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This is a question Off Topic

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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Now I am huge fan of young Noellers, but that thread was shit.
What's the best thing you are expecting from 2011, be it personal, political or entertainment-wise?

EDIT obviously for some of you it's clearly Montstock 2011, but set that aside when considering your answer as that's a given.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:08, 237 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I want more celebrity spastics on our screens in 2011.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:09, Reply)
Good luck with that, Janet Ellis.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:20, Reply)
Hahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:21, Reply)
It was you who Percy Thrower called 'mentall ill' after you smashed up his garden wasn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:23, Reply)
Yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:28, Reply)
There were some dancing mongs on Got To Dance last night
gonz made me watch it
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:56, Reply)
I wish I was as happy as a dancing mong.
It's the closest thing I can get to being a happy dog.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:37, Reply)
Contentment.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:10, Reply)
That is so much better than being happy.
Lasts longer too.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:12, Reply)
I have a horrible feeling
that contentment is unlikely to be anything more than fleeting for all but the under-fives and the mentally subnormal - THANKS TO NICK CLEGG AND HIS CRONIES.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:12, Reply)
I just want to be happy with my lot regardless of what that lot is.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:13, Reply)
Good luck with that, Gandhi.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:16, Reply)
Well to be honest my lot is quite good at the moment apart from being single.
And I'm getting better at accepting the single thing.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:20, Reply)
you haven't got much better at shutting the hell up about it

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:57, Reply)
: (
I thought I had.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:01, Reply)
;-)
pulling your leg. You are certainly more upbeat about it.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:03, Reply)
Pfft! you had me worried then.
I've been making a conscious effort to not mention it.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:06, Reply)
This would do nicely!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:19, Reply)
I'm expecting many awesome trips away with various friends.
I'm hoping, as I do every year, for some event that makes the politicians, bankers (investment cunts, not your average high street clerk) and tax avoiding arseholes FEAR the recriminations of the public they've abused consistently for decades.

It'll never happen, they'll remain untouchable and unapologetic.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:14, Reply)
I hope to become an investment banker at some point this year
If I'm going to be hated and generally despised I might as well be snorting coke out of the anus of a $1,000 prozzie as well.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:22, Reply)
I'm expecting 2011 to kick me in the arse and turn me into a *real* grown up

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:16, Reply)
Good luck with that, Pinnocchio.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:17, Reply)
well i'm going to be actually saving money for the first time like ever
to most likely live with a stranger...for the first time ever
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:20, Reply)
2011 is starting a bit meh for me
Dunno - good food, get fit, have more time to do interesting stuff
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:17, Reply)
Good luck with that, Christopher Reeve.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:21, Reply)
*saves world*

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:21, Reply)
Why can't Superman fly?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:22, Reply)
Because it's scientifically impossible?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:22, Reply)
No.
'Cos he's in a wheelchair dead.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:24, Reply)
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:24, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:26, Reply)
One of the best jokes ever.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:28, Reply)
it really is

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:54, Reply)
I am expecting to be able to move home this year,
A lot nearer to work, and closer to my GF. I was expecting to go to Mongstock, but I've been told I have better things to do on that day.
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:17, Reply)
When is Montstock?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:22, Reply)
A mass rally of Brown Shirts at Tayyabs.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:23, Reply)

r
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Brown + lifters
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:25, Reply)
I said when, not what.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:25, Reply)
This Saturday

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:26, Reply)
Aw man : (
Then I shall sit at home sobbing into my pillow.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:27, Reply)

sobbing into biting
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:03, Reply)
Good luck with that...err...Bartleby.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:25, Reply)
Cheers,
Now what does Monty mean by this?
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:29, Reply)
I couldn't think of a funny reply.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 15:09, Reply)
I'm hoping my wedding will be a highlight

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:23, Reply)
I shall sit at home sobbing into my pillow.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:24, Reply)
you and the rest of The Queue

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:25, Reply)
Good luck with them, Edmund.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:29, Reply)
This is the best one of these so far

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:30, Reply)
yes, this deserves far more clickage and attention than it received

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:53, Reply)
Tunisia, Algeria and then Lybia
to become decent democracies, this causes Eygypt and Iran to make concessions on human rights and censorship. South Sudan becomes prosperous and Zimbabwes shitty government falls. Kim Jong Il dies and his son is less of a cunt.
They change the coffee supplier at the office for one that doesn't taste and smell like popcorn.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:23, Reply)
This is not Miss World.
You want to get laid this year. Be honest.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:25, Reply)
The question was, "what do you *expect* to happen this year?"

