reply)

My parent's told me
That if i leave my bedroom light at night that the next door neighbour would come round and batter me. So i was always really nice to him and made sure my light went off.
(stig, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 12:54, Reply)

evil
as my birthday is april the first I am usually subject to the odd fool's day jokes. you don't expect it from your own mother though. back in the days of TVAM when they'd show photos of children with birthdays that day - I was half dressed in school uniform, and my mum was screaming that the picture she'd sent in was up and i was "on the television"...i almost broke my legs trying to get down the stairs...of course it was a parental lie and my mum simply laughed at me as i sauntered back up to my room...tail between legs...
(localknowledge, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 12:52, Reply)

cameras
My folks used to say they had little tiny cameras planted around the house and that if i did anything wrong that they would know. For about a year i was looking around the house trying to find cameras when i finally came to the conclusion that there were none. kunts
(amy_metc4lf, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 12:18, Reply)

When i was a kid
we used to park in green lanes car park in barnstaple. the ceiling had loads of 3' square holes in it, like a grid. once we were driving through there and my dad told me that monster things called wurzels lived in the holes and would come out and grab people and eat them up. i never wanted to go in that car park ever again.
(hnnrs, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 12:13, Reply)

Damn lies
When I was a kid my older brother told me that if you went a week without dreaming you died. Imagine my COMPLETE TERROR by day 13! Also my mum once sent me to the tool hire/hardware shop to ask for some Elbow Grease. Very funny indeed. Cow. I still shudder when passing a cement mixer!
(Ratwoman of Hackerney, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 11:45, Reply)

what my dad told his wee brother
my dad's 11 years older than his wee brother.
in their youth, there was an old man that went round the houses asking "any empty bottles please madam?"
my dad told my uncle that he was asking "any naughty boys please madam?" so whenever my uncle heard the bottle-man coming he'd freak right out cuz he was a little ratbag!
(he broke my dad's arm twice: once by jumping on him from the top of a flight of stairs, the other time just after my pop got the cast off, my uncle karate chopped his arm...!)
(whatsinaname, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 11:01, Reply)

Edinburgh Castle
I was asked by a turist what they did with Edinburgh Castle after the Tatoo was over (gen up). I told them they took it apart and stored it under Princess Street Gardens over the winter.
(MacHosker, Wed 21 Jan 2004, 10:34, Reply)