Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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You know Tuesday?It feels exactly like Monday when you've been off.
Name something and tell me how it feels.
Alt: Who has set my bathroom radio to Classic FM? Some ponce, I'll wager.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 7:59,
181 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
That's a very similar sort of feelingto waking up and thinking 'Oooh, it's Wednesday today!' and then realising after you've got up with a smile on your face that it is in fact only Tuesday and there is yet another day of drudgery and doom until it's the weekend again.
I don't know what it's called, other than 'thing designed to make me annoyed when I'm barely awake'.
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 8:16, Reply)
'thing designed to make me annoyed when I'm barely awake'.You know my Tigger too?
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 8:20,
Reply)
Does he do that thingof waking you up by sitting on your chest and pressing his nose against yours? My stepdad's old cat used to do that. For extra effect he was also crosseyed..
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:14, Reply)
images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m4/dec2010/9/1/a-cross-eyed-opossum-called-heidi-sits-in-its-interim-enclosure-in-the-zoo-in-leipzig-pic-ap-288844202.jpg
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:16,
Reply)
Mine used to do thatand if that didn't work she'd ever so delicately hook a claw inside a nostril and slowly increase the pressure. That worked.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:32,
Reply)
This is exactly what Tigger does.I call it the Claw of Damocles.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:42,
Reply)
They know where you're vulnerablefuzzy little sociopaths.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:49,
Reply)
Second post I read today makes me want to kill myselfThanks chirpy.
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:08, Reply)
About once every 6 months or soo, I try and get into Podcasting, and then giving up when you have to click a download each time.I knew there was a way of just plugging in your phone and getting the latest X audio/videos, but I could never work it out, until now. But last night I worked it out, you have to do it on your computer, rather than on your phone.
It's pretty awesome, but I've got a bit click-happy, there are loads I've clicked on.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 8:30,
Reply)
I'm getting quite OH GEE OH GOSH OH MY about Friday, new Nintendo Toys !(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 8:37,
Reply)
I do love your enthusiasm about everything Gonz!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:12,
Reply)
Sweet sweet life-validating celphane and styrophome packaged electronics =D(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:20,
Reply)
You getting a 3DS Gonz?If I get my bonny bonus this April I'm thinking about getting one.
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:15, Reply)
Yup =DD3 days to go. Or maybe it might come on thursday.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:19,
Reply)
I'm actually excited for you!It looks amazing. Have you played with one yet?
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:23, Reply)
Nope, not yet.I've never seen anything in 3D before, I mean, from a screen.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:44,
Reply)
GLEE GLEE GLLEEEEEEEE22/03/2011 Your credit/ debit card has been authorised and your order is now being released for packing.
Funds will not be debited until your order is shipped.
22/03/2011 Your order is held for credit checking.
22/03/2011 Your order is waiting for authorisation and release for fulfilment.
04/03/2011 Your order is currently held as a Preorder
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:31,
Reply)
I felt something in the shower this morningIt was like a sneeze, only better. I don't know what it's called though.
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 8:50, Reply)
Sleep!It feels wonderful! I managed to have some last night and am therefore firing on all cylinders today
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 8:58,
Reply)
Alcohol.Feels like a close friend putting your world to right.
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girlinthehole, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:00,
Reply)
When 36 years you reach, strikethough well you will(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:11,
Reply)
I don't even know who that is(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:29,
Reply)
Not as such, noThere's a reason why only young people like Ke$ha, it's cos she's not very good
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)
It's the $That stinks of wakkilols
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:37,
Reply)
She actually represents a worrying development in modern musicIn the respect that she can't really sing, and all her songs are absolutely slathered in Autotune. She looks good and has enough attitude to flatten a small metropolis, but that's it. As ridiculously optimistic as this may be, I like the idea that singers should be able to, y'know, sing.
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:40, Reply)
ArrrghLooks good my pert bum?!
themorningwoodnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/kesha-john-travolta.jpg
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:52, Reply)
I'll have you know, Sir,that I like Ke$ha, and I am far from young.
However, as has been established on several occasions, I have shit taste in music.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:47,
Reply)
I didn't know that.I do now.
