Dear me, the Jobcentre processing team are a shower of piss poor fuckwits.
What services have astounded you with their complete lack of accountability recently?

Alt: most annoying Christmas record? Driving through to town earlier, Wonderful Christmastime came on the radio. It made me want to rip my ears off.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:33, 214 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Still no moolah?
Alt: That fucking women's choir one is driving me menkle.
( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:37, Reply)

Nope.
Every time I ring them to check on the progress of my claim I'm told it's with the processing team. When I asked to speak to someone there I was told I couldn't. Today I've been told that my claim has been transferred to clerical, which basically means there's been a system crash on my claim and they can't process it by computer. But they still can't look at the file and tell me what the fuck's happening.

This evening I have written a strongly worded letter of complaint, which I shall send off as soon as I can get it printed. Cunts.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:42, Reply)

Would it be of any use?

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:51, Reply)

It would be on record.
next step would be an MP's letter; they generally shit themselves when they come in.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:54, Reply)

They're fucking scum, serious fucking scum and I would laugh and take great delight if whoever set up the system and is in charge of the system, ever has to use it.
I don't mean have to use it in the respect that they're claiming job seakers in a big mansion not really caring of the money comes in or not, but I mean actually having to chose between end-of-shelf-life tins of tuna or some kind of heating. I've seen their incompetitants make people's lives pure and utter unadolterated hell, a torture to live. I bet they're actually resoncible for a relative percentage of suicides in the UK.

www.coll3ctive.co.uk/general/wildheart-baby/unemployment/
www.coll3ctive.co.uk/news/politics/paulypops/my-take-on-benefits-and-the-dwp-60-percent-success-rat/

I've tried and failed 3 times in my life to get on benfits, and I thank them for being so shit at their job, because it's given me the resolve to never be in a position to need them... worst case I'd actually skip country.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:22, Reply)

BeThere
They've had a bill of mine for over a year, yet never contacted me about it, and they've now passed it onto a debt company. One furious phone call later, and the Debt Company will now 'never contact' me again.

Alt: Probably Mistletoe & Wine. I'm mildly fond of 'A Spaceman Came Travelling', as it's probably the least played of all of them.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:42, Reply)

Misteltoe and Wine is hideous. As is Saviour's Day.
And that one by Mawiah Fucking Cawey.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:43, Reply)

I have a soft spot for that Mariah track, and I really don't know why.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:46, Reply)

Like the woman itself, I find it annoying.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:47, Reply)

I used to seriously despise her, but when you compare her against the current stock of Pop singers, she is leagues ahead of them
However, that doesn't take away from the fact she's an irritating bitch.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:01, Reply)

alt: is that the one that goes "simply haaaving a won-der-ful christmas time"?
coz I fucking hate it, I hate the way it's in every shop when you are trying to find something to buy for christmas presents amongst all the toss which is manufactured each year. I hate the way it is clearly mocking my pain and impotent hatred. I hate its smug wankerish tone metaphorically dressed in its fucking christmas jumper with a mug of hot chocolate while I drag my tired bones and tatty carrier bags around fairy-light covered shops of despair, where underpaid, over-stressed shop assistants and their glazed eyes roam over the meaningless chintz and tinsel of another fucking waste of resources and the fake smiles of a modern fake ceremony to Mammon and ridiculously high expectations.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:47, Reply)

Yes. I
Paul McCartney: musical genius my arse.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:48, Reply)

Paul McCartney: weird mouthed cunt, more like.
I'm in a good mood tonight. You can probably tell.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:50, Reply)

you should turn this into a hate-thread
what else do you hate?

I hate Ikea
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:51, Reply)

I'm trying to shake myself out of it.
I'm off to a mate's 40th later so I want to enjoy it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:56, Reply)

OK, so what do you not hate?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:56, Reply)

Kittens and Rainbows and Monty.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:57, Reply)

Awwwwwwwww!
Don't forget bewbies.
( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:58, Reply)

And Blousie.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:59, Reply)

*beams*
I may ring the Mrs later if she's in.
( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:00, Reply)

No, she'll be out with me.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:01, Reply)

Oh! I'll ring tomorrow then.

