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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good day, good day to you all.
I spent the weekend at an hilarious wedding in Lancaster, at which I was sexually assaulted by the groom's mother. I was and still am fairly aghast about and traumatised by this event. Much fun was had although there was a rich vein of pikiness running through both bride's and groom's families.

What did you do? And what joys does the week ahead hold for you? Mine involves working horrendous hours, followed by cleaning my flat and making room for all of Luzzdee's stuff as she's moving in for a couple of weeks. Basically it's going to be ONE LONG KERRAZEE PARTY.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:25, 267 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
You loved it I'm sure.
I went home to visit my family, and studied like a mad thing.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:31, Reply)
I can finally afford to pay off my phone bill today, I'll have a phone for the first time in three months.
Except I won't because my phone is broken, I'm only paying the bill cos in two days they'll pass the debt onto a collections agency and I don't want that to go on my already awful credit rating. Actually to be fair I don't know what my credit rating is like, but I'm sure it's not too clever cos I applied for about twenty 0% interest credit cards when I was seventeen.

What did I do this weekend? Went out for my mate's birthday, although I regret the group decision to neck all our remaining bills at roughly 2pm yesterday because I've now been up since Saturday lunchtime. I'm going to watch the newest episode of Breaking Bad in bed and then sleep for about two days.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:35, Reply)
Nonononononon no no no NO !
That's the wrong direction, she should be moving AWAY from you ! As far as she can get ! Like, your buss pass goes to zone 4 so she should move into Zone 5. That way you can never get near here again ever. Damn it, I'm not trying hard enough to split you two up.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:37, Reply)
OK, I've listened to a bit of Will Young so I'm alright now.
God, I love a bit of Will Young.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:43, Reply)
He's no Eagle Eye Cherry.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:44, Reply)
*saves tonight*

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:47, Reply)
Will Young wrote a lot more songs, like that "Love the one you're with", "Ain't no sunshine" and "Relight my fire".

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:51, Reply)
You are lucky, Its back to back Amy Winehouse on the radio at the moment.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:44, Reply)
I got the first Winehouse text last night
Amy walks into a bar - sorry, they dont serve spirits
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:48, Reply)
So far they've been awful
But this one made me chuckle - "First Jade, then Jacko, now Winehouse... The Goody, The Bad & The Ugly/"
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:55, Reply)
HAHAHA!
officelols
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:57, Reply)
Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and now Amy Winehouse, all died at 27
Justin Bieber is 17, 10 more years?! Are you fucking kidding me?
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:29, Reply)
My favourite:
Amy Winehouse walks into a bar, barman says "why the long face?".
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:57, Reply)
My Favourite is
23rd July 2011 - Amy Winehouse found only slightly more dead than she was the day before.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:27, Reply)
Gonz I found the perfect pop/soul song yesterday.
Harrowing and beautiful. I'm struggling to get my head round how ace it is, my favourite song of the year by about eight million miles and I don't really like that sort of music normally. I'll post it up later as I'm off to bed.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:51, Reply)
Is it 'Stay' by 'Lisa Loeb' ? It took me 15 years to remember that, I love that song.
/ac
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:57, Reply)
No it's a new'un. I'm going to take a leap of faith and say you'll love it.
But I won't reveal it yet because I'm so obsessed with her already I feel the urge to post it all in a shiny, new thread later.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:02, Reply)
Was this a relative or friend's wedding?
Or do you hire yourself out as a token southerner to northern social events.

I spent the weekend keeping a low profile after selling some dodgy gear to a bint in London.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:42, Reply)
Lusty was a bridesmaid, both bride and groom are old chums of hers.
I am intrigued as what shadiness you've been up to - do tell.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:49, Reply)
Well, the customer wanted a ratio of 4.5 to 1 but I sold them 4.7 to 1
How we laughed in the gear shop.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:51, Reply)
chortle

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:53, Reply)
You're like a latter-day Al Capone.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:03, Reply)
Only without the syphylis

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:18, Reply)
I got a kerazy haircut and cleaned my house.
This week will be spent being a helpful and charming daughter so my dad won't whinge too much about me taking the next couple of Mondays off work.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:45, Reply)
I love your haircut
it looks really good
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:47, Reply)
Thanks petal. I might go a bit further and get more chopped off.
But the grey bits definitely need dyeing.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:49, Reply)
Where are the pics?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:50, Reply)
On FB.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:50, Reply)
Ahhh! I see them now
Looks cool
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:51, Reply)
What colour is the question?
Though I couldn't really see much grey to be honest
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:51, Reply)
Just brown for now.
Might go red later.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:55, Reply)
DO IT!