However I have no idea whatsoever how old you are, so would not have considered this opinion to disprove my statement anyway
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:50, Reply)
I'm b3th, I'm 37, and I 'm an eBay trader from Weston super Mare(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:52,
Reply)
Well that's hardly OLD, is itUnless it's on Monty, in which case it is. I bloody love Weston Super Mare. Fantastic holiday there when I was 7.
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:53, Reply)
WSM is a fucking dump filled with retarded skagheadsthe only good bit is the new sea defences
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:08,
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I take it they've had your input?(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:33,
Reply)
The man has a pointIt *is* a fucking shithole.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:35,
Reply)
Entering Darth's anus feels like thiswww.youtube.com/watch?v=57KpH3aQ5B0#t=16s
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:03,
Reply)
i can just imagine him shouting weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee all the way downthen splat
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:07,
Reply)
The "joys" of being self employed are one day feels much the same as any other.Bank holidays and stuff don't really register.
Anyway,I had a game of pub rugby on Saturday, after teh England Ireland match. Fucked knee, and cracked ribs go to show that tarmac, cider and sport don't really go together. Today feels like yesterday.
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:13, Reply)
Alt: People who retune your radio should be shot.Unless it is me, and you find it on Radio 4. I'm only trying to improve you.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:15,
Reply)
Radio 4 is excellent.One of the few benefits of not paying your licence.
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:17, Reply)
I did the washing up last night(it had been a while) and the feeling of looking round a clutter-free kitchen with the satisfaction of a job well done and then spotting the vegetable drainer and the slow cooker lid that could both have done with a quick wiperound and rinse. Quite took the shine off, it did.
I christen this "Topfvergessenttäuschung".
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:30,
Reply)
I have a washing up quandary awaiting me at homeBasically we have a fuckload that needs doing, and Ms Foxtrot will be out until about half 9. I'm going over a friend's at 7 and will probably be home by 5. Enough time to do the washing up, certainly. Also enough time to play Fifa 11 with a few beers. What to do?
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:33, Reply)
He is! The River is about his special washing technique. In all seriousness though, I reckon you could do both.
Only thing is, I hate doing the washing up and then going on the Xbox. My hands feel funny.
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)
I probably could do both but I hardly get any Xbox time as it is, and I did an absolute fuckload of cleaning at the weekend so am feeling selfish
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:45, Reply)
Xbox it is then, excellent reasoning :DI am planning a fair session tonight too, except I won't be playing Fifa, got back into RDR recently and can't put it down!
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:51, Reply)
RDR is fucking brilliantI absolutely suck at the online multiplayer something rotten, as my boss delights in telling me every time he shoots me in the head. Nonetheless you should look up my gamertag (same as my B3taname) and we should game sometime!
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:55, Reply)
Bwaahahahahahahaha!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:11,
Reply)
You're on form this morningI award you a cumulative 8/10 and a click
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:19, Reply)
I was quite proud of that oneI think the "shoots me in the head" take on a disturbing new context
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:20,
Reply)
I realise that as a Sunderland fan you need to spend as long basking in whatever glory you achieve as possible, lest it be fleetingSo I shall allow you your moment
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:22, Reply)
Christ, if I thought I'd get a BJ for doing the washing up I'd give Darth my dishwasher for free!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:36,
Reply)
Given how many hours a month I lose to washing up I'd probably blow you in exchange for a dishwasher
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:37, Reply)
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:38,
Reply)
I appreciate the distraction from this moral dilemma, thank you*unzips*
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)
*sigh*.... yes, almost as much as the bloke he's giving them too.... *sigh*..... 6/10, ovbouse.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:30,
Reply)
Problem solvedFill sink, place all dirtiest pots and pans in. Play Fifa until Ms Foxtrot returns. In to soak innit, then she can help
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:40,
Reply)
I'll probably be out until after she gets back thoughAnd when we're both in she wants me to help her work out a Foxtrot she's going to teach tomorrow night. However I like your thinking, if I do the worst of it whilst cooking something and soak the rest I can probably play Xbox for 90 minutes and sort out the rest in ten minutes before going out
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:48, Reply)
Watching 40-60 year old belly dancers is weirdThey're moving gracefully, almost hypnotically, but they're old and most were on the tubby side. It was both entrancing and unsettling at the same time.
