Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good morning to you all* OTPlease ask your own question, as I can’t be bothered to think of one.
Alt: ask your own alt as well while I go and get myself some coffee.
*Apart from Dozer. The prick.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 7:59,
232 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
So this woman has made a business using her assets metro.co.uk/2013/01/10/busty-beauty-sells-adverts-on-her-boobs-3346592/
How could you use your body bring in an alternative income?
Alt: I plan to celebrate Friday by shirking my responsibilities, what are you doing this morning?
Alt:Alt: Best vegetable evah?
Will this do?
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:00,
Reply)
*cries*
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:14,
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Very productive thanks. I hear that there may be plans for another Bristol bash?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:03,
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Yeap.Don't know when yet though. What month suits you?
Work has been too busy for me to give it much thought. On the plus side, I've had my contract extended again.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:06,
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Extended until when?Tbh, most months are fine with me. I have already negotiated the time away.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:10,
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End of June which will take me to two years. I'll give some thought to when to do Brizzle and drop you a line.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:17,
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Have your bruises started to fade yet?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:19,
Reply)
When did you last receive a cuddle from a former Britpop star?And did you, like me, have a lazy lob on at the time?
Answers on a postcard to Monty's gaff, marked 'Savile Mania Competition'.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:15, Reply)
I know, right?The photo opportunity genuinely seemed to make his night. It's probably the first time in years.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:22, Reply)
Did you have a ten year old laddie to celebrate?I do hope so.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:23,
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IT'S A KIND OF WHISKEEEY!!!!!!!!!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:23,
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Queens tribute band remix ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:24,
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Oh man.I thought it was. Soz. I think I'd best leave WHISKY CHAT to the experts.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:25,
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Haven't seen Part 2 round town for years.Tim Wright's still here though.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:25, Reply)
You really do post a lot of fucking rubbish on here.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:27,
Reply)
you see, as a hip hopper, Monty very likely knows of New Flesh and Part 2.And possibly Tim Wright.
Can you not just go and get stepped for the final time, then delete your account (again) then messily commit suicide?
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:30, Reply)
Part 2 is a far better painter than MC but he means well I suppose,I prefer Toastie Taylor who I've seen smashing it at Matt Smooth's old Scratch night.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:34,
Reply)
Part 2 doesn't MC AFAIKJust produces and DJs.
I only know Toastie Taylor from his work with Evil Nine.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:35, Reply)
I've seen him do it.In a well-meaning earnest and utterly unstylish UK-ish way.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:35,
Reply)
New Flesh were fucking good.Tim Wright produced most of it but didn't get credited.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:37, Reply)
Mike J of Demon Boyz, MC Mell 'O' and Bionic of London Posse are the finest MCs this country has produced.No-one has ever come near
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:38,
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I court controversy where e'er I roam.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:46,
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That's what I'd call a 'ringing endorsement'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:46,
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Never heard of themAre they one of these new 'beat combos' all the young folk are 'grooving to' nowadays?
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:48, Reply)
Have you got an alert system for whenever anyone mentions your name?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:49,
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Is the Candyman a massive tosser as well?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:56,
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Soz Cap.That was unnecessarily rude of me, not in a good mood.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:56,
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Not rude, perfectly accurate. He is a massive tosser.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:58,
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Hardly massive!I'm not even six feet tall! More an average tosser.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:00, Reply)
Perhaps 'complete and utter cunt' would be a better description.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:00,
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Is it true that you can separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:58,
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I heard Pooflake caught him 'collecting up all the cream' in the bogs at Twang Club last week.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:02,
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I'd like a bit more credit for this than I appear to be getting if you don't mind.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:09,
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I'm afraid your credit-rating is no good.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:10,
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I linked to their all-time classic 'Money Mad' once.You complained that it was several minutes of your life you would never have again. Next time I shall link to a waqqqui acoustic guitar 'interpretation' of something just for you x
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:55,
Reply)
That'd be nice of you!Try Jon Gomm's version of 'Ain't nobody', Andy McKee's 'Africa' or Tommy Emmanuel's 'Purple haze'.
I like them.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:28, Reply)
This is even worse than discussing larp or whisky.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:45,
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If you ask people to talk amongst themselves, they will, Mr Dabidozee.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:47,
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What happened to your magazine interview? Was it published?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:48,
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Yes, I have it at home. It is almost psychedelically dull.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:54,
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Techno wizard I may be, but I cannot as yet 'link' to a piece of paper in my flat, from my desk at work.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:58,
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FFS Techno-wizard is completely different from Tech-house.DONT YOU KNOW ANYTHING??
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:00,
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OH GOD WHAT A FUCKING WANKER I AM!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:01,
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Morning.If I wanted to ask my own question, I'd start my own thread.
