Fine I'll do it then
Morning all, how are you all today? Hump day today, from lunchtime onwards we are rattling towards the weekend.

Question, question? Er,what A level results did you get, or for Monty Higher School's Certificate.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 8:55, 221 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

A, B, C, C.
And a love of beer and skiving.

I'm up this early because I have MOAR EXAMS.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Wed 18 May 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Was one of those "General Studies"?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 8:59, Reply)

No
Physics, Philosophy, Maths and Biology.

A/S levels in Chemistry (D) and general studies (D).
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:00, Reply)

pfft, those are all the easy cop out subjects!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Wanking A*
Leering A
Stalking B- (missed out on the Chomp award)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:03, Reply)

That's quite impressive, getting four proper A-Levels and an AS.
But then again, exams are a lot easier these days, bloody kids etc.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Only did one year of them then changed over to a BTEC

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:03, Reply)

HAHA you thicky spastic.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Thats me
My BTEC in Deacon is on proud display though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Maths (A), Chemistry (A), Chemistry Special Paper (2), Physics (C)
Canadian Gin Rummy (3767 pts)
Impersonating an 18-year-old (A)
Touching Girls (C)
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I took my car to the garage today for a service
so I rode my gay bike to work.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I did a distance check on my dog walking route last night and it appears I am now walking an extra 20 miles a week
I am quite pleased my this
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Is it because you keep getting lost because you only managed to get a BTEC and not a proper qualification?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Does my degree not count then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Nope, everything after a BTEC gets demoted to the equivalent of a GCSE in general studies.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Fine by me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:10, Reply)

we can only hope it's 19 miles to the ocean

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Geography E- there Apey
It is about 3 from my house
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Shit I got a B in Geography for my A-level, I must have gone down hill since then

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:09, Reply)

I bet there is a geography term for hills.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:11, Reply)

"hills"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Thought so.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:14, Reply)

ha ha ha ha
Not sure why this is funny
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:14, Reply)

I think a big hill is called a "mountain"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Hugh Grant concurrs with this statement

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Validation by fop

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Does your bike have parking sensors?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:07, Reply)

If I feel I'm about to hit something I make a loud noise to alert myself to the fact that I might be about to hit something.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Haha!
I can actually see someone doing this
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Very wise
attention this gaylord is reversing
attention this gaylord is reversing
attention this gaylord is reversing
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:09, Reply)

You can tell - it goes dark

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:09, Reply)

I'm going to start doing this
and see if I offend anyone.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Just be careful not to do it in Norwich
You wouldn't want to "bump" into anything/one
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:11, Reply)

As soon as I'd start
Darth would be positioning himself behind me and greasing himself up.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:12, Reply)

+more than normal

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:11, Reply)

from which end?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Click

(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:11, Reply)

Morning
I'm fucking shattered tbh, not sure why, went to bed at the usual time!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Did you not have a munchy box?
I imagine if you forgo your usual bedtime snack, your body will shut down due to lack of calories.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Nope, home made stir fry last night, was very tasty, thank you
Yourself?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:18, Reply)

I bet it had black pudding in it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:19, Reply)

best of all the stirfry ingredients

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:21, Reply)

apart from cake

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

You are really making me giggle today
and you're not even tickling my perenium!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

*tickles*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

you have gasted my flabber, sir
I must ask you to step away from the wok.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

My mate Big Kev invented
sweet and sour swiss roll at an all you can eat Chinese buffet
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I think it had cowboys in it.
I had spaghetti bolognase (sp?) last night, tonight I have to fend for myself as the wife is out with friends.

Despite cooking most of the meals when we are both in, as soon as she's out for the evening I find it impossible to motivate myself to cook for one and usually end up with a takeaway.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I find exactly the same
cooking for one sucks. It's either takeaway or I end up just eating a sandwich or something.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I am the opposite.
Mrs Cow is a really picky eater so when she goes out I get the chance to make unusual stuff, just for me.... and drink lots of wine
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I've recently-ish started proper cooking
and living on my own it's always for one.