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:02, Reply)

She'll be on her own tomorrow
as I'm doing the family Santa run.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:06, Reply)

I'm not keen on "Fairytale of New York".
Probably because it makes the Irish quarter of me roll its eyes and says "for fuck's sake" a lot.

"Stop the Cavalry" makes me chuckle because it reminds me of this.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:01, Reply)

I stopped liking FONY a few years back, but that doesn't stop me singing it, sadly.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:04, Reply)

This is an interesting take on an old chestnut.
davidguy.brinkster.net/goaste/itreallyischristmasyouknow.php
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:14, Reply)

My ears are bleeding now.

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:18, Reply)

Hahaha what?

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:19, Reply)

Most of them irritate me
I'm very grateful that I've not been subjected to local radio this year.

However - watch the video for the Shakin' Stevens one. At the very end he chucks a snowball with full force at a kids knackers. You've got to watch carefully but it happens.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:11, Reply)

The bastard!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:12, Reply)

Possibily in frustration for getting nicked for drink driving again
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/1381698/Shakin-Stevens-banned-for-drink-driving.html
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:20, Reply)

Proof?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:13, Reply)

I am NOT posting a Shakin' Stevens video on here
I've just mugged a blind woman and stomped her guide dog to death but I have certain standards.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:16, Reply)

Coward!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:19, Reply)

It's for your own good
You'd have to endure the whole thing just to see that tiny amusing moment.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:24, Reply)

I just did, and can't find it!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:28, Reply)

You've just made me watch it to see if this wasn't a strange dream I had
And it's actually Shakey himself who gets it in the nads. That makes me feel a whole lot better.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:36, Reply)

Ahh, I saw that!
Was very confused then...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:37, Reply)

I heard some christmas songs at my good mate's house the other day and wasn't violently sick over everyone and everything.
All the old original swing/blues ones by old crooners. Lovely stuff. Oh and I heard Silent Night by Sinead O'Connor on Radio 2 on the way home today which I rather liked.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:17, Reply)

Sky technical support
When ringing up when my router died. Forced me to try all their "fault finding" measures despite the fact I told them I'd tried my router at another house (broken) and another router at my house (working)

Then sent out a fucked router and finally after Mrs Cow unleashed the power of COW down the phone at them a very quick replacement router for the replacement router

Alt:
ALL SHIT
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 20:21, Reply)

Stop the Roota-dissing!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 20:53, Reply)

Hang on
Is that you sitting on my shelf downstairs with flashing lights and wires?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 20:55, Reply)

er,
bleep?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 20:57, Reply)

Different one then
It's still sitting there.

Easy mistake to make, though.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 20:58, Reply)

Not much doin' tonight then, eh?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 20:21, Reply)

The Plumb Centre (aptly named) have taken 8 weeks to replace a damaged panel.
Fuckwits.
As for Wonderful Christmastime, I read yesterday that Macca personally cringes when he hears it but makes about £400k/annum in royalties from it.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 20:38, Reply)

EverwonderedhowmuchtheguywhowroteWhiteChristmasmade?
As The Charlatans onced asked, just like that.

Alright Guv?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 20:54, Reply)

Not bad bonny lad, not bad ;)
Been tiling a bathroom floor today, Indian slate 800*600. I was just waiting for it to dry prior to sealing when I posted earlier hence the delay in responding.
It's looking good!!!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:47, Reply)

I've been checking out hip hop t-shirts for my nephew.
I bought him one a while ago and his mum says he never takes it off.
( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:05, Reply)

You need Plumdozer for this conundrum
Not only is he an expert in all hip-hop, he's a catalogue model.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:10, Reply)

It's strictly old school for my nephew.
None of this gangsta shit.
( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:12, Reply)

Blimey
Old Skool hip-hop like Gary Byrd and Grandmaster Flash and stuff?

He's one cool boy.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:16, Reply)

Alright fans?
And yes, I am 'down'(s) with the urban 'hip hop' scene, and have modelled professionally in the past.