Alt: I'm going to get a cup of tea.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 8:34,
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Nice.I recommend the bone marrow to start.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:13,
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Has your mum ever walked in when you were trying to shit in your own cunt?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:00,
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Well I started today by getting angry at facebook.That's never a good sign. It did at least prove what I long suspected though, that I went to school with mainly ignorant morons.
Obviously I came here for better company, because none of you are morons*.
*Apart from Dozer, The prick.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:03,
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You've got a bit of a history of getting angry at facebook(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:04,
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I get angry at everything these days, it's not good.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:06,
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Some twat I was at school with boiling all the countries political problems down to giving too much money to the darkies.If I want that sort of opinion I'd just ask Monty how he'd sort the world out.
I'm beginning to change my opinion on whether it's acceptable to call someone a cunt just for disagreeing with you.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:09,
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Woah you ain't my real dadDon't tell me to think of my own questions
You're not the boss of me
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Theoban What of it, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:04,
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No pudding until you've cleared your plate. How many times must I tell you?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:08,
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Thank God you're here!This lot are fucking frightful.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:07,
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Take me away from this place - somewhere - anywhere(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:10,
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Aye we'll pop off to Guernsey and enjoy some tax breaks(
Theoban What of it, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:10,
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YEAH who needs these cunts anyway?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:11,
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piss, been dragged into a 9am conf callDoom
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:08,
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Good morningHere's somewhat of a close call - imgur.com/gallery/5rh6j
I am very tired.
EDIT: Fucking hell, 8 years.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:09,
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CAN-DULL.edit: fucking hell that's rather alarming
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:10,
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Good morning teamSit down, chairs in, pens out
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:12,
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lolsMorning. How goes throttle-gate?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:14,
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Dreadful.I asked if I could see kid on Sunday.
'talk to my solicitor'
'who is your solicitor?'
'get your solicitor to ask'
etc
Looks like a third week without Xmas presents for the wee mite.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:16,
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Fucks sakeIs this a "you speaking to solicitor" again then?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:18,
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Can you answer me a straight question you cunt faced child abuser? Given that you've never actually elaborated on your story after it was pointed out that you were a shit, can you tell us, for the record, how old was the girl that bullied your daughter when she carried out the bullying, and how old she was when she was raped and commited suicide?
I just think this information is pretty important to be able to form a judgement on the whole situation.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:39, Reply)
I don't think you're going to get an answer.I have extraordinary perspicacity in areas such as this.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:40,
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I don't actually know what that word meansI'm choosing to believe that it means "of a bent spastic nature" and I can't help thinking that nakers should use it more often.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:43, Reply)
Don't lump me in the same boat as captain "i like it when rape victims commit suicide" u0p there(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:46,
Reply)
Transferred to my daughter's school at 14Excluded at 15 1/2. Secure unit thereafter until authorities washed their hands of her. I heard she was dead a couple of years later.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:48, Reply)
So I was pretty much spot on the moneywith my age guess.
Good to know.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:52, Reply)
14And a lot of people were saying "You can't know that, she could have been much older".
But no, I was right, you were very much judging a child's behaviour on adult values, and a child who clearly had serious problems at that, and expressed delight that she had been raped and killed.
So the overwhelming majority of people who read your story and thought "What a cunt" were spot on.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:59, Reply)
That's not much of a defence is it?"Yes I'm a cunt, and you're entitled to think that"
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:06, Reply)
I keep a diary of all the times I shit in a bird's cunt2012 was a vintage year
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:30,
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I am indeed: also transcripts of everything go to my lawyer.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:32,
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No, the one in the Simpsons is a lawyer, because he's american innit.(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:35, Reply)
You said "your lawyer" though refering to Monty's solicitorARGUING IS FUN
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:36,
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poor mini apenot only is she teething badly today, but she is being terribly bullied on the internet
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:41,
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Micro battered is also teething.I should have shares in infant pain relief companies.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:43,
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I like that because you are well short you havea micro baby instead of a mini one(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:44,
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Oh, that is sad. Tell her I said sorry online.and give her a rusk.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:44, Reply)
Now that I have my FIRST EVER Oyster cardthe world is my, er, oyster. Well, London, anyway.
Where should I go? What should I do?
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Kroney, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:39,
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Guildford.Edit: Sorry, I thought you said "where".