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:29, Reply)
Well yes, but I honestly put everything on that list above getting laid
this coffee is really shit.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:30, Reply)
this has reminded me
I had some red wine the other day that totally smelt and tasted of peanut butter. It was uncanny.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:25, Reply)
I had a candy cane the other day that tasted of wine.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:40, Reply)
If only there were some way to record progress of these
predictions throughout the year. Possibly with the ability to graph results.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:25, Reply)
I recommend most people to watch the "Joy of Stats" on the iPlayer.
The guy does stuff like me, but better and he's actually likeable.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:31, Reply)
I like stats

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:39, Reply)
Good luck with that, Kofi Annan.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:27, Reply)
I don't think my own brand of STFU-Diplomacy
will ever get me elected to secretary general.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:34, Reply)
Weight loss, moving to Wales, New tattoo in the summer.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:25, Reply)
this may be the year I get a tattoo

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:26, Reply)
Do it

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:26, Reply)
^this

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:27, Reply)
need to find somewhere good to get it done
may tie it in with a trip to London or something
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:27, Reply)
Plenty of good places in London

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:29, Reply)
Which is best, in your opinion?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:35, Reply)
Depends on the style you like
I love Xed le Hed's geometric stylings so I'll be going to his studio. I've heard a LOT of good things about The Family Business tattoo studio too. Browsing on my phone at the mo as the office net connection has shat the bed again. Will provide links to studios when it plays ball.

Seems the TFB site is undergoing maintenance. They're good enough to have a book out though.

I've also seen a lot of good work come out of Frith Street Tattoos.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:01, Reply)
from what I have seen (and you have told me) Xed le Hed seems to do the sort of stuff I like too.

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:04, Reply)
He's next on my list, as soon as I can start saving for it
So, after August's Japan trip I reckon.
Have a look at this forum post for amazing tattoos. It's a huge thread, so I linked you to the last page so you can scroll backwards (a lot of the earlier images are now just broken links).
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:10, Reply)
some great stuff there
love the one of the dinosaurs
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:15, Reply)
The raptor one? Yes that's amazing
Brilliant use of white ink to get the light.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:18, Reply)
yeah, I've not seen that before
there are some really incredible ones on there. One of a bird, maybe a kingfisher, eating berries? superb.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:19, Reply)
that's my thinking
I'm thinking as a 30th birthday present to myself
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:36, Reply)
...with a hearty Tayyabs afterwards.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:40, Reply)
exactly

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:43, Reply)
Wahey something I'm ahead of you on.
Any ideas what you would like?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:27, Reply)
I'm tempted by a prominent
Man Utd tattoo to give me a get out of ever moving to Liverpool.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:31, Reply)
you'll be glad of me when you're homeless and destitute.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:38, Reply)
I can't wait to sign on in Liverpool
"I say good chap, is this the dole?"
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:41, Reply)
"...and do you have any snout I could bum off you?"

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:41, Reply)
yeah, couple of ideas
www.b3tards.com/u/48ca4e4a50b7cad28251/2753718091_7f53ef68e4.jpg

basically imagine that but without flamey bits, in hard black. front of the shoulder, at the end of the collar bone.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:34, Reply)
Is that an 'Off Topic' monogram?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:36, Reply)
shame, I really like the blue colour
pretty cool symbol though. Does it mean anything in particular?
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:36, Reply)
It's an an 'Off Topic' monogram. I'm certain of it.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:38, Reply)
It's from a kids book
a good kids book, but a kids book nonetheless. I don't think translations were given of specific charter marks though, so I've no idea what it means.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:38, Reply)
they are kids books
doesn't bother me though. It doesn't have a specific meaning.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:41, Reply)
it's from some books which I have read
no particular significance in real life. Magic thing in the books. Mainly I just like the symbol.

I have a better version of it at home which I will use as the basis. What I quite like the thought of is that there are loads of similar symbols in the books, so if I decide I want more I could get all manner of them in different sizes and stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:39, Reply)
Should I recognise that? it's quite simple which is always good.
I'm getting a sun wheel on my back to go with my other Aztec pieces

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:38, Reply)
I am annoyed to admit I like that.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:38, Reply)
I like that
you'd only recognise the symbol I posted if you'd read the books, like Applebite.

