We are just cleaning up the earthquake damage and e-mailing everyone to let them know we are OK.
FFS.

What over reaction stories do you have, bentle poster?

Alt: Cool weekend plans? No bent weekend plans.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:38, 150 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

so ronery.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:39, Reply)

I'm not in Kent, anymore.
Closest thing we've had to an earthquake in Central Bedfordshire was that time Buncefield exploded - it rattled my stair rods.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:40, Reply)

I heard that in south london

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:42, Reply)

Not an over reaction. A massive explosion.
Not that Kent wouldn't benefit from being swallowed by a massive hole in the ground.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:43, Reply)

The house rattled a bit, then I went back to sleep.
I'd have been hard pressed to react any less.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:45, Reply)

I was walking into Cannon St station when the St Mary's Axe bomb went off.
It was like a bomb had gone off.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:49, Reply)

lol

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:50, Reply)

still, at least they didn't replace it with a giant phallus

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:53, Reply)

it's a rubbish building to be in too.
pain to get in, pain to get out and if you're not right near the windows it's a bit miserable.

have you been in the walkie talkie yet?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:56, Reply)

sky garden baby
but only at a function, not for a proper meal :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:58, Reply)

I was there for the 2007 one, 4.3 m8, none of this 4.2 rubbish
#folkestonequakesurvivor
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:43, Reply)

Could you even feel it? #nancyboy. Or the earthquake. lol.
#BRISTOLBANTZ
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:45, Reply)

yeah, it was a 'proper' earthquake, i thought the building i was in was collapsing and ran outside like a right fanny and was confronted by scenes of utter devestation*
*some wonky or collapsed chimneys
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:48, Reply)

beer festival birthday bash house warming sleepy national trust Monday
And today I will be mostly planting out perennials.
(lol man river definite greek god, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:43, Reply)

sounds good. 'ceptin the gardening which is bent.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:46, Reply)

I fucking love a bit of bent gardening.
It's looking magnificent. And it's motherfucking Strawberry Season soon.
(lol man river definite greek god, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:49, Reply)

I did homegrown strawbs 2 years ago. They were a bit of work making sure the bugs didn't get them but were lovely.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:50, Reply)

I've got about seventy plants in the ground. The pillbugs and birds can help themselves to be honest.

(lol man river definite greek god, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:56, Reply)

Sheer weight of numbers. Good strategy.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:57, Reply)

STRAWBERRY CHAT!
What about the chillies, eh? WHAT ABOUT THE CHILLIES!!!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:03, Reply)

plant, tend, harvest, consume

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:33, Reply)

Alt: Did I mention that I'm going away?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:43, Reply)

youtu.be/KCSdKTrt7Rc
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:44, Reply)

Gay Paree?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:46, Reply)

Nah, further south

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:49, Reply)

Nice.
I went to Avignon 2 years ago. I loved that.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:53, Reply)

We all dance there.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:00, Reply)

Yeah, but only on the bridge

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:01, Reply)

Should I take 'em to the bridge?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:04, Reply)

James Brown: "Bobby! Should I take 'em to the bridge? Take 'em to the bridge? (Go 'head!) hit me now! Come on! Stay on the scene, a-like a sex machine!"
Or something
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:17, Reply)

5 to 10 for touching kids yeah?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:49, Reply)

They're my kids, I'll do what I want with them

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:50, Reply)

Good plan. That way if you wake them up, you can tell them it's all a bad dream and to go back to sleep!

( Muns, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:57, Reply)

years? or years old?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:58, Reply)

cleaning up the earthquake damage and e-mailing everyone to let them know we are OK finding excuses not to pay out on people's policies and letting them fix their own damn houses
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:47, Reply)

How could you say that about the insurance industry?
You'll never meet a finer, more noble and giving group of professionals, willing to go the extra mile for their clients, bending over backwards to help their policy holders!!

No

Wait

The other thing.

Chiselling lying conniving slimy fuckheads with the morals of a serial child rapist and the fellow-feeling of Mengele's nastier brother. Cunts who'd steal the pennies off a dead man's eyes
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:59, Reply)

even estate agents look down on them.....

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:02, Reply)

The only people that they are entitled to look down on are solicitors.

