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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I've just eaten a massive portion of various pasta salads and I have a bottle of strawberry milk.
Today is ten years since I started seeing my wife. I have made her a card with pipecleaners and glitter glue. It's very cool.
What were you doing ten years ago? No, you weren't doing my wife, I was the only one in the room, you may have been doing my mum though, she was on the other side of the world so I would have no idea.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:34,
220 replies,
latest was 11 years ago)
I was two days out of school, on study/wank leave for my GCSEs
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:34,
Reply)
Earning about £90k and spending most of it on cocaine.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:36,
Reply)
What an impressive figure you must have cut.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:36,
Reply)
Even more obnoxious than I am now, believe it or not.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:37,
Reply)
Oh I can believe it. Cocaine makes bigger cunts out of even massive cunts.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:38,
Reply)
TGB took cocaine?
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:40,
Reply)
Old school. I like it.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:45,
Reply)
I was fucking up my AS-Levels.
(
Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:37,
Reply)
I was two years into a ten year career which was to fall apart at the seams and leave me penniless in the end. Haha! If only I knew what would happen.....
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:40,
Reply)
Were you designing and selling angry sun tattoos?
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:44,
Reply)
No, the indigenous people of north america beat me to it.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:44,
Reply)
Bet they didn't colour them in though
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:46,
Reply)
Not after the white devil came and raped their land of the naturally abundant fluorescent pens
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:49,
Reply)
Sexy white devil
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:57,
Reply)
thanks very much
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:02,
Reply)
I was six months off 30, and temping, having just undergone a horrible employment situation.
It's a beautiful day, but still we're not allowed to get naked at our desks where I work.
(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:42,
Reply)
I'd not long moved into my old house so was most likely painting or something
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:42,
Reply)
i was a trainee solicitor
as i was in my corporate seat, and had 18 people giving me work, i was working 18 hour days, on one notorious occasion when i was practically gabbling japanese by the end of it, a 48 hour day, and had no idea that the boss i was starting to fancy would turn out to be a violent cokehead who shat the bed...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:43,
Reply)
Oh wow, so to get up the corporate ladder, you worked really hard
and fucked your boss. GO FEMINISM!
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:45,
Reply)
pffffffft
he was a lowly associate. and he never did make partner. and i started seeing him after i moved to a different department. and there is no "corporate ladder" for trainees. you qualify or you don't.
but apart from that, yeah.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:51,
Reply)
Battered was your boss?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:45,
Reply)
Shattered
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:46,
Reply)
Were you in the bed too?
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 May 2014, 12:54,
Reply)
sadly yes
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:57,
Reply)
but believe me
not for fucking long
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:58,
Reply)
Once you'd rolled around in it for 5 mins and massaged it into your tits you got bored, right?
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:00,
Reply)
*bokes *
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 May 2014, 13:01,
Reply)
OfficeSplutter
(
Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 16 May 2014, 14:03,
Reply)
Are you sure it wasn't you that shat the bed in your sleep,
And in a sweet way moved you, washed you, rolled on it and took the blame to save you the embarrassment?
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 May 2014, 13:02,
Reply)
I think she saw him do it from memory
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:04,
Reply)
I bet you love remembering swipe near poo don't you?
Fucken pervert.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 May 2014, 13:07,
Reply)
If he had to be reminded how to shit then his memory mustn't have been all that good
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:08,
Reply)
I do so love that story
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:14,
Reply)
I was still living in London and hating it.
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Peej, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:46,
Reply)
You want to move somewhere with very low levels of literacy, lower than average wages and a shorter than average life expectancy
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:47,
Reply)
I went home where the weather is lovely the views are spectacular and I'm considered a genius compared to the locals.
People at my level get jobs on national pay scales. I earn the same here as I would in most universities.
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Peej, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:58,
Reply)
+ book throwing, ice maidens
(
Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 16 May 2014, 14:03,
Reply)
I was 16,
So I'd have been extremely stoned, playing Magic the Gathering and listening to nu-metal. Either that or skateboarding. Because I was really cool.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 May 2014, 12:53,
Reply)
I dug my old decks out the other day,
And thanks to years of cannabis I seem to have forgotten how to play. Which is nice.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 May 2014, 13:04,
Reply)
"play" your "decks"
You seem to be confusing a device for playing other peoples music with a musical instrument.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:04,
Reply)
You seem to be confusing "record decks" with "decks of cards"
You fucking spastic, you clearly haven't read the first post.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:06,
Reply)
YEAH, TELL HIM!
