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(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Fucking rainI have my car booked in for its MOT today which means a 3 mile walk in this. THIS! *points *
When did you last fail spectacularly?
Alt:
New house or old house?
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 7:02,
132 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
scratch thatI can't even get to the garage
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 7:42,
Reply)
he doesn't even own an umbrellaor a jacket
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 7:52,
Reply)
What a failure. Even tramps own a coat. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:17,
Reply)
Good morning*sprays de-louser on Monty's coat*
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:29,
Reply)
You leave my 'flatmates' alone!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:30,
Reply)
He's got no legs and his 'chair' has a flat tyre.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:29,
Reply)
It's a lovely sunny autumnal morning down in the desirable part of England.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:40,
Reply)
Coventry is not usually considered a desirable part of England.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:41,
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I'm not saying that we in the desirable part of England have a monopoly on the sunshine.It's perfectly likely that even God-forsaken Luftwaffe-designed grot-holes like Kevintriyye may have sun occasionally.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:48,
Reply)
It would have been better if they had stuck to the Luftwaffe's design.Most of the shitness of Chaventry was put in place during the redevelopment in the 50s and 60s.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:59,
Reply)
I fear we Oop North are in for transport woes todayThat is why I am currently in my dining room eating scrambled eggs
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:43,
Reply)
My car has its first MOT on Friday.I don't know what you are talking about, its a lovely crisp and sunny morning down here in the south.
Alt: Any house, so long as it has a big garden.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 7:47,
Reply)
This is the problemOld house = 90' garden
New house = better room layout
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:38,
Reply)
Old houses have the best locations, what with having gotten there first(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 7:51,
Reply)
Alt: Something about Shakin' Stevens.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:14,
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haven't failed at all in the last three days. gotta be some kind of record for me.
Any house, so long as it's a home.
(, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:27, Reply)
Alt: old of course, what an odd question.New houses can be as warm and dry as they fucking like but they're all shit. Don't get me started on my mother's foul home. It's as bent as she is.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:28,
Reply)
This one would do mefarmsandestatessearch.savills.co.uk/property-detail/329917/list
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:32,
Reply)
That's not to my taste at all, actually.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:33,
Reply)
I would change the decor, but the location, by the river, yes please.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:34,
Reply)
Windsor Castle has an SL postcode, in fairness.I'd live there.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:35,
Reply)
More like it:www.mynairn.com/2009/05/07/scottish-castle-for-sale.html
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:35,
Reply)
I like the look of that, shame it's in Wick.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:37,
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NiceAl should be pining for this for the name alone
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:41,
Reply)
Went to see this one at the weekendApart from the "mock Tudor" it is very nice
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-24203967.html
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:47,
Reply)
That is identical to the house I lived in after I was born.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:51,
Reply)
You lived in Whitley Bay?How odd
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:52,
Reply)
Yeah alright ta.Could have done with an extra hours sleep, but I'm covering reception for a few hours so it's all fine. Hows you?
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wanderlust, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:39,
Reply)
Very good ta. Made an excellent toad in the hole last night & drank a bottle of pinotage. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:41,
Reply)
What you going to do if I don't?Stomp off and stand in the rain?
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wanderlust, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:47,
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It's a beautiful sunny day here in the southOld, every time.
Morning fuckos
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:37,
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This month.Direct debits and standing orders went out of my account on time, my wages have not gone in on time.
Sod's law says that this has to happen on the one month of the year when I've had a lot of outgoings and really needed this month's wages.
I feel like Monty must feel all the time. No wonder he's such a grumpy bastard.
Alt: Old every time. New houses are shit, tiny and box-like. I don't want to be able to reach the ceiling with my feet flat on the floor and I would like some storage space. New houses are also crammed on top of one another, so you have zero privacy in your tiny garden.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:38,
Reply)
Now wipe your cock on his hair and get back to work(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:42,
Reply)
The new house we are looking at has massive rooms and a private walled gardenThe garden is only about 30' though
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:40,
Reply)
I live in a newish block of flats, And I quite like it. For me the age of the house is secondary to the location. I want to live in the middle of a city or in the middle of nowhere.
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willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:40,
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Then central Birmingham must be your ideal place, as it is both at once.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:42,
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People don't live in Birmingham. They merely exist. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:43,
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The worst places I have lived Beverly road in Hull and Armley in Leeds. I imagine Birmingham to be a mix of both but with shittier looking buildings.
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willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:49,
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I've lived in Hull and I can assure you that Birmingham is infinitely better in so many ways.It also has many very attractive looking buildings, which with investment have turned some of the previously shittier parts into pretty decent areas.
I think you may be getting confused with the 1970s.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:56,
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Listen, there's a lot of that about.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:58,
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Touché Nah I dont fancy brum. I have moved 12 times in seven years and I think I'll stick here for a while.
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willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:44,
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Fucking prison service, but it's for your own good. Once the other cons find out you like to nonce little boys they have to move you for your own safety (
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:45,
Reply)
I lived in Birmingham City Centre for a while before moving to LondonIt was excellent. So nurr.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:26,
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I moved from a 1980s block which was cheaply built with ceilings I could bump my head on with a small jumpTo the 1930s block I'm in now, big rooms, huge windows and high ceilings. Although it's 2 bed versus the 80s 1 bed it is just over twice the square footage.