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:56, Reply)
Yes boss.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:00, Reply)
Send me a pic of the new barnet.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:50, Reply)
Ok,

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:50, Reply)
I went up to Amble for the weekend and had a most marvellous time
Visited the Alnwick Gardens and Walkworth castle, ate good food and chilled the fuck out. Pity I feel like death this morning. Ho and indeed Hum

This week involves a shitload of work, including a visit to York tomorrow and at some point a visit to the docs as my ankles have finally conked out
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:47, Reply)
Met up for coffee with a friend
and practiced learning how to cook. No-one has died of food-poisoning yet.

The week ahead is a weird one. All the stuff I've planned recently, is happening, right about when I should be finding work. Gig in London on Wednesday, dinner and Supernatural with a friend on Tuesday, dinner on Thursday with a friend, then drinks/gig on Friday
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:47, Reply)
Just so you know, I can make my own pasta now, I think this makes me more attractive, but am not entirely sure.
Do you find me more attractive than before given the fact that you now know I can make pasta?
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:00, Reply)
Sorry Gonz I'm not really a pasta fan
but if I were I'm sure it would increase your attractiveness by 110%
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:12, Reply)
Oh No, don't tell me years of studenting it up with speggetti-hoops with a can of value tuna in brime all mixed up and eaten cold because the microwave broke because someone used it to melt legos together....
... has ruined you to the delight that is pasta !
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:20, Reply)
Fresh pasta is the food of the Gods.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:21, Reply)
The closest I got to making pasta
was occasionally microwaving some noodles. It always feels too heavy and quite boring to eat
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:22, Reply)
That's a bit like saying "I don't like medium-rare chattoux briand in a creamy pepercorn and brandy sauce, because I once went to McDonalds and didn't like the cheeseburger".

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:26, Reply)
I meant just normal pasta
I've had homemade pasta before it but it's just an especially boring food. The stuff put on it can be interesting, but the pasta itself isn't
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:29, Reply)
Oh aye', like bread in that respect.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:35, Reply)
It's the same with any carbohydrate food really.
Potatoes, rice etc are all better for what you serve with it.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:35, Reply)
True
How are you doing on the eating chicken front?
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:45, Reply)
FACT.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:14, Reply)
Funeral on Friday, followed by the wake
On Saturday it was my friend's nephew's birthday, so we went out for a meal, after fawning over the kids for hours.

Yesterday, I watched the Grand Prix, read a book, and had a young lady over in the evening.

All in all, whilst fairly dull, a quite enjoyable weekend.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:52, Reply)

over
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 8:53, Reply)
What's her b3ta userID? Has she lost her 'L plates' yet?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:08, Reply)
She's not on here I'm afraid Gonz!

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:14, Reply)
does this work?
Geekiest photo ever
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:08, Reply)
No
Asks for login details for Google
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:09, Reply)
Oh well it's a cool photo of Will Wheton Felicia Day and Nathan Fillion probably drunk.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:11, Reply)
I'm dragging Felicia Day back to my cave where I plan to do unspeakable things to her

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:14, Reply)
She's my friend on google plus
THATS LIKE A GIRLFRIEND
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:14, Reply)
*CAVEMAN NOISES!*

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:17, Reply)
Mine too, the whore

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:27, Reply)
She's no Allison Hannigan.
God, the things I'd do to her, corrr blimey, I'd need to get the carpets refitted when I'm done.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:22, Reply)
Make sure you get matching curtains

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:23, Reply)
I don't think Kevin McCloud does crime scenes, because this would be a crime of passion !

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)
this one?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:15, Reply)
Yeah that's the one!

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:16, Reply)
Gah, beat me to it!

