What's the nearest to death you have ever been?
Has the experience affected your outlook, do you think?

Alt: Name a more tedious bum-bandit than NakedApe poster. I bet you one of Quentin's kidneys that you cannot.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:12, 200 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Alt: There was that insufferably dull bender Simon WestApe who was posting here a couple of weeks back
Oh hang on...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:13, Reply)

Yeah Christ he was a right wanker.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:14, Reply)

I haven't nearly died, strictly speaking
but I have been in a number of situations that could easily have ended up in me getting shot, crushed, or mashed to death if things had taken a slightly different course.

Nakedape's not so bad, I wish you'd just admit that you have a crush on him. It'll be easier for both of you in the long run. It's Lusty I feel sorry for.
( Kroney, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:14, Reply)

I think everyone feels sorry for her.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:15, Reply)

Driving to Derby I joined the A1 from the A19
It was fucking pissing down and I was late. Driving along, I went to over take a lorry in the inside lane to find there was also a lorry about 5 inches from my front bumper, hidden due to the spray. I spent the rest of the journey shaking and doing about 50mph after that

That and slipping when pissed running across the top of the pedestrian walkway of St Marys carpark in Sunderland at 3am
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:15, Reply)

I was in a frightful car crash when I was about 18.
For a year afterwards I'd catch myself bracing myself when in cars, it's a fairly major contributor to my non-driving status. Shat me right up, it did.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:17, Reply)

I hate being in a car and not driving

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:18, Reply)

I just hate being in a car
Stupid death machines.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:20, Reply)

I hate not being in a car
public transport is the absolute pits.
( Kroney, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:21, Reply)

I'm quite scared of cars.
I ripped a wheel off in a driving lesson.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:22, Reply)

I genuinely thought you meant the steering wheel for a moment there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:25, Reply)

She didn't?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:27, Reply)

No, a rubber one.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:35, Reply)

The steering?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:25, Reply)

In your own time, Sporto.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:26, Reply)

Stop, sporto time

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:29, Reply)

Passenger side front, to be precise.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:27, Reply)

I couldn't agree more.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Dearie me, Sporters, as much as I love you
you really should have known better than to do something so utterly stupid.

Why, WHY would you drive to Derby?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:49, Reply)

Twice in my life I thought I was going to die.
Once from MASSIVE DRUGS and once from my first panic attack.

Alt: I like NakedApe.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:15, Reply)

I like him too.
In the same way that I like being shot repeatedly in the face.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:16, Reply)

that can be arranged

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:17, Reply)

Take a ticket and wait for your name to be called.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:19, Reply)

it's the AIDS clinic all over again

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:21, Reply)

*pushes in*

( Kroney, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:22, Reply)

That's how Ape got AIDS

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:32, Reply)

Jesting aside that's terrible re camera/baby pics
I'm so terrified of this happening to me that I copy every lot of snaps I take onto my laptop the day I take them - then I email them to my folks as additional backup. I lost some lovely pics when a phone broke on me a couple of years ago. They wipe them when they repair them, the cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:24, Reply)

I panic about this often
I back my cameras up to the PC, which then backs up to a USB disk and I also copy them to the laptop and my work laptop!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Yeah i was behind on my backing up...why can't cameras by wifi?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:26, Reply)

Do you actually want an answer, here?

( Kroney, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:28, Reply)

if there is one, my iphone syncs when in range with my comp, why not my camera?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:30, Reply)

The answer is "because nobody thought anybody wanted it"
Until recently, anyway.
( Kroney, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:31, Reply)

lack of foresite there
note to all manufacturers, I want everything to be wireless, update and download automatically and run off the same chargers, kthxby
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:35, Reply)

That was a refreshingly brief explanation.
I feared the worst.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Some of them are now I think
Spotted a good deal today. 8GB SDHC cards for £5 on play.com with free delivery
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Yeah, Samsung have got a couple of compacts with wifi connectivity out at the moment.

