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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Morning Otters
I made rainbow cupcakes t'other day and I was well impressed with myself.

What have you done recently that's made you go "fuck yeah I'm amazing".

Nil point for anything to do with my mother.

Alt Q: What's the most ridiculous thing you've ever bought from ebay?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:16, 264 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I made chocolate and pecan fudge brownies.
Having seen the amount of butter and suger that goes into them, I've only had a small peice.


Alt: A photo of Jeff Bridges.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)
that's impressive restraint
I've been trying to shame Wiggy into dieting by dieting myself, but it's not working, he's just eating everything in the house that I would have normally demolished myself.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)
I don't really have a sweet tooth.
I made them for B3tans.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)
Space brownies then?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)
No, just normal ones.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)
I loooove sweet things, that's what leads to entire cheesecakes disappearing in 24 hours
I made lime curd the other day though and I don't think I put enough sugar in because it makes you suck your cheeks in.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)
That just makes me think of this
Warning: Rather adorable
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)
hahaha
stoopid dog, a cat would never...
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)
Do anything to make you realise you've not just wasted your time on a shit pet?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)
They were ace
Recently there's not been anything, as I managed to fuck up my awesome stew last week. It was fantasic, but I cooked it for too long.

Alt: Gig tickets costing £110. The reason that was ridiculous is because they weren't for me, they were a surprise for the missus and her brother, then it turned out they couldn't go. I didn't even have time to resell them, so I gave them away.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)
ouch!
I have paid £200 for Leeds festival tickets on more than one occasion because my friends bullied me into going at the last minute.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)
I've never done something that's made me go "fuck yeah I'm amazing"
Alt: your mum
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)
I can believe that, you are shit and dull.
Hey I ate a mango yesterday and thought of you.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)
Aww thanks
So you survived another night in Manchester?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)
yeah my studio was right in the centre of the shiznit
but it was fine, there were loads of coppers around and hardly any people. Manchester rioters are lazy and it was raining.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)
Did many of your students bother coming?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)
ha no!
1 in my beginners class and 3 in my intermediates. I did get 3 new students who turned up wanting to join though so it wasn't all bad.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)
Did they pay in iPhones?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
ha I've found myself looking at people in the street to see if they have suspiciously new trainers

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:10, Reply)
Can someone volunteer to keep an eye on gonz today please?
I've just read his bath post and am somewhat concerned that I'm going to get home and find him playing Rock Band naked with a bubble mohawk and drinking yop
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)
CQ and I are a little worried we'll turn up on Saturday night and he'll be off his tree and cooking beans on toast.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)
I smell a reality show!

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)
haha I wouldn't be surprised.
He cooked us lovely roasted figs with honey and chili and parma ham and cheese yesterday. It was pretty damn good, especially as I'd never had figs before. Oh and I should mention the figs were fresh from his mum's garden.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)
I could scoff that RIGHT NOW.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)
That's the second time I've heard of roasted figs with parma ham and cheese this week
How odd.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)
that sounds fucking lovely

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
It was!
I am looking forward to Saturday foodtimes greatly :D
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)
the pub I used to work in did a starter of banana wrapped in ham, covered in cheese with a bit of cream poured over it
it sounds weird bubt it was absolutely delicious
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)
wrong
bananas are fucking vile
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)
only if they're too ripe.
just ripe ones are goooooorgeous.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)
error

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)
Have you been watching Mr T's craziest fools?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:45, Reply)
I certainly have
some how they have found better examples of amusing videos than I have seen anywhere else, and Mr T is amazing.

"Back in the 80s I invented the motorway..."

have you seen that Rick Dale the restoration guy from Pawn Stars now has his own show?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
Rick Dale's show is disappointing.
American Pickers, on the other hand, is brilliant.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:12, Reply)
That show is magnificent.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
I like them green and almost crunchy
hey quick Aussie question, I heard that blackberries are the bane of Aussie farmers trying to grow other fruit and that they're seen as a pest because no one eats blackberries over there. So my question is: have you ever eaten a blackberry or is that seen as unpatriotic?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:51, Reply)
Wait a minute
you're going round to Chez Gonz, but you're not prepared to travel the ten minutes up the road to see me?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)
it's almost as if she hates you.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)
That would be a terribly naive assumption Kitty.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)
You never travel 10 minutes to see me :(

