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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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soi am a bridesmaid in a few weeks. part one of the hen-do is this weekend. i am treating the bride, and everyone else is booking themselves in. which they have done. i ring the spa to book for us.
FUCKING FULLY BOOKED. there will be a hen-do with no bride and no bridesmaid. this is a pretty major fucked-up fuck-up.
when did you last fuck something up?
alt: i am going to alton towers on fri, and we have the fancy VIP platinum bands. which ride should we take on first?
altalt: vegetarian sushi day. what's for lunch?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:03,
191 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
Delivered the best speech the groom'd ever heard, apparently.I was bricking it though and, since my brother's chosen one of his friends, I shan't be going through that hell again.
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Kroney, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:12,
Reply)
Why does your brother hate you?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:50,
Reply)
He doesn't, though we're not hugely close.He's got a friend he's closer to and he asked him. I'd rather he did that than ask his brother out of some misplaced sense of familial duty.
His friends are going to be the ones with all the good stories, anyway. I don't think I've gone drinking with my brother even once.
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Kroney, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:51,
Reply)
Same reason we all do.He's a bent French cunt.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:35,
Reply)
I once booked out all the rooms in a spa for a laugh(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:09,
Reply)
firstly i am a bit disorganisedsecondly i am paying for both of us, which makes it £340. therefore i wanted to wait until payday. sadly payday was too late. thirdly i have been loads of times over the last ten years or so and it has NEVER been fully booked before.
what fucking recession.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:11,
Reply)
i'm fairly sure you just proved that you're actually poorand you hate your friend, who is getting married
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:12, Reply)
maybe its the act of marriage that has made you bitter?do you hate all men and long-term relationships, because you don't have one?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:13, Reply)
yepwasting all that money on a wedding and then getting the boot makes you a MUCH better person. well done.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:41,
Reply)
i got to wear a lovely suit and hat, she wore a lovely white dressyou?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:25, Reply)
i chose not to marry the guy i wasn't too sure aboutwhich i think was definitely the right decision. your ex could have learned a lot, instead of saying "i do" when she didn't mean it. she could have saved you a lot of hurt.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:57,
Reply)
nah, she meant it at the timeas with most relationships, things change. no hard feelings mind
maybe you should buy the dress and wait for the right guy to come along? you don't want to wait forever
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 14:03, Reply)
Why hadn't you booked it sooner? EDIT: Just seen your explanation, fair enoughProbably something at work for me.
Alt: Nemesis or Thirteen.
Alt Alt: BBQ pork & tomato
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:11,
Reply)
"Take on" the Bubbleworks first.Nice easy-going ride for what I'm sure are a bunch of girls that appreciate an easy-going ride.
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Kroney, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:21,
Reply)
I think I'm going for the vegetarian sushi too,I'm is cooking up a chicken for me tonight. So I'll have amazing chicken sandwiches for the next couple of days.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:21,
Reply)
Spicy chicken noodle soup is my new favourite "thing" to make(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:16,
Reply)
YepBoil up with onion, herbs, soy sauce and chiilis for a spicy stock then shred leftover chicken, more chillis, corriander and throw in some noodles until softened. I once accidently managed to drop some creme fraiche in too and it actually worked
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:27,
Reply)
Did mine with the carcass, onions, leeks, boiled for a couple of hoursAdded half the noodles, gave the soup a (very) quick blitz to chop them up, then added the rest, loads of pepper, some sweetcorn, and some dried chilli flakes. Worked out very nice, we were shocked.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:32,
Reply)
Alton towers is a bit shit nowThy haven't put enough money in to upkeep so it all looks a bit tatty, They've invested heavily in Thorpe park instead. 13 is pretty good though.
I never fuck anything up, I am perfect.