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 May 2014, 13:06,
Reply)
Oh man, that's gotta rank a 9 on the SSc
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:07,
Reply)
9.5 easy
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:09,
Reply)
Takes any opportunity to elbow in his views on stuff, he's got it all wrong and made himself look a *right* prick.
He should apologise really.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:08,
Reply)
I'm sorry for misinterpreting your post.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:14,
Reply)
It wasn't MY post silly sausage! What's wrong with you man, you're falling apart!
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:16,
Reply)
You younguns all look the same to me.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:17,
Reply)
RACIST
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:18,
Reply)
I'm sure you haven't forgotten how to play with yourself though
Which, as a Magic: The Gathering player, I can only assume was another hobby.
(
Muns, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:09,
Reply)
I had a girlfriend and all.
She thought I spent too much time stoned playing cards, and left me. So yeah.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 May 2014, 13:11,
Reply)
Silly cow, what did she know, eh?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:43,
Reply)
Yeh! Thats an easy 8 on the SSc!
(
Peej, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:09,
Reply)
I'm sticking with a 9.5, but I respect your opinion in terms of callibration on the SSc
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:10,
Reply)
It's my fucking scale!
(
Peej, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:35,
Reply)
Deck of cards.
Play game.
Whatever.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 May 2014, 13:06,
Reply)
I was equal distance between the births of my third and fourth children
Married, mortgaged and taking my first dip in IT waters by teaching myself SQL.
(
Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 16 May 2014, 12:57,
Reply)
Fuck me you must be as old as edjog
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:35,
Reply)
27 at the time
(
Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:37,
Reply)
Debbie McGee or Susan Hamilton?
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 May 2014, 13:05,
Reply)
Neither thanks
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:16,
Reply)
I've just found out my decree absolute came through on April Fools Day. Hahaha.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:14,
Reply)
Maybe that's why she wanted to go to yours last night.
To tell you it was all an elaborate practical joke.
(
Muns, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:16,
Reply)
Nis(i)
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:17,
Reply)
Ah life does throw these little moments at times
(
Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:20,
Reply)
Ten years ago I was unmarried, with no kids and playing in a well cool band.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:18,
Reply)
Oh man, what happened to you?
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:21,
Reply)
It all fell apart :(
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:22,
Reply)
your anus?
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:22,
Reply)
NO YOU ARE ANUS
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:27,
Reply)
NO REAL NAMES
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:29,
Reply)
Soz m8
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:30,
Reply)
Ten years ago I got married
I am really old
(
Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:21,
Reply)
Chip shop lunch!
Steak and Mushroom pie/pasty, chips and gravy. I'm stuffed now but a mug of tea is helping it settle.
10 years ago I was working for the Ambulance Service and it was becoming apparent that the major project we were working on was never going to be finished mostly due to a complete lack of any sort of planning.
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:27,
Reply)
I'm just had delivery of a KFC
\o/
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:32,
Reply)
How lazy do you have to be to get KFC delivered?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:38,
Reply)
My boss was going to the drive through
In answer, very
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:48,
Reply)
much like that sentence
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:32,
Reply)
Just because it's cold doesn't make it salad
Hth
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:33,
Reply)
oh god
this played out for about 100 posts on gonz's facebook the other day...
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:35,
Reply)
I am correct in the matter
Now let that he an end to it
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:36,
Reply)
i think pasta may be better cold than hot...
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:38,
Reply)
You are a fucking idiot.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:40,
Reply)
it's great hot
but on balance, i think i prefer it cold. it's called a personal preference. i thought you lefties were keen on people being able to express themselves.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:41,
Reply)
There are levels of idiocy that cannot be left to fester
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:42,
Reply)
cold pasta is fucking delicious
stuff that shit up with some cheese and lots of salad vegetables and a drizzle of dressing... what's not to love?
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:47,
Reply)
The cold pasta
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:49,
Reply)
you cook it first, you know
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:51,
Reply)
The temperature.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:50,
Reply)
Ten years ago I was in my second year at uni, living in a filthy party house and generally being rock and roll
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:34,
Reply)
indoor farmers market here today
i have some CB stilton and a rosemary and nigella seed roll and a spinach and ricotta thing
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:35,
Reply)
What can farmers even grow indoors? Mushrooms, rubarb...weed?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:37,
Reply)
they can sell a lot
this cheese is fucking amazing.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:39,
Reply)
It was scraped off a horse's cock
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:42,
Reply)
The spinach and ricotta thing is surprisingly easy to make
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:42,
Reply)
beat me to it :'(
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:44,
Reply)
make eat
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:50,
Reply)
DOING MASSIVE DRUGS
ROCKING, RAVING AND MISBEHAVING
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:42,
Reply)
+ BUMMING AND BEING BUMMED
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:43,
Reply)
Bummer and bummee
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:43,
Reply)
frigging in the rigging
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:46,
Reply)
covered in seamen
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:46,
Reply)
Most of us had grown up a bit more than that by the time we were 30
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:43,
Reply)
Had we?