( Muns, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:10, Reply)

solicitors look down on everyone

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:13, Reply)

Unjustifiably, might I add.
Although they will do when the revolution comes and their heads are on pikes surrounding the city walls.
( Muns, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:14, Reply)

you'll be sorry
when nobody understands anything and civilisation collapses around your ears and then you have nobody to sue for the permanent tinnitus
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:17, Reply)

I didn't realise that solicitors were responsible for educating people?
Also: www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2VxpTMAbas
( Muns, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:20, Reply)

bless you
we run everything.

EVERYTHING.

#sideeye, shifty nod
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:26, Reply)

Some people have been bullied at school and hold a deep resentment for society as a result.
They want to fuck the world up out of deep seated hatred for everything around them, but lack the balls to take any serious actions. Unfortunately, they also lack the personality to become politicians.

This is why solicitors were invented.
( Muns, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:33, Reply)

trying to arrange needo but SOMEONE IS IGNORING TEXTS SO WE CAN'T FIX A DATE, I WONDER WHO??!
sorting out the new car, dinner with a friend, shopping, blah blah. all pretty bent really.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:48, Reply)

is it me?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:49, Reply)

The correct follow up to an ignored text is a phone call, not more texts.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:51, Reply)

well the thing is
we don't really want him to go, we were just being polite...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:52, Reply)

^oi

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:52, Reply)

shit, i meant to say that
INSIDE MY HEAD, INSIDE.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:54, Reply)

+vey

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:57, Reply)

Tuesday sounds alright.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:52, Reply)

hoorah
tue it is
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:53, Reply)

You know the rules, always give him about 8 hours to reply, unless he's waiting for you somewhere or it's 3am when you get an immediate response.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:53, Reply)

lolol

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:53, Reply)

roolz

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:53, Reply)

Might ask for Monday off but haven't yet.
Quiet night in tonight with some wine and a film. Aff to Montrose for a music festival on Saturday featuring bands I've never heard of.

Gonna cook a vindaloo Sunday.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:09, Reply)

You want to see over reaction? Just see how devastating and life-changing a chipped nail is to a 17 year old girl!
You'd think she'd broken both legs, contracted aids and ebola together and was about to be fed into a meat grinder FFS!

Alt: Funeral tomorrow. Sad occasion but a family get-together nonetheless
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:10, Reply)

I assume that the funeral is as a direct result of the broken nail?

( Muns, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:13, Reply)

No, a police shooting

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:15, Reply)

At least it only chipped a nail.
Bullets can be nasty.
( Muns, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:17, Reply)

No, it caused death, hence the funeral

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:21, Reply)

Straight Outta Covton

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:23, Reply)

Straight outta Elizabethtown, North Carolina - if you want to look it up

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:48, Reply)

I remember being around that age and thinking life would get easier as an adult.
sigh
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:14, Reply)

Really? My life was pretty damn easy at that age.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:18, Reply)

It wasn't that difficult in hindsight.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:32, Reply)

Chipped nails can happen at any time of life. :-(

( Muns, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:18, Reply)

It bothers me if I break or chip a nail.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:18, Reply)

Off to the Arsenal on Sunday with the GF and a tranny
Then next week hollibobs in Budapest.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:19, Reply)

Mrs Cow over-reacted last night and tore our builder a new arse when the cooker and fridge hadn't been fitted
He looks a broken man today

Alt:
Fucking excellent weekend plans! Cooker will be in today so I'm gonna cook me a fuckload of stuff 'cos I can. Football end of season without having to worry about Sunderland being relegated, the Monaco Grand Prix and Foo Fighters gig on Monday
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:19, Reply)

I don't have any weekend plans but I'm hoping to eat a beef burger and a kebab but not on the same day

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:23, Reply)

Kebab burger FTW

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:24, Reply)

he's having a quorn chilli
and a quinoa salad
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:25, Reply)

am i fuck
it's a holiday so that means breakfast cans
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:25, Reply)

#PRAY4MEAT

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:26, Reply)

it's good for him
and he likes it really. he gets up in the morning and says, "oh no, not a pub sunday roast today, I just want to eat more of that delicious quinoa."
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:27, Reply)

Of course he does

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:28, Reply)

i might make another cake this weekend

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:28, Reply)

or cookies?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:37, Reply)

maybe both! cor!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:40, Reply)

u r mental m8, that's crazy

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:25, Reply)