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:16, Reply)
Why is she naked?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:21, Reply)
The real question is why does she ever wear clothes?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:23, Reply)
She just looks like a normal girl to me, who happens to be naked. Nothing special there at all, in my opinion.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:23, Reply)
She is LOVELY
watch Dr Horribles Sing-Along Blog and you'll want to eat sushi with her 4-EVA
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)
She isn't naked
Strapless dress
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:30, Reply)
I love her

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:52, Reply)
just googled her, too many shots of her looking like a moomin.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:36, Reply)
No
Just asks me to sign in.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:09, Reply)
Nein.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:13, Reply)
You'd have loved it, it had Buffy, Star Trek and Firefly people in one photo.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:14, Reply)
Unless there's Kryten from Red Dwarf
and Bart from the Simpsons he's not interested
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:17, Reply)
Red Dwarf is shit.
and I'm a massive geek.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:18, Reply)
Seasons 1-3 had some genius moments
after that it tried to be a comedy show whereas before it was quite tragic.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:20, Reply)
It had
The Guild, The Last Starfighter and Desperate Housewifes people in one photo.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)
Ha,
I like the Guild :(
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)
So do I
Have you watched Dr Horribles Sing Along Blog? Its hilarious
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:26, Reply)
Yep, "The hammer is my penis"

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:27, Reply)
Wow, sarcasm, that's original!

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:31, Reply)
The thoroughbred of sin?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:35, Reply)
What a crazy random happenstance!

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:44, Reply)
Yesterday Ms Foxtrot and I walked a marathon
We set out to walk a mile, then run a mile, and after 5 of each decided that walking was the way forward. Managed it in about 7 and a quarter hours. Just need to shave 3 hours off that in about 9 months. And learn to run the whole thing.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:09, Reply)
I drank several bottles of a very reasonable South African red
had a BBQ, went out for Sunday lunch, and watch Peter Pan 2: Return to Neverland 5 fucking times!!!! ARGH!
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:13, Reply)
Is that due to Akira still not understanding that it's shit?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:17, Reply)
Yes,
She watched about 7 times. She is obsessed with Tinkerbell she calls the films...
Tinkerbell with Wendy
Tinkerbell with Jane
and Tinkerbell with Lizzie
Beyond help that one. The only good one is Tinkerbell with Wendy Peter Pan
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)
Which version?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:20, Reply)
They're all Disney

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)
I think the only version of that story I like is Hook.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:32, Reply)
Peter Pan is one of the top Disney films
The Sequels suck ass
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:35, Reply)
There are quite a number of top Disney films though
Fantasia, Robin Hood, Aladdin, Beauty & The Beast, Hercules, etc etc
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:36, Reply)
You forgot The Jungle Book and Alice in Wonderland
Hang your head in shame!
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:43, Reply)
They come under etc
And I don't think I've ever seen Alice In Wonderland tbh...
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:48, Reply)
Fuck right off
There isn't a better Disney movie than The Jungle Book
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:51, Reply)
Aladdin, every time.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:53, Reply)
Robin Hood is marginally better.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)
Robin Hood is second best
But I'll go no further
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)
My brother's girlfriend moved in for a couple of weeks eight years ago
Just saying.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)
Is she hot?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:25, Reply)
I couldn't possibly comment
She's quite a good cook, though.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:29, Reply)
I'd comment
My brothers girlfriend is not hot
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:32, Reply)
My brother's girlfriend literally fucking stinks.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:34, Reply)
Stop sniffing her grundies then.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:35, Reply)
Her perfume is so horribly pungent and sweet.
Added to the fact she bathes in it and probably uses it for mouthwash as well which doesn't help. If it existed seventy years ago the Nazi's would have used it instead of Zyclone B.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:41, Reply)
I think I even know which perfume you mean
And as such, I sympathise.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:56, Reply)
They do things differently in the north...
I, on the other hand, headed south. To the Alexandra Palace, specifically, where I watched Portishead, PJ Harvey, The Books and various others. I then spent a good bit of Sunday in Rough Trade browsing through the records.
There are no joys to be had in the week ahead. Only work and complaining.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:38, Reply)
I'm a couple of minutes walk from that, and would really liked have seen Portishead, durrr

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:52, Reply)
So yeah you've let me down tangledupinblue

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:53, Reply)
Wot a cunt, eh?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:55, Reply)
I really hate his guts now

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:57, Reply)
Me and Portishead conspired to keep Rory out

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:57, Reply)
Utley gave me a crap colouring in book once, we're like totally tight

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:00, Reply)
Yeah, but Barrow and Gibbons think you're a cunt.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:02, Reply)
b3ths been blabbing

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:05, Reply)
I've got that string sample going around my head.
You know the one. It's from their song.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:02, Reply)
lolz
yfrog.com/kk6727j
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:41, Reply)
Hahahaha that's so true

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:44, Reply)
That's fantastic.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:52, Reply)
Had a nice weekend with my boy, nothing exciting.
Went to Borough Market (did I speel it rite this time Monty?) on Saturday form nomy ingrediments , then walked along the south bank of the Thames to Waterloo and home to make Pizza from scratch. Objectively it was a bit crap, but it was the 1st time I've made pizza from scratch and nobody died, so I'm calling it a success.