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)
I've done that three times!
Only you weren't there the first time.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)
Oh man we should totally arrange another brooks trip

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)
We should arrange one when BGB is in London
and then not invite her. Then she'll know how I feel.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
she wouldn't care
pesky vegetarians
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
again?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)
Last time he couldn't find any Yop

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)
I put down the chocolate and backed away
Alt Q: Far too many things. Pointless books seem to be a specialty
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)
perfectly rare beef wellington

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)
I also made this recently
*wellington fives*
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
Wasn't too hard, just a bit of a palava

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)
Did you top with pate or duxelle?
Or both?!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)
duxelle; the misses isn't into pate really
made dauphinoise potatoes, roasted cherry tomatoes, french beans and a beautifully rich red wine sauce to go with it.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)
what's duxelle?
sounds like electrical tape.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)
it's made from mushrooms

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)
so mushroom pate then?
I made mushroom burgers for a veggie friend last weekend and they were really tasty, I was shocked. Still can't convince Wiggy to try one though.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
pretty much
my mrs made some good veggie burger things. mostly made of grated carrot and courgette but they had halloumi in them
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:58, Reply)
When I was veggie a few years ago I had a veggie burger from one of the vans
and it was so awesome all my meat eating friends went down to get one as well. Minor victory!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
I did both
made a glorious duxelle and beat some chicken liver and pork paté into it
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)
Phwoar
I wish I didn't have salad for dinner tonight!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
the best thing was that the piece of fillet came as part of a big shipment of beef
my brother's mate slaughtered one of their cows and I got 1/24 of top quality beef for about £3 a kilo.

Having a pie made of the stewing steak tonight.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
I read that as pavlova
and was all "whut?"
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)
Did your mouth start watering?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)
##THIS IS A REFERENCE TO PAVLOVIAN CONDITIONING WHICH SOUNDS A BIT LIKE PAVLOVA AND PALAVA. THIS IS WHY IT'S A FUNNY JOKE##

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)
THANK YOU FOR EXPLAINING THIS TERRIBLE JOKE

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)
...

(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)
I thought that it was because she's a lolfatty
and that the mere thought of pavlova would make her salivate.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)
This is also true.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
Oh you and your beef pavlova

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)
A bike, when I already had a bike
just to take it apart, replace all the bits and get it resprayed.

*sigh*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)
Oh HimJim
*sighs also*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)
It's looking very nice though
But I am still a monumental cunt.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
I demolished a bacon sandwich the size of a small family car this morning. Which I thought was impressive.
Alt: One of those miniature indoor Japanese sand garden dealies.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)
ooh very zen of you.
I bought a bonsai tree once. I was going to put tiny little figurines underneath it and make up stories about their lives, but it died within a week.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)
an electric blue and hot pink neon sign that said "massage parlour"
i think my tiny drunken brain thought it would be funny to hang it in my flatmate's window.

i ordered it from singapore and forgot all about it. it turned up 8 weeks later with the wrong sort of plug (naturally). sat in the cupboard and gathered dust for 2 years. got binned.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)
Did you not get a strong man
to change the plug for you?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)
the problem was, my sweet
that even with the right plug, it was still horrible!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)
I would have had it for my flat
I need to start charging.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)
for massaging?
get rid of the bike and my flatmate and i will come round and pay you. she's a total massage fiend. you'd like her, as she is ridiculously hot. i must evict her...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
Wiggy wants one of those bar signs that says Open
to hang above our liquor shelf.

Just no.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)
you are right
he is wrong. and i was so very wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)
We had a 6 foot internally illuminated pub sign at Uni
but that was uni so it was ok
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)
was it next to your stolen traffic signs?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
Alt: cup holder for my pram for £16

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)
Hahahaha!
Middleclassripofflols!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)
*chokes on organic hummous*
Whatever do you mean?!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)
They saw you coming!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)
Agreed, but it's the same brand as the pram so fits nicely...
we won't talk about the cost of prams...
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)
I saw one in Mothercare (I was cruising for yummy mummies)
that was over £400. I nearly choked on my grooming brush.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)
That's cheap for a new one

