Motorhead
Met Lemmy once in the "Stage Door" in Newcastle circa 1986.

Was with a mate (Richard you twat!) and he said it couldn't be Lemmy as he was too small, so i walked up to this 5'4'' tall bloke and said "you all right Lem?" (trying to be cool) and he told me to fuck off!!

He really is small though, and that wart on his cheek is much bigger in real life!
( Blackdogmanguitar is out with Fat Larry's Jazz Band on, Fri 26 May 2006, 10:12, Reply)

As a child of the 70s growing up in a working class Australian suburb
I had a working class hero.
He was 4 years older than me but famous, a guitar god and so cool.
I knew maybe my worship was misplaced however, a few years later, when his older brother Malcolm said to him at a pub we were in, and I quote "You're so fucking stupid you should have been a drummer".
I speak of Angus Young.
You know that gormless open mouthed look he displays on stage? Well it's real, he is a retard.


ps: his girlfriend's sister gave me the best blowjob I've ever had in my life.
(goober, Fri 26 May 2006, 10:12, Reply)

Radiohead

My missus met Radiohead whilst they were touring Europe in 1996 after Pablo Honey was released. Their eyes met across a crowded laundrette in Montpellier.




They were washing their yellowing smalls.


Thom Yorke - Hero no more.
(Flappers, Fri 26 May 2006, 10:00, Reply)

I met loads...
Working in a popular indie bar I have had the opportunity to meet loads of people, the ones I remember are...

Phil Jupitus, Steve Lamacq, The Ordinary Boys and the Kaiser Chiefs all in one night, all sound people, sat and had a drink with Ricky Wilson telling him "you lot are gonna be huge one day" - a few weeks later their first single came out, the rest is history.

The Bravery - sat with them swigging JD out the bottle after their gig, fun times all round.

Adam Green - He came into the quiet upstairs bar and had a brief chat because he saw I were bored with doing revision on the bar.

Billie Joe whoever and the rest of Greenday when they came through for a photoshoot in the club next door.

The Soundtrack of Our Lives - Absolute stuck up cunts, made us carry their equipment to their van because they were too lazy to do it themselves.

Busted - Often drank at this bar, and were regularly told to leave as Eyebrows McGee (or Charlie I think) was underage at the time. I had the pleasure of asking if he was actually in Busted once, and he said yeah, so I told him to get out because I just read in the paper he were still only 17. He weren't happy.

Carl Barat - We asked for his autograph so he signed our barbook saying everything was done. Top bloke.

Geoff Hoon - Came to see The Bees for some reason, had a fucking ARMED guard with him, I felt uneasy knowing there were at least 2 guns in the place.

Skinnyman - Again, great bloke, funny as hell but very very common!

The confused one off of Teachers - Often comes in for gigs, very cool with people in general.

Loads more I can't remember but might post later!

Oh yeah and met System of a Down backstage at Leeds, didn't get to chat though as they were going onstage about 5 minutes afterwards.
(triley, Fri 26 May 2006, 9:58, Reply)

Cursed
A friend of mines mother is cursed when it comes to famous people. Luckily,in my opinion,she has a shit taste in music.
She saw

*Bob Marley (who then got cancer and died)
*Queen (Freddie then got AIDS and died)
*Kylie (who then got cancer,but has not yet died)

I think there was more,but now she has actually given up going to gigs...
(Miharu, Fri 26 May 2006, 9:54, Reply)

Primal Scream
I used to go to school with Bobby Gillespie from Primal Scream. He was a cunt. A pure cunt. Favourite hobby was snorting loudly up his nose, gathering phlegm and then gobbing a large greenish one onto the person in fronts hair. delightful.
(mmmmmhaggis, Fri 26 May 2006, 9:31, Reply)

Barrymore
I once went to Michael Barrymore's mansion. I was sorely dissapointed to end up drugged, buggered and drowned.

Nice pool though.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 26 May 2006, 9:29, Reply)

When I was about 7 years old,
I won a competition to meet Otis the Aardvrk (back then CBBC's puppet mascot).
Me and a few other kids who won went to the local shopping centre to recieve our "prize".
We got there, waited for about an hour, and he didn't show.
It's a fucking puppet.
How busy is his schedule?