Sunday was chilling with Lego followed by sunburn in the park, all in all a good weekend.
The week holds not much except preparing to depart for my little holiday next week and enjoying the sun.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:56, Reply)
Toppings?
I want to make a pizza from scratch soon, but I'm not certain what to put on it...
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 9:57, Reply)
On his: Ham and mushroom
On mine: Olives, anchovies and asparagus.

What I learned: you can make pizza dough with any old flower, but it's probably worth getting some nice wholemeal flour rather than making do with whatever you have in the cupboard. With anchovies. Less is definitely more. If you're going to put asparagus on pizza, cut it up in to manageable lengths first.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:11, Reply)
Olives are a straight no.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)
don't make it with any old flour
use OO flour or it'll be shite. And don't use wholemeal. And get a pizza stone.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:18, Reply)
Spicy sausage, black olives, mushrooms, jalapenos.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:12, Reply)
from experience I like
pepperoni, chorizo and then 2 or more from sliced jalapenos, mushroom, green pepper, onion.

Don't forget, mozzarella THEN toppings THEN a sprinkle of parmesan.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)
Barbecued chorizo is excellent.
Word to the wise.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)
duly noted

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:15, Reply)
Onion on pizza is wrong.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:15, Reply)
Opinion on pizza is wrong

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)
Oponion

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:18, Reply)
Nonononono, you want bits of the toppings to crisp up, so you layer it like
this, only with all the ingredients. I like Sundried Toms, ham, a sprinkle of chopped chili and garlic and motzerlla.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:15, Reply)
I'm thinking of making the tomato base with chilli already in
Then going for pepperoni, chorizo, pastrami, ham, german sausage, things like that.

Then, just to stop people from nicking any, I might put some pineapple on it. *hides from DG*
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:15, Reply)
I totally dig pineapple in pizza, espsesh with a few jelipons so you get hot and sweet tastes.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:17, Reply)
That's if I'm going for what is essenchally a savory doughnut, ala Pizza Hut

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:18, Reply)
Do you think I should make the tomato base a spicy, garlicy type one?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:20, Reply)
Just remember not to then use the same spices/garlic on the top
or it can get quite intense.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:30, Reply)
I'm thinking of spending the most time on the sauce, get it strong and spicy
Then just layering meat around it, and having cheese over the top.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)
You have never been more wrong
bread/base, then tomato sauce, then mozarella cheese, then toppings, then a bit of grated/shaved parmesan and/or grana padano on top but not much.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 11:24, Reply)
That you did. Well done you.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:12, Reply)
Oh man, I totally dig Borough Market so hard.
How did you do the base? I quite reguarly make pizza but with a chiabbatta base and decent pasta sauce.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)
I reinstalled Windows on my PC
and MADE JAM. I have so much jam now it's ridiculous. I'm going to have to do that sad, middle-aged woman thing of going around to family and friends saying "here, have some motherfucking jam".

I also had somebody react with genuine shock when they found out I was 31. I'm choosing to take it as a compliment even though they probably meant that I look fifty.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:01, Reply)
Which flavour of jam is it?
Blueberry is best.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:11, Reply)
Blackberry and apple
thanks to my overgrown garden.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:12, Reply)
sounds awesome.
*wants*
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)
That sounds fucking fantastic.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:17, Reply)
I thought it was motherfucker flavour!
you lied to me!
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)
I know, I am a terrible bastard.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:28, Reply)
You're only 31?!?!?!?! *shocked face*
I'll have some jam if you can be bothered to send it to me. I love home made jam, just not quite enough to actually make it.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)
More or less. It was a seventeen year old check out girl.
She had to get her supervisor over to put my beer through. He then carded me. I made some comment about being carded at 31 being a record.

She did the whole "You're 31? OK I'd never have guessed that" business and her clumsy attempts at flirting stopped *immediately*. I found it all rather funny.

And then I went home and made JAM.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:15, Reply)
Not quite a record, but close
I have a friend of 31 who still gets carded for alcamahol (not helped by the fact she dresses like a 12-year-old boy) and I think I remember Blousie saying they did it to her and she had to show then her grey bits to prove the point.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:18, Reply)
^this

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)
Girls can sometimes look like boys, I guess.
But I'm 6'2", broad, and had four days worth of stubble on the go.