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)
That's nothing
Bugaboos start at about £800.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:45, Reply)
Prams = total waste of money
In about two months they become obsolete.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)
This one converts into a push chair
and as the wee one is still less than 7 pounds, she has some time left in it
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)
The ones that become a pushchair are the only ones worth getting.
This is all a bit 'waterproof trousers'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:45, Reply)
Waterproof trousers?
Meaning "If it's raining, just wander the streets naked"?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
It's a reference to the most tedious subthread in B3ta history.
Al and Vipros exchanging their observations on the merits - or otherwise - of the various types of waterproof trouser available.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
Wow...
The things I've missed eh...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
it was still more interesting than anything Monty has ever said

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
*pats head*
You just go on thinking that.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:58, Reply)
*does so*
you been making any music recently?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)
No.
I had a brief gig a few weeks back. Support for a mate's band.
They were fucking awful.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)
that's unfortunate

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:05, Reply)
Yeah.
I was awesome though.
Anyway, time to go now.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)
You haven't got one of those Bugaboos have you?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)

no...
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)
Hahahahahahahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)
:P
Bought it second hand for an absolute song, 6 months use and it was half price, also it is shiny shiny.

they really are the 'Apples' of the pram world
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)
Fuck me they are £850.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:45, Reply)
I did warn you.
They aren't even close to the most expensive either.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
I've heard of people spending well over a grand once it's got extras
We got the package for £400 and were well happy with that
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
hahahaha
extras? Parents be crazy.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
I no rite.
I was probably wheeled about in some crap pram and it never did me any harm.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
It's the only time I got to ride in something made by Mclaren.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
Apart from that time you were raped by the Sex Pistols' manager

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
Don't.
It's still too soon.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
I've been recently introduced to "Tim and Eric's Awesome Show: Good job"
I don't know if it actually is funny though.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
Alt: I've paid over the odds for records having got caught up in bidding wars, that's about it.
My brother's finest drunken eBay purchase, however, is a replica Chinese warrior's helmet. From China, postage £50. He has kept it as warning to himself.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)
I bet he wears it whilst wanking.
...sorry I don't know where that came from.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)
the word helmet?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)
damn monty and his subliminal suggestion

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)
Damn my subliminal helmet.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
China, dear.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
I'm making a scowly face at you.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)
Won a Ballroom competition
Whilst I can only take half of the credit for this, it's still half of FUCK YEAH

Alt: A Wu-Tang Clan Inspectah Deck T-shirt for a penny.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)
still, it was only a penny
anything that only costs a penny is a bargain. Except a ha'penny sweet obv.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)
Good points all
It was a ridiculous buy because it was a penny - it was white, I can't wear white with my skin tone. I was just moved to buy something having just missed out on summat.

I only sell on eBay these days.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)
"I can't wear white with my skin tone"
I try and stay out of the terrible online bullying but THAT WAS SUPREMELY GAY
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:45, Reply)
I don't even know what my 'skin tone' is

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)
You got three options, right?

(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
black, white, or yellow?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
Shit, I forgot yellow!
I'd included that in "brown" :(
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:51, Reply)
you racist bastard, back to Wales with you

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
Ha!

(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
You should have seen the last thread
"I can't wear that horrible yellow green colour that Kirk wore with my skin tone, darling"

When I read that, my anus involuntarily clamped right up.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
I am surprisingly comfortable with my effeminate nature
Don't have much choice, do I
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
Funny
You hadn't mentioned winning before today.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)
I haven't been around recently
but should I take a wild guess and say this is funny because it's all he's talked about?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
Hey, I haven't bought up TWL in AGES

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)
I still haven't seen the video

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)
Video?
is it 1995?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)
What wwould you call it then?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
Footage?
Point taken.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:51, Reply)
Just a thought
"Programme"?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)
I can tell you how it ends if you like

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
It took me way too long to figure that out
I'm shit with acronyms. I had to ask someone what a TOWIE was.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)
Opportunity to type the word vajazzle.
VAJAZZLE.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
they have penazzling as well now y'know
equality and all that
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
I'm all for glittery cocks.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
OK, this is the gayest thing anyone has said on B3ta this week
I must win back my crown tiara!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
VICTORY!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
what IS a towie?