(Dooley, Fri 26 May 2006, 8:50, Reply)

The Apprentice? Not a chance
I went on a psychometrics course 4 weeks ago whilst the apprentice was still being shown - one of the other delegates was Ansell of The Big Stupid Glasses fame....

First words from me to him?



I take it you didn't win then?
At least he laughed. And confirmed that Sayeed was indeed a complete fucktard!
(penrose your dog's got tits, Fri 26 May 2006, 8:23, Reply)

OK...
I can second everything about Lee and Herring. I met Richard Herring when I went to see him at Edinburgh because I ended up sitting with his sister (who was very funny too). He was really nice.

I met Stewart Lee when he did stand-up in Paris, we actually had a very intellectual discussion about global polotics and religion, he is probably the cleverest person I've ever met AND he was really awesome... *I love him*

I met Peter Stringfellow once and he made a pass at me. I felt dirty and tainted, but he did have a very cool zebra-skin jacket.

Actually the funniest people I met though were the guys off 'I'm sorry I haven't a clue.' I love Tim Brooke-Taylor as well.

ANYWAY there should be a story rather than just me being a total starfucker (whooo! famous people!) so here goes. It's true, but much better told in person so I'm sorry about that.

TO actually appreciate this story you should know that the most famous dessert wine in the world is a Sauternes called 'Chateau Yquem' - (pronounced eekem) my apoligies to all the b3tans I have just patronised horribly.

When I was at university, I was on wine society committee. Rather than the usual students getting drunk on valpol, this was the real deal - we had some amazing tastings and as a highlight got a very famous Bordeaux for our annuual dinner. The Baron of said Chateau flew over in his private jet to present the wines, we had Bollinger at the reception, everything was fantastic!

Come the end of the dinenr everyone was a little tipsy. I got chatting to the Baron and thanked him for bringing the excellent 1978 sauternes he had been generous enough to offer us.

"Ah yes, Mlle," he said, "but you know which is the best dessert wine of all, don't you?"

Feigning girlish innocence, I giggled.

"Chateau... HE CAME!" said the Baron whilst patting me on the leg and smiling in a very suggestive fashion - although he was old enough to be my grandfather...

If he'd offered the private jet as a venue I might jsut have said yes. But actually I just had another glass of port....

No apologies for length, or one of the richest men in the world not fitting in with you definition of 'famous'.

Oh and I met Jarvis Cocker too!!! he was in the same cafe as me in Paris. He was so cool!

OK I'll be quiet now.
(Mademoiselle_violette, Fri 26 May 2006, 8:16, Reply)

I hailed a taxi at 3am in Southampton,
and made the mistake of dawdling for a moment around the door. Before I knew it somebody had jumped into the front seat. I managed to see that it was a vaguely familiar face and said "Don't I know you?" As the taxi sped away he shouted "I'm Chris Packham!"
Twat.
( Zuowan, Fri 26 May 2006, 8:02, Reply)

Fat Kiwi Chef
There's this poxy celebrity chef here is Aus, big fat kiwi going by the name of Ian Hewittson. Total ponce who cooks the sort of shit that involves a can of soup as a sauce, if you get my drift. Fat cunt laughs at pretty much anything that isn't even remotely amusing. Can't stand him, in case you didn't know.

So, me and my mate Stephen are having a beer at the Purple Emerald ($4.50 pints of Carlton!), and in walks said fat bastard. I says to Stephen, "There's that Ian Hewittson". Shortly after, Stephen is having a slash, and Ian Hewittson walks in to urinate. Stephen (who's had a few by now) turns to him and says, "My friend thinks you're a cunt!", and walks off. Made my week!
(Pleiades, Fri 26 May 2006, 7:10, Reply)

The evil eye...
Don't know if this counts but decades ago me brother went to Italy for his holidays. When he got back me mother asked him if he saw the pope when he was in Rome. "Sure did", say he, "but he wasn't looking the best..."
About 2 weeks later the pope died.
We never ask the brother anything now in case he's met someone...
(out of his league, Fri 26 May 2006, 6:57, Reply)

What do you mean, no...
A person I know [that is not me at all, honest] once went to great lengths to meet Ken Stringfellow, of The Posies fame, and also keyboard monkey for REM.