My favourite Christmas songs are the entirety of the album Christmas by Low.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:25, Reply)

There's just been a live acoustic version of "Just Like Christmas" on 6
I don't always applaud your taste in music but I love Low.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:36, Reply)

Low are fucking wonderful.
Go and listen to their version of Surfer Girl, then have a listen to their version of Blue Christmas.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:38, Reply)

You're preaching to the converted, my man
I know Low and what they do, and love them even more because they're born-agains who don't push religion.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:40, Reply)

Pleased to hear it.
I was obsessed with I Could Live in Hope for quite some time.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:42, Reply)

Out of the same wasteland
That brought us The Stooges, Devo, more recently The National and seminally Pere Ubu.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:46, Reply)

Love The Stooges.
The Goons were a poor imitation.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:47, Reply)

Possibly time for you to research James Easterberg's earlier work.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:52, Reply)

Earlier than The Stooges?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:55, Reply)

He was in a version of Pere Ubu
But that's a band with a shaky history.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:07, Reply)

Aight.
Did they go hip hop in the eighties?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:10, Reply)

I've just got back from my aunt's.
My nan remarked that my cousin's new toy "reminds me of a vibrator". Oh how we laughed. Great, if not slightly gross days.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:31, Reply)

I'm on my way home from work
And tomorrow promises to be equally as busy. Happy Fucking Christmas.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:31, Reply)

I hate reggae.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:36, Reply)

Don't worry
Be happy.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:38, Reply)

I am currently listening to Public Enemy.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:40, Reply)

I'm listening to Countdown by Beyonce. It's amazing.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:41, Reply)

Beyonce's thighs are one of the wonders of the world.
Up there with Fiona Bruce's eyebrow, Nigella's arse and Monty's homosexual tendencies.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:43, Reply)

I do not find her attractive.
She looks exactly like my aunt did when she was the same age. All kinds of wrong.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:45, Reply)

wut?
you don't find Beyonce attractive?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:46, Reply)

Me neither and she's nothin like my aunt
But she's profoundly avrage
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:48, Reply)

I can't. It's never even entered my head.
Not because she's ugly, she just looks too much like my aunty init.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:51, Reply)

Blimey.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:55, Reply)

I don't either.
Does nothing for me I'm afraid.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:56, Reply)

Good man.
*firm handshake*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:12, Reply)

Jeff old bean, any sign of the Christmas shopping yet?
The clock is ticking...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:51, Reply)

I'll find out when I get back.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:55, Reply)

Oh man, I'm a bag of nerves just drinking about it.
Er, I mean thinking.
Actually no I don't, it's been a very long day and I'm halfway through my first beer in a week.
God, Okocim Mocne (7%abv) never tasted or felt quite so good!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:00, Reply)

Just got in.
Of 6 things ordered, one has been delivered.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:40, Reply)

Oh fuck-a-doodle-doo!
:(
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:49, Reply)

Hello lovely peeps
I had a little drinkie after work. Any one miss me? No? Fuck you then.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:46, Reply)

I did.
I was thinking about you and got a lob on.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:47, Reply)

Excellent
Although I only have eyes for Darth.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:48, Reply)

How would I miss you?
I roll up here when I'm pissed and at no other time.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 21:49, Reply)

Well, it's nice to be loved, innit?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:09, Reply)

Course I fuckin luv yer
Cos yer me best mate. Eh?

Lend us a tenner, like?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:12, Reply)

*lends internet tenner*
spend it on some decent beer eh? Not that Lager shite.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:14, Reply)

Lend 'im nowt! Not even the stink off yer arse!
It'll just get spent on drink, or summat ;)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:20, Reply)

There's better things to spend it on?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:20, Reply)

Yeah, man, like smack'n'crack'n'rock'n'roll ;)
And tabs, if yer smurk!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:26, Reply)

Of these things only Rock and roll appeals to me
I stopped smurking a week back and I'll stay stopped until new years
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:28, Reply)

Good luck with that dude!
Best thing I ever did was packing in teh fags.
Well, 2nd best I you count marrying the present mrs 69!
And apparently smack can be quite more-ish, according to Jimmy Carr.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:33, Reply)