Lunch? Pork and horseradish
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Peej, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:22,
Reply)
re. fucking shit upI once wore pinstriped socks with pinstripe trousers.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:24, Reply)
Alt (on)I went there a couple of weeks ago and just avoid the new Nemesis underground thing. For it was fucking shit,
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:24, Reply)
Blimey!It's only Bonzodog29, turning up when a thread is still going, Ladies and Gentlemen!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:24,
Reply)
Somebody check if moss is growing on a South-facing wallit may be the Apocalypse.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:45,
Reply)
Its over now...Its that bloody work malarky means I am always later than most...
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:02, Reply)
I fucked up by mentioning Barrygate on here. Sorry all.Alt: You are an adult, don't go.
Altalt: Smoked gammon in a barbecue, soy and chilli marinade, lemon thyme rice and a herb salad on the side. Thanks Lusty!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:24,
Reply)
Ooof!Your lunch sounds excellent. Right, I'm off to the kitchen to forage
/"working"fromhome
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:25,
Reply)
High speed lunchRoast chicken and cheddar cheese baguette, toasted under the grill with chilli jam, Tobasco sauce and rocket
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:34,
Reply)
Try substituting it with something like chilli ja... oh.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:54,
Reply)
That was epicSandwichgate
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:08,
Reply)
You fucked up by putting the word gate at the end of a word to suggest scandelGrrrrr I hate it when people do that. Even more than I hate people who use the word "Horrid"
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Peej, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:30,
Reply)
I love this usage of "gate"Because by using "gate" to imply scandal retroactively implies that the Watergate scandal was water-based. Perhaps Nixon had been siphoning funds lololol
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Kroney, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:35,
Reply)
Phew!In all seriousness, I thought the lack of spaceships and lasers might have thrown you, but I'm delighted to see that you made it through in the end.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:45, Reply)
You must never tellOr your Uncle will kill your rabbit
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:21,
Reply)
Of course, what you dois explain to the spa that they're fully booked because of your, no doubt huge, hen do. Tell them they're going to need to find two more spaces for an extra 350 quid or the whole hen do are going to have to cancel and get refunds.
I'm sure they'll suddenly discover they can fit you in.
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Kroney, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:24,
Reply)
ThisI'm sure they can find two more spaces rather than lose the whole lot of you.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:29, Reply)
Just go to Rotterdam, get pissed for a few days, and make twats of yourselves. This is acceptable behaviour for a pre wedding thingie. Do you have matching pink t-shirts with "......'s hen-do" printed on them? Tell me you do.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:45, Reply)
it would work if there were loads of us goingsadly most people couldn't afford the spa. so there's only about 6 people going to the spa (er, 4 now) and everyone else is just doing the evening bit. the main hen-do is barcelona the following weekend.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:46,
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Late last year.I don't do fairground rides. I'm not a thrill seeker. Surprisingly when you've suffered with panic attacks for most of your life, trying to get your adrenaline pumping is not something you get the urge for.
Veggie curry and a cheese roll.
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girlinthehole, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:41,
Reply)
Presumably you're going to ask one of those organised peopleto give their booking over to the bride?
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:43,
Reply)
that is exactly what i didand bless her, she said immediately "that's fine, i know how stressful organising these things can be"
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:46,
Reply)
Lunch is some new Police sunglasses, where is Barry when you need him!Also it will be chicken hummus salad and chilli sauce in a wrap, if I can find a fucking ATM machine that's working!
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:49,
Reply)
bad luck swipe, you won't do that again will ya. Have a spa come to you, or at least an army of oriental ladies with grooming shit.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:50, Reply)
dude, i'm not looking for THAT sort of happy ending(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:56,
Reply)
You can't run a back, crack and sack session just anywhere!(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 12:57,
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Alt: Isn't Alton Towersa) for kids?
b) a bit pikey for a sophisticated London lawyer?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:00,
Reply)
She was at a fucking steam fair the other weekendyou know, with the miniature railway and the old men getting boners over traction engines? I shouldn't put her on too high a pedestal.