Said person regretted taking such steps when being pinned to a couch by Mr Stringfellow, who asked her if she wanted to f*** in the toilets or the transit van.

When said person said "neither, thanks", he looked her deep in the eyes and said...

"Why not? Am I not your fantasy?"

Said person never wants to meet anyone. Ever again.
(cookiemonster, Fri 26 May 2006, 6:48, Reply)

A Winters Tale
While on holiday in Florida some years ago a friend of mine was in a hotel lift with 2 obviously gay guys ( He said they were almost "on the job",the way they were fooling around with each other!) He said he looked at one of them and thought "Hmm I know you from somewhere" Then he nervously took a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket. As he did so, the guy he thought he recognised said "Ooh an English cigarette, may I beg one?" Then the penny dropped....It was Mike Winters (Some of you might remember Mike and Bernie Winters, the second rate double act, a sort of crap version Morecambe and Wise ) As he proffered the Z rate celeb. a cigarette Mike said "Would you like some tickets for my show tonight?" To which my mate replied "Why, who the fucking hell are you?" YES!
(Mackeson_drinker, Fri 26 May 2006, 6:45, Reply)

Not a dissapointment until the very end
I met Paul Hester, the drummer, from Crowded House shortly before they hit it big in the US. He was the loveliest, most laidback man and seemed a bit surprised anyone would recognise him or approach him. So having that memory, it was a nasty disappointment when he hung himself a little while ago. Who'd of thought?
(sld440, Fri 26 May 2006, 6:31, Reply)

Not really heroes but...
Worked in a shop in Newcastle for 13 years. Whilst there I served

David Byrne, he was a cool guy

Billy Connolly, really nice chap

Darryl Webster, (top time triallist and cycle race fella), splendid bloke

Ant, or Dec, or it could have been Ant, or possibly Dec

Don Warrington off of Rising Damp, took ages to buy a radio, but thoroughly nice

Nicos Dabizas, Newcastle Defender at the time, bit surly

Alfred Marks, who i thoroughly miffed. He asked about printing, I thought he meant as in photographs, he meant business cards, we just flailed about at crossed purposes for a bit before he left looking a bit narked

My mate however, all he served was Timmy Mallett and Huffty off The Word

I think I win
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Fri 26 May 2006, 5:47, Reply)

Barmen meet all the BIG ones!
Doesn't get much more z-list than this...
SYD LITTLE and NORMAN COLLIER!!!!!

Norman lives just outside Hull, and bought me a brandy one Xmas day when he was having a pre Lunch drink with some cronies. I asked him to do the "chicken" and the "broken microphone" and although he told me to fuck off, he was laughing at the time, and I made sure I got the best brandy.
Syd, however was an unmitigated twunt. He had come to Beverley (outside Hull) for a folk festival, and was just generally behaving like he was the most famous person in the world. Wearing sunglasses (indoors in the north of England in fucking February!?) and drinking real ale with his little finger stuck out. I had served him 3 times and he hadn't even said thank you once. Then he tried to hit on my girlfriend whilst she was collecting glasses.
Now this was about the time that Tango had a promotion that encouraged people to "commentate on their lives" and were giving away bright orange megaphones.
So I bravely got one of these from the back office and inflated my lungs and bellowed:-
" I am currently serving TV's own Sid Little. He is an ignorant fuckwit, and can't appear to keep his dirty little pygmy hands off my bird. To be honest, I much prefer Eddie Large, who whilst a lardy bastard doesn't appear to be as much of a cunt as his on screen partner."
The knobhead just drank up and walked out. I was hoping for a punch at least. Speccy spacca
(airliebird Has now found Twiglets in Sydney!!!!!!! yay!, Fri 26 May 2006, 5:32, Reply)

Never Meet Your Heroes
Met Josh Homme and the rest of Queens of the Stoneage in Sydney. What a champion! Shared beers and a couple of good laughs, gave me his email address as well. Good bloke.
On the flipside...Met Jason Hetflield from Metallica. Everything you've heard is true..what a fucktard.
(semtec, Fri 26 May 2006, 5:13, Reply)

