Little moments of Joy
I'm one of the spaktards that works unbelievable hours for shit pay, only to be told by Cameron that my pay has gone up (it hasn't, the cnut has frozen it, so I won't even get my 1% I was promised).
Anyway, caring for those in the direst need has other rewards:
1. A patient taking a breath after "being down" for 20 minutes.
2. A patient taking it's first breath.
3. A patient taking their last breath, now their suffering is over.
So stuff your 1% Cameron, up your tight wrinkly sphincter, because all of the above are worth more than your sickening corrupt 11% pay increase you've awarded yourselves!
CNUT!
(stygof, Sun 26 Jan 2014, 22:34, 88 replies)

you do know it's not (yet) illegal to say "cunt" online
if you mean "cunt", just say "cunt"; don't hide behind cute self-censorship
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 26 Jan 2014, 22:37, closed)

I wasn't aware of that, thank you for pointing it out.
To quote MP (not the PM); "They are all a cunch of bunts"
(stygof, Sun 26 Jan 2014, 22:40, closed)

Don't know how you do it.
But glad that you do.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sun 26 Jan 2014, 22:38, closed)

Truth is, most of us are barely hanging in there, but the few words of thanks are actually amongst the Little Moments of Joy
(stygof, Sun 26 Jan 2014, 22:42, closed)

Got family and friends in the Nhs.
Like you said, by the fingernails.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sun 26 Jan 2014, 22:47, closed)

Maybe if they washed under their fingernails there'd be fewer preventable deaths from infection.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:01, closed)

Its a shame UK doesn't have a culture of armed insurrection.

Or educated voters, come to think of it.
(J H Christ began in Afrika ka ka ka ka, Sun 26 Jan 2014, 22:59, closed)

I agree, we should make anyone who isn't a Tory-sympathetic second-, third- or greater-generation graduate pay through the nose for the right to vote
that'd be the best way to ensure that anyone who votes is properly educated
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 26 Jan 2014, 23:11, closed)

lol commie povvo
/ac
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 26 Jan 2014, 23:02, closed)

its

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 26 Jan 2014, 23:19, closed)

Sadly, the problem with the whole 'first breath after 20 minutes' thing...
…tends also to carry with it the rather slight downer of likely hypoxic brain injury or likely ensuing masive chronic cardiac failure..
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 0:30, closed)

You're just looking forward to groping them in the morgue which is what you do because it was on the internet.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 7:57, closed)

Because in modern medicine
there have been no machines or first aid techniques developed to help people who are unable to breath pump oxygen around their body until they can take a breath for themselves.
(kendohmassif Fritzl Burger Monkey Chode, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 8:14, closed)

Trouble is, that really, really isn't as good as the actual real thing.
And it's more than likely that the person suffering the cardiac arrest will have had rather poor oxygenation and/or circulation in the hours leading up the arrest.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 8:33, closed)

They're still good enough
to prevent any of the side effects from oxygen deprivation you mentioned plus the original poster never mentioned cardiac arrest specifically, there are a number of reasons why a person would not be able to breath on their own.
(kendohmassif Fritzl Burger Monkey Chode, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 8:50, closed)

He didn't say the patient was unable to breathe on his own
he said 'being down'.

Might be a good idea to learn basic comprehension and fact retention before pontificating on the internet.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 8:59, closed)

It's almost like this poster's idea of what happens when someone suffers a catastrophic medical event has been solely culled from the last episode of 'Sherlock'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:27, closed)

If you have a cardiac arrest in Hollywood world you can jump up and thump the bad guy as soon as they've sewn your torso back up.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:30, closed)

mmmm
sherlock
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:43, closed)

Take a breath after being down
Implies to me that they were unable to breath for themselves. I'll pontificate wherever the fuck I want.
(kendohmassif Fritzl Burger Monkey Chode, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:36, closed)

In adults, the respiratory arrest is usually a happy side-effect of a cardiac arrest, kiddies more likely the other way round.
Either way, the longer you spend resus-ing someone the greater the likelihood of the whole 'utterly fucked' scenario happening is.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:41, closed)

It was merely a suggestion to make you appear less foolish
Feel free to ignore it. Or get upset and defensive. Your choice like.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:45, closed)

Define being down for me Dr
because I just asked a friend who is a nurse and they're definition was someone in need of life support. You know what life support machines do? Help people who can't breath, breath.
(kendohmassif Fritzl Burger Monkey Chode, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:20, closed)

'Life support' isn't just airway support. Once you've secured that, you've got to make sure they've got a decent cardiac function so's that airway is actually of some use to them.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:30, closed)

i'm not sure it's of any use to anyone on here, this morning

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:50, closed)

Hahaha. Classic internet.
Using 'my mate is a nurse' while arguing with a nurse.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:39, closed)

Hang on
AB cant be a nurse that's a womens job innit?
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:48, closed)

He washes pensioner foofoos in the morgue.
He's not paid ... it's a hobby.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:55, closed)

I wasn't arguing with AB
I was arguing with you fuck nuts. Not that it matters because my original point that someone can survive 20 minutes of assisted breathing through resuscitation or through a ventilator and not suffer brain damage through lack of oxygen is a simple fact. That's all I was saying. However likely or unlikely that is is besides the point it still happens.
(kendohmassif Fritzl Burger Monkey Chode, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 13:08, closed)

please be quiet, there's a love.
you haven't even stopped to breath.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 14:34, closed)

Bless.
You really are sweet.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 14:37, closed)

They can, but your chances of that happening becomes exponentially less the longer past 4 minutes you go.
Resus only keeps a certain percentage of oxygen moving and, more importantly doesn't clear carbon dioxide very well, which will fuck you up.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 18:05, closed)

YM was 'down' for a good 20 minutes last night.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 11:21, closed)

your points might carry more weight if you knew how to spell 'breathe'
you relentless spastic.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 12:08, closed)

what do you think of sherlock?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 12:27, closed)

benedict cucumberpatch looks like someone poked eyes in dough with their thumbs.
otherwise, dunno. never seen it.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 13:02, closed)

haha

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 13:07, closed)

oh man
still, more cumberbatch for me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 14:03, closed)

We know you're making sense.
That's Amorous Badger, he's a witless cretin, ignore him.
(username failed moderation, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:23, closed)

'This poster upset me on the internet once, therefore they do not know what they are talking about'.
'Also, I'm actually trolling them, not getting upset'.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:39, closed)

Do you have any other response?
Is shrieking 'UPSET!' at every post I make the best you can do?