( Kroney, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:31, Reply)

*buys*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:31, Reply)

*Also buys*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Yeah it sucks, i do have other iphone pictures but obviously low quality
I've just bitten the bullet and forked out £200 for a new one, as i figure in 20-30 years the cost will be insignificant compared to the photos
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:25, Reply)

This^
The more photos of your kids you have, the better (in a non-paedo sense)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:26, Reply)

I have no photos of me as a teenager because I hated having my photo taken.
I regret this now.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:29, Reply)

I think there exists 2 of me between 18-25

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:29, Reply)

Same here, and I don't.
I was proper ugly and gawky.
( Kroney, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:32, Reply)

this is me, plus spotty

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:35, Reply)

I was quite pretty. I just didn't think so at the time.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:38, Reply)

There used to be shitloads of me, backed up to a friends PC (he was the first one of us to get a digital camera)
Then, his PC died, and the only other backup was on the PC of someone we didn't speak to anymore, so we lost hundreds. Rather gutting.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:45, Reply)

I've got loads of photos of his kids on a camera I found
I was going to delete them so I could take photos of myself in the scarf and jacket that I also found.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:29, Reply)

+ glove

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Nah, I chucked that in the bin
Pointless without the other one.
And it smelled of old people.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Meh.
I fiand after the novelty has worn off (say about the age of 5) you rarely look at them. There are a fair few framed ones, but other than that they tend to be forgotten, not least because, due to digital cameras, you will have taken a metric shit-ton of them, rather than just a few good ones.

/killjoy & luddite
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:30, Reply)

Yeah, I bet the McCanns wished they had a few more shots of their little nipper
they might have had more luck finding her if we had been able to see more than one shot.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:30, Reply)

edited
*baby pic was 'ere*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:33, Reply)

You should buy a camera with a zoom.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:35, Reply)

Or feed his baby more

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Awww.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Now I know what ape's bed looks like, my daydreams will become more realistic.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:42, Reply)

needs MOAR back rubber shees

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:43, Reply)

All in good time.
Let's start with the simple stuff first.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:45, Reply)

They don't come much more simple than Nakers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Back rubber shees?
What on earth are you wittering on about?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:47, Reply)

You can start planning that dirty protest in more detail, right?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:44, Reply)

You are 100% correct.
The pics I have from when my daughter was v v little are (of course) beyond value to me. They remind of hard times re access etc etc but they were all I had for the best part of a year and really kept me going.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:30, Reply)

Pfft! and you called me a bender.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:32, Reply)

I did and I'll do it again if you're not careful.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:38, Reply)

I like him too
His punning has improved immensely of late
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:18, Reply)

*hugs and snogs*
*punches arm*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:20, Reply)

*bums*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:20, Reply)

it's the AIDS clinic all over again
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:22, Reply)

A number of posters need to read the question before attempting their answers, another slapdash effort from you BGB
Detention in the remedial class for you this Saturday
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:18, Reply)

Lol it'll be a zany version of the breakfast club

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:19, Reply)

it's the AIDS clinic all over again

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Mr Spakkerman would be the weird nerdy one who turns out to be a child rapist

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:25, Reply)

I am reliably informed that he is a genuine autistic internet type person IRL.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:32, Reply)

He is, yes.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Sorry I'm busy.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:19, Reply)

*hugs and snogs*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:19, Reply)

: D

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Snowboarding off piste down a gully the run ahead seemed to drop away and I assumed it was getting steeper
something in the back of my mind said stop and have a look first and I found myself at the top of a 30-40ft frozen waterfall above some pointy rocks.

this plus avalanches, walking along tiny ridges and generally being stupid in the mountains
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Yes yes, but name a bigger chutney than NakedApe IF YOU CAN.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:32, Reply)

Gary and Adam spit roasting Darth

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Urgh, thanks for that mental image.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:40, Reply)

In answering your question further.....
I am not afraid of death. I'm afraid of not experiencing certian things before I die.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:22, Reply)

I'll also answer here Rory
It just shit me up for the journey and taught me that fucking massive lorries can hide in spray. My outlook on life has not changed, my outlook on stealth lorries has
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:24, Reply)

*makes sure rubber sheets catalogue is still on hand*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:33, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:34, Reply)

When I got shot.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:23, Reply)

What does the J stand for?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Whut?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Dallas!

