I haven't started a new thread in ages
Inspired by Crow's tales of having boffed Claude Speed's intended, probably, do you have any ex-shags who you'd like to recommend to another b3tan? A mega-rich closet homoesxual for Swipey, maybe? A kid in care for Quentin? One of the Billy Goats Gruff for Rory?

Alt: Physical contact. Are you a hugger, a handshaker or a "don't touch me you filthy unwashed" type?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 12:50, 191 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

New thread
Science is trying to describe you
www.theregister.co.uk/2012/03/12/seven_kinds_of_commentard/

What type are you?/how was your weekend?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:34, 183 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Well it looks like Jeff killed OT
Tomorrow I go back to work at my former employment, only to help see.
It will be grand to be smug and all neener neener since the guy that took my job lasted about 3months.

When were you last all smug and neener neener?
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 3:39, 181 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Well, it looks like I killed OT
How was your weekend and what does next week hold in store?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 11 Mar 2012, 21:25, 80 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

u ok?
What's gonna be the soundtrack of the week? Need to load up the old music player.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 11 Mar 2012, 17:09, 91 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Tech wizard help please
Hello wonderful tech type people.

My PC was invected with the "police E-Crime Virus" this weekend, (you have been viewing illegal sites, you must pay £100 etc).

I have used system restore , and the pop up/lock screen appears to have gone but is there anythig else i should be doing. I dont want to be spreading viruses aboout the place.

thank you for any helpful advice
(bugboy, Sun 11 Mar 2012, 12:12, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

What does today hold for you?
For me:

8am - 12pm - work.
12pm - 3pm - decorating.
3pm - 6pm - pub, watching rugby.
6pm - 8pm - cooking and eating.
8pm - 10pm - relaxation, watching TV, reading.
10pm - an early night.

Alt: is this the dullest post on OT ever?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 11 Mar 2012, 10:00, 72 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 10 Mar 2012, 17:16, 129 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Saturday gaylords.
Fucking hell I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't go out and have eight or so pints without waking up after four hours sleep with a banging hangover. I'm gonna have to go for a walk to clear my head.

Wassup my negro amigos?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 10 Mar 2012, 10:34, 73 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I just got back from an MRI scan !
That stuff went right to my head, I felt like I was gliding down the coridor and my breathing was so shallow that I didn't care if my lungs were moving or not. Felt great, really chilled. I couldn't hold my breath for the long hold breath sections, I was always like only 3-5 seconds to quick, but it's alright, they don't need you to be totally steal for 100% of those bits. I hope. It was quite snug being strapped in like that, I donno how these really fat american people fit in them. Stomach was caining afterwards though, probably from being strapped and still for so long, and not being able to eat/drink anything 'till 2 in the afternoon.

I've started loving Flake bars, I wanna be like the women in the advert in the bath tonight.

Tonight I'm eaither cooking my special potato salad, or getting a thai take away, depending on how I feel after my nap.

Alt: alright?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 15:46, 237 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

BBC NEWS LINK
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-scotland-politics-17310549

Have you ever had a fight? Ever nutted a MP? Why not?

Alt: What would you do if you were banned from pubs for three months.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 15:00, 77 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

For those of you less inclined toward self-incrimination,
assign a theme tune either to yourself or a B3tan.

No YouTube links please.

I'll start: Quinten: 'Liar' by The Sex Pistols or Run DMC's 'It's Tricky', or Limahl's 'Never Ending Story'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 13:23, 197 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Rory's Law*
It has come to light in recent days that certain users on this forum have been convicted for undisclosed crimes. In the interests of public safety I would like you all to reveal all of your run ins with the filth, whether a conviction was secured or not. I think it only fair to the rest of us to have the opportunity to decide if we wish to interact with crims or not.

Alt: Which laws have you broken and not been found out for? Perhaps you had sex with an underage member of your own family?

