I just hit myself in the eye with a book
I, Lucifer if you are interested
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 May 2009, 20:34, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Time for a new comic, I reckon


It's a God thing.

As ever, comments welcome.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 May 2009, 20:28, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello internets.
How are we all then?

Today I found out that this summer KISS are going to be playing on the common behind my house, which I can see from my roof.

Who's coming over for a Kiss roof party then?
( wanderlust, Tue 12 May 2009, 19:04, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I blame it on t'internets
As some of you may or may not know (or care for that matter), my professional life is that of dealing with people who have criminal convictions.

Lately I have noticed a huge rise (fnar) in public lewdness charges. I blame the internets for touting the pleasure of getting one off in public.

Sure, we've all done it and often had a good time. However, get a freaking room people! Stop filling up my office with your nastiness.

And that goes for the influx of hookers we've had too.

Edit: I'm not prudish......I'm just really grossed out by the facts of arrest on these.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 12 May 2009, 17:56, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Would it be unwise
to develop an automatic eBay sniping program? As soon as an auction is about to end, it jumps in and wins like any other sniping utility. The difference is that it trawls through every item that is just about to end, rather than you choosing specific listings. it then plugs in Paypal and pays for the item.

So, the first you know of what was purchased is when lorry-loads of packages arrive on your doorstep.

This may need many a bank account with many Giga-quids in it to work.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 12 May 2009, 17:07, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This afternoon
I chose to learn about "Modelling uncertainty" over finishing laying the last bit of my living-room floor.

What obscure statistics based discrete mathematical topics have you learnt today in favour of long overdue DIY projects?

I have a feeling this question may have incredibly limited scope.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:58, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ferrari offski?
news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/motorsport/formula_one/8044860.stm

Are they really hanging up the overalls or are they bluffing Moseley?
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:22, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My life is so boring I'm ordering stuff off the internet that I will probably not keep just so I can get excited about getting a delivery when I get home.
What do you do to get the adrenaline flowing when life is dull?
( girlinthehole, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:52, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Musics.
What are you awful creatures trickling into your ear-hole this afternoon?
( Cawl, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:50, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm too big for my britches
Literally - looks like it's time to move up a size. Or should I get off my fat arse and join a gym?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:43, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Impotent rage!
I work in grant funding.

I have a project that has been problematic for a while. The original application came in during the last tax year, but it's been held up for various boring and technical reasons.

Now that these problems have been resolved, I have asked them to revise costs to take out elements that were wrong and to reprofile their budget as we're now in a new tax year.

So I am now hitting my head off the desk as I open up the new, revised and shiny application to find spend and claims allocated to 2008/09.

I love my job...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 12 May 2009, 15:33, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

OT, I put it to you...
That this is the best dialogue ever conceived on TeeVee:

"Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist."
-Tobias Funke, from Arrested Development

Agree? Disagree? Do you have a better tellybox quote?
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:05, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ever find that there are some people
that most people really quite like, that you have no time for, find incredibly annoying or actively hate?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 May 2009, 14:59, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A bit excessive
my mate has been sent to a lovely hotel-type establishment operated by the government. He now gets free board and meals. This type of place is commonly known as a prison.

His crime: 5 wraps of heroin (0.5grams in total), and 5 rocks of crack.

Fair play, he really shouldn't have been doing such things but as addicts do, he shifted a bit in order to get his own stuff cheaper/ free and got caught.

This was his 1st offence, his 1st time in trouble with the police and he got 4 years!!!

A tad harsh?

EDIT: Yup, a prison sentence is deserved but I think the term is a bit excessive.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 12 May 2009, 14:01, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Do we do Lunchtime threads here? I'm not entirely sure of the ettiqute here yet.
I went to a different sandwich shop today, one that looks really nice, they've spent a lot of money kitting it out (except they don't have any tables or chairs, so most of the room is big and empty... but around the walls it looks like they've spent a lot of money).

I wanted a Bacon, Avacardo and Mayo sandwich. The bacon was cold, and he toasted it with the mayo and avacardo in, so that's warm. It's bloody vile.

This is more diapointing than the time I got a call from [insert good looking pop idol of your choice] and [he/she] asked for my best friend's number =(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 13:48, 70 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

fucking hell I'm bored
I can't even think of a stupid question or statement to provoke argument or comment.....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 May 2009, 13:45, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just read this article
I Drink, Therefore I Can about how some people seem to be inspired to their best works by getting really hammered.

I think I may be one. How about you?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 May 2009, 13:08, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A couple of weeks ago...
... I posted something here about getting a facebook friend request from the head of a department where I had just applied for a job.

