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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Anyone still around?
I just had to stop myself from punching the woman sat next to me on the bus, because I'd spotted a yellow car.
What are your favourite motorway games, or do you prefer motorboating?
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:34, 204 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
I'm still here!
Well, back again.
My favourite motorway game is checking FB and discovering an elderly relative has cocked up a message to complain and put it on one of my friend's page instead...Oops! Heeheehee! And they've done it again today.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:37, Reply)
Hee hee :o)
Have you recovered from all the sun exposure?
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:41, Reply)
Just about
I spent most of yesterday asleep but I think the industrial strength Piriton tablets probably didn't help - I'm covered in mosquito bites from the weekend too.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:54, Reply)
Piriteze cream is good for bites
and plug-ins like Raid work pretty well I find. Yeah, I've got a few from then too.
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:59, Reply)
Yep, bought Piriteze cream yesterday afternoon!
I wonder if eating loads of garlic might put them off me....
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:04, Reply)
I have heard of that actually.
I also read somewhere recently that they prefer women's blood to men's.
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:10, Reply)
Lesbian Vampires!

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:11, Reply)
Or maybe it's just a fallacy
fallacy phallussy heeheehee :D
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:15, Reply)
You don't need to eat the garlic.
Get some of them there garlic pearls (Holland and Barrett I think) and take them. It's concentrated allio somethingorother.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:42, Reply)
I'm going to shoot him
The authorities will understand completely.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:03, Reply)
I love him
What he does is almost an art form it's so utterly daft!
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:14, Reply)
Its an art form
In the way that watching a train crash might be aesthetically pleasing.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:16, Reply)
I drive very infrequently
So when I'm on a motorway my favourite game is staying the fuck alive

If someone else is driving my favourite game is sleepin'. Last time it happened I was delighted to wake up and realised I'd only drooled on my own shoulder, and not on that of the lesbian next to me.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:42, Reply)
If you fell asleep in my car
I'd unclip your seatbelt, carefully open your door, and let you roll out onto the carriageway
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:43, Reply)
Oh Bert
seatbelt trousers
door flies
let you roll out onto the carriageway suck you dry
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:49, Reply)
That too
but when I was done I'd chuck you out of my Mondeo and call you a whore
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:51, Reply)
And I would god damn well deserve such treatment
One thing though

Mondeo Accord
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:52, Reply)
I don't like memes!
They're shit and they show a complete lack of originality.

Besides, a Mondeo's a much more wanker-ish car than an Accord
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:53, Reply)
I'll have to take your word for that
Last time I owned a car it was a Vauxhall Nova. When it was an acceptable car to own. Yeah, THAT long ago.

If you don't like memes then why are you constantly calling me a bumder? Eh? Eh?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:55, Reply)
I wasn't aware that it was a meme

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:56, Reply)
In the same way that Vipros is smug,
PsychoChomp is a rapist, etc

Although those are actually true
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:01, Reply)
I think "bumder" is one of Bert's favourite words
words concepts ;o)
I love him really
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:04, Reply)
It's not like he's alone in accusing me of bumdering
Actually, you might be alone in NOT accusing me... yet
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:14, Reply)
BUMDERIST!
;o)
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:16, Reply)
Yeah, I've seen a few people calling you gay
but I was only doing it because of your profile pictures
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:17, Reply)
And because he's HAWT :)

(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:20, Reply)
Woo!
That makes three of you!

Four if I count Bert!

Which I prefer not to!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:22, Reply)
He has got lovely hair
for a woman
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:23, Reply)
oooh
he gives and then he takes away
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:29, Reply)
Bert's real problem with my hair
is that it's in such fabulous condition that it's hard for him to pull back on when he's taking me from behind
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:35, Reply)
This
plus I have hair like a bog brush :C
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:49, Reply)
Oi! shut it monkey shit.
When I get my Mondeo back, I'll come round your gaff, ring the bell, and run away.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:36, Reply)
When I was a kid
we used to drive from Germany to Scotland (the middle part was a bit wet), and we all had to choose a colour and shout 'beaver!' when we saw a car that was that colour, as well as punching whoever was next to us.

I never understood the 'beaver' part
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:42, Reply)
You, of all people, should know about beavers ;)

(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:22, Reply)
Cunt!
Everytime you see a car with a light out, you shout Cunt! and punch the roof. Last one to do so has to take off an item of clothing.
Not advisable for car journeys with family.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:44, Reply)
If I'm squished in the backseat, like on festival journeys
I like to lean really hard on people when we turn corners, shouting "CORNER!".

I also like to play the memory game of "I went to the shop and I bought an apple, a banana, a CD, etc." Variations include "I went to the car dealership and bought an Aston Martin" and "I went to the bar and had a shot of Amaretto".

My annoying friends like to play I spy with things like "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with p" and the answer will be 'palpable tension'.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:46, Reply)
Sometimes when I got bored on really long car journeys
I would put my hands up and pretend I was on a rollercoaster.

