PAYDAY!
Are you a "spend it on the first weekend/day" kind of person or, like YM, can you make it last ages?

Alt:
Friday lunchtime: Pub or Pub?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:04, 142 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I get paid mid-month
And I'm a little sensitive about it, IF you don't mind.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:05, Reply)

I get paid on the 25th but the bills don't come out until the 1st
This has made me cautious with money. Plus I only spend what my wife lets me. 50p a week on sweets usually.
( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Me and the missus were watching a tv show the other day
And the guy said "If I spend more than 25 bucks, I need to run it by my wife."
Mrs Hats said "25 dollars? That's a lot of pocket money."

:O
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:09, Reply)

My dear wife takes my wages out of my account on pay day and puts them in the joint account
she leaves me pocket money depending on her much she feels we can spare. I got £3 one month.
( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:11, Reply)

WE NEED TO TAKE CHARGE, MAN

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:11, Reply)

Hey pj I found these testicles down the back of the sofa I think they might be yours

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

Is this really a thing?
If my lad tried to curb what I spend or even dictate on it...

Right to the moon.

Pow! Right in the kisser.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:17, Reply)

Things changed a lot when we had kids and a mortgage
Before then it was 50/50 on everything and we kept what was left in our own accounts.
( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:28, Reply)

Another reason for me not to have kids.
Apart from the obvious gay thing and the fact I dont like them.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:35, Reply)

Can Gays adopt yet?
If so RABBLERABBLERABBLERABBLERABBLERABBLEOUTRAGEDAILYMAIL!
( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:36, Reply)

Well Elton's got one.
I would refuse personally until society was more accepting.
I would hate for the kid to get bullied but that's the world we live in.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Come on Jay, they only bully to save your soul. Have you tried to Pray Away the Gay?

( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:41, Reply)

ECT, it's the only way.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:46, Reply)

I did
and the Reverend was most welcoming.
His methods weren't the most helpful, however...
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:46, Reply)

LOOK! NO HANDS!

( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:47, Reply)

I like to think that I'm most accomodating...

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:35, Reply)

Really?
Fucking hell

We have a joint account where everything goes in and out. I spend what I want and so does she
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:23, Reply)

Joint account for bills food etc
Separate current accounts, because we are still individuals
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Of course I say joint account
It's only me that pays in
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:30, Reply)

Vippers has a JOINT account
Gettit? I mean money for his drugs!
( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:38, Reply)

Trouble is we live in Cornwall and wife works part time
So we really don't earn enough to spend without thinking. Cornwall wages are shit.
( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:28, Reply)

instead of those little envelopes perforated on three sides, does the money come in an excessively thick crimped pastry?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:31, Reply)

with carrots

( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:32, Reply)

My father used to have to suffer the indignity of asking my mother for money for the pub.
But then he is worse with money even than I am, and would otherwise have spent it all on fucking panama hats and cravats, and fine wines etc. The twat. This meant we children had food to eat and clothes to wear.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

You'll never see the like of those days again.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:14, Reply)

I heard he had to eat the tassles off his leather jacket

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:17, Reply)

I actually deliberately swallowed some of your wife's arsepubes last night, I was that hungry.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:22, Reply)

She does have an unusually hairy arsehole, doesn't she?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:26, Reply)

You must be used to that womad prick

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Her hairy arsehole is certainly well used to my womad prick

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:32, Reply)

Musky as hell, too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Her arsepubes are really getting out of control
It looks like Brian blessed sucking a lemon
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:26, Reply)

hahahaha
Have my first Friday click
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:33, Reply)

I think this is why the wife keeps all the money
I get a pitance and then suddenly theres a couple of grand stashed away for a fancy holiday or a nice new SHED! I'd waste it on mead and cigars
( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:27, Reply)

waste?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:47, Reply)

The place I work at is so archaic....
I still get paid weekly

Alt: Don’t be such a bender go to the PUB instead
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:08, Reply)

Wtf
Are you a day labourer?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:09, Reply)

WTN
If I was I would get paid daily
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:10, Reply)

d g


I'M SAYING HE'S GAY!!!!!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:11, Reply)

Haha...like a sissy mary!

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:11, Reply)

THAT'S PRECISELY IT!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

Homosexuals will never be 100% accepted into society
until they stop being so damned hilarious.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:16, Reply)

They're just so flamboyant aren't they?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Not all of us!
Though I do have my moments
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:22, Reply)

My mother is about as flamboyant as Arthur Scargill.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:22, Reply)

What bloke would have me :(

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:12, Reply)

I'm not too fussy
Fancy a bounce?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

Fuck now I have
Zapp's "More Bounce to the Ounce" as an earworm
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:25, Reply)

wot a choon

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Yeah, fuck "Heavy D"
Zapp all the way baby
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:28, Reply)

You want to fuck Heavy D?
Really getting into this 'gay labourer' scene arncha?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:35, Reply)

John lesley?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

I look nothing like Ulrika Jonsson

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:26, Reply)