I do have regular takeaways and sandwiches but I quite enjoy experimenting.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

I do this as well
Lamb chops ahoy!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Thai green curry last time - fucking amazing it was too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Not had that in ages, hmm...
*plans*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Nope, don't think that would work too well with sweet chilli chicken

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Needs MOAR CAYKE

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

It's a fookin disgrace.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Good today.
Spent an hour and a half exposing the brickwork on the chimney breast in my dining room last night. Very enjoyable work and I uncovered the old lead pipes that must have led to gas lanterns which was interesting. The strata of revolting wallpapers was interesting too.

Alt: BCD, but that's not bad considering I did barely any revision for any of the exams.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Are you going to replaster it, or just give it a good clean up, or paint it?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

good clean up.
maybe paint the inside bit white.

the walls will probably be a light cream and the ceiling is going to be dark red. It's going to look the business.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

You live in a Campino AICMFP

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Why did I read that as Campari?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Sounds fucking cool

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I've got a big dark oak dining table and chairs to go in there as well
and am contemplating a wrought iron chandelier
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Our dining room
is all dark oak floors and a massive fuckoff table, with white walls and a black chandelier type light. It only appears to be missing a pig with an apple in its mouth and mead
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)

nice
I've yet to see what state my floorboards are in. With a bit of luck they'll be much nicer than the ones in the rest of the house. Otherwise I may have to lay an oak floor or something.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)

New house = laminate oak floors

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

yeah, my house is 100 years old

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Get real oak, not that laminate crap.
Or at least, get the laminate with an actual oak top, rather than oak stained pine.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I got the proper oak topped stuff. Been down 7 years and still looks brand new

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

How can you have laminate oak?
You either have plastic shit laminate or actual oak flooring, a fusion of the two does not exist
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)

It has plywood stuff underneath it and a thin layer of oak on the top

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Exactly this.
Now, lets get all knee jerky about something else and make ourselves look stupid.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Never come across that, sounds weird as with two seperate densities glued together surely it's prone to cracking (5mm top?) bowing buckling with moisture heat etc
Solid wood flooring or GTFO
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)

No. It isn't.
Move along.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Course it is it's shit
It's mimicking something which it aint for a cheaper price per m2, hence the phrase 'solid wood flooring' as a selling feature. Dur Al
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:55, Reply)

My response was to this bit:
"surely it's prone to cracking (5mm top?) bowing buckling with moisture heat etc"

No it isn't, if you buy the right stuff.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:03, Reply)

^ sense, right here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

I would do this.
laminate can fuck off
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

my flat is victorian, so the floorboards are lovely
unfortunately when i pulled up the lounge carpet to think about having them stripped, the twat who owned the flat at some previous point covered them all in thick black tar. the flooring guy said they were ruined and i would need to replace them.

i put the carpet back down.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)

You could have sanded them
Or pulled them up and planed them and relayed them. He just wanted to charge you more for new flooring and avoid a messy job.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)

A red ceiling?
You crazy Mo-Fo. It will look like a whores Boudoir.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

a whore's dining room

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

You will only be able
to dine on fish and sausages
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:52, Reply)

A dark ceiling will make the room feel much smaller I think

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

our rooms are like 3 metres tall.it won't make any difference
people are scared of painting the ceiling. Persuaded some mates to paint their living room ceiling dark brown and it looks incredible.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

*BCD fives*
never did a moments work, personally i think this makes me a genius
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

that's always been my view.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

You think he's a genius?
Seriously?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

stop deliberately misconstruing

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:32, Reply)

But that's 90% of /ot

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)

The difference between genius and insanity is measured only by success
*commits self*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

You are the Roger Cook of the chimney world

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Excellent

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

I'm glad two people appreciate my genius.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I like breasts.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)

good lad

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I've got a practice demo/presentation tomorrow to my team
before the real demo/presentation on Monday to the customer, so today is practicing the practice presentation. I've already found a bunch of things that don't work so I'm having to carefully avoid those areas.

Let's hope my expression of sweaty terror throughout discourages questions.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

second time lucky for a response eh?
Personally i prefer questions to presenting, I'm better working ad hoc with my brain than remembering and regurgitating
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

This^
Being on your toes allows my brain to work better
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

We'll see
yesterday's runthrough took about 2.5 hours with all the questions from the other two people involved.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:32, Reply)

my bro offered me a share in an eighth of the meat from a steer earlier
works out about £3 per kilo and includes a bit of everything.