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Kroney, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:01,
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you really have the wrong end of the steamy stickit was fairground rides, dude. waltzers and towers of terror!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:02,
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"Oh yes! It's a single cylinder 1832 pattern water pump!" *wide-on*^ you that weekend.
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Kroney, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:04,
Reply)
more likearrrrrrrrrrgh this is scary
fuck me, i won on the "hook-a-duck" game
these funhouse mirrors are actually quite flattering
etc
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:23,
Reply)
More like "arrrgh, I love 0-4-0 type mining locomotives so much that I've gone and got a leaky gusset :("
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Kroney, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:25,
Reply)
Nothing wrong with acting like a child from time to timeHowever this defence doesnt work in court
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:12, Reply)
Alt.You should go on the tea cups or some other ride with no minimum height. Just to fuck off a load of sunshine bus kids who've been in the queue for an hour.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:14,
Reply)
You need to grow upOh hang on, I mean Battered needs to grow up
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:17,
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Apparently "Myla" sell nice lingerieOh look they have a sale on, oh look 50% off, oh look the first bra is now only £60...wtf
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:19,
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They go to GG thoughThat must be £120 worth of fabric!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:20,
Reply)
GGs will end up like that damp bag of cement you have languishing in the basement(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:21,
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lolswww.weknowwhatyouredoing.com/
Who posts public status updates that they hate their boss or are hungover? Eejits.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:22,
Reply)
I'm watching Dexter on my laptop screen while I workIt really is a very good series, though I can't help but feel that the story is getting a bit far fetched in the third series.
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Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:22,
Reply)
Season 3 has a bit of a lull in quality (so does the fifth)but season 4 and 6 are barnstormers
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Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:24,
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I was hoping this might be the case. I'll struggle through the end of this series, only 4 episodes to go.
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Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:26,
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I liked season 3 I agree about 5 though while (without giving things away) I liked the main villain the bird got on my tits...
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:33, Reply)
To be honest with you the bird that got on your tits is my main abiding memory of that series(
Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:37,
Reply)
I quite liked it when he was American and worked on that kids newspaperBut I went off it when he became a cockerney and went on and on about computer games.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:24,
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He lied to us all, the lousy fake American(
Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:25,
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Jesus Christ.A woman I used to work with has updated her facebook status to say 'Not happy with this mouth full of cold sores I have woken up with'...and included a fucking close up picture...
Fuck off, you herpes ridden scabby mouthed foul beast, I'm trying to eat lunch here.
What the fuck is wrong with some people?
Um...as you were...sorry.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:24,
Reply)
Blowjob out of the question then?although I've heard gargling salt water can help...
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:25,
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I find that distracts me for a minute or two, but then the urge for a blow job returns.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:28,
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So I'm off to York in a couple of weeks for a long weekend with the mrs.Can anyone suggest anything good to do while we are there, such as things to see, restaurants to eat in, pubs to drink in etc.
I promise I won't say thanks for any good advice.
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Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:24,
Reply)
Is that a serious comment? Vikings could be interesting.(
Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:28,
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You obviously weren't here yesterdayI remember going about 20 years and it was meh...
Kroney got dumped for taking a bird there as well
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:28,
Reply)
Okay, I'll give it a miss and go to the railway museum instead.(
Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:30,
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The boat trip was quite good(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:31,
Reply)
The railway museum is ace, seriously.They have fuck off massive old trains, it's brilliant.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:34, Reply)
No it doesn't."I've got a bad case of Betty's Tea Room"?
Actually, that sounds like one too, which ruins my joke.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:29,
Reply)
and betty's tea room sounds like a euphemism for old lady vag(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:29,
Reply)
That explains those demonsrations in sanitary product adverts.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:35,
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My wife got really angry with me last time she was on her periodIn fact she totally lost her rag.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:35,
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Yeah! If you don't mind queing up for five hours.You'd think they put heroin in their cakes.
