So last night, I was laid in bed
getting ready to sleep, and noticed the cats over by the window. Didn't think anything of it until it all went quiet. I went over to the window, and they'd only gone and managed to make a hole in the screen and were on a nocturnal adventure.
They eventually came back in and I closed the window. The baby then took a running jump and comically smacked her head against the glass!

So now I have to replace the screen and can't open my window at night!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 22:26, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Thread for Clendrix
What would you like to talk about?

Beer
Men
Films
fluffy cats and kittums
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 21:29, 106 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Betting Persons
Get yourselves onto betting sites tonight and put money on Scotland for the 20/20.

Right now they're also-rans but the way Drummond and Haq played tonight I reckon they'll make the finals.

But don't come to me if I'm wrong.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 20:30, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

O NOES
I've run out of beer and it's only 8:15.

Shit
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 20:15, 47 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As I said, I've been keeping busy.
Over the past few months, on and off, I've had a project that I've been working on. I wanted to create a set of stained glass privacy screens for my bedroom windows.

I've gotten one completed, and am about to do the final assembly on the second.

Pictures and narrative in replies.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 19:46, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This made me laugh like a mong
For I revel in mockery of the overpaid.

Picture in replies.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 18:20, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sadness
My poor kitteh, Jack was hit by a car this morning. Hit until he was all dead.

So poor dead kitteh. Very upset. I need fluffiness from the board please. Much fluffiness.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 17:40, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

TMI. dude, TMI.
I have just had a horrid rememberance.

It was Reading, 2005. A few friends and I were wending our merry drunken way back to our tents having seen the legendary Iron Maiden. A friend of mine was, at the time, loved up. He was 25, she was 19, and he was - for the first time - getting regular sex.

As young men are wont to do, he went on and on and on about his sexual shenanigans of the previous few weeks. Until I heard the sentence that I have just remembered:

"O' course, we don't really do it doggy-style." said he.
"Why's that, buddy?" said another mate, clearly a glutton for punishment.
"Because her bum's too big and my dick's too small." came the all-too-honest reply.

In one measly minute I found out more about my friend than I ever, ever wanted to know.

When was the last time your friends shared too much?
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 17:13, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I want to make a cake
specifically a Jack & Coke cake because who doesn't love cake with whiskey and fizz in it?

Anyway, I googled "jack and coke cake" and it brought up a link to b3ta's question of the week on vomit.

Perhaps I should rethink my baking experimentations.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 16:57, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've been doing some calculations
about how quickly a reservoir will empty if it were full and had a dam breach.

This particular reservoir is approximately 65000 metres cubed in volume and by my calculations it would empty in 12 minutes.

My advice to you: if you live downstream of a dam, move.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 16:49, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Its a lovely day,
And I'm inside revising chemistry and eating cold potatoes with kitchen towel shoved up my nose.

What are you lot up to this afternoon?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 16:04, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello internet
Given an email address, lets say "redacted", and a location, lets say, "redacted" University (whatever it is), and a full name, "AIPerks", and the theft of several hundred of my favourite pounds via the medium of fucking ebay, how exactly do I exact some revenge?

Just wondering. Particularly looking to those who have some legal, and entirely feasible ideas.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:54, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My spidey cider senses
Last night I bought 4 cans of Bulmer's finest English apple flavoured strongbow cider drink. Eager to quaff the first can I didn't allow it a huge amount of time to chill - in fact, sitting in my garage it probably warmed up, as the garage door acts somewhat like a radiator in this recent heat.

Alas - enjoying my evening treat I was somewhat dismayed to find it tasted not unlike bar line cleaner (bleachy) it was subtle, and I had been drinking previously some lovely Tesco's own brand ginger beer, so I ignored it.

I've drunk many a pint with line cleaner, never did me no harm mister. So all 4 cans were drunk, all tasted slightly wrong.

So being the pedant I am, I decided to call up Bulmers, where, in my mind I had probably invented a problem, to be told, that my specific batch (that makes it sound like the knock me up some special) was indeed not tainted with bleach, but too much of one ingredient.