Meat-tastic.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

nomnomnomnomnomonmnomnomnomnomnom

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

I'm still waiting for my sister to supply me with a whole deer for £40.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

nice
I'd love a whole deer. particularly for £40
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Their mate Chicken Dave needed some cash, so he went out and bagged a load of deer to sell
Sometimes I think I would love to live in the country. But then I remember how much I like ethnic and sexual diversity, so I wouldn't fit in.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:32, Reply)

ethnic diversity is good.
it makes for a better range of restaurants
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Is that why you spend your Friday nights sucking off Asian men in public toilets?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)

*trigger findgers*
you're right on the money there
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

*blacks up*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

*yellows up*, surely?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I was aiming for Sri lankan

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Biology, Chemistry, German
AS level in Maths. I'm not telling you my grades because they were frankly fucking terrible; I spent most of my time at college not actually in college, but in the pub.
(berk, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

"revision"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Good work berk
Drinking studies are important.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

It served her well
Now she's fully qualified in both falling over, vomiting in doorways, stealing traffic cones, and waking up with a stranger and a burning sensation.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Fine thanks. Just noticed the neighbours two doors down from us have a For Sale sign up
This is what is known as GOOD NEWS. A couple of the neighbours on the other side of them cracked open a bottle of champagne when they heard the news.

Alt: CCE - the results match the effort I'm afraid to say. I made the mistake of coming out of my shell a bit when I hit A-levels so I was preoccupied. They were still the best of my school years so I don't regret it, the rest were pretty miserable.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Many of you won't be surprised to hear that I have virtually no qualifications to my name
except a distinction in Computer Literacy and Information Technology. I loved those lessons, but it was fucking impossible to find the classroom.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)

CLIT distinction is a very good skill to have

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Some of us didn't do A-Levels, some of us decided to go get a job and do a living and not go on a gap-lifetime.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

I thought you answered the phones at a mini cab office?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

zing

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I got more respect for someone who pours a coffee for minimum wage exactly to little Tarquin's faux-latino standard, than the little Tarquin using mummy's store card between shopping at River Island and Primark.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)

eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:50, Reply)

You were belittling me for my job, you shouldn't belittle someone because of their job.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:53, Reply)

Sorry Gonz, it was only because you opened with "some of us.." which is all arsey

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:55, Reply)

It's OK, truth is I never considered it a 'proper job', or at least, not a career job, not for me anyway.
I'm now making websites which have pageviews of several million a month.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

The truth is, working awnsering phones in a minicab office is a very skilled job.
- You have to know how long it takes to get from more or less any point in your area to any other point
- How much that would cost
- Be able to chain up jobs (eg, "Driver 62 is dropping off at X, he then pick up in Y around the corner, rather than send out a new driver who has to travel much further to the pick up for a local)
- Be able to deal with all sorts of members of the public, such as drunks and infirm... most of them talking to you like you're scum.
- Knowing about 100 drivers, eg, not to send a driver who doesn't speak much english to a regular elderly lady who can't hear properly.
- With the locations above, knowing all the local pubs, venues, resturants...etc.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Addresses, quickest routes, peak traffic times, people who can hardly speak, let alone speak English, irate drivers who get a string of no-pickups
Lost items, customers with no money, useless co-operators rarely turning up on time, sometimes not at all, a boss only interested in weekly rent and not building business or customer satisfaction. I kinda like my job though, shame the money's fucking diabolical and it murders my self-esteem every time I have to get out of bed for £5 an hour.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Oh yes, all of these.
And the attitudes stink a lot of the time too, people always banging on about anyone female who walks across the street, crude comments by dirty old men about what they'd like to do to them.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:08, Reply)

On the road to teaching assistant training now.
Need to get my head straight first, but I'm getting out of this pit eventually.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Good man, not that I really know you in any depth, from what I do know you can do so much better for you*
* in the respect of you not being happy there, if you were happy as larry, you couldn't do better... if that makes sense.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Thanks gonz =)
Brilliant to see you've landed on your feet in your job too, couldn't happen to a more deserving chap.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Cheers, you'll do the same =)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:35, Reply)

What about the person who pours coffee for minimum wage for the hard working engineer who worked hard at uni and now designs flood defences?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:50, Reply)

+ IS IN A STABLE RELATIONSHIP AND IS GETTING PROMOTED IN JULY?