In other news, I am very tired as I got home at 1am.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:44,
Reply)
+ after smashing a 60 year old belly dancer up the shitpipe(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:46,
Reply)
hahaha!First officelol of the day
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:47,
Reply)
That sometimes happens where I work. A bunch of them do belly dancing and a few times they made staff give money to charity and watch them. It was so frightening. I watched once and I won't do it again.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:47,
Reply)
Well last night he sounded very rough.This morning I've not heard.
Sorry B3th, I think he's dead.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:53,
Reply)
I think that is the arrangement in place, yes!(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:55,
Reply)
They should switch it round"give generously or we get out the thumb cymbals..."
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:52,
Reply)
The look in the eyes of one particular woman will haunt my friend Dave forever.(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:53,
Reply)
What would happen if you put a lava lamp on a vibrating platform?(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:18,
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Holy fuck, look what I found while googling that.identityameth.webs.com/amethmeditations.htm
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:19,
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Worst of all is when you wake up on a Saturdaygripped by the same sickening slow-motion feeling of inexorable doom that you get every other fucking day.
I have found out today that O2 owe me what could easily be a few hundred quid though, the incompetent cunts. I did a deal with them in Feb 2010 which they put in my notes but didn't implement. So that's my mother's 60th and daughter's 3rd birthdays off my worry list.
*does sad 'I like the Smiths' shoegazing dance*
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:47,
Reply)
Christ Monty, I always knew you were morally dubiousbut doing deals with BONO AND HIS CRONIES is reprehensible even by B3ta standards
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:49, Reply)
Yin/Yang balanceI've just spoken to HMRC and agreed to pay them £30 a month for the next 10 months. FUCK
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:49,
Reply)
they finally caught up with all that gonzo porn you've been importing?(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:50,
Reply)
*wishes I could un-think of Gonz 'on the job'*(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:51,
Reply)
It probably says something badthat I'm fairly confident I know what gonzo means in relation to porn.
On the plus side, at least I'm spared your problem.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:53,
Reply)
Think of ol' Murder Eyes on the job instead(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:54,
Reply)
*cold sweat of horror drips down back*(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:59,
Reply)
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:43,
Reply)
I don't think anyone wants to see that, I still get a little faint when I pull my willy out to take a piss.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:13,
Reply)
Christ Sporty, I always knew you were morally dubiousbut doing deals with BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB AND THEIR CRONIES is reprehensible even by B3ta standards.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:51,
Reply)
haha!It was to stop them from singing though, so I think I've done well out of this deal
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:54,
Reply)
Worth every penny, then.Perhaps you could claim the payments back if you register yourself as a charitable institution?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:55,
Reply)
You're one of those tax dodging non dom's aren't you, you bastardI feel a protest march coming on against Sportscow
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:56,
Reply)
A protest "roll around on the floor" would bring better results I feel(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:09,
Reply)
ha hah ahhaI don't know why this makes me laugh so much
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:37,
Reply)
Even if they do owe you several hundred quiddon't expect it back any time soon. *punches calendar, curses O2*
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:54, Reply)
I chose to name my backand am reporting that it feels painful enough to have kept me off work for two days.
Stupid trampolines.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:54,
Reply)
You've named your back?What have you called it, Clive?
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:55,
Reply)
I've named it Phileas Q Backerman(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 9:58,
Reply)
Velocity x Area(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:02,
Reply)
*engineer fives*I find it strange that the bit where I suggested I'd fucked my back on a trampoline has been overlooked.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:06,
Reply)
No accounting for people reallyHow you do it then?
last time I was on a trampoline, I did a somersualt and got spat out, i had the bizarre moment where time slows right down and you know that you're going to fall and everything goes all calm.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:08,
Reply)
was bouncingcame out of a seat drop thing, my mrs suggested swinging my arms to go higher. I did, and my back went crack and I collapsed in a heap.