In fact, I should have been carding the supervisor. He couldn't have been more than 23.

Retaliatory carding. It could catch on.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)
I didn't say she looked like a boy
(especially as I dated her once) but she does dress a bit gangster at times which tends to make her look younger. I think the rule is now Challenge 25, and I think for the average teenage checkout numpty we all just look old, so they card you if in any doubt. not that it ever happens to me mind, but I just oooze maturity /straightface
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:28, Reply)
nonce!

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:37, Reply)
Fuck you Welshy
/AC she was/is only 5 years younger than me, perfectly acceptable, and she was/is anything but boy like where it counts.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:43, Reply)
first part is autocomplete, is the second part
plagerised from the court documents?
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:45, Reply)
No.
and if you want to call me a pedo, the 19 year-old I got up the duff and married when 27 or the 16 year-old I fucked while 21 are better ammunition.

Although in my defence I was the 19 year-old's second husband and the 16 year-old.... well I wasn't getting any and she offered, what would you do?
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:50, Reply)
...and now I feel like a prude for
not answering the message on a dating site from a 21 year old.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:56, Reply)
I wouldn't if I were you.
These days my cut off would be 25 as I don't think they are properly adult before that age (from bitter experience) and actually I'd not be looking lower than 30 (or higher than 40 with rare exceptions). What falls in your lap may be a different mater, but I think I'd remain firm on the no-under-25s limit.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:58, Reply)
That sounds perverse in the all the best ways.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)
My brother and I were ID'd in Chicago despite having a combined age of 73.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)
World's gone mad, Monty.
How are the 17 year olds going to manage?
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)
I intend to shag some sense into them. The female ones, mainly.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)
I can recommend the Waitrose in Godalming, then.
She was a little cracker. Unfortunately, I am hamstrung by standards of behaviour.

Edit: "mainly"
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)
I always get IDd in the US.
I think it's pretty much standard practice. But that's pretty extreme.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)
This was in a college bar - they are petrified of being busted for serving 'minors'.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)
I got IDed for
scissors last year
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:35, Reply)
That's hilarious.
I'm well old now, I thought I'd left all this carding business behind in my early twenties. Then they only go and change the law, don't they?

Twats.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:37, Reply)
I'm older
but I only started looking it this year, booo
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:42, Reply)
I managed to catch my dad at the right moment and got my Mondays off without too much complaining.
Woo!
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:19, Reply)
Woo and indeed yay.
what does he think of the hair?
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)
I don't think he's noticed yet : D

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:22, Reply)
Haircut fail
if it doesn't annoy at l;east one parent you're not doing it right.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:30, Reply)
Give it time.....
Once he notices he will be exasperated.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:35, Reply)
I drove down to Devon to see a girl
And was her '+1' at a wedding. The groom is a Marine, so nobody was at all surprised when his mates and him ended up naked in the fountain by 10pm. The bride looked stunning even as she drank from a bottle of port on the dance-floor.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)
i went out with friends on fri
and had a lot of alarmingly good sex sat/sun. also lots of nice food and too much vodka. this week involves dinner in richmond tonight, drinks/dinner at spitalfields tomorrow, quaglino's on wednesday with clients, cinema and dinner with the bloke on thu, cocktails with a friend on fri, party in birmingham on sat. i might fit some work in somewhere too. and the gym to counter-act all those dinners.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)
Quaglino's is the epitome of meh.
Nice to have an action-packed diary though.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:22, Reply)
oh no, i thought it looked v nice
not been before. client picked it and client is paying, so that automatically makes it great though!
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)
It's very 'safe'. You will find the food dull and uninspiring, albeit well executed.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)
Sounds boring

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)
It really is. My father took me there.
I never went back.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:26, Reply)
i shall report back to you
the seafood bar bit looks amazing, albeit that i don't actually eat any of it.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:31, Reply)
I had a fantastic Salmon and Asparagus Linguine the other day
Served in a cream and wholegrain mustard sauce, NOM.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:37, Reply)
that does sound good actually

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:40, Reply)
Made even better because it didn't cost much!