It's not botther, I'm past the hard bit.
I can basically smoke for a bit and quite at will now. so I'll stay off them over christmas so as not to upset my mum and then skoe when I drink at new years and then probably quite again because they do me no good.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:38, Reply)

Stopping and starting ain't quitting!
It's taking a break, is all.
Just give the buggers up, you'll thank yourself for it ;)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:45, Reply)

when I was a kid an option at the chippy was
a battered piece of potato. Apart from the fact it was basically a variation on a chip (meaning you had chips with a slightly different chip) they were called 'smacks' meaning you would order 'smack and chips'
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:34, Reply)

Fucking brilliant.
There's at least two chippies I can think of where that might get you something else.
Only two? Actually there's a few more than that, but I did "live" in Liverpool for a bit and I did work in west Cumbria for a while... Make of that what you will.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:42, Reply)

Don't you worry pal
It'll be spent on Sainsbury's "right good wine for £2.99".
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:21, Reply)

Klass.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:23, Reply)

I've been trying to answer this in the spirit presented
And failed.

Which must mean it's bedtime for me.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:31, Reply)

Sounds like a good strap line, that!
Stainsburies
Home of reet good wine for two ninety nine!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:30, Reply)

I use 'comedy' names for the supermarkets.
Stressco, Stainsbury's, Spazda and Moronison's.

I'll let you work out what Costcutter is.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:34, Reply)

when larping
Asda becomes Asgard
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:35, Reply)

When LARPing, noncery seemingly becomes acceptable.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:36, Reply)

Oh, I didn't realise you were a larper, too

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:37, Reply)

I'm no LARPer. I've never LARPed.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:38, Reply)

but you have nonced

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:39, Reply)

I'm keeping schtum on that one.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:41, Reply)

And ponced

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:41, Reply)

Poncenonce? Or nonceponce?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:43, Reply)

The latter.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:53, Reply)

Comiserations, i'd do you good.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:40, Reply)

I refer to Morrisons as Fortnum and Mason
So when I'm buying out of date sausage I can, like, so relate to Rswipe.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:37, Reply)

Alt: saviours day, no contest.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:15, Reply)

You bellend.
Mistletoe & Wine is MUCH better.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:17, Reply)

Who buys it dozer? Who!?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:20, Reply)

o rite.
Soz.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:35, Reply)

No, YOU bellend, read the question!!!
What's the most annoying song?
Oh, shit, taking it seriously and being a cock ;)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:23, Reply)

Yes yes yes yes.
Although the last time I heard it my housemate came in pissed and put it on the tele with the volume at 100. Tainted my feelings for it slightly.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:34, Reply)

Am back, have eaten much mini pizza
also want ons (I don't know how they are spelt) which, it turns out had mince pie mincemeat in it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:22, Reply)

won tons you flid

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:24, Reply)

i nearly had it as wantons
then I realised that was horny ladies
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:25, Reply)

Best of all the laydeez
Mincemeat won tons, wales is fuckin' klassy and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:27, Reply)

i think it was a selection of things from iceland or something
unnervingly nice, but you know it's mostly msg
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:30, Reply)

well, it beats cooking.
I'm having fish and chips but I have no space left, full of beer
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:32, Reply)

i don't tknow what's wrong with me this evening
but I want to eat fish and chips, too now. And something cakey. Not sure I could though. Since the dust shakes, I've had less ability to eat
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:35, Reply)

Dust shakes?
sounds painful
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:41, Reply)

those slimming shakes
I was only going to do them for a week or two, but they are so much easier than making/buying real food...oops
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:42, Reply)

Did they slim you?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:44, Reply)

*shrugs*
i don't own scales
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:44, Reply)

Nor do I but I have a mirror and a belt
Between them I can at least tell which direction I'm going.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:46, Reply)

my trousers seem marginally less small
I don't really like mirrors
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:47, Reply)

No, me neither, they lie.
Trousers growing is a good thing, you'll be a sleek dolphin yet.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:49, Reply)

sleep dolphin?
do dolphins sleep?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:50, Reply)

Edited.
Actually they sleep in a quite interesting way, 1/2 of their brain sleep 1/3 of the time, the other 3rd another half of the time and they are full awake the remaining third.