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:45,
Reply)
Oh you cunt. I was 22!!
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:45,
Reply)
+ stone
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:48,
Reply)
Ooh, I remember it well, I was sitting around in my pants
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:44,
Reply)
Isn't that also what you are doing right now?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:45,
Reply)
Yes
different pants though
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:47,
Reply)
Well that's progress!
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:48,
Reply)
alright broa
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:46,
Reply)
dsword
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:46,
Reply)
alright do
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:47,
Reply)
zing
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broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:47,
Reply)
ton d
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:48,
Reply)
I ent had me a KFC for ages
*burp*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:50,
Reply)
Getting properly mashed every weekend and living the high life.
I kicked ass back then.
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:51,
Reply)
That'll explain why it fell off
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:52,
Reply)
Roast beef, mustard, rocket, gorgonzola pannini. Gonna be honest, it's pretty fucking lush.
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:52,
Reply)
Sounds nice
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:53,
Reply)
with Monster or Red Bull?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:53,
Reply)
Heh heh.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:54,
Reply)
maybe a Monster & Red Bull cocktail.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 16 May 2014, 13:55,
Reply)
The liquid that trickled out of the industrial compressor, when they realised the sofa in your mum's dilapidated flat isn't worth saving, just like the rest of her shit.
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:00,
Reply)
that makes very little sense, even for you
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:03,
Reply)
i thought it was quite lyrical, myself
it has a certain.... pynchonesque glory about it
oh lolololol, check out the dictionary definition of pynchonesque. it might as well have a pic of dozer and have done with it:
Densely convoluted, verbose and full of allusion
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:04,
Reply)
^ never read any Pynchon ^
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dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:05,
Reply)
^hasn't read the full body of work^
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:11,
Reply)
alright The Disappointed, how's the smack addiction going?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:12,
Reply)
^upset^
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:12,
Reply)
it's a genuine question m8
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dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:13,
Reply)
You seem a bit upset today? Why are you so upset?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:14,
Reply)
on second thoughts, maybe just
ly convoluted, verbose and full of allusion
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:06,
Reply)
Perfect!
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:10,
Reply)
^missing the narrative playfulness
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:05,
Reply)
I, too, sometimes find Your Mum jokes hard to understand; it's not like they've even meet my mum, so how would they know?
Talk it through with your mentor, maybe she'll help.
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:09,
Reply)
I have no problem understanding coherent sentences.
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dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:11,
Reply)
"I just don't understand, she couldn't have sat next to everybody, she isn't even that fat. She sat next too a few people on her table, maybe that's what he meant? I just don't get it."
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:19,
Reply)
Oddly enough, I was probably getting divorced.
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 May 2014, 14:07,
Reply)
And planning a murder
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:09,
Reply)
getting divorced murdering my wife
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:09,
Reply)
Slower than nakers
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:10,
Reply)
Are we meeting for drinks when you're finished then?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:13,
Reply)
Don't we all need a bit of Nakers?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:15,
Reply)
I'm part of your 5 a day
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:17,
Reply)
I'm at the station already
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:15,
Reply)
What were they offering IT drone work or something else?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:20,
Reply)
Met a contractor last night who used to contract here
he's now working for a company in Oxford Street that are something to do with Music royalties.
He's changing a field on hundreds of forms from 9 characters long to 11 characters long. He begged us to kill him.
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:50,
Reply)
christ
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:51,
Reply)
It's a Grade-II listed building, y'know
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:18,
Reply)
You are actually joking?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:19,
Reply)
That the god of concrete took a dump on
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:24,
Reply)
We embraced brutalism in a big way after the Germans taught us that Medieval architecture was easily knocked down.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:28,
Reply)
They left it in comparatively good condition.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 May 2014, 14:30,
Reply)
Still married. Miserable.
Kids would have been quite young and more than likely solely responsible for me not murdering the Mrs Fister of the time.
(
Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 16 May 2014, 14:11,
Reply)
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