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:25, Reply)

This^
or did you wake up in the shower?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:26, Reply)

You got shot?
Am I the only one who does not know this story?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:31, Reply)

I suspect a jest.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:32, Reply)

As do I
But you never know with these rough scouse types.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I once opened a packet of peanuts and ate them all
despite never having checked if I was allergic to nuts.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Living life on the edge right here folks.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:24, Reply)

It's precisely this maverick, living-life-on-the-edge attitude that makes you such a hardman

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Yeah boy, you'd better watch yourself of else I'll throw camomile tea in your face
that shit is known to be detrimental to asthma sufferers.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Tucker and Dale FTW

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:08, Reply)

The desire to pop some salty nuts in your mouth was just too strong to resist, right?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:34, Reply)

Probably the time I fell off my bike in traffic and only didn't die due to the quick wittedness and good brakes of a couple of car drivers
They has affected my out look very little, I am possibly a bit more careful since then.

Alt: You.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Gawd, but for a worn break pad we'd be saved from your postings :(

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Was it a motorbike?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Nope.
Motorbikes are for gayers who need engines, push-bike all the way baby.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:32, Reply)

why are they called push bikes when you pedal them/

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:34, Reply)

I do not know.
I don't really think anyone younger than my parents generation used the term, I use it as a conscious anachronism and also because if you say bike people seem to assume motorbike for some reason.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:35, Reply)

In probably very late and boring post
I would assume that push bike comes from the very early ones that you "pushed" along with your feet?

Only a guess though... but seeing as noone will read this far down in a thread that is now ignored, it doesnt matter
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 15:52, Reply)

I don't know if I was close to dying,
I tend to think not, on the whole, but I woke up in hospital attached to a beeping machine after falling head down the stairs at The Camden Roundhouse a few years ago.

I don't really remember anything between thinking 'My shoelaces are undone, I better do them up before I trip' and 'Oh, I appear to be in hospital attached to a beeping machine' though.

Did it change my outlook? Well, I quit drinking. Eventually.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:26, Reply)

An occasion springs to mind a couple of years ago
In the bad winter weather, I was heading down a cobbled street when my car started skidding downhill, gathering pace at an alarming rate in the direction of a parked removal lorry in front of me. Thankfully I managed to slew the car across onto the other side of the road, catching the corner of the lorry and skidding across the road into a parked van. Lesser of 2 evils I guess.

The car was off the road for a month and was close to being a write-off.

However, if there had been something coming up the hill, the result may have been quite different.

It hasn't changed my outlook. I'm still an arsehole, and intend to continue being an arsehole.

I have to say that Quentin is the most tedious helmet I have ever witnessed online, and that's quite an achievement.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:37, Reply)

For some reason I've drifted away from calling people helmets in favour of the likes of 'flidmo'.
I realise this is an error on my part. Must try harder.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:39, Reply)

The old insults are always the best.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:40, Reply)

You are so right.
Kids today have no idea. Although the black girls I overheard calling a wannabe-black Asian girl a 'bollywog' deserve some kind of award.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:43, Reply)

I like flidmo as well though.
I think there's room for both.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:53, Reply)

I've been pretty alright, had a few traffic accidents, all have been minor
There was one which was a bit frightening, where the school coach slid out of control for about 10 seconds, where the driver couldn't do anything at all. We hit a car on the other side of the road, hit the kerb, and thankfully didn't go over sideways.

That was more than a little worrying, but I felt worse for the woman whose car we hit, she looked absolutely fucking terrified.

Also, there was the time my brother and I were jumped, when it felt like I was going to pass out as I was getting my head stamped on, that was pretty frightening.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:49, Reply)

Was Chompy on your coach?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:50, Reply)

I don't think Chompy went to school in Liverpool, no.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:51, Reply)

the joke



















your head
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Hahaha
Brilliant
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Most of your disasters seem to be within the sartorial sphere.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:52, Reply)

I try to help him out on these things
and all I get is abuse in return.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Never even broken a bone
I was convinced that Ms Foxtrot and I were going to be horribly murdered by psychopaths when she signed us up to do that charity hitchhike to Morocco a couple of years back, but was spectacularly mistaken. Amazing just how generous people are prepared to be to complete strangers.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:51, Reply)