It's hilarious and all that, but you know, variety is the spice of life.
(username failed moderation, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:17, closed)

Get a room you two.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:30, closed)

If someone's 'been down' for 20 minutes without breathing, one way or another, they've probably had a cardiac arrest.
And if someone's been fuckwitted enough NOT to intubate someone after 20 minutes of not breathing then, no matter how good your resus skilz are, they are probably, in the long term, to use medical parlance, fucked.

More to the point, if they've been intubated, then they're probably not heavily sedated and/or paralysed and very unlikely to breathe..
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:26, closed)

You're starting to sound
upset AB.

Count to ten. Breathe.
(username failed moderation, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:18, closed)

Textbook Leglessling here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:29, closed)

Is that
good or bad?
(username failed moderation, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 12:42, closed)

Dunno
It's just what Badger says when he's upset
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 13:44, closed)

You dreadful
bully.
(username failed moderation, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 14:18, closed)

You're right, he's fucking shit at it.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 18:06, closed)

Oh, upset there AB.

(username failed moderation, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 21:09, closed)

I've seen every episode of 'Dial M for Murder' and 'Quincy', and concur.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:34, closed)

Hahahaha

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:47, closed)

Well internetted. 9/10

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:58, closed)

Damn it
You need to take this all the way to the mayors office...


ITS MURDER
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:16, closed)

The most upsetting part of this whole thread is the confusion, wilful or otherwise,
of Dial M for Murder with Diagnosis Murder. That's probably ruined my entire week now.
( Pig Bodine., Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:59, closed)

^ This.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 14:34, closed)

But you're still getting your 3% spine-point increase, right?

( Ghoti Fingers, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 6:54, closed)

NO!
(stygof, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:13, closed)

He didn't award himself an 11% pay increase, nor was it sickeningly corrupt.
He is still a cunt though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 8:52, closed)

To be fair (which He isn't), He didn't award himself 11%, but all of them, regardless of affiliation, accepted 11%, while those of us in the NHS had our pay frozen. (And that was the point after all).
It really depends on your definition of "sickeningly corrupt":
I think most of us can agree that it's sickening.
Corruption can be perfectly legal & still be corrupt.
And yes he is still a cunt!
(stygof, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:19, closed)

Do you not understand what the word 'corruption' means?
Or are you pretending to be thick in order to make a point?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:32, closed)

OED: "dishonest or fraudulent conduct by those in power"
Don't you think it's dishonest to accept money when lying to the public about workers income going up?
It may not be exactly the definition you want or expect (but then I'm not a pedant), but yes, it is to make a point.
(stygof, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:10, closed)

You're doing an excellent job of pretending to be thick.
You must have had a lifetime of practice.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:40, closed)

No...
It would be dishonest/fraudulent to accept money while claiming that you're not accepting money.

It would be dishonest/fraudulent to say that average income in real-terms is going up when your statistics actually say it is going down.

However, neither of those things are the case. Also, neither of those things are remotely related to each other, therefore, what the fuck are you talking about?
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 13:03, closed)

As a non-clinical employee of a CCG,
every penny I earn is penny that could have been spent on patient care.
*raspberry*
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 9:26, closed)

Can you afford two pounds a month?
Please sign this standing order.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:27, closed)

"I'm one of the spaktards that works unbelievable hours for shit pay"
... and ... we're meant to respect your opinion on not being paid enough?

Get a job with better pay, or stop moaning.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:19, closed)

Morning, Mr. Tebbit.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:26, closed)

On yer bike!

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:28, closed)

Shut up and get back to work.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:49, closed)

With this level of insight focused upon the problem, poverty will very soon be eradicated! Yay!

Of course, we'll have lots of bankers and no binmen, but nothing can possibly go wrong with that.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:56, closed)

Excellent logic here.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 11:01, closed)

Well, it beats "lol get a better job".
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 11:04, closed)

Not really.
You get three chances to moan about something.

1st time - poor you.
2nd time - that's shit.
3rd time - you'd better be doing something about it, or you clearly don't mind it that much.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 11:27, closed)

Most of you saying "change your job" seem to have missed the point of this QotW - it's about what brings you joy.
Actually, as I said in the original post, those three things are BETTER than CameronCunts pay.
So, no thank you, I won't be doing a Tebbit (wish we'd never saved that cunt).
(stygof, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 17:17, closed)

If everybody would just get off their behinds and fly-tip in the countryside once a week, we wouldn't even need bins.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 11:30, closed)

Problem solved!
us b3tards really should form a political party and get this whole mess cleared up once and for all.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 11:33, closed)

INTERNET CUNT FOR PM

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 11:34, closed)

Now now, we can't ALL be PM.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 11:37, closed)

You can be Rowena Curry.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 12:58, closed)

STAY ABOUT FROM MY NO BINS?
Not the catchiest slogan ever.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 12:42, closed)

See? We don't need porky colonials having a breakdown in order to have long and pointless threads.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 10:56, closed)

GO TEAM!

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 27 Jan 2014, 11:06, closed)