I like bold black stuff best though, so will be going down that route.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:41, Reply)
What, like a portrait of Malcolm X?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:45, Reply)
yes
had I mentioned my plan to get a portrait of someone ridiculous above the fireplace in my dining room when I have decorated it?

the current leader is that picture of Jimmy Hill with the pipe
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:47, Reply)
Good idea,

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:13, Reply)
In colour?
That would look fucking amazing!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:41, Reply)
Well the two pieces I have already are black and blue and red and blue respectively so more colour
isn't an issue. I would be keen to find a tattooist who was confident of getting the feel of depth.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:44, Reply)

tattooist man in a public lavatory
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:45, Reply)
Bravo!

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:55, Reply)
You are Eric Von Daniken AICMFP

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:42, Reply)
i have to google everything!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:48, Reply)
*registers a flatline on suprise-ometer*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:52, Reply)
For the love of everything
GET THE DAMN CHARTER MARK
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:29, Reply)
hahahaha
that's the most likely
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:32, Reply)
I remember you saing you were going to get that when I first started coming on offtopic.
Two and a half years ago.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:34, Reply)
I've been talking about getting an Erasure tat for over 10 years
Never going to happen
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:37, Reply)
Probably for the best.

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:39, Reply)
Phew

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:41, Reply)
Would you really find it repuslive?
In which case, I think it's a marverlous idea.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:31, Reply)
Have a little respect.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:43, Reply)
Ooo, sometimes...

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:55, Reply)
Wouldn't it rub off?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:44, Reply)
I like this

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:47, Reply)
I wasn't sure whether I wanted one or not at that point
but had thought of some ideas.

Now I am certain I want one (partly down to Lab's awesome tattoos)
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:38, Reply)
*prouds*

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:59, Reply)
Good luck with that, Buster Bloodvessel.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:30, Reply)
Cheers Mr Boyce.
I will send you some 'exclusive pics' in a few months you sexy old bitch.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:35, Reply)
2011 has started pretty fucking well for me, if I'm honest I'm feeling rather pleased with myself.
As long as it doesn't get shitter I'll be dead chuffed come December. I'll be playing my guitar more, writing riffs and beats, cooking more and learning how to bake properly, put another 500 miles on my boots and do at least one multi-day walk. I'll get another couple of clients through the charity system, maybe do some fundraising and make sure the town knows it exists. I hope to get to at least a couple of bashes and possibly find new and novel ways to make wanking more exciting, although I can't see any obvious link between those last two perhaps one will present itself.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:28, Reply)
Good luck with that, Noel (Gallagher).

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:31, Reply)
In 2011
I am going to stop stewing in my own mediocrity and go and achieve something. Whether this be a new job, a PhD or just an awesome holiday, I don't really care. But I'm sick of everything in my life just being 'meh'.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:30, Reply)
Maybe you could get a job with the Waaaaambulance Service?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:33, Reply)
Possibly
that was actually me being positive, although given a second reading I realise it's quite hard to tell.

WOOOO 2011 STUFF YEAAAAHHHH! Better?
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:36, Reply)
Needs a touch more air-punching, I think,
but better, for sure.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:39, Reply)
*punches air*
*plays montage music*
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:43, Reply)

ir l
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:56, Reply)
Good luck with that
Rebel MC
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:40, Reply)
*can't play bass*


*can't play drums*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:48, Reply)
*click!*

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:52, Reply)
I GOT RABIES :D
And my landlord just turned up to tell us we're getting a motherfucking flatscreen.

I can't make any plans really yet because of applying for placement and stuff. But if I get a first this year, I've decided I'm going to reward myself by going to either Venice or Finland. And since tattoos has come up, I will of course be getting my annual inking.
Oh and see how long I can keep this "R-word I'm still not comfortable saying" going.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:32, Reply)
'rofflecopter'?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:34, Reply)
*rofl
Oh monty, what a conundrum! You made a spelling mistake, but on the other hand, it's in a fake moronic "lol" not-really-a-word word.
How do you feel?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:34, Reply)
Fine, thanks.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:37, Reply)
Good good

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:39, Reply)
'Reacharound'?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:37, Reply)
with Mike Reid?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:49, Reply)
Reacharound... Now!

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:57, Reply)
A decrease in my travel expenditure.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:35, Reply)
You going to dump DJTP then?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:37, Reply)
If he gets that Man Utd tattoo then yes!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:39, Reply)
Dumping might not be enough...

