The Fuzz
After the very odd deaths of those two copper birds, possibly by hand grenade, tell me your Pow-lees stories

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Lunch
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 11:51, 118 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Never been arrested, only ever had one issue with the police, which the officer later apologised for.
Model citizen, me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 11:52, Reply)

I was once threatened with arrest on leaving a nightclub for uttering the words
"Mmm, hotdog"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Are you saying that you had the last laugh?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Needless to say?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:00, Reply)

No, when I was a spastic and trusted my friend with my PIN, the officer barely stopped short of flat out accusing me of trying to defraud the bank
And telling me that if the person in the picture was me, or anyone else I knew, he'd get me for wasting police time. I pointed out that I'd not given anyone permission to take the money of my account, so unless it was me, it was theft.

When he saw it was someone else, he was apologetic for accusing me, decent of him.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:02, Reply)

And what is your PIN?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:03, Reply)

you're a fucking thick cunt for giving out your PIN

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:07, Reply)

I went out with a police sergeant
She was fucking bonkers. One of her best mates is in an armed response unit. He's fucking bonkers as well. This concerns me somewhat.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 20 Sep 2012, 11:55, Reply)

I went out with a copper when I was 17. She was 23, Cornish tin miner dirty and fucking menkle

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 11:57, Reply)

Christ it could be the same one.
She was filthy.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 20 Sep 2012, 14:08, Reply)

I used to fancy a girl who joined the police force
Totally should have fucked her but missed my chance.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 11:58, Reply)

You could Inspect'er now

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:08, Reply)

Selfish bitch taking her drink to the bog with her

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:10, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:10, Reply)

Ha, this is a good idea.
www.theregister.co.uk/2012/09/20/taiwan_government_traps_staff_email/
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:00, Reply)

Sounds fair enough
They should do it again in 6 months time and fire anyone caught both times for being an idiot.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:07, Reply)

I have a mate who is a police driving instructor
Some of the things he's told me scare the shit out of me, mainly the speeds and the crashes
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:01, Reply)

He sounds like a shit driver

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:11, Reply)

He's usually in the passenger seat
what with being an instructor and all.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:16, Reply)

I feel sorry for those ones that got killed
but I generally have a healthy disdain for the police, and particularly their knack of fucking people over and then closing ranks and refusing to admit that there is any possibility that someone working for them might actually be a cunt.

Even when they get properly caught out, they still don't go far enough to make up for it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:12, Reply)

The whole flappyhanding over arming the police is ridiculous
They were responding to a burglary
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:13, Reply)

It happens every time something bad happens
I fucking hate people. They're such fucking retards about everything, if there isn't an immediate and disproportionate response to any single incident they get their knickers in a twist. This is why people will never understand risk, they are incapable of going beyond "Well it happened to a friend of mine so it must happen all the time"
(Bazongaloid, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:19, Reply)

There can't have been too many hand grenade related killing in the UK

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:27, Reply)

First time 2 police officers have died in a day since the 1960s
More left handed people die per year by using things designed for right handers than Police officers in the line of duty.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:33, Reply)

*panics*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:33, Reply)

Anyone I've met whose dealt with the police first hand as a victim has had nothing but good things to say
Magbe you shouldn't believe everything you read in the papers Al
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:30, Reply)

PLOD SPOTTED

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:33, Reply)

Well, you've met me on the internet
and when I met the police first hand they were fucking useless. Despite the person who vandalised out car coming back and parking next to it every day for a bout a week, they did nothing about it even though we called them up every time.

Cost me the best part of a grand to fix the paintwork
(Bazongaloid, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:37, Reply)

The other time I reported my car window getting smashed and they said it was my fault for owning a sat nav.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:37, Reply)

Shall I call the whaaaambulance instead of the police?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:38, Reply)

You should call the "Naked Ape is a Spastic Cunt Support Helpline"

(Bazongaloid, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:40, Reply)

Hahahhaaha
Just winding you up pal, I can imagine 'minor' crimes like that get far less attention
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:53, Reply)

i disagree

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:37, Reply)

Never even been cautioned.
My sister is a Detective Inspector. The former is not because of the latter, honest.

The end.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:13, Reply)

Question: Does she know what you get up to?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:15, Reply)

There's a don't ask/don't tell thing going on.
She's no fool though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:16, Reply)

You got all the fool genes then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:17, Reply)

Hey everyone it's Maximinimus' birthday today, we should all remember what a great poster that guy was.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:18, Reply)

I fucking lvoed that guy,
I espcially loved his dinsoaur hoody and the fact that he had a mental breakdown.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:20, Reply)

I liked the way he would come on here and say how sad he was
and everyone would just ignore him.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:22, Reply)

Got a speeding ticket
and then a ticket for using my mobile whilst driving.

Other than that, nothing really. Apart from the time I got sent down for twenty years due to a bank job gone wrong.
( Kroney, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:20, Reply)

You fucking retard.
It's not hard not to get points for speeding or using your phone. The fact that I still constantly drive past people in the 3rd lane of a 4 lane motorway while using their phones really makes me despair.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:21, Reply)

Any decent mobile comes with a built in handsfree function these days anyway

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:27, Reply)

this^^^^
it's so hard to rest it on the dash or console and talk normally, much easier to hold it to your ear and drive into other cars.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:31, Reply)

Or buy a £2 dashboard mount from eBay

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:34, Reply)

Or accept that realistically the call is probably not so important that it couldn't wait until you have stopped driving.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:36, Reply)

If you really need to make calls when drivin, buy a bluetooth earpiece.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:38, Reply)

I got caught just after the law came into effect.
Coppers had a real hard-on for mobile use after that. I hadn't realised it had come into effect and I drove straight past a policeman. Awareness fail.