I may have made this up but it's a good system.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:52, Reply)

Your fractions are mixed.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:56, Reply)

I think I might be a dolphin

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:57, Reply)

Are they working?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:45, Reply)

still a house whale
possibly marginally less of a house whale. NOt sure, but the milkshakes do not seem to have brought the boys to the yard
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:46, Reply)

Have fishcakes!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:43, Reply)

too late
I had half a can of rice pudding, straight from the can. sorted
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:45, Reply)

Cold?
Oh you are not right.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:48, Reply)

but this way the only washing up
is a spoon
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:48, Reply)

Not if you lick it thouroughly

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:50, Reply)

i just put it back in the can
for when I finish it off tomorrow
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:50, Reply)

NO!
Eating food that ought to be eaten hot cold is WRONG and the most alarming thing ever for me.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:53, Reply)

so you wouldn't like that
i used to eat all day breakfasts from the can, then?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:56, Reply)

Shit no
I used to work with a woman who would buy fish and chips at lunchtime, put them in her desk and eat them at 16.50.

Disgusting. I shagged her once too. What was I thinking?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:01, Reply)

FFS dude.
Standards?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:03, Reply)

Biggest one ever.
20 stone at a guess.

She had an arse that only Helen Keller could read but she was VERY obliging.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:08, Reply)

Eew.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:10, Reply)

Swallow your pride and do a fat bird
They're grateful.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:13, Reply)

Eew.
I don't need to, and wouldn't, stoop that low.

And even if I did, I wouldn't admit it.

I don't talk about my charity work.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:19, Reply)

There's so much fun to be had from your "charity work."

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:25, Reply)

I don't remember the last time I had rice pudding
I think I might have mild Ambrosia.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:48, Reply)

I think that deserves an
LTI
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:49, Reply)

Yay!
I rock.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:56, Reply)

Horny flange sausage.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:43, Reply)

Most annoying Christmas Song? A lot of contenders.
Mud , "Lonely This Christmas", every time its faux Elvis impersonation comes on, I want to jump up and shout "YEAH I KNOW...", cause the lead singer looks like Andy in the wheelchair from Little Britain.
Band Aid's "Do they Know it's Christmas" and both its remakes
Shakin Stevens "Merry Christmas Everyone"
"Here Comes Santa Claus", don't know the artist.
"Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt
"Winter Wonderland" by Peggy lee
As for my Xmas Faves, I've always liked-
John Lennon and Yoko Ono's "Happy Christmas(War Is Over!)
"I Believe In Father Christmas" by Greg Lake (of Emerson, Lake and Palmer)
"In Dulci Jubilo" by Mike Oldfeild
"Ring Out Solstice Bells" by Jethro Tull
(Glucose-Maximus All over the world., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:44, Reply)

I am getting old.
I am thoroughly enjoying Rich Hawley.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:47, Reply)

He's OK
Although I heard him doing a JAMC cover the other week which was wrong.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:50, Reply)

what song?
And yeah, that is wrong.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:51, Reply)

Some Candy Talking
He's got a good voice but you can't do that without the William Reid growl.

Oh I'm so proud to share half of my surname with JAMC.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 22:57, Reply)

The best JAMC cover is Primal Scream's Darklands.
Here www.youtube.com/watch?v=4C2cgDYgyjM
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:03, Reply)

Don't forget that Bobby Gillespie was JAMC's first drummer

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:04, Reply)

Why would I forget that?
You peculiar young man.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:06, Reply)

Pointing out the link between the bands
And I'm not a young man.

I was when I saw JAMC in Glasgow in '86.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:11, Reply)

Radio 6 just played
Henry Rollins doing Night Before Christmas
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:14, Reply)

Meh.
Rollins was great in Black Flag. He's a tedious old cunt these days.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:15, Reply)

He's got a shit name as well.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:16, Reply)

Says the man with 'thedogfucker' as a surname.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:17, Reply)

Fuck you funny-man.
I hope your new job sucks balls.