It's not much fun on straight roads, but the M25 is fun, because you can just go whoaoaooaoaoaoaooooh all the way round
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:52, Reply)
I just got deja vu
have you posted this before anywhere?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:13, Reply)
I don't think I have
but I do have a terrible memory, and I'm sure there are lots of sad people out there who do it too
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:21, Reply)
I'm a bastard for playing the memory game with
Partly because I have an unnecessarily good memory, but mostly because I'll work out in advance what letters I'm going to get and come up with ridiculous answers. Like "a manuscript illustrating the pros and cons of the free market economy beyond the year 2012". For M.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:54, Reply)
You fuckwit
that begins with 'a'.

It's no wonder your friends all hate you
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:55, Reply)
Everyone knows you discount "a" for the purposes of the memory game
My friends' reasons for hating me are many and varied
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:56, Reply)
Then move your inverted commas, dipshit
i.e. a "manuscript illustrating the pros and..."
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:57, Reply)
Fucking hell, you pedant

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:03, Reply)
I love it when you boys have a bitch fight!

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:05, Reply)
They fancy the arses off eachother really.
And to think Bert held a torch for you for so long.........
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:08, Reply)
I know!
How sweet and ever so slightly creepy is that?!

I'm deeply touched.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:10, Reply)
I'm so moved
that I'm Bert's consolation prize
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:15, Reply)
Oh it's not just you, chickenlady
BGB, tourette's, CHCB, anyone that I consider being from the original OT group would get it right up them
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:16, Reply)
I was here from the beginning
I feel left out.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:18, Reply)
Right from the very start?
You must have been pretty quiet back then, you've got to have balls to appear on the monkeysex gaydar. Big, hairy, juddering balls
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:26, Reply)
If you check page 1 I think you'll find a post that was authored by my good self.
EDIT: I was quite quiet, I was frightened.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:28, Reply)
Aww.... there's no need to be frightened, Kitty
sure B3ta's full of arseholes like me, but it shouldn't get in the way of the rest of you
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:48, Reply)
/is flattered
*waves*
Here I am!
*displays*
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:18, Reply)
Oh and happylittletulip too
I'd have destroyed that cheery little tea and cake making fuckpot
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:28, Reply)
*clickies*

(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:30, Reply)
you alright?
you're talking about destroying a lot of females today
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:54, Reply)
I think I might have the horn
I've deliberately imposed a vow of celibacy on myself recently, and either the women around me are getting more attractive, or my standards are dropping by the second.

How you doin'?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:59, Reply)
oh, quite well, I've been back on the celibacy bit for 3 weeks friday
but I think I'm going to go shopping for some snazzy clothes and go slag it up a bit this weekend.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:05, Reply)
niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice
I hope you find the whole experience very fulfilling
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:06, Reply)
it won't happen
I'll end up drunk and asleep by 10
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:08, Reply)
Ahhh..... How old are you Kristine?
If you don't mind me asking
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:12, Reply)
oooooooold
27
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:14, Reply)
Haha!
For some reason I thought that you were older than me (28), I'm jsut starting to get to the age where I want long naps and cocoa before bed
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:18, Reply)
You can both get to fuck with the age thing

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:19, Reply)
In your profile photos
you look don't look younger than either of us, just a lot wankier
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:22, Reply)
what? how old are you?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:23, Reply)
I'm 31
But I love you both for thinking otherwise
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:29, Reply)
It's the wanky hairdo
and eye make-up that does it. People who dress up like that are usually teenagers.

Or painfully dull.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:30, Reply)
I am neither
As I'm sure you're aware. You don't strike me as the sort of person who indulges dullards for as long as you've indulged me

Who do you reckon will be first to strikethrough?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:34, Reply)
Nah, I'm done with strikethroughs for the day
and I'm talking to you because you're one of only two or three other people who are here.

Secretly I'm hoping that someone better will come along
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:35, Reply)
You've been talking to me all day
When plenty of alternatives were available. Admit it, Bert. You like me.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:45, Reply)
I'm indifferent to everyone here
any affection or bile is purely for comedy effect
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:48, Reply)
you're pulling my plonker

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:34, Reply)
Am not
The bottom photo on my profile, of me and my best friend Nicola, is the oldest one. It was taken at my 30th birthday party.

So many points for "pulling my plonker", btw
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:36, Reply)
hmm.....I thought you were a fresh 24.
now I see you're a stale 31.
sad times.
you've still got sexy hair, mind.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:38, Reply)
24?!!
Bloody hell, that's even better than you fancying me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:45, Reply)
me fancying anybody is nothing special
I fancy everyone
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:48, Reply)
10 minutes ago I would've been crushed by that statement
but now I'm basking in the glow of TWENTY-FUCKING-FOUR
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:52, Reply)
I'm called 19 all of the time

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:57, Reply)
Everybody says I look and act older
but that's mostly because I have an older brother who's short and immature
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:06, Reply)
now that the new roommates have moved in we've been up pretty late at the weekend
last friday I was up until 6am, a full 24 hours before going to bed
that is ridiculous
I like to be in bed around 9:30 during the week though, which is a sign of old age I reckon
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:23, Reply)
Definitely, you sad old bastard
I still think of midnight as early, but have only stayed up after 2am about once in the last year.