Real answer: I'm not.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:41,
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Planning to.But snags are being run into on an almost daily basis. For once, they're not of my doing.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:42,
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Fucking Aussies coming over here, leaving piles of sausgaes everywhereSo does this mean you have a new job? Or are you commuting out to Slough?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:43,
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I ALSO THINK THIS AS IT IS PRECISELY THE JOKE WHICH I WAS MAKING(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:48,
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WHICH IS PRECISELY WHY I WAS LAUGHINGGOD AL IS THICK
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:50,
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I work in Uxbridge.I shall be moving and then I shall take care of the job.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:45,
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yeah good luck with thatmy colleague commuted to the bridge from belsize park, it nearly killed her.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:49,
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She's really keen on this place in Wanstead.Fucking Wanstead. That's an hour and a quarter away by tube. It's practically in Essex!
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Kroney, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:51,
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Oh man wifey has really got you under the thumb eh?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:51,
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She's a friend, I dont sleep with ALL the women I know. I'm goign to be moving jobs, so I don't really mind how long hte commute to Uxbridge is as I shan't be doing it for much longer. But still, fucking Wanstead.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:56,
Reply)
Wanstead is nice. Met line at Liv Pool Street. 25 mins into West End. 15 into the City.
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:58, Reply)
That's not so bad.I'm learning that the problem is Uxbridge being in the middle of fucking nowhere, rather than north London being inaccessible.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:59,
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see also liverpool, wolverhampton, runcorn, widnes, hull, coventry, milton keynes, stockport...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:00,
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I reckon a commute to Coventry would be far easier.My missus used to work on Piccadilly and could get there quicker then colleagues who lived in London.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:07,
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I thought you had slept with her?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:58,
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yes but not nowhence the use of the present tense rather than the past tense
i suspect this will be the argument
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:59,
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I thought it was just a big hairy clit?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:01,
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Wanstead is very nice indeed and you could zip across town on the Central Line.Be reasonable prices too. Dinnae write that off. Se'sly.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:56,
Reply)
That's well past us both.The upside to it is that I don't have to worry about whether my wanger's out when I'm walking around the flat.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:02,
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worry about it? how can you not KNOW?unless it's too small to tell, of course
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:03,
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what part of she was commuting FROM belsize parkTO uxbridge did you not understand?
that would make anyone's soul shrivel up and die.
much like your cock.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:58,
Reply)
Is Belsize Park not a nice area?Please note: this is addressed to Stunned, as you have ideas well outside of your Mancunian station.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:00,
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Yes it is, but really fucking expensive.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:02,
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I won't live thereif only because Fish from Marillion has had sex there.
Gross.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:04,
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i am not from manchesteri have never lived in manchester. on no level could being born in yorkshire, raised in buckinghamshire, and then moving to cheshire, and then living in london since 18 be considered "mancunian". god it's like you don't know me AT ALL.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:02,
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Yeah alright 'Liam Gallagherr' calm down(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:06,
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The met line out to Uxbridge takes on average 7 1/2 hours, just so you know(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:51,
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and it bouncesmy arse clean left the seat on many occasions
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:58,
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Go to any tube station and then simply jump in front of an oncoming train. HTH.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:42,
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It wouldn’t work anyway The French gene would take over so that he could outrun the train.
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:45,
Reply)
There's a superb exhibition on at the Musuem of London about grave-robbing.I went last Sunday, you should go too. It's jolly good.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:44,
Reply)
Stop making an 'exhibition' of yourself.DO YOU GET THIS JOKE?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:47,
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He's certainly gets himself in to some grave situations!!!!1111!!!!(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:48,
Reply)
There are good ones near TRAFALGAR Square. Which is quite close to WATERLOO Station.
Where else did we spank the French?
(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:47, Reply)
WE CAN BE MUSEUM BUDDIES WHEN YOU MOVE TO TOWN THIS IS SO EXCITING(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:47,
Reply)
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:49,
Reply)
Monty, I dreamt last night that I bought a 5-bag of weed.I don't know if a 5-bag is a real thing, but in my dream it was £5 bag with 5 bags inside it containing 1 joint worth of weed. It looked like chinese seaweed though. I bought it gray-area-legally off a supermarket stall. I smoked it and got high. I then woke myself up laughing and confused.
You must have had dreams where you get wasted, I reckon there is something there where you can get yourself hypnotized to get wasted without doing drugs.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:53,
Reply)
A five bag of weed these day would get you about two joints tops. It's fucking ridiculous.I have had dreams in which I have taken loads of coke and can't sleep, and then woken up after a full night's kip feeling utterly exhausted, that's well weird.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:55,
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THAT'S RIGHT THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 9:58,
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It's an absolute joke, isn't it?The days of a cheap oz seem long behind us.
It's all overpriced 1g bags round here now.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:01,
Reply)
You can make more money selling an oz of weed in bits than you would a quarter of cocaine.It's PC gone mad I tell you.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:03,
Reply)
Have you tried knitting your own out of yurt off cuts and homemade guacamole?(, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:05, Reply)
He fucking sold me some of that the cunt.Did fuck all.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:05,
Reply)
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