Coppers mostly don't care overly much about speeding, I've found. I just had the misfortune to came round a corner to see a camera wagon.
( Kroney, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:59, Reply)

just before I graduated
I toyed with the idea of joining CID. But my family and friends would disown me and ny chemical appetites would, uh, interfere somewhat with the job.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:23, Reply)

You don't just join CID you know, you have to be promoted from a uniformed officer.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:24, Reply)

Shhhh, don't tell him that, it was becuase of his, uh, "chemical appetites"

(Bazongaloid, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:27, Reply)

I refuse to eat any food with chemicals in them

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:34, Reply)

there's fast track, no?
I never seriously looked into it, just mulled it over briefly.

Edit: it is very likely I have my terms wrong.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:30, Reply)

Minimum 2 years experience as a normal copper.
That's after the year of training.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:35, Reply)

I wonder if they have a special turquoise uniform
and whether or not they let them listen to hippety hop when they are training?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:39, Reply)

I was lied to by 'The Bill'
Who do I complain to?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:43, Reply)

I once caught a shoplifter
and wasted two hours of my shift doing paperwork.

I've never been on the wrong side of the law, although mr b3th has been arrested for owning a machine gun. They let him off when it was pointed out to them that it was a decommissioned WW2 German MG34, and that he was a militaria collector.

Oh, and he set fire to a police station roof with a home made rocket when he was a lad.
He's a right proper wrong'un, that fella.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:27, Reply)

Does he still have it?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:28, Reply)

No, he sold it about ten years ago.
Then he sold most of his sword collection to pay for the wedding.
Neither of these things were at my insistence, I promise.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:36, Reply)

I don't think I've ever spoken to a police person
do they always write down everything you say?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:27, Reply)

My Godfather is a copper

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:28, Reply)

my old man's only a dustman :(

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:34, Reply)

Gorblimey

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:36, Reply)

Has he ever made you an offer you couldn't refuse?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:36, Reply)

I did have to sleep with a few horses, yes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:41, Reply)

Grew up in the Home Counties, then?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:41, Reply)

+side

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:42, Reply)

pper +rleone
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:37, Reply)

They seem to not care about some crimes
I tried to report the death of an, admittedly rather unsavoury chap, who had apparently been beheaded.
They didn't want to know, told me that they weren't interested in investigating it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:27, Reply)

I shouted some rude words at coppers once.
I've also been stopped and searched a few times.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:38, Reply)

I was searched once, but he didn't find anything on me.
I was, however secreting a very small amount of cannabis resin in the palm of my hand and also shitting myself.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:44, Reply)

loldrugz

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:45, Reply)

where else do you secrete things from?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:59, Reply)

Glands

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:04, Reply)

*scotchLOL*

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:03, Reply)

McNEENAW

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:17, Reply)

This is going well

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 12:56, Reply)

*sigh* Ok, let's go through this one more time
I will NOT answer any questions regarding my personal life, or my brushes with the law. NEXT.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:03, Reply)

ANSWER THE QUESTION
please
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:03, Reply)

My mate farted really loudly in front of a copper once
And the copper either didn't notice (impossible...it sounded like the world was coming to an end) or he was being polite. I ended up walking away because I was laughing so much.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:06, Reply)

Thank you

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:06, Reply)

Is farting a criminal offence?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:06, Reply)

No, I don't think so

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:08, Reply)

Some of mine HAVE to be illegal

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:09, Reply)

I must admit, I've witnessed* some that Amnesty International would investigate
*performed
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:10, Reply)

lols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:11, Reply)

www.metro.co.uk/weird/323959-driver-arrested-after-farting-on-police-officer
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:31, Reply)

I have a lovely new coat :)

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:07, Reply)

You'll be shedding in March

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:08, Reply)

Ah, quite good

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:11, Reply)

I almost got my mate arrested by making a really bad taste joke just before we passed a copper
It was something about a man who had drunk neat bleach out of a lemonade bottle and been awarded damages. I said he'd be going out for a slap up meal and mimed him opening his feeding tube

"YOU SICK CUNT" shouted in Scotch right in front of a copper is apparently NOT GOOD
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:08, Reply)

Alright?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:12, Reply)

I was once questioned by the police as I matched the description of someone who'd been flashing old ladies in the park by the 6th Form College
Fortunately I had an alibi.

Afternoon everyone, I have been fucking busy since I got in, it's like they want value for my extortionate salary or something. Half these problems aren't even my fault.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:17, Reply)

A friend of mine did an ID parade for money
And he was picked out of the line up. The crime was indecent exposure. We LOL'd.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:22, Reply)

He's dead now

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:22, Reply)

Oh blimey, forgot this one
My Uncle was questioned by the police during the search for the Yorkshire Ripper. He matched his description (well, dark hair, beard, etc) and was a lorry driver at the time. We LOL'd.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:25, Reply)

And he's dead now

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:25, Reply)

STOP KILLING PEOPLE, TH

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:32, Reply)

Look, I now what it looks like
But I assure you that their deaths occurred many years later and were completely unrelated. *cough*
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:50, Reply)

My Dad was questioned when the Wearside Jack tape came out

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:36, Reply)

New Thread ahoy.
it's shit, but so are you.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:49, Reply)

I have been nicked under caution a few times as a younger man
And to be fair I always found the plod to be quite sound blokes.

That said I want more details of the 2 plod killed, the phrase gun and grenade attack opens up too many questions as to what the fuck actually happened.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 20 Sep 2012, 13:50, Reply)