Cor, I remember the days when I'd stay up all weekend, and then walk home on a sunday morning with a pounding head and a Ginster's sausage roll for brunch
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:24, Reply)
I need my sleep!
It's so difficult for me to get out of bed in the mornings, I like to be in bed that early so at least I know I'm getting a full nights sleep.
Lately I've been drinking a lot so I've been in bed closer to midnight.
It's only cause I have to get up to take out the damned dog.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:36, Reply)
Ahh, what kind of dog have you got?

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:40, Reply)
pitbull/labrador mix

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:44, Reply)
Scary little bastard with a fluffy side then, eh?
...and what do you call the little canine sod?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:47, Reply)
she's fucking crazy but I love her
she's called Echo
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:49, Reply)
and how old is Echo?
Pfffft, I just had visions of you out calling your dog, while everyone around stares at you like a mental for standing in the middle of the street going, 'Echo...!'

'Eeeeecho....!'

'Eeeeeccchhhhooo....!'

'Eccccccho?!'
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:52, Reply)
almost 5 months
calling "echo!" isn't as bad as standing outside at night, like my neighbor, calling his dog "BATMAN!!"
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:56, Reply)
Pfffft
Americans are so retarded!

I'm only showing so much interest in your dog because I had a Jack Russell myself, and he was nuttier than squirrel shit. Dogs are awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:59, Reply)
er....they get on my nerves
this is my first dog, likely to be my last
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:16, Reply)
Haha ;o)
Yeah, my son does that too - he'll come out with stuff like "atmosphere", oxygen and such shit. I won't play I spy with him anymore.
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:54, Reply)
Yellow cars
minis (proper ones) and occasionally Eddie Stobart lorries. I'm bloody good at yellow car, but I've had to be a lot less vigilant since it nearly caused me to crash on the M6 - the thing you're meant to be paying attention to at 70mph is the road and the other knobheads on it, not the potentially yellow vehicle half a mile away going in the opposite direction.
(berk, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:01, Reply)
Yes, proper minis FTW
On Sunday's drive back from Blousie's I totally whooped DG's ass at Yellow Car, so I let him win the Stobbart game (he thinks he won fair and square). Had I realised you had to leave so early I wouldn't have ponced around in the shower so long, and instead made more effort to have a chat :o/
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:07, Reply)
Ney mind eh?
It was pretty lame of me but I'd rather have gone for just a couple of hours than not gone at all. I'll be at your hubby's bash in October so I'm sure we'll get to chat then :)
(berk, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:11, Reply)
Woohoo!

(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:21, Reply)
When I see a Robert Wiseman Dairy lorry I have to shout
"Moo Cow Lorry!! MOOOO!"

I don't know why and it shames me every time.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:08, Reply)
Ace
I will probably have to stop myself doing that from now on. Occasionally I see Shell oil tankers with 'EMO oil' written on the back and that makes me giggle for a good few minutes - has anyone else ever seen one?
(berk, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:09, Reply)
yes! I saw one in Manchester a couple of weeks ago
I told RapeyChomp about it and he ignored me.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:13, Reply)
like you're doing now
I'm crying emo oil tears.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:27, Reply)
Sorry!
I'm still at work - I had to go and do a thing so I can finally bloody go home.
I wonder what makes the oil emo...

EDIT - it's a distributor, not a type of oil. I feel vaguely disappointed by this...
(berk, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:34, Reply)
I quite like motorboating. Getting motorboated is rather interesting.
I haven't played any in a long time, I reckon it's padiddle.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:12, Reply)
Wiggy tries to motorboat me
by squishing my boobs into a cleavage and then smushing his face against them. It doesn't work and it's quite uncomfortable.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:14, Reply)
goodness, tell him to be gentle!

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:19, Reply)
He forgets.
He likes to squeeze them and go "haw-honk" but he won't let me do the same to his balls.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:21, Reply)
You know how boobs make deeper honking noises the bigger they are?
What happens with fake ones? Do they make a noise appropriate for their size or do they retain the original noise that nature intended?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:24, Reply)
They probably make a noise like squishing a water balloon

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:27, Reply)
I want to know now
Surely there must be a B3tan with fake boobs? Or one who could be persuaded to get them?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:28, Reply)
I know someone with fake tits.
She got the kind that can be made bigger with an injection.
I've never touched them though :(
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:42, Reply)
The girl who sits next to me at work has falsies
It was our last day working together today and she wouldn't let me have a feel. Something to do with it being horribly inappropriate, and her being pregnant. Selfish cow.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:46, Reply)
hahahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:49, Reply)
Hang on - they can be made bigger with an INJECTION?!
So you people CAN change the size of your norks!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:47, Reply)
I'm fairly certain that's only if you already have fake ones.
If you want you can try on yourself and let us know how it goes!
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:50, Reply)
Um, you're alright ta
You probably wouldn't fancy me any more if I had breasts

Your friend's boyfriend must have a hell of a