If that ingredient turns out to be rat, then I shan't be too pleased, but I look forward to the large crate of compensation that should be winging it's way to me in the near future. Gut rot tastic.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:27, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have 3 bottles of beer left
should I drink them now or save them for later?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:27, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A pointless arguments that make you go Grrrrr
The Foo Fighters (or just Foo Fighters) 1st album.

I say, and I'm 100% correct, that is was self titled. This was the album that had the '50s Ray Gun on the cover.

However, someone here claims that the 1st Foo Fighters album is actually 'The Color & The Shape'. Their argument is based on the fact the ST album was a solo-project by Dave Grohl and TCATS was the 1st album by FF as a group thus qualifying as their debut album, despite being the 2nd FF release.

He is a smug cunt and wrong, although I suppose his argument has a slight trace of validity.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:18, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just thinking of you all beavering away at work brings a little smile to my face
I'm out on my balcony in very small shorts and a vest top, drinking beer, eating a chip butty and watching S4 of Prison Break. Life is good.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:10, 90 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Arse Fish Twatty Bollocks
Took the car in for an MOT, it needs many things doing. The problem is, that the garage quoted about £670 to put it right, I'll get a few other quotes, but at the end of day, I reckon it's only worth about £300. But 'll never get another car as good for less than £700
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:08, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bones
Up until about 3 weeks ago, I'd never watched this.

My housemate got series 1-4, and since then I've been absolutely obsessed, watching them every night.

It's absolutely brilliant.

Anyone else watch it?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:55, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Inspired by a post lower down, another daft question
Why has no one worked out how to genetically modify spunk so it tastes of chocolate? Well actualy she prefers butterscotch to chocolate, but you get the idea.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:50, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright spunk-jugglers?
If you could put anything in your mouth right now, what would it be?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:38, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

English -
You're doing it wrong, beeyatch.

I'm embarrassed how many of those I habitually use incorrectly.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:23, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dear Off Topic
LEST WE FORGET.



One year ago today.
( Cawl, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 12:01, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

There is something VERY SPECIAL happening at the Porter House in Covent Garden on Saturday, 13th June.
Why not check it out on /calendar?

If, however, you don't care about any of that stuff then please allow me, Slip Digby, to ask you, the internet, a question:

If you were Walter Mitty, what might your fantasies entail?
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 11:57, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm sat at work
Procrastinating spectacularly. I've found a hole in my shorts, right in the crotch.

B3tans, make a choice for me. Do I:

A) Run home at lunch, inadvertently flashing the whole of Chester city centre along the way, and change my shorts for another pair and return to work?

B) Flash my coworker and hope to scare her?

C) Sit very still and stop procrastinating and get on with work?

Or D) You tell me what to do.

Edit: My workplace has no formal dress code, and I'm not a hippy, or 10, or a 10 year old hippy or any combination that you can think of.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 11:55, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why?
just tell me why.


and then tell me what as well. or possibly who.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 11:35, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

MORE KAOLTARDARY NEEDED ON OT
Please fill this thread with terrible abuse.
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 10:49, 103 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wimbledon
I am NOT a tennis fan. Sorry, find it dull as dishwater, and only mildly more interesting than watching golf. But the fella has asked me if I want to go along for a day this year. My initial response was - thanks but I'd rather watch paint dry.

But then he told me tales of strawberries and cream and sitting in the sun.

My question - do you reckon the strawberries and cream and sun will outweigh the watching of the women in short skirts pretend to have mini orgasms on court?


/edit - this is very important research and cannot possibly wait until after I've done my revision.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 10:00, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning you Kaoltards
I hope everyone is enjoying another sunny day. I made a fantastic fish pie last night.

This mornings question is, why do people insist on phoning you up when you're trying to make a cup of tea?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 8:51, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Aarghh
I have an exam tomorrow and have not quite gotten around to revising.

So I'm coming here in the hope for more procrastination tools.

You all smell of poo. Discuss.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 8:29, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)