I was quite shocked to discover that of my housemates, only one had broken a bone before the age of 25
I thought I was doing OK in that I've only ever broken 4 bones in my life.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:52, Reply)

At 38 I've never broken a bone nor had a filling.
I am immortal, I have inside me blood of kings*


*FILM AND 'QUEEN'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:53, Reply)

I love that song.
It was the theme tune to the sub-par highlander series that I also loved.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Come to think of it, I had to have a tooth removed because it was utterly borked
Does that count?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:57, Reply)

You really must insist that "Prince Alberts" are removed prior to comencement of fellatio

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:58, Reply)

That's why I don't have my tongue pierced any more
Ever since the unfortunate "connection" I made with that chap
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:04, Reply)

I had a filling that wasn't fitted properly
As a result, things were able to get in down the side of it, rotting the tooth below.

Discovering this as the drill bit jumped down through the filling into knackered tooth was not very pleasant.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Possible hairline fracture of a toe as a child.
Otherwise, apart from a few minor scars I and undamaged. And I am a clumsy flid.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:54, Reply)

Crushed/broken humerus, broken tib, fib and metatarsal.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Well, you're either more fliddy and clumsy than me, or more fragile.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:00, Reply)

The humerus was done by my falling out of a tree on my Dad's 50th
I don't think he was too pleased at having to spend hours in A&E on that day of all days.

The tib & fib was as a child, sliding down the stairs. Still not entirely sure how that happened. (I was only 18 months old, after all)

The metatarsal was done when I was running for the bus, and brought my foot down on the corner of a raised paving slab.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:02, Reply)

so, some fliddery, some fragility and some bad luck then.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:06, Reply)

Pretty much!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Well this make up for you excessive and un necessary youth.
I may, just may, start liking you again
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Woo!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:11, Reply)

I have experienced this too.
But it only seems to apply to foreigners. in the same circumstances the English are unhelpful cunts..
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:57, Reply)

I dunno
5 different people stopped to help us get from Norwich to Portsmouth. One bloke took us 3 miles down the road just because where we were trying to hitch from was completely unsuitable.

Getting lifts in France was remarkably easy though, stereotypes be damned. One of them even fed us. Shame they have no concept of vegetarianism over there.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:00, Reply)

OK fine
the English Londoners.

I do generally find foreigners more willing to go out of their way to help you, even when you have only a rudimentary and childlike knowledge of their language, than I would expect them to be in this country.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:05, Reply)

I can't argue with that

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Been close to death
But it had fuck all to do with my email client.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:52, Reply)

*points*
OUT!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:53, Reply)

*facepalms*

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:53, Reply)

oh jeff

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:53, Reply)

I knew if I held off Jeff would make that joke

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:55, Reply)

He's nothing if not reliable

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:55, Reply)

A few. Worst was about 5 years ago due to the killer asthma I now have.
I have TEH FEAR of needles and that so refused injections and stuff and wanted to discharge myself. They called my missus and she went MENTAL at me and made me stay and get the injections.

Anyhoo, worst night of my life etc... They told me if I'd gone home I simply would have died in bed during the night. Damn near happened in the hospital.

Woo yay etc.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Just think how empty Quentin's life would have been had you died

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Ah, I know what that really means. I love you too darth

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:00, Reply)

*blushes*
*writes "MMPS & DF 4eva" on notepad*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:04, Reply)

mrs darth morrisons

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Who shall I have as my bridesmaids?
I'm thinking AA (for obvious reasons), b3th and her boobs. Four should do.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:15, Reply)

haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Asthma is fucking shit.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:58, Reply)

I had it as a kid, then it went away when I was 14.
Now it's back and I need to take this harsh as fuck steroid stuff every day. If I forget I get all wheezy and end up back in A&E.