Jesus Christ you self-aggrandising turd.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:53, Reply)

*psst*
I thought Vippers did that work, not Al
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:56, Reply)

broadly correct
I didn't work hard at uni though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:57, Reply)

hahah oops

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Two things
One - I'm not an engineer who designs flood defences, I was merely questioning at which point you respect the person buying the coffee more than the person pouring it.

Two - It's brilliant that you can't see the hypocrisy in constantly going on about how shit your life because of your own mistakes to get attention on the internet but you think you can criticise me for making one jokey comment about how you wish your life was more like mine when I have never promoted my life style beforehand.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:57, Reply)

The point was not to belittle the person pouring the coffee.
I don't wish my life was like yours, I just wish I was _in_ your life more.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

If they're paying £5 for a cup of coffee with more syrup, creme and calories than a box of Krispy Kreams... then more fool them.
Nothing wrong with going to uni, I just don't buy that everyone's little darling is a scholar who is a failure in life who doesn't have a degree on their wall.... which I truely believe no one here believes, but i was almost imposed as doctrine by Tony Blair.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Two B's, two C's
I wish I could tell you that those were the bra sizes of the girls I was playing off against each other but as I went to an all-boys school and was going through my "metal" phase and had long hair during my A-levels, it's hardly the likeliest of claims.

Morning all.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Moobs FTW

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I have a cold. A real cold, not a disco one.
The C, D and E that I got at A Level were as miraculous as the Virgin birth, as my 6th Form education coincided precisely with the marvellous days of RAVE. I did not even deserve those terrible grades.

By today's standards I actually got 12 x A* super-duper 'there's not even a letter in the alphabet good enough to reflect the standards of my work' grades.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:42, Reply)

*something obvious about being surprised you only got one E*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Grade A coke does not count

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:47, Reply)

question
A, A, A, B. that B bugs the fuck out of me every time i have to look at my cv.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)

why?
they no longer have any meaning.

GCSEs became irrelevant as soon as you finished your A levels, A levels are irrelevant as soon as you have got into uni or got a job.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)

This is the truth
my "qualifications now sit at the bottom of my CV as my work experience is far more relevant
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)

indeed
more to the point, we both got BCD and I am obviously considerably cleverer than rswipe
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Quite.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

By association you are also refering to me
*internet validation*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:53, Reply)

could we have your basis for making this statement
so that i can consider it?

but the judge's initial reaction is to strike out your claim and laugh. a lot.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:52, Reply)

let's open with my Masters degree in Civil Engineering shall we?
I'd add that I got a 2:1 while being stoned almost every day.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:53, Reply)

Did you keep saying that bit of halibut was good enough for Jehovah?

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:56, Reply)

*clicks so hard all the fingers on my right hand break*
No wanking for me tonight
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:58, Reply)

i see your grades
and i raise them with a masters from oxford and a law conversion, meaning that i have LLB, BA Hons and MSt.

AND i have piano up to grade 5.

AND my 5 metre swimming badge (can you believe they even bothered with a fucking 5 metre badge?!)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:00, Reply)

I failed my 5m badge once.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:06, Reply)

wouldn't that mean you drowned?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)

No, I put my feet down before reaching the end
I went to a school where the method of teaching people to swim was "chuck them in"
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I've got Ballroom and Latin dancing Gold Star 3
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I've got enhanced Disclosure
that means I actually have a card that says I'm not a paedophile. Beat THAT.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I'm security cleared to SC level
so not only am I not a paedo, I'm also not a terrorist.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Sorry mate, even I have SC security clearance
So that's hardly an achievement.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:19, Reply)

*Non-terrorist fives*

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Can anyone else here assembled claim to not be a terrorist?
Actually, which B3tan do you consider most likely to be Jihad-tastic?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:24, Reply)

yeah, but you weren't stoned the whole time ;-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

how do you know??