Dennis Nilsen?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:16, Reply)

I like this

When I say 'this', I don't mean....'that', you understand.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:19, Reply)

I do, Monty
I do understand
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Well I'm glad you do.
Could you try to convince the police then please? They insist I'm lying, the scamps.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:41, Reply)

Yeah I'll sit this thread out I think

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:10, Reply)

It pretty shit
How are you anyway Boyce?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:11, Reply)

Ill, poor and depressed.
Still, I am at least an Aryan Master so it's not all bad news.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:14, Reply)

Arya Dungeo
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:52, Reply)

ryan ss
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:53, Reply)

Insta debits go out the. It's all mine, mine, mine!
Well the wife and daughter's
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Me too !
I'm waiting until the 2nd when all my Direct Debits go out so I can see where I stand.

Ma' is going to need a new telly soon, her one is way way way on the way out, so I'm going to get a new 3D one and give her my old one. If she puts a few quid towards it, I can do it this month, if not, i'll do it next month, I don't mind either way.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:10, Reply)

I have a wife to spend it all.
Sometimes she manages to achieve this before the next payday comes around.
Alt: I insist that you go to the pub this lunchtime, sportster
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:11, Reply)

DONE AND DONE

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:53, Reply)

I don't have expensive hobbys to sprunt it all on
I might buy some new leather elbow patches
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:12, Reply)

I'm paid weekly.
It's definitely not without it's flaws as I'm shit at saving but it's nice to have a steady wage coming each week.

Off oot for some post work pintage tonight. Not too often I go wild on the booze nowadays. I used to work in the bar trade (ie; I was pissed constantly for a decade). Grew out of it now.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:16, Reply)

Im with this bank that gives me 2 accounts also.
One for bills and a card account that the remainder is transferred to for spends.

Im shit with bill dates and direct debits and what have you so it's grand for me.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:20, Reply)

When I was younger I loved weekly pay as you could piss it up the wall on day 1 and only have to starve for 6 days
Now I am older and wiser I would never be able to pay the bills or mortgage if I was paid weekly.
( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:34, Reply)

because I am sensible with money
and not under the thumb like some of the pathetic specimens up there...
me and the missues worked out the total for all the bills food etc, then both put that into a joint account that all the bills go out of, I am them left with plenty of money for me...
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:22, Reply)

You and the misuse? The masseuse? I don't understand.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:23, Reply)

I think he has Issues

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:30, Reply)

+t

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:32, Reply)

Errrr yeah deliberate spelling
I refer to my wife as the Misuse as I erm misuse her and the poor spelling is just a slip of the keyboard... I am not I repeat not a MASSIVE SPASTIC
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:31, Reply)

A LIKELY TALE!

( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:35, Reply)

Course you're not, son. Course.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:38, Reply)

mamammmmmmammamahhffiiia aadhhdh

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:00, Reply)

You and the Amadues

( Kroney, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:08, Reply)

I'm going to the zoo because I'm not a pussy afraid of a little rain.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:36, Reply)

Is it raining there?
I knew there was a good reason to be in Pastyland afterall.
( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:37, Reply)

are you taking battered's kid too?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:38, Reply)

I'm about 3/4 out of that Flowers For Arrgon book now, thanks for recomending it, it's wicked.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:47, Reply)

To be fair, to him raindrops look like bucket loads

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:40, Reply)

Urgh, a "friend" on facebook just said "I want a little half cast baby! So cute!"
I don't know whether to correct her spelling half caste or just delete her.
( Peej, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:48, Reply)

Delete and block

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:50, Reply)

When she does have a baby, break both of it's legs.
Simply half-cast baby.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:51, Reply)

My mate puts a message on their wall explaining why he is both deleting and blocking them first

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:52, Reply)

Bit self righteous assuming the other person cares.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:54, Reply)

I rather liked it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:59, Reply)

Set up all bills so that they come out on the 26th (my payday)
So that after that, all money is mine.

Alt: Not allowed to pub.

Just booked Stephen Lynch tickets for September, rather happy about that.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:48, Reply)

That's too risky for me, I give it a day or two.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:49, Reply)

7th of the month for me
That Barclays issue a few years ago caused me loads of problems.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 10:52, Reply)

I am with RBS
And last year when they fucked up and took DD's twice I didn't even notice as they got the money back in within a day or so and I don't normally bother to check my bank until a week after payday (once I have seen the money go in) I didn't know a thing about it until they sent me some M&S vouchers as an apology.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:03, Reply)

Nah', wouldn't do the 7th, 'cus then it takes to long between getting paid and being able to spend wonga.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:03, Reply)

I just made myself a 6-rasher crispy streaky bacon and fried egg bagel with HP Guinness Sauce.
I don't think i've ever had a better start to the day.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:02, Reply)

Great Jewing there son

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:03, Reply)

You won't find a real jewish londoner, especially one who grew up on markets, who doesn't go mental over a bacon bagel.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:04, Reply)

Forgot how to Jew

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:24, Reply)

I normally spend lots the first week, second week is all direct debits, third and fourth I am sensible enough
Next month is bonus/payrise month though. £1.5k is going on a hardcore personal trainer for a few months of sessions. That is going to hurt in more ways than one...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:06, Reply)

You what now?
You're paying £1500 to a personal trainer?