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:45, Reply)
I read that as "action packed dairy"
EXTREME CHEESE.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)
The best kind.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:24, Reply)
Mexicana?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)
I wish I had once tenth of your energy.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)
she's alarmed by sex, though.
You wouldn't want that.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:24, Reply)
i was alarmed by how good it was
not the sex itself. i know you knew that, but if you can point out the obvious, so can i!
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)
my weeks are usually this full
i have to be somewhere different with different people every night of the week or i get really panicky and claustrophobic!
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:26, Reply)
God, you're needy.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:28, Reply)
i have a very low boredom threshhold
sitting on the sofa in my pants scratching myself and yelling at the wife to come and admire my home-grown marrow would not do it for me.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:31, Reply)
I wish you'd stop picking at Al.
He's very delicate, you know.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:32, Reply)
that was totally a go at you
and you know it
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:34, Reply)
Couldn't have been.
I don't have a wife, I don't grow marrows and I find scratching oneself obscene.

Otherwise, good knowledge, there!
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:35, Reply)
until she went abroad you had a missus
and marrow was in fact a compliment.

i meant baby carrot and 2 petit pois, and again we BOTH KNOW IT.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:36, Reply)
It's a baby carrot and two watermelons at the moment.
Not wanting to be crass, you understand.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:38, Reply)
that is such a horny image
*scratches self through pants*
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:39, Reply)
Obscene.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:42, Reply)
Oh I have to have some me time or else I get panicky.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:30, Reply)
i don't mind that during the day
i love going to places by myself. but at night if i am stuck in the flat, i get complete cabin-fever.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:32, Reply)
I used to be like that.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:36, Reply)
I wish I had a tenth of her earnings.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)
I read that as earrings
And was only momentarily confused.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:32, Reply)
Thinking about it
If Swipe has her ears pierced, it's highly likely they're at 1.2mm, which means she has one-fifteenth the earholes I do. 'Fun' fact for you right there.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:39, Reply)
that's one for the pub quiz

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:42, Reply)
get a good degree
apply to college of law. spend 2 years studying law. apply for jobs in city law firms (average: 2,000 applications for approx 40 jobs per firm). pass the interview. pass the presentation. pass the second interview. pass your exams. work like a bitch for the 2 year training contract. qualify as solicitor. work hard for the next 5 years. the earnings are all yours!
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:38, Reply)
Young uns expect something for nothing nowadays Swipey.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:40, Reply)
I work pretty bloody hard, but I can't even claim to put in anywhere close to the hours Blousie does!

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:41, Reply)
Don't you mean Swipey?

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:53, Reply)
shhh, you'll put him off his stroke.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:55, Reply)
Gahh, piss

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 11:14, Reply)
The reason why I am not a lawyer is
because that all sounds like a terrible pain in the arse.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:41, Reply)
the honest answer is
that some of it is, yeah. missing holidays and weekends and lots of social stuff for the 2 year training contract is hard. but it's also very challenging, the work is really varied, you meet lots of interesting bright people - i whinge on here because it's an outlet, but in fact as jobs go, it's a pretty bloody good one.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:43, Reply)
Of course, the other reason is that I'd find it all terribly tedious
I did work in a shipping law firm about ten years ago. It was mostly shuffling through papers. Even then I was questioning why it wasn't all on hard drives. I bet it hasn't changed much, either.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:44, Reply)
i know
it weren't like that when i were a lad
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:42, Reply)
I've got a phone interview with a decent company coming up
I'm hoping that'll go well, so I can then pass onto the next stage.

Either way, the starting wage is nearly £5k above what I'm on now, and according to my inside source there, they're more than happy to employ anyone.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:44, Reply)
You make it sound way harder than it really is
My mates a lawyer on 500k a year and he just read up on it on wikipedia
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:53, Reply)
drank beer
played a game about colonising an alien planet and didn't in any way start a career as a stalker.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)
I wondered who it was in the bushes under my kitchen window.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:26, Reply)
Actually that was me.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:28, Reply)
yeah i said i DIDN'T
Monty was just out their snuffling for scraps
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:29, Reply)
ah, fair play.

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)
Of course not
how did the bin rummaging go?
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:57, Reply)
To be honest
the picture I did find of him reminded me quite how PHWOAR he is. I didn't do enough digging to find out if he were single or not. Hopefully the bins will have more clues.

I mean I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 10:59, Reply)
I think you should definitely share the links

(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 11:25, Reply)
haha
I think I shouldn't

a sudden rise in the number of views on one picture would out me immediately
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)
I made beef wellington on Friday
it was fucking awesome. Worked on my dining room, got bought a leather jacket for my upcoming birthday, got hammered when some friends came to dinner, spent yesterday hungover, cleaning and stressing about new job stuff.
(, Mon 25 Jul 2011, 11:33, Reply)

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