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:11, Reply)

You've got too many tales of going out and meeting people
to have been stoned all the time.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I can pretty much guarantee that you wouldn't have physically been able to smoke bongs for 6 hours the night before a 9am exam
on such things as applied numerical methods and hydroinformatics
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:16, Reply)

you are both right
i like exams though. i am very lazy but have a photographic memory, which means i can do fuck all and still get good grades.

the down-side is that it all falls out of my brain again after the first celebratory vodka...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I'm good at exams too, and also have a good memory, not photographic though
I have a good instinct for how much work is required for something. Actually very useful in my working life. People get bogged down in detail too much.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:20, Reply)

So this is actually you:
www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2246#comic
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Why are you proud of this?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I met a guy the other week who has a PhD
and apparently he nearly didn't get his old job, because he got a 2:2 in his BSc.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

He shouldn't have been allowed on a PhD course with a 2:2 to be fair.
that's probably more the issue, it would have raised suspicion. It's against academic regs in most unis. Unless I guess he did an MSc afterwards.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

2:2 - the drinking man's degree
as opposed to 2:1 - the thinking man's degree and 1st - the stinking man's degree
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

because i am an over-achieving perfectionist

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

being one of those shows that you aren't that bright ;-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:55, Reply)

He's right Swipey
Ms Foxtrot is an over-achieving perfectionist and look where that got her
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I fully expect RSwipe to quit her job and become a hobo
in response to that awful prospect.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Too easy
b m

and then she'll end up with me anyway
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:05, Reply)

The Pink Tramp of Kensington
and then she becomes a hobo
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

i quite like this moniker

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

*uncurls from genital-protecting fetal position*

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Absloutely
Even my academic CV as nothing before my degree on it, and that's bloody 7 pages long.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:57, Reply)

How do you write a CV that long?
Seriously, I've got to submit a 1500-2000 word career report as part of my Chartership application, and I'm really struggling.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

It's an academic CV
so it has all my publications and grants on it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

mine's that long
but that's because it has a lifesize drawing of my dick on it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Ha.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Two A levels in Art history and printmaking. I can't remember the grades but they got me into art school.

( girlinthehole, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)

*awaits flaming*
A, A, A, A, B and two S1s (physics and maths)

Yes, I was a horrible cunt as a child. Still am.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:58, Reply)

That is disgusting.
DISGUSTING. Who the fuck does Physics AND maths?!

Apart from the missus
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

*raises hand*
I did 2 maths A-levels too.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

scientists and engineers?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:00, Reply)

I did maths and further maths, for my shame
Physics and maths were just the extra S levels I did.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Christ, so did Ms Foxtrot
If one of your others was Spanish then you are my girlfriend AIMCFP
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:04, Reply)

nah .. I wanted to take French but the timetable wouldn't fit.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Phew
Don't get me wrong, you're a top bloke, but I don't think our relationship is ready for that. Yet.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:05, Reply)

haha. tidy.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I assume you're referring to our kitchen
And I'm glad you appreciate my hard work.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)

i bet 2 of those grades are maths and further maths
which is basically just maths.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:00, Reply)

A big chunk is probably statistics and mechanics.
Statistics is just lying with numbers, and mechanics is just physics.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)

statistics? fuck off. Don't insult me.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:03, Reply)

haha you are chompy, you are chompy...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Don't be daft
He's married. Rohypnol doesn't last THAT long
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:23, Reply)

depends how I choose to present them
can be maths and further maths or pure maths and mechanics.

although that's rather like saying "french AND german is basically just language" if you're taking that route.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:03, Reply)

I did four modules for my two A-levels
Pure, Further Pure, Stats and Mechanics.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:04, Reply)

I did pure, further pure, mechs, further mechs
hence how I can divide it as I choose.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:05, Reply)

You must be a riot!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

You areThe Blackout
AIMCFuck all, as you've no idea what I'm on about
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I did pure and mechanics
maths and further maths sounded a bit masochistic. But then I did a maths degree so clearly I like a bit of pain.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:09, Reply)

sorry
i fell asleep at the first "maths" ...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Ok yeah, I feel incredibly, incredibly stupid now.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

So do I.
hugz4U lol
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:16, Reply)

At least we know our spunk works.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Hahaha
I don't, and I never will
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Me too Noel
*dense men of B3ta fist-bumps*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I was educated north of the border so my qualifications probably mean nothing to you southern woofters
But here goes anyway

8 'O' grades (all grade 1)
5 Highers (A - History, B - Maths & English, C - Physics & Tech Drawing
4 - CSYS (2 Maths papers, English, and Physics)

2:1 in Computer Science
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 18 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)