I wasn't even shortlisted.

Meh.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 12 May 2009, 12:59, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch
I've just come back from a shopping trip and slammed the car boot down... on my head.

Which is now pissing claret nicely through my hair. And which is going to turn into an attractive lump sooner rater than later.

What idiotic thing did karma make you do today to remind you not to try to get above yourself?

I think I should just have stayed in bed this morning. It's not going to get better.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 12 May 2009, 12:47, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

No3L Suggested That I Throw This Rant Out ... So Blame Him If Its Rubbish!
Many, many moons ago, Ed was a baby soldier and a medic technician in the (British)Army - essentially, a paramedic. I did this between cocking up magnificently my chemistry A-level and deciding that I'd just go to university and do maths instead.

Long story short, I found myself in the Saudi desert WTF-ing in autumn 1990 preparing to support the drive up and over the border into Kuwait in my own small way (1/750,000th of the total strength ranged against the fourth largest army in the world (at that time, the Iraqi army - all fresh from the Iran/Iraq war)).

Contrary to the perceptions of many of my friends in the UK, we didn't sit on our arses drinking tea and doing nothing. When the war kicked off we went onto rotations of 14-18 hour shifts in patient care with 1.5-2 hours sleep a night (Scuds, gotta love 'em).

We got back to the UK in March 1991 to a grossly underwhelming reception. Is this (and it's a question I've thought about before) because:

1. It was seen by UK public as a "wee skirmish" because it only lasted six weeks? Note, this is the last time that multiple opposing professional armies faced each other across a battlefield "for real" and were shooting at each other, for real (admittedly, the Americans shooting at us).

2. Comparative lack of UK deaths (48) was seen to reinforce the message that this was a "small war" and therefore not worthy of consideration?

3. Lack of understanding of the nature of the conflict beyond:

(a) Saddam invades Kuwait
(b) Kuwaitsmates (Bush I, Thatcher, Mitterand et al) get together and boot Saddam out

Feel free to leave many or no posts!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 12 May 2009, 12:45, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

These nested replies
Love them or hate them, whatever. For the record, I preferred the old linear version, but no matter.

But there's a bug. The counter for the number of replies sometimes includes all the replies, including the nested ones, and other times only the top level replies. WTF?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 12 May 2009, 12:24, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you could have any pet, what would it be?
I'd love to keep goats. Sadly, I don't have the space or time to look after one. Boring, but goats are cool. In a b3tan proof enclosure. But if you can have any animal in the world as your pet, what would you have?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Tue 12 May 2009, 11:48, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So
It was a leaving do last night for an Antipodean colleague.

I didn't even get to have a kebab to pre-empt the hangover because it was Monday and all the shops were shut.

How do you cure a hangover?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 12 May 2009, 11:34, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Every Helpdesk ticket I've been assigned so far today
Has been immediately followed by another email informing me that "a Priority 3 Incident for your team has not been resolved within 0 percent of the agreed SLA target time".

Fills me with faith in the whole process.

Edit: How has technology made you roll your eyes recently?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 May 2009, 11:17, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This morning I was busy doing sex wees
over my favourite pictures of Katy Price when I realised that now she was single I could in fact go and do it to the real one without getting into trouble.

What was the most impressive thing you read/discovered/sex wee'd on this morning or last night?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 May 2009, 11:15, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

FOOD THREAD ALERT!
I've sent daughter to school today with ingredients to make peanut butter, jam, banana and cheese sandwiches for food tech class.

What's the oddest thing you've eaten?

Your mum, etc.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 12 May 2009, 11:06, 63 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My hair is shit.
I had it straightened last night and it still has a kink in it at the ends.


What do you wish you could change about your appearance?
( girlinthehole, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:34, 94 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The other day I got a text
obviously come to the wrong number asking how much I wanted for the phone I was selling.

Naturally I replied "I'll have a go on your mum, that'll be worth about a fiver"

The reply came back "haha, seriously, how much"

Again, my reply "10,000 in unmarked notes. Throw it from the 10:30 train"

Then the guy called me, still thinking I was his mate

I told him he had a wrong number, to which he replied "Fuck!" and hung up

Seconds later he phones back saying "Oi you mug, what are you doing saying shit about my mum"

I hung up.

Then I got a text from him telling me I was a cunt, a prick, a twat, that his dad was a copper and he would trace my number, and that I should come and meet him and he would beat the shit out of me everywhere.

What a penis. If I'd text the wrong number by mistake and someone was having a laugh with me I'd find it pretty fucking funny. This guy was a dickhead though.

What are your thoughts? Was I wrong to do it? Should I have met up with him to get a pasting?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:09, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)