Its Bank Holiday
DO IT
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:26, Reply)

is it a real thing?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:27, Reply)

IT IS NOW

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:28, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:40, Reply)

Fucking disgusting.
Mayonnaise should only be put on chips if there's also grated cheese on them too.
( Muns, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:42, Reply)

Mayonnaise should never be put on anything - except a landfill. Nasty stuff
Mayonnaise on chips marks you out as being Belgian, nothing good could ever come of being mistaken for a Belgian.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:47, Reply)

It works on cheesy chips.
That's all though, unfortunately.
( Muns, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:48, Reply)

mayonnaise is gr8 on fries, i like to apply it like toothpaste to each individual chip using the little sachets they give you in chain burger emporiums

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:49, Reply)

Ketchup and mayo when I'm 'ere.
Although I've taken to just having everything with chilli sauce these days.

Had a battered sausage supper (and a king rib and onion rings) all dipped in it last night.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:51, Reply)

I'd like to eat a 'king rib'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:55, Reply)

Did you have the McRib?
It's like that, battered but with a more Chinese-style seasoning rather than barbecue.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:06, Reply)

no, but i googled it and it looked like a deep fried dalepak ribsteak so it must be good

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:12, Reply)

There's also it's relation, the 'mockchop'.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:17, Reply)

Im sure you would, you filthy deviant.
I love a prime rib
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:15, Reply)

You're dead to me

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:51, Reply)

you'll be dead before me you old cunt

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:56, Reply)

bit harsh

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:57, Reply)

Nobody cares

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:15, Reply)

^ FOODWRONG ALERT ^
mayonnaise, preferably chilli or blue cheese, is the best thing you can put on chips apart from salt and vinegar. chips are also nice when dipped into houmous.

everything else can fuck off. especially ketchup. nasty sweet cold shit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:58, Reply)

Taramasalata works with chips too #chipfacts

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:00, Reply)

Houmous and chips?
Fucking hell.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:02, Reply)

don't diss it til you've tried it
I got similar for dipping beef monster munch in pesto topped houmous, but then EVERYONE HAD TO AGREE WITH ME, mwa ha ha.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:05, Reply)

Half-agreeing with this
I can see mayonnaise, chili sauce and blue cheese sauce as excellent on chips, but combining flavours from that bunch sounds a bit unholy.
( .Yeti., Fri 22 May 2015, 11:07, Reply)

oh good god, not at the same time, man
what are you, some kind of animal?? either chilli mayo OR blue cheese mayo!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:09, Reply)

Yeah but even so innit.
I've never even had chili mayo. Was unaware that such a substance existed.
( .Yeti., Fri 22 May 2015, 11:12, Reply)

it's not haute cuisine
but it's a tasty little twat
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:26, Reply)

Back in the day we used to eat what we called 'the box of badness'. Donner meat and chips with ALL the sauces.
Ketchup, mayo, chilli, mint, lemon, garlic.

They somehow combined to make something that wasn't vile.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:12, Reply)

i wonder if the mystery was in the 10 beers you had consumed before the box of badness?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:27, Reply)

This was at dinnertime in sixth-form. We took it in turns to drive there daily.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:36, Reply)

blue cheese mayo?
ffs
(lol man river definite greek god, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:10, Reply)

I'm more partial to a bit of blue cheese ketchup myself.

( .Yeti., Fri 22 May 2015, 11:20, Reply)

it's probably great with vegetarian bacon and baked french fries

(lol man river definite greek god, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:21, Reply)

followed by the fat-free cheese course with nonalcoholic wine

( .Yeti., Fri 22 May 2015, 11:22, Reply)

WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!

(lol man river definite greek god, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:24, Reply)

a buuuuuumbag?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:26, Reply)

Do morrocan lamb burgers.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:33, Reply)

no ... but they bugger lambs

(lol man river definite greek god, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:22, Reply)

This weekend is BARBECUE WEEKEND.
So called because I'm going to a barbecue tomorrow night and then on Sunday I'm going to another barbecue.

Mmm...barbecue.
( .Yeti., Fri 22 May 2015, 10:24, Reply)

Saturday date afternoon and smoking weed, mainly.
Might go and see the Poltergeist reboot. Looks creepy.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:14, Reply)

the CGI effects will never be as good as the blancmange and melty wax effects of the original

(lol man river definite greek god, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:20, Reply)