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:42, Reply)
Football tattoos are horrific.
Except for the one my old flatmate got when he was off his face, it just said 'FREE MARLON KING' on his thigh. That one's great.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:42, Reply)
I once served someone when I worked in a 7-11 in Scotland
who had SPURS tattooed on his forehead in ye olde calligraphy.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:48, Reply)
Rip off though

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:50, Reply)
A wedding

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:55, Reply)
We're doing it Scouse-style.
Co-habitation first.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:57, Reply)
'Scouse' and 'Style'
two words I don't associate with each other...
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:58, Reply)
but look at me!
on second thoughts, don't...
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:02, Reply)
*buys a flameproof hat*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:57, Reply)
Ha!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:02, Reply)
Fuck right off
I'll have none of that kind of talk
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:57, Reply)
speaking of weddings
the olds are miffed you didn't send them a card or even phone them. The crazy lady sounded sad.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:00, Reply)
Was it their anniversary?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:02, Reply)
on the 13th
their 38th, no less. Bet there'll be a MAJOR party for the 40th...
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:05, Reply)
Aw, anniversary of Great grandad John's death.
Followed by Great Grandma Jane on 14th.
I shan't forget this now.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:08, Reply)
wow.
Your family knows how to PARTY!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:11, Reply)
This is Liverpool
Births deaths and marriages attract equal amounts of boozing.
Speaking of which, I have found exactly where those two people got married, but so far only have a vague district for the 1925 birth.
I shall dig some more.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:22, Reply)
I think you'll agree with me that it's a stupid idea for Roota and DJTP to get married.
I mean, for starters, where does this leave me?
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:29, Reply)
my gigolo

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:37, Reply)
Are you saying you'll pay me too?
Yeh', I got not problems with being paid. I don't see why so many women are up tight about being paid for sex, it sounds like an awesome deal to me.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:40, Reply)
I think part of it comes down to the type of people who pay for sex
*subtly points to a few male b3tans*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:43, Reply)
Innit

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:45, Reply)
A work placement at a place of employment I've been pestering for fucking ages.
God I'm boring.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:37, Reply)
I'm hoping to have a girlfriend by the end of 2011, I've not been in a proper relationship for 2 years, which is the longest time I've ever been single
Aside from 2 weeks that don't actually count

Personal: I'm quite looking forward to the London bash in July (inc Tayyabs), and I hope to be able to make it to Blousie's bash again.

Political: I want someone to wipe that smile of the smug fucking face of David 'Call me Dave' Cameron, using whatever comes to hand.

Entertainment: I'm quite looking forward to the new series of Dr Who, I just hope it has episodes that are as good as - and better than - the last series.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:41, Reply)
I'm expecting nothing from this year, other than the new series of Dr Who.
I'd like to earn money from writing, for people to stop inviting me on shit holidays, to overthrow the government, and to punch Nadine Dorries in the face. None of these is likely to happen.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:42, Reply)
Teaching power kiting in Cornwall all summer
Incidentally, I built a website to direct people to, which tries to explain what the sport is and answer most common questions. If anyone's bored, it's here. I'd be grateful for any feedback, particularly from someone who hasn't really heard of it before.

(And yes, I did use a template, but I just wanted something simple and clear without shelling out too much).
(I helped save b3ta! Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:42, Reply)
I read that as 'power knitting'
which sounded AWESOME!
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:55, Reply)
That looks like fun
If I believed in sport, I'd do it.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:57, Reply)
There shall be rumours of things going astray...
...and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight O'clock.
And lots of other weird shit.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:43, Reply)
Stunning.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:45, Reply)
All right, AA?
How's things in your world?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:46, Reply)
Not too bad thank you my good Sir
How are you?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:47, Reply)
Angry.
My workload is increasing and my enthusiasm is waning.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:50, Reply)
I know that feeling, it's fucking shit.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:56, Reply)
Oh, the MEEEK!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:45, Reply)
They deserve something nice.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:10, Reply)
They do have 'ell of a time.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:11, Reply)
Shurrup Bignose

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:38, Reply)
Hi Tuggers!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:46, Reply)
Hello BGB.
Have I missed anything this year?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:47, Reply)
I'm going to learn Spanish thanks to some lovely B3tans on here.
I went to a wedding and set my dress on fire.