*'Swipe has pointed out that this might be more appealing if you can imagine Rory to be a cute, blonde 6 year old**

**This may also reveal some more of the nonces in our midst.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 13:07, 26 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I made an eyewateringly hot curry last night, even when i had added an extra pot of sourcream it had the capacity to burn at a thousand yards
however, my morning constitutional did not involve the dreaded "ring of fire". this is good news, but what's your good news /OT? however trivial.

alt: weekend plans?

altalt: why is your momma so fat?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 10:35, 205 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I can't help but think this might not be the best idea
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-17297714

What odd remedies and cures do you lot have for ailments? I've been pissing rusty water out of my arse at high pressure most of the night. Meh. I am still going to go out tonight for curry and beer though

Alt:
What the fuck are you up at this time for?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 6:14, 167 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

you can vote on the QOTW on /board
b3ta.com/board/10712963
( rob, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 21:13, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

In a week I'll be off to cork to celebrate StPatirick's day
Any Irish b3tans want to join me for a pint?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 20:23, 168 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

If it's Women's day
does that mean all womens get cake and stuff from the menfolk? Because I'm still waiting...

alt. Bacon butties: excellent, delicious, what I'm having for tea. Why are you so baconbuttyist, CQ?

Hedgehogs are proper cute, discuss
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 17:39, 103 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Who wants to see some holiday snaps?
Alt: Who wants to hear some holiday annecdotes?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 16:35, 88 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Things that make you feel human?
I find it increasingly difficult to give a fuck about things these days. E.G. this Kony bollocks, tl:dr, but I find myself feeling sad when hearing one of my ex pupils left the school due to family illness.Are you de-sensitized to the world or are you an empathetic hippy?

alt: why does Quentin need so much attention?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 14:30, 269 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

2 truths and 1 lie
Tell the group two things about yourself and make up a massive lie about a third

Alt:
Fuck you and your alt. I can't be bothered today. My guts are WOEing
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 13:04, 209 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I'm going to open a new QOTW soon
what should it be this week? I'm taking suggestions. Yes, I'll be reading the suggestion page too. Then a vote etc on /board.
( rob, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:29, 49 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

BOOZE.
I am a firm believer that booze is simply unsuitable for some people. My pal Yeti has no problem whatsoever in caning Herculean quantities of drugs for days on end with seemingly no ill effects – however give him five pints and he becomes flushed and belligerent, and, frankly, a massive pain in the arse. Shittest Irishman ever*, so he is.

What kind of drinker are you? Do you cry on the stairs at parties? Are you a ‘drunk dialler’? Do you get into scrapes? Perhaps you're a spewer, tactical or otherwise. Do tell.

Personally, my behaviour is little changed by substances. Apparently I have the look of a naughty schoolboy about me, and that’s about it. My brother is absolutely fine drinking for hours, until suddenly something snaps, he goes grey and incoherent and is effectively a vegetable. Elvis leaves the building and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

*quite a claim, I know
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:43, 231 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

It is international wife beating day today.
I've never hit a woman, even accidentally, without massive amounts of apologising, buying flowers, and generally being extra nice. When my girlfriend hits me, she thinks it's funny, and does it again.

Hardly equality of the sexes, is it? What do you find so unfair, that it makes you want to hit a weaker member of society than yourself?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 8:36, 126 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

ESSAYS!
So I've got 2000 words to discuss violence and the wider social, psychological and moral issues raised by it. So far I've got 2061 and I've not written a conclusion/introduction yet.

I don't want to crop out all my badly-researched Foucault/Marxist criticism. Tell me some good uni essay anecdotes.

Ed: Violence in 'Great Expectations' and 'North and South', mid-Victorian literature basically.
( Bats, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 22:28, 163 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Evening Shift, ASSEMBLE!

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 18:46, 205 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Have a new thread. Gratis. It's on the house. No, seriously.
1. What's for supper?

2. House parties. Like them? Loathe them? Ever been stupid enough to host one? Ever invited radio knobcheese Christian O'Connell to one only to find him repaying your generosity by urinating on your parents' clothing? I know of two instances when he did this in the late 1980s. The fucking boor.

3. Gandhi was a bit of a cunt, and a bit of a nonce as well. Discuss.

4. Mother Teresa: saint, or a bit of a cunt?

5. Comedy double acts: the best, and the worst, in your misguided and ultimately cretinous opinion?

6. Lost products: where are they now? 'member Lymeswold cheese? 'member Radion? Eh? Eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 15:56, 154 replies, latest was 14 years ago)