on hold with student loans company
15 minutes so far

any bets?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 May 2009, 11:35, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Shag, marry, kill
Alan partridge
Jim from Neighbours
Ann Widdecombe
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 28 May 2009, 10:55, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

NEEEEEE NAAAAAAAA NEEEEEE NAAAAAAAA
What's your favourite LOUD noise?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 May 2009, 10:42, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Decisions decisions
Watched 'Solaris' last night, had a mild blub over the situation Clooney is in (hey, I miss the Wife, waddayagonnadoaboutit?).

So here it is. Let's say you find the one true love of your life.

Let's say that he/she then dies.

You then get presented the option of living without them, or living with a facsimilie of them based on your memories - but you'll always know they weren't the original.

How do you choose?
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Thu 28 May 2009, 10:21, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Natural History Museum
Anyone know any good pubs or places to eat round there? (Kensington's not really my thing on account of being common as shit and from the Midlands).

Alternatively, who would win in a fight between King Kong and a giant squid?

Cheers
( SpankyHanky, Thu 28 May 2009, 10:18, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Any Sebastião Salgado fans here?
www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2009/may/28/sebastiao-salgado-photography-kuwait

I want him to do another exhibition over here, his last one was fantastic
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 28 May 2009, 10:15, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My day is full of win
Despite having to get up at cunt o'clock this morning for an early shift, so far today I have had a progression of VERY attractive young ladies through my Gatehouse!
Marvellous...
How is every one else's day going??
( bentalls In my head, I am a ninja, Thu 28 May 2009, 9:40, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Further to a discussion I'm having elsewhere
what maths did you learn in school that you have never had to use outside of an exam?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 28 May 2009, 9:06, 61 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The final score...
...6 cans & 3 bottles necked, all the scoff munched and 3 of the DVDs watched before I effectively passed out.

Head hurts now...
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Thu 28 May 2009, 8:49, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

VC's tale below reminds me
when I was at uni I phoned my mother to wish her happy birthday. I hadn't been able to remember if it was the 15th or 16th and phoned on the 16th.

She then tells me that it was indeed the 15th, which I comment on, alerting my mates to the fact that I'd got it wrong.

Naturally they proceeded to take the piss so I turned to them and gave forth a decisive "Fuck you!" with the phone uncovered an inch or two from my mouth.

Immediately realising what I had done I clapped my hand over my mouth. In hindsight it should have been clear that this was too late.

Then I hear my mum sniggering down the phone. I love my mum* :-)

What have you said when the wrong person has been within earshot?

*yes, I'm sure you all love her too. or at least that's what you tell her
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 May 2009, 8:48, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I had a Natalie Moment today.
As in Natalie from Love Actually. You know the scene where she's introduced and she swears without realising, swears more *when* she realises, and then swears again in mortification?

Yeah. I did that in maths today. My friend J and I were talking and she said something "Fucking win" goes I - right as the teacher comes back into the room and looks at me, "Oh shit" *eyes bug* "Oh FUCK! Oh Bugger! I'm so sorry Miss!"

She just looked at me and said "You have the worst potty mouth".

/is ashamed.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 May 2009, 7:59, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am going to San Francisco
on Friday night. I just decided to book the trip.
Yay!
I come home Sunday.
I have excitements. And yes, I have posted this impulse buy over on QOTW :)
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 28 May 2009, 6:17, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've always wanted to say this


Bungle gets his funk on.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:57, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

I know some fucking awesome people online. On the internet. Who inhabit this here site.
and Facebook. They have made me laugh. That is all
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:06, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Blerg
I just shook up my bottle of flavored coffe creamer.
french vanilla if you must know*
The top must have not been closed all the way because it spurted out all over my hand and looks a whole lot like the phallic bottle spunked on me.

Now I feel violated.


Do they call it French Vanilla in France? Small american minds want to know.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 27 May 2009, 21:15, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, an anomaly
When I try to write a proper song, I never seem to be able to write good lyrics, yet I just wrote a song about cake within half an hour. Stupid brain.

Why is your brain stupid?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:03, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ok
We all know computers do some strange things.

But have you ever heard of one managing to do this?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:12, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

attention camra beardies
If you're a lover of fine barley wines and old ales, there's some sad news. O'Hanlon's has decided to stop brewing Thomas Hardy's Ale, and there's still no word on whether someone else will pick up the slack. Go out and buy some while you still can.
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:09, Reply)

Argh ignorers
Around 3 I sent a text to a bunch of people, basically saying "Thinking of going out for a midweek curry. Interested?"