Not quite a hero but he was quite famous when I was little.
Timmy Mallet.
In my first year of University we were unfortunate enough to warrant a show by this spack faced retard. Obviously I got absolutely plastered and somehow got my hands on one of the foam mallets that were being handed out.
At some point I was dragged onto the stage and forced to play the ingenious game "Mallets Mallet". I was shitfaced. Also, I didn't know any of the things he was asking. I got hit with the mallet. Timmy got hit with my mallet. Hard. He didn't really react so, at my next failure to come up with a satisfactory response. He tried to mallet me again. He got hit. Hard. Repeatedly. His hat came off.
He wasn't best pleased. He came right up to me and whispered in my ear "Listen you cunt, I'm the star. Stop fucking about."
I wasn't going to take that. He got a "fuck yourself arsehamster!" or similar and the beating of his life. I got one of those stupid plasters and a shit comic.
It was one of the proudest moments of my University life. The day I gave Timmy Mallet a beating and got him to swear at me.
The cunt.
(you FUCKING *BANG* BANG*BANG* AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!, Fri 26 May 2006, 4:40, Reply)

I live in Wigan...
Hence the name, it is also The celeb magnet of the world.

Anyway, Ive met Jimmy Bullard, twice, played for Wigan but has now fucked off to Fulham. I want to hate him but he was such a sound guy when I said my makes reckon i look like you to him. He also made my night by telling some fat mare to 'FUCK OFF' because she was touching him and just generally trying to get in his pants.

Jason Roberts held a door open for me and Mike Pollitt let me in front of him at the bar, both are of Wigan Athletic fame and both have abnormally large hands, I thought mine were big.

Ive also met Bez from the Happy Mondays, he was DJing at an indie club I go to. I danced with him onstage and went to say something to him in a corridor and he got his bouncer to chuck me out of the corridor. He was off his tits, looked like a tramp and just kept shouting 'Pie Eaters' all night. Idiot.

Gorden Burns of 'North West Tonight' fame handed out trophies at my football league presentation once. He came over to all the tables saying hello and when he came over to ours he cracked the shittest joke my 11 year old ears had ever heard and when i didnt laugh he buggered off.
(PieEater, Fri 26 May 2006, 4:33, Reply)

Whilst working as a motorcycle courier in that London.........
I one called Vinnie Jones a 'cunt' to his face after he pulled out in front of me in his bloody great mum-truck 4x4 in Hampstead.

I got told to 'fuck off' by Honor Blackman after the stupid bitch ran across Great Marlborough Street in front of me and I nearly hit her.

Whilst filtering through traffic on Victoria Street I nearly hit Nigella Lawson who crossed without looking - she jumped and dropped her shopping - the oranges rolled out of her bag into the path of moving cars.

I ran over the foot of that bloke who played 'Recall' in London's Burning on the North Circular.

Pint sized pop twat Brian Harvey opened the door of his drop-top BMW car thing in Stratford as I was passing......my big fat BMW bike trashed the door. I called him a cunt and rode away.

I saw Jonathon Ross on Oxford Street doing Xmas shopping with his kids. He said hello. Nice bloke.

Met PJ Harvey at Island Records HQ - she needs to eat more. Nice woman though.

Had a brief chat with Suggs in Soho Square.

I've seen loads of people that i've thought 'aint they off the telly?', but I don't know their name.
(badseeds, Fri 26 May 2006, 3:57, Reply)

Never heard of you Alan Caddy...
As a spotty teenager I was serving a customer in Currys who had bought some piece of crap hi-fi.
When he wrote the cheque he noticed me taking a long look at his signature on his cheque card and also the name on the cheque.
"Recognise the name I see" he said smugly.
By way of reply I just looked confused.
"It's okay mate, I get this a lot" he said.
"What" I replied "That your signature doesn't match the one on your cheque card?"
"No - I'm from the group The Tornadoes, I'm sure you remember our hit 'Telstar'?".
"No, when was that then?"
"1962"
"Sorry, I was only born in 1961"
"It was a huge international hit you know."
"Great. I'll just get the manager to validate this cheque then."
The manager didn't recognise him either. Poor bugger looked so dejected.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 26 May 2006, 3:39, Reply)

Didn't realise who he was
When I was living in LA I was sitting outside of a bar on Sunset with some mates (Saddle Ranch Chop House if you know it) when the guy on the next table starts talking to me. He'd noticed my English accent and struck up conversation. I'd been talking to him for 15 minutes before I realised it was Goldie (DJ & Bond villain). He was a really nice bloke and even invited us to see him play at the Viper Room.
Also sitting with him was Cerys Matthews (Welsh band, forgot the name) who didn't say a word and struck me as a miserable bint. Maybe she was just having a bad day.