I think that covers it.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:49, Reply)
Dios mio!
Usted debe estar muy caliente.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:53, Reply)
Si

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:54, Reply)
more and better sex
which comes under all 3 of those headings
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:46, Reply)
You are Monica Lewinsky AICMFP

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:47, Reply)
yeah, like i would have let him ruin my dress like that

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:49, Reply)
On the other hand...
...an emergency 'Bukkake Breakout' might have put out the flames on BGBs dress.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:55, Reply)
Plus, they were in a church, so a Lord's Prayer wank would be nothing but appropriate.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:58, Reply)
And the stains wouldn't have shown up much.
Camouflage type pattern.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:59, Reply)
Cumoflage?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:10, Reply)
From what I've heard, sometimes you can't help dribbling a little...

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:26, Reply)
Nah, she's just got jizz on her dress

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:51, Reply)
and you won't believe how much it cost me

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:52, Reply)
The presidency?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:53, Reply)
haha
but i wouldn't settle for president, nothing less than queen/dictatorship would satisfy me.

i guess there's a slot going in tunisia right about now...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:54, Reply)
a slot?
I thought you weren't into women?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:28, Reply)
what is the going rate for 10cc these days?

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:56, Reply)

A Wall Street five knuckle shuffle?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:59, Reply)
One Two Five?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:59, Reply)
you couldn't afford it

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:01, Reply)
I'm sure Swipe would keep her jizzy dresses in a walk-in-fridge.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:54, Reply)

RSwipe had taken some clothes in to be cleaned. The attendant was an old man, hard of hearing. She was telling the man what she wanted, and was holding a dress while talking. The old man put a hand up to his ear, and said, "Come again?" "No," said Rachel, "It's mustard this time!"
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:56, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:59, Reply)
This
although not with you, mind. I like you but I think that's taking it a bit far.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:49, Reply)
if i were going to do girls, berk, you would at the top of the list
this is as close as we will get, but i think we are both happy with that.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:50, Reply)
berk and Swipey sitting in a tree....

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:55, Reply)
hypothetically, if there was any sapphic tendencies, which there aren't, K I S S I N G.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:59, Reply)
if there were
"if" takes the subjunctive, sorry badger...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:00, Reply)
I know, I just had a student show up before I could ninja it.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:13, Reply)
fancy blaming your students for your inadequacies
low, that. very low.

may blame trainee for EVERYTHING
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:17, Reply)
I'm not blaming them for my inadequacies
I'm blaming them for me not correcting it before you spotted it. So, really, when you think about it, it's your fault. No, I've no idea where my logic comes from either
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:22, Reply)
political?
are you planning to boff Clegg?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:51, Reply)
i just meant-
as always in my life, it's slightly complicated. but no. rest assured, no politicians!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:51, Reply)
I take it none have tickled your fancy since Robin Cook died?
Ah Robin, you dwarf looking motherfucker.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:55, Reply)
i can safely say there are no politicians who get my vote in that direction, no

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:00, Reply)
A friend of mine does, she ends up fizzing at the clopper everytime Obama is on TV.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:01, Reply)
Fizzing?
Has she been doing a "Clinton" move but with a sherbert fountain?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:02, Reply)
I've told her that too, if she insists on keeping her Alka-seltzers there, there's going to be trouble!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:03, Reply)
I'll deny changing my post so you look weird now

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:04, Reply)
That's just cheating!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:07, Reply)
List made yesterday:
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1044142
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:02, Reply)
Oh, but what about that lovely Eric Pickles?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:00, Reply)
he always reminds me of butterball from hellraiser.

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:16, Reply)
I expect nothing
Then I'm always really happy when something happens.

I may join a walking club with a very sexy lady which is MULTIWIN as I'd get to see some nice little areas of London off the beaten track, get a little fitter and spend more time with one of my favourite b3tans ever
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:54, Reply)
Personal: I will either finish this damn doctorate or actually go round the bend, barricading my office, reverting to a feral state and flinging my faeces at anybody who walks past
Entertainment: You don't know it yet, but one of you is going to dance for me.

Political: I don't know, I might see if I can get Chompy deported.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:07, Reply)
He looks a bit Tunisian to me.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:11, Reply)
He certainly looks a bit FORRIN
Should be sufficient to win mass support from Daily Mail readers.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:19, Reply)
POTD

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Jaykay says DANCE

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Frankie says..
'Relax'.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:16, Reply)
That's easy for him to say.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:21, Reply)
The proctologist says...
"unclench."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:23, Reply)
Jaykay says a lot of things. I choose to ignore the vast majority of them.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:16, Reply)
I thought you people loved to dance?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Haha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:22, Reply)
Steady on!
I'm not black.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:22, Reply)
*stands on top of a roof overlooking a city that can be Paris or New York*
I'm a dancer, I LOVE to dance !
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:33, Reply)

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