It's now 7. Number of responses: 0. It's fine if they don't fancy it, but I would have appreciated knowing that an hour ago so I could figure out what I was going to do for food

Which text should I send:
a) "Thanks for your timely response. It ensured I could plan my evening in a timely manner"
b) "Oi you ignorant twunts, when asked a question a reply would be nice"
c) "I've booked a table for 6 in your name, see you there!"
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:59, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lack of funnies warning
My beloved girlfriend of 5 years finished with me on Saturday. She asked me to give her space. So I did. She was unhappy and felt I wasn't giving her the affection and support. She's having a really difficult time with many things at the moment. She warned me a couple of weeks ago that unless things changed she would end it. I foolishly and selfishly didn't respond as I've had problems myself. I'm not the only guilty one, she hasn't been the same recently and it seems that the spark died over the last few weeks. We both still love each other to pieces and neither of us have eaten or properly slept since Saturday. But she said she loves me but has fallen out of love with me.

Last night I laid in bed crying (I havn't cried in many years). I got up and drove round the entire M25 at 2am. A 300 mile round trip from where I live. She came onto Facebook today and told me that things really were over, and that she wanted to be friends but not right now and she couldnt see me at the moment. She got really spiteful and told me to keep away from her family and her. She's the first girlfriend I've had thats lasted longer than a year. She is a really amazing girl and I am going to regret my selfishness for the rest of my life. I can't stop crying, I'm sinking into depression and feel absolutely helpless. All I want is for her to understand how much of a wake up call she's given me and that I would be completely selfless from now on. A changed man. What's worse is I was about to propose, it's something I've been thinking about for a while and I thought it may give her something to cheer her up. She wanted more commitment which I avoided for some time until I was ready. We are both completely devasted (my parents are good friends with hers and our mothers have been speaking nightly). I don't know how I can carry on for now. I'm stuck in the house with a broken ankle and keep mulling over the 'what ifs' in my head. It's torture that I've driven away a girl who I really wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

Please let that be a lesson to you all - for those of you with other halves, just look them in the eye and tell them how much they mean to you. Be selfless. Give them a card now and then. Any romantic gesture. Make time for one another, even if you're busy.

It's too late for us but if this tale saves anyone else from the heartache that we are both experiencing, the last 5 years of my life won't have been a waste.

Apologies for lack of funnies.

Length? Nearly 5 years and a lifetime of regret and guilt.
(Sir General ***WoW***, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:33, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

heh
I'd like to push someone off a bridge

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8069686.stm
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:52, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Champions League...
I'm not going to be watching it tonight, but I feel I should make something clear.

I really really hope Man Utd lose. Not just because I'm a scouse fan, I'm not that immature.

But because I've spent the entire day trawling through status after status of 'OMG we r goin to bata Barca' and other shite like that.

You have the most cocky fans in the premiership by a country mile, that's why I nearly died laughing when I saw fans of yours crying after we beat you 5-1.

It was a great day.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:10, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hmm...
...Wife away for night. Work finished. 4 DVDs to watch. 8 cans and 4 bottles of ale in the Fridge. Take-away Chinese already delivered.

Wish me luck...
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Wed 27 May 2009, 15:33, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

House Prices
Note: I *don't* want to turn this into a version of the typical Londonium dinner party, but ... if someone bought a house for £380K in December 2006 but is now selling it in May 2009 for £385K does this say to you:

1) Desperation (e.g., repossession looming)
2) Property was over-priced in 2006
3) Something structurally wrong with the property (note: least likely)

I'm going to see it Saturday; if I offer him a number that's £50K less than he paid for it, do you think he'll accept it?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 27 May 2009, 15:01, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How many b3tan friends and fans do you have?
At last count I have 33 friends and 47 fans
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 May 2009, 14:36, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Facespack....
It came up in Turkish when logging in for a friend just now, so I went to change the language (scroll to bottom, blue text on the left hand side saying your language), and I saw "English (Pirate) beta".

YARRRR, maxmimus rofflez.

So, what's your social network thinggys?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 27 May 2009, 14:22, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pandemic (and Pandemic 2)
Fuckin excellent games!

Can anyone suggest similar games to help pass the time?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 27 May 2009, 14:21, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I love Musical Horses
Pic in reply
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 May 2009, 14:18, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)