It's probably AIDS
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:02, Reply)

This is likely
I've just been told I don't need my steroid inhaler anymore, but I don't actually believe that. So I'm going to be careful for the next month or so, and see how I deal with it with only a Ventolin inhaler
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:05, Reply)

THEY LIE!!!!
They just want you to die so they can steal your gold.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:07, Reply)

They'd need to let me get some first, the bastards.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:08, Reply)

You are inverse-Jewish

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Never come to London.
I have asthma but it magically disappears outside London.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:59, Reply)

you are an "air gay"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:00, Reply)

He wrote Tintin?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:02, Reply)

So it would seem.
I think it's a defence to keep the weak out of the Best City on Gods Earth. I intend to stay anyway, I won't let a little thing like not being able to breath stop me.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:08, Reply)

I ain't got time to breathe
/film
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:15, Reply)

This is because Londoners are between 25 and 40% more flatulent than other residents of Britain,
depending on seasonal variation and how spiteful they're feeling when they get into a lift or tube carriage with you.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Gall bladder close to exploding, The surgeon told me I had a couple of hours before it ruptured.
Which would have been fatal.

Other than that, only after drinking bottles of spirit in single sittings. The only thing that changed was I swapped over to wine which is more difficult to kill yourself with.

Alt: I guess I have to say me.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Another one
A 6'6" all-glass door missed my head by about 1/2 an inch on its way to taking an inch deep chunk out of the table right next to my hand. I instinctively caught it but had it hit me, I'd be dead or without fingers.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:12, Reply)

God's way of warning you to stop touching yourself.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:13, Reply)

...in the server room

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:14, Reply)

The server room is obviously making you think dirty thoughts
"Server" is only a short leap phonetically from "cervix," after all...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:15, Reply)

It was a saucy desk too
Octagonal bitch
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:15, Reply)

It must have been like making love to an amputee octopus.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:28, Reply)

It was
Errm, I mean, maybe......errr..... you'd know!

*points*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:29, Reply)

sexiest of all female internal organs

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:15, Reply)

Except mine.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:26, Reply)

I like to sit in church thinking about it
Your womb with a pew, if you will
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Other than a weak pun I have no clue what you are banging on about.
Stop spoiling my excellent joke.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:31, Reply)

So your life is like one of those final destinations films.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Tedious?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:17, Reply)

This^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:20, Reply)

yeah, just as he was thinking how lucky he was a dinosaur bit his cock off and he bled to death
with blood pooling an flowing downhill towards character X who is juggling AIDS patients whilst fisting himself, hilarity ensues
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:17, Reply)

I've told that dinosaur to take his teeth out first

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:19, Reply)

Sort of, but without the death bit

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:19, Reply)

I wonder what the death scene will be.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:21, Reply)

see above, maybe add a nail gun as well

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Everyone knows that dinosaurs are between two and four times more terrifying when armed with nailguns.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:22, Reply)

the multiplication of fear being dependent on the usefullness of their arms

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Little arms, big nails
Like a thalidomide crackwhore
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:26, Reply)

Exactly. Tyrannosaurus Rex is only twice as terrifying when armed with a nailgun,
because, although initially this means he may be able to fire nails in your direction, his inadequate, Deaconesque forearms will leave him incapable of reloading the thing after you have avoided his first salvo. You may then breathe a sigh of relief before he realises he's better off charging after you and biting your cock off.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:27, Reply)

What if the nailgun is mounted on his head and fired by a smaller dino with better reach?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:31, Reply)

now you're being silly

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:32, Reply)

see below you freakin nark.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Dino-Master-Blaster

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:32, Reply)

YES!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Well, it's stretching the definitions a bit, seeing as we're now incorporating two dinosaurs,
but I suspect, say, a coelophysis with sufficient training and a sturdy harness, could accomplish this. Your best chance of escape is when they get into close range and start to argue over whose turn it is to bite your cock off.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Fuck em. I'd use this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfk-a1JZMbU

NSFW probably.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:35, Reply)

Nearest to death - epileptic fits and various car accidents
Alt: Bobby.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:37, Reply)

Are they related
or did you choke on a sock?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:38, Reply)

s c
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:39, Reply)

I knew someone would ask if they were related incidents. No they are not.
Never had the washing thrown in the bath when having a seizure, as our butler and maids do the laundry below stairs.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Harry potter has really struggled for work since the movies ended

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:41, Reply)