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
it's someone from The Only Way Is Essex
that stupid reality show over here
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
Just as well I brought it up now then

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
I am thinking of taking up ballroom in addition to swing.
I am absolutely loving these dance classes.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:45, Reply)
You totally should
Ballroom is awesome. More technical than Swing so takes a while to get into, but more varied as there are lots of different disciplines. Glad you're enjoying the Swing :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:51, Reply)
my feet hurt from today.
I dunno. maybe ballet instead. Although I don't know if I have the flexibility for it anymore.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
Ballet is immensely fucking difficult
Although it's probably harder if you take it up at 30 having had no gymnastic epxerience or any flexibility whatsoever. If you did anything of that nature when you were younger you'd probably be alright.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
not to wind you up
but i genuinely read that as "bella is immensely fucking difficult" !
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)
Something on your mind, dear?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)
no, i was just scrolling up in too much of a hurry!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)
Yeah OK Swipey
*composes panicked text*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:58, Reply)
the thing is
if you read the rest of your post in that context, it's quite amusing.

/out of context LOL.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)
*does so*
Alright, you may have a point there
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:05, Reply)
Hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:20, Reply)
I did ballet when I was six, and gymnastics when I was even younger.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)
You'd be alright to take it up again then
And I assume you already have some idea of how hard it is
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)
oh yeah. It'd only be for pleasure though.
not for any comps or a job.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)
Don't see why not, you're young enough
We only did Ballet to improve my balance a bit, which is naturally terrible. Also, at this comp the other day there was a lady there who was 90 and still competing. The missus told me that her expectations of me were much the same.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:13, Reply)
no babies?

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:14, Reply)
Not a prayer
I've got more chance of impregnating Monty
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:20, Reply)
wow. That's a bit shit if you want kids...
maybe TRY impregnating Monts? I'm sure he'd enjoy it..
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:24, Reply)
I came to terms with the no kids thing a while ago
She's always made her point of view on this very clear
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:28, Reply)
Alt: a soft woody

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)
erm...what?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
Nothing good is going to come from asking this question.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)
cuddly toy for my nephew.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)
Alt: an associate of mine and major Magic: The Gathering enthusiast
used to bid on cards on eBay. He once paid £27 for a card which, once played, would grant all his creatures the power of flight.

The decks were about £4 at the time.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
that is so cool I think my eyeball just burst.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)
I know, right?
Brace yourself for a bit of a crushing disappointment... he's married with a kid now. Missed your window. Sorry.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)
Oh that kid has got no chance of being cool.
None whatsoever.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
Unless it takes after its mother it has no chance of not being a total helmet either

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
I've only ever bought a couple of pairs of skis from Ebay.
it always seems to much effort otherwise. I guess it must be useful for obscure stuff, though.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)
How are you feeling today grumpy guts?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:45, Reply)
situation hasn't changed.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)
what's wrong then?

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
He's just realised that people on b3ta are sometimes mean to each other

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
Cruelty? Online?
Surely not!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
haha, what?
I've been on talk since it started. I think I might have worked that one out a wee while ago, old boy.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
So why are you suddenly being such a prissy bitch because I took the piss a couple of times?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
bees into what, now? Prissy?
I think your sensitivity meter needs recalibrating, petal. If you take the piss, I'll take the piss back. Circle of life.

I strongly suspect what's really upsetting you here is that I've not thrown a paddy in response to your mocking.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:13, Reply)
But you haven't taken the piss back
you just keep questioning why I'm apparently obsessed with you as if me deciding to mock someone for no apparent reason is some complete surprise.

The first line of the last two responses sums this up completely.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:15, Reply)
erm, I've been taking the piss out of your obsession with me.
I suspect, really, you might need a crash course in just what "taking the piss" actually means. I know a couple of guys that can offer it quite cheaply.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:18, Reply)
I said yesterday, not for discussion online
This is only because someone asked a question yesterday that I made the mistake of answering honestly. It won't happen again, carry on, nothing to see here.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
*tickles under chin*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
I tried that yesterday, didn't work
try holding him tight to your bosom
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
Excellent, the rumour mill can get started.
You've found out your wife is actually your sister.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
I reckon he's found out his sister is really his wife

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
I reckon he got involved in the riots and he's seen his photo on twitter.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
he's only upset because the photo shows him stealing the wrong type of Serrano ham leg

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)
This would upset me greatly

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
He was one of those looting Cash Convertors
and now he feels he can't hold his head up in polite society again.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
*holds tightly to bosom*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
boo