I realise this is a completely rhetorical question, but are you a complete fucking idiot?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:13, Reply)

Yep
It's for 5 months or so and includes the gym fees (my gym's £90 a month so i'm saving that) and he's also a nutritionist
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:14, Reply)

You're paying £300 a month for someone to say "Run a bit faster and don't eat pies"
And before you tell me it's more than that, it isn't. It just isn't. Tou can 't be a "qualified nutritionist" because there is no such thing. It's a fucking bollocks made up title.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:18, Reply)

You can sneer all you want
I've seen what this guy has done for my friend by reshaping her. I run 3 times a week or so and I do lots of walking and resistance machines, but I don't have a clue about things like kettle bells and free weights to reshape the waist. A few months with him and I'll be able to go back and do it myself. It's a bonus; that's what it's for. It's going on him, a holiday, and bank accounts for the nieces and nephew!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:22, Reply)

Oh for fucks sake.
He didn't "reshape" her, she did exercises and built up muscles and lost weight. There is nothing magical or special about him or any other personal trainer.

If you have the motivation to run as often as you do, then just look up different exercises on You Tube and do them as well
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:27, Reply)

ALso you can't "reshape" your waist.
You can decrease the total amount of body fat and you can specifically build up individual muscles, but you cannot "target" fat loss.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:27, Reply)

Well apparently that's not true for apple-shapes - you can't turn it into a pear but you can massively improve it
Something something cortisol something something carbs something something stress - I wasn't listening to her, but I'll listen to him
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:29, Reply)

Well apparently you're friend is a total fucking idiot and also would you like to buy some snake oil?
I got a bulk load at a knock down price, it's amazing stuff.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:32, Reply)

Did you rip someone off to get it by joining and immediately cancelling like a cunt?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:34, Reply)

If I think it's bollocks, I'll stop going
But I thinj you can hurt yourself or not get full benefit by doing exercises incorrectly and those kettle bells are fucking frightening
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:28, Reply)

None of this fucking surprises me at all.
Now as well as hosing £1500 up the wall needlessly, we will no doubt be subjected to 30 posts a week on "my totally hot (but enormously camp) personal trainer doesn't seem to be interested in me, despite my embarrassingly obvious advances wah wah wah".
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:44, Reply)

He's 24
I think NOT
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:45, Reply)

Give it time Swipers, give it time...

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:47, Reply)

I've slept with one younger man in m entire life
He was so fucking awful it committed me to silver foxes only
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:48, Reply)

That sounds like a reasonable approach - a statistical sample of 1. Yeah.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 28 Jun 2013, 12:17, Reply)

"reasonable" and "swipes love life" are at opposite ends of the relationship spectrum

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 12:19, Reply)

U noes it

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 28 Jun 2013, 12:22, Reply)

That's £375 a word
"Eat less, move more"

Is he a lawyer too?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:24, Reply)

I'm not actually sure how many sessions it works out at yet
But I'm more than that, so he'll end up owing me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:25, Reply)

I'm so shit with money I've had to draft in somebody with organisational abilities to fix me.
On paper I should have plenty to get through the month, but I just can't seem to do it. Mostly because I'm fucking shit and think I'll burst into flames if I try to budget.
( Kroney, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:06, Reply)

ynab is free for a month on Steam

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:08, Reply)

So you mean the wife doesn't let you spend it?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:11, Reply)

No. I mean I'm afraid of money.

( Kroney, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:14, Reply)

Let's pretend I bothered to strike out the e and insert a t

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:15, Reply)

Oddly, there's about 3x the characters in that post than there would be if you did the actual strikethrough

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:22, Reply)

Yeah but on the iPad tping the commands is a pain in my non-existent bollocks

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:23, Reply)

Suppose it depends where they hid the <>
My old phone used to take 3 taps to get one, then it would automatically flick back to qwerty. Every time. New one lets you do the lot at one go.

/firstworldproblems
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:28, Reply)

My iPad is the most unnecessary thing ever
And yet I fucking love it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:30, Reply)

Most people who have one do
Say what you like about Apple but they have almost achieved a computer that "just works" and you don't need to be an IT monkey to use it.
Sure, they lock you in, you pay over the odds, and ITunes is crap, but it still just works.
Even as a confirmed Android fan (phones and tablets) I kind of admire what they've done.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:36, Reply)

As a complete computer retard, even I love the apple shop
You just want to touch their stuff
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:37, Reply)

Their hardware design is very good
Having said that I was tempted by a couple of the Windows phones when I upgraded last week, seemed pretty easy to use. Stuck with Android in the end though.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:45, Reply)

inserts K

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:27, Reply)

ney ths

Obviously.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 11:40, Reply)