And, err, anyway, my name is dead cool.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:18, Reply)

I am a funny man.
In more ways than can feasibly be counted by a flid like you.

So four.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:20, Reply)

:-(
Why have a go at me. My Christmas is ruined.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:22, Reply)

for teh fuckin lulz.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:24, Reply)

CUNT!
Not that I'm overly bothered, you get me.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:26, Reply)

Putting the 'hip' into Rohypnol, it's JFD you mothernoncers.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:28, Reply)

There's been some fairly good stuff on tonight
Although the acoustic Low session was the best.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:17, Reply)

missed that
Tom waites was very tom waites-y
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:17, Reply)

Jersey Girl
Watch this space, kids...
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:23, Reply)

His new album is very more-ish, darn tooting.
"Good As Me" more like.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 0:07, Reply)

Amazon are fucking shit.
The cunts.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:14, Reply)

I dun a joke.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, you heteronormative, cisgendered, patriarchy-supporting chauvinist.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:18, Reply)

How many spuds does it take to kill an Irishman?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:19, Reply)

None!

(Glucose-Maximus All over the world., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:19, Reply)

None.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:20, Reply)

FreeFair was quicker than you.
How does THAT make you feel?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:21, Reply)

But he used an unnecessary exclamation mark.
Which is the mark of a fliddy autism.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:22, Reply)

Don't encourage him
He'll only attempt to compare my reaction speed with my ejaculatory rapidity.
(Glucose-Maximus All over the world., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:22, Reply)

So you are freefair then?
WELCOME BACK!!!!!!!!11!!1!1!lol!!!!1!!111!1lol
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:23, Reply)

Put it this way
If I didn't play along you'd never shut up.
(Glucose-Maximus All over the world., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:26, Reply)

How are the A-levels coming along?
And did you write to Santa this year?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:26, Reply)

o rite
Such is the beauty of a messageboard.

And I couldnae gie a silver-plated fuckaroonie if you are freefair or not.

kthnxbai
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:27, Reply)

1848-1849
They could have grown cabbage, but we wouldn't let them.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:21, Reply)

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:23, Reply)

,,,it's an obscure number, you wouldn't know it

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:24, Reply)

Jazz club!
Niiiiiiice.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:29, Reply)

Indie Club.
Kick! In! The! Sun!
*cue Beatles rip-off*
(Glucose-Maximus All over the world., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:33, Reply)

Me out of here kids
I thought this the other night but I'm definately driving tomorrow, and I'm at Ma TD's on Saturday so happy Xmas all.

x
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:32, Reply)

night!
Have a nice christmas
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:34, Reply)

have you broken up for christmas now?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:36, Reply)

My last day was today
the students in my department stopped lessons Tuesday and my last lesson was this morning in which one student turned up.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:37, Reply)

So feet up until the new year?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:42, Reply)

I have a crate full of marking
and some other shit to do, and I might be moving house, but mostly YES. Tomorrow I am going to stay in bed until I want to get up, not when I have to. First time in a couple of months
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:44, Reply)

I could do with a day like that.
Says Mr 3 days off since JULY.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:48, Reply)

:(
what you got over christmas?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:49, Reply)

Work (at the moment)
I'm guessing I'll be in work till about 8 tomorrow, and the way things are shaping up, I'll likely be working between Christmas and New Year as well.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:53, Reply)

sucks to be you
*there there*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:55, Reply)

Thing is, if I take time off I don't get paid.
So it makes sense to work.

I'm just trying to work out a healthy work-life balance.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:56, Reply)

i don't think you have, yet.

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:57, Reply)

Clearly.
I'll take some time off in the new year though.

Just trying to find a convenient time to have a week away.

I fancy sitting in the sun for a week and reading books.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:59, Reply)

that sounds nice
plan your book list now

I think I have to sleep now. For as long as I like mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

night
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 0:03, Reply)

I just discovered Sad Kermit.
He rules.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpzPdS_gHzA
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 23:50, Reply)