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girlinthehole, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:30,
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Is it that popular?I was there in...when did I tell you all i went to Yorkshire? September? October? It was busy to sit in, but the shop section was fine. We just went and ate them in the sun by the Minster.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:31,
Reply)
Every time I've been to York there's always a queue for the restaurant part.Bloody forrins innit.
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girlinthehole, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:32,
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Yes, go and punch Plumdozer in the face.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:33,
Reply)
I'll distract him by pretending to be interested in shit musicand then, when he's explaining the difference between funky house and deep house BAMN! MUTHAFUCKING FACE PUNCH RIGHT HERE!
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Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:44,
Reply)
This plan is flawless.And when he's kneeling in tears picking up the shattered remnants of his front teeth you can deliver the death blow by explaining that 'sadcore' is bent.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:48,
Reply)
Well, it turns out I was more tired than I thought this morning, and didn't actually bring my lunchAs such, I've just had to nip to Tesco, and picked up some sweet chilli king ribs they're doing on the hot counter. Very much to my shock, they were pretty damn good.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:26,
Reply)
Andrew hates me as well Al, we should start a victim support group(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:31,
Reply)
I think we should victimise Andrew for his love of ghostbusters, neck beards and clothes for fat people.(
Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:45,
Reply)
Sounds like a planNot sure how Ghostbusters fits in though
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:45,
Reply)
My entire lunch consisted of 3 ribsNot exactly huge.
Plus, don't forget, I weight less than you!
Lardo.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:30,
Reply)
Oh well maybe you'll grow a couple more inches when you grow up(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:34,
Reply)
You really are Chris Rock aren't you?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:32,
Reply)
i changed my mind, Chris Rock isn't nearly as funny as AA(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:33,
Reply)
I just had a pulled pork box with slaw, beans & sourbread dough with a side of crispy shittake mushrooms.There's a posh food van under Hungerford bridge as part of the 'Festival Of The World'. I love working round here.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:33,
Reply)
Well she had Yorkshire curd in Betty's Tea Room, so I just got pulled pork instead.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:36,
Reply)
That sounds like the punchline to a really obscure joke(
Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:38,
Reply)
betty's tea room = rachelswipes perginapulled pork = wanked off
yorkshire curd = rhyming slang for turd
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:39, Reply)
That sounds rather good, I'll admit.Except for the 'slaw'.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:36,
Reply)
I don't know why they called it that really.It was more like a saurkraut, made with red cabbage. It was really good.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:37,
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Then again, I don't know why I said that about the beans, I wouldn't want them in there either.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:41,
Reply)
I think that's 'twat' for 'coleslaw' but I'm not sure.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:37,
Reply)
Well, quite, but I was just quoting what they'd called it, i promise.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:40,
Reply)
I'm sorry but I'm afraid that's not good enough.You know what to do. I'd lend you my brother's samurai sword but I think it, ah, got binned somewhere along the way.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:43,
Reply)
Can't you at least give him a heads up as to where you last saw it?(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:45,
Reply)
We've bin through this before. Can't we skip it?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:49,
Reply)
Can we have a new thread please?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:55,
Reply)
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFucking dodgy eBay cunt sellers.
Bought a Cars game for my daughter's LeapPad (think iPad for kids) and it turns up to find it is for some wanky old version of the same thing instead.
Also, I'm now off to a fucking cardiologist as my heart doesn't beat fast enough. I am going to be wired up to some kind of monitor for 24 hours to prove I'm not dead
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:56,
Reply)
I had to do that, it's fineThe blood pressure one is a pain though
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:58,
Reply)
Your sig works well on Tuesdays(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 13:59,
Reply)
I n oticed thatno room for the actual "too"
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 14:03,
Reply)
You also had to buy a Cars game for Sporto's kid?WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO BUY HER SILENCE, EH????
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 14:00,
Reply)
Shut up man!If he's bought the right one, I'm in the clear here
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 14:01,
Reply)
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