It doesn't have oak floors though :(
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:42,
Reply)
Sounds much easier for your carer to visit & fit all your special equipment in. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:44,
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I have read this as 'I dun a bot dog' three times now.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:06,
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Stolen from /talk:www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/12120689
That fat cunt costs the social TWO GRAND A WEEK.
1. Kill him
2. Make candles out of him
3. Pay back the money everyone has had to for out for a disgusting cunt who eats 40 chocolate bars a day
Fat cunt.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:56,
Reply)
Looks like a combination of Bartleby & Chompy. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:01,
Reply)
Baldmonkey: like an even more annoying Adrian Edmondson(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:04,
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like if sad sack from the raggy dolls fucked eddie hitler.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:10,
Reply)
was that really worth it? Really?+Dynamite
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:40,
Reply)
Solution: shoot the fuckers bringing him the foodwhen he's thin enough to run to Lidl himself, he's cured. Simples.
(, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)
You dont want to shoot the ones bringing him food they are working and usefull, I suggest a dynamo on a treadmill wired to the national grid, this will have a doughnut attached at the fron on a pulley, once he has staggered 2 miles the doughnut is drawn closer to his gapping maw and he will have added power to the national grid. Free power and he exercises
(, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Yeah, right. "Car". Yabba dabba doo. No epic fails, only epic wins for me. Saturday's vindaloo is a case in point.
Alt: Old. Houses should have character.
(, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:59, Reply)
That curry was so winular I demand a supply of them in little plastic tubs that I can freeze.Thanks x
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:00,
Reply)
Some of the sexual positions she demands certainly require character.And stamina.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:06,
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"Stephenson's Rocket" is a real humdinger(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:11,
Reply)
Is that the onewhere you stick a firework up her arse whilst shouting out passages from 'Treasure Island'?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:15,
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I live in an old house.tell you what, those victorians, what a bunch of pricks.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:03,
Reply)
Hey - you leave Foggsy alone!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:05,
Reply)
I have no idea what the reference is.I'm sure it is well LOL though.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:07,
Reply)
another opinion please?is it LOL or is monty being shit again?
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:16,
Reply)
He's being shit.Unsurprisingly.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:16,
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The Monkees follow up etc. etc.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:18,
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I read this to the tune of 'The Birdie Song'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:18,
Reply)
And also quite a suitable tagline for b3ta.One of those wacky guys who do stuff in the newsletter should do some dancing cats singing this to the tune of The Birdie Song.
And then take a look at their lives.
And then kill themselves.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:21,
Reply)
That would be super-LOL and would make the newsletter and everything!!!!!!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:23,
Reply)
Listen these pricks don't know nuffinkIt was a 'steampunk' related dig at the moustache and general Victorian SLASH punk stylings of our very own Wilf Lunn impersonator, CQ.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:18,
Reply)
oh, right.well done for trying monty!
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:22,
Reply)
they should shove their sideburns up their cockends and shit out some stove pipe hats(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:05,
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they can fucking shove a penny farthing up their arsehole sideways.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:06,
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Can they?You've got to admit that is pretty impressive.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:10,
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They had the strength of character and the moral backbone required to do so*Something markedly lacking in today's youth, if you ask me.
*ruffles Telegraph*
*not to mention uber-Goatse bumholes
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:13,
Reply)
'Disgusted of Shoreditch' doesn't have the same ring to it as 'Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells'.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:15,
Reply)
the bumhole wasn't invented until 1953. truefax that.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:15,
Reply)
yeah, invented by sir arthur bumhole as a way to have sex with men.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:28,
Reply)
It's pronounced BOOM-ho-lay(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 10:31,
Reply)
This Old House once knew something, this old house diddlydiddlydiddlydee...
(, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:14, Reply)
*cough*Alt: Something about Shakin' Stevens.
( JeffTheDogFucker is the original Lovelyping, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 8:14
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:15,
Reply)
Yesterday I set my oven to start cooking a roast chicken about 20 minutes before I got homeso I was a bit surprised when I got home to find the smoke alarm going off and a completely dessicated chicken in the oven.
It turns out I had misunderstood how the oven timer works and rather than setting it to come on in 9 hours, I had set it to come on for 9 hours.
(, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)
oopsGood job it didn't catch fire
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:21,
Reply)
That's what I thought.After I swore a lot and ran to the shops to buy a second chicken.
(, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:23, Reply)
My mate's daughter, a 2nd year uni student, decided to try cooking for the first time. She decided to boil an egg, got the largest pan she could filled it with water, and boiled it dry. She misread "boil for 4-5 minutes", as "boil for 45 minutes". She also tried cooking a frozen pizza in a wok. Kids today eh? *Shakes head*
(, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:24, Reply)
I mistakenly grilled a pork joint for two hours when we first got our oven(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:26,
Reply)
I've just failed to get to a project meeting, as every route I could possibly take without driving up to Scotland and then back down the A68 was blocked.
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 9:41,
Reply)
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