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
did the postman post the skiis through your letterbox one at a time?
I hope he did, that would please me immensely.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
haha, that would have been wicked.
No, one set I collected and the other set were couriered.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story
/QOTW
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:51, Reply)
I am disappoint.
I haven't been skiing since I was a teenager, I reckon I'd suck a lot less at it now I'm not built like a soggy noodle.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:05, Reply)
Freud would say you're a slag for that.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:51, Reply)
Freud thought everyone was a slag, though
mostly because they wouldn't put out for him.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
Oh come on, "I would be pleased immensely by the thought of skis entering a letterbox"
Freud would be right.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
good job he's dead.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:05, Reply)
This
www.smkw.com/large/knife/UC1259.jpg

Complete waste of money as I can't really chop up the people I don't like
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
ha
my mate Phil also has one of those
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
Your mate Phil is a berk

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
Is it a "Blade" sword?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)
Most swords are, dear boy.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)
Don't be a tool.
You know what I mean.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:03, Reply)
He is what he is

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)
yes, yes he is

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)
Her name is Phil?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
she was a showgirl....

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:14, Reply)
Must... suppress... urge... to sing...

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:19, Reply)
I bet you're chair bopping though

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Not any more
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:29, Reply)
i will never understand teh purchasing of 'ornamental swords'
I can think of few things tackier to have on your wall
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
Blu-tack

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)
Those plastic fish.
That sing.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)
man, I fucking hate those things

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)
Bigmouth Billy Bass.
Someone bought me one as a "present" about ten years ago. I got tired of it quickly.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)
Yeah,
I think everyone does.
So WHY THE FUCK DO THEY EXIST?

Also: www.ents24.com/web/artist/3969/Clutch.html
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)
In the same category;
Nodding dogs
PVC above size 14
Michael McIntyre
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:03, Reply)
Michael Fuckin' McIntyre...
The "comedy" equivalent of magnolia paint.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:04, Reply)
Tru dat

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
I'm toying with the idea of going to one of those
got tickets to see Monster Magnet for my birthday
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)
I heard!
Hope they're fun.
Clutch isn't 'til Feb, so go for it!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
I saw them last year and they were outstanding
one of my favourite ever gigs.

I'll keep it in mind. you going to the cardiff one yeah?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:09, Reply)
A signed picture of Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee?


A signed picture of Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee having sex?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:04, Reply)
I got a signed picture of Paul Daniels when I was 4
My Dad brought it back from having been on his quiz show "Odd One Out". He cleaned up, naturally.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)
That's what cleaners are paid to do, I suppose.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)
Hahaha
Played
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:14, Reply)
this is the kind of response from someone who probably has ornamental swords on his walls.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
The sword on my wall was worn by my great-grandfather to the coronation of George V.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)
that doesn't make it any less ornamental
as it's no longer in use. Or at least it really shouldn't be.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:16, Reply)
Surely the definition of ornamental is something that's not designed to be used?

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:17, Reply)
oh I suppose so,
I just wanted to rile Monty.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:24, Reply)
Good luck with that, Nommers.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:26, Reply)
It makes it worlds away from a fucking 'Blade sword', to my mind.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:17, Reply)

The Blade sword is cool and your sword looks like it has been hanging out the back of Uncle Bulgaria.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:20, Reply)
Yeah?
Well you're....a.....you're GAY.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:23, Reply)
Ouch.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:24, Reply)
Is that the sword from Blade?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
no

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:09, Reply)
I bought a car off ebay once, which goes against all the rules of car buying.
And true enough, it was a terrible shed. I did love it, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
Cars are notoriously difficult to store garden tools in

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)
Fold the seat flat, hammer some hooks into the B and C pillars
piece of piss. You're not trying hard enough.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:58, Reply)
Peter Sutciffe managed OK.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)
wasn't he a truck driver?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
No...
A hammer-rapist.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)
I also sometimes get Peter Sutcliffe
and Eddie Stobart mixed up.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)
...with hilarious consequences.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:09, Reply)
He had two jobs.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:09, Reply)
His passport must have made for interesting reading

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:23, Reply)
yes but my point is that he drove trucks with his rape hammers in them
NOT CARS
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:16, Reply)
He had a car too.
And a motorbike. AND a caravan.
He used to hammer together a ramp and jump the caravan with his bike. FACT OF THE DAY.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:25, Reply)
He was a kind of 'EVIL' KNEIVEL!!!!!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:27, Reply)
Absolutely.

(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 11:27, Reply)

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