Other encounters:
Sat across the aisle from John Goodman on a plane. He spent the entire flight knocking back vodka.
Shared a plane with Eminem - very short guy, flight attendents were going nuts.
Saw Steve Tyler (Aerosmith) shooping in Boston.
Met Clint and the guys from PWEI, they seemed like very nice chaps.
( Silva, Fri 26 May 2006, 2:57, Reply)

curses.
i asked afi if they wanted my autograph.

they looked at me like i fell out of a tree.

miserable cunts.
(melancholica, Fri 26 May 2006, 2:29, Reply)

Obscure Poet Seamus Heaney.
Sometime last year I attended a Classics Lecture headed by Nobel Prize-ist Seamus Heaney.

I'm a huge fan of his work and hung around outside the hall for quite sometime, inching closer and closer to get him to sign my books.

I eventually caught him as he hurried out of the door, asking him for the autographs, he heartily replied 'Oh..Just as I leave the door' duly signing them and scurried away to a taxi.

I found out a few minutes later he'd just missed his plane and was coming back to the hall.

I practically ran...
(The_Inedible_Hulk Whats ET short for? Wee legs..., Fri 26 May 2006, 2:24, Reply)

Popworld
Stumbling out of Koko in London, my mate spotted Miquita Oliver off that Popworld/T4 programme. I wandered over to her and said "Oi, you're well good on Popworld," and before she could take her compliment fully I followed it with "But not as good as that Simon bloke". I've got a photo of me with her looking slightly bemused.
(A Good Egg, Fri 26 May 2006, 2:07, Reply)

More Rory McGrath
He regularly shops at the Waitrose my mum works at (Cambridge). He is always a completely grumpy, complaining cunt. All the lady cashiers there hate him. They blank him when he comes through the tills. And he’s smelly and dirty most of the time.

And I served Ester Ranson a couple of weeks ago in the petrol station I work at. She looked at me with the.. "yes hello. I know you know who I am" nod. I didn't like that much. Then she asked if we had green or dark chocolate (green?). I pointed in the direction of the chocolate shelves. "I don't know. It will be around there somewhere.” She also had some freaky dentures. Her daughter (also chauffer) was nice enough though.

Also served Rick Wakeman. He was ok. I had a queue to get through and he didn't mess about. That puts him in my 'not tosser yet’ column.
(joeydoo, Fri 26 May 2006, 2:03, Reply)

I used to work in a call centre

And once I got a call from Hugo Race. I said "are you *the* Hugo Race?" and he said "um...I don't know". I said "were you the lead singer of [not as good or famous contemporaries of Nick Cave in his early career] the Wreckery?". He said 'yes'. I said 'hang on', put the phone down, went over to the only other person in the call centre who would know who Hugo Race was, got her to put their call on hold, and proudly said "I am now on the phone to Hugo Race", much to her amusement.

A few months later, I got a call from former TV show host and saxophonist James Valentine. Once again, I asked whether he was 'the' James Valentine and once again the answer was "um...I don't know". This time I thought I'd be clever and instead of saying 'were you the host of the Afternoon Show?' I said 'were you Paul Kelly's saxophonist?'. He said yes, and I went (in an excited fanboy voice) "oh my God I used to watch the Afternoon Show and my friends said I used to look just like you and they said I should go on your show just to prove I wasn't you..." (this is true) and then there was a pause and he nervously laughed and said 'er...OK', and I just realised that I sounded like a loony stalker. Also, he'd given me his address as part of confirming his identity.

So I like to think that was two minor former celebrities whose day I made, but it was probably one whose day I made and one who I frightened.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 26 May 2006, 1:46, Reply)