I fear the nieces may have learnt some new words.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:09,
Reply)
Did your flares not act like a parachutecushioning your fall?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:17,
Reply)
Last time I was on a trampoline I was about 5.My back is fine. Perhaps these two things might be related.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:18,
Reply)
You are missing out!Trampolining with the kids is good fun!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:19,
Reply)
Because it's difficult for them to balance, you see.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:38,
Reply)
I reckon it should be called Sorpiv, oh man, that's an awesome name, like a russian secret agent.Vipros would be so much cooler if his back was a secret russian special agent extrodenare.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:11,
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In Russiaback has got you!
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:14,
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you quite numb down there?(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:10,
Reply)
that was not what i meantand no, tender and sensitive as a baby orchid, thank you very much.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:11,
Reply)
it's not a romantic issueit's a work issue
but never mind
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:26,
Reply)
i have read this three times and i still don't understand itis that your fault or mine?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:28,
Reply)
Makes sense to me.Not as bad as the worst scenario. Better than bad.
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Kroney, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:29,
Reply)
i would ten times rather have romantic hassles than work hasslesromantic hassles - drink a bottle of vodka, pull someone else. sorted.
work hassles - doom, death, decay.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:30,
Reply)
I forget about work the moment I leave the office.So I guess we have a different work/life priority paradigm going on.
I'm thinking about a career change, incidentally.
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Kroney, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:35,
Reply)
I'm a barely attractive man.I'd be a fucking hideous woman. No point in making myself less likely to get action.
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Kroney, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:40,
Reply)
Go 50/50:Double your chances.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:41,
Reply)
To quote Jim JefferiesIt's hard to be a stud, you need to be good looking, witty, have great hair, money and a fake job.
It's easy to be a slut, you just have to be THERE.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:42,
Reply)
Because of my own incredible shallowness where looks are concerned,I tend to assume others are the same. I shall take your post under advisement.
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Kroney, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:45,
Reply)
I'm not shallowI just have high standards. Totally different. Yep.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:46,
Reply)
Oh that's good, it can get over and done in the adbreaks and nobody will be disapointed.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:16,
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Someone's got man troubleCome sit on my knee and tell uncle Jeremy all about it
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:13,
Reply)
I'd like to say at this point that if your name really is Jeremy you needn't fuck offbut you have my sympathies
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:26, Reply)
It's really not otherwise I would have killed myself by nowpeople called Jez = twats
fact
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:30,
Reply)
what about "jezzer" ?i've dated a jezzer. he stuck his fork in my dinner.
there was no second date.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:31,
Reply)
Is sticking 'a fork in your dinner' A euphemsim?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:32,
Reply)
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:33,
Reply)
This is a brilliant, brilliant postI don't care if Finchy said it first, "Pump action yoghurt rifle" cracks me up every time
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:36, Reply)
That's an unusual euphemism for itUnless of course he was sporting a trident
EDIT: damn you, DogFucker!
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:33, Reply)
omg you 3 are just dirty disgusting boyswho are dirty and disgusting
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:35,
Reply)
I'm not the one who stuck my "fork" in your "dinner"(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:36,
Reply)
You so want usThree dirty disgusting boys, three holes that need filling. Coincidence?
(, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:36, Reply)
Leave me out of this Darth.You just want to see other mens cocks and are trying to use Swipe as a conduit for your member munching lust.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:37,
Reply)
Three holes that need filling?What are you suggesting here, DF? Because it sounds like you want her to strap on and bum you all one after the other.
You're definitely straight, though. Because it's a girl you want to bum you. That's not a gateway bumming at all. Nope.
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Kroney, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:39,
Reply)
*adds 'gateway bumming' to lexicon*(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:41,
Reply)
Don't worry, I'll protect you.*eyes your 'dinner' lasciviously*
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:37,
Reply)
Nice to see the old classics are still around.Al dropped a 'Sid James' yesterday too - fair brought a tear to me old japper, it did.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:35,
Reply)
Waking up and realising something was a dream:a strange sense of happiness and things put right, replaced with a disappointment and dismay that things will never be that way. And no, you didn't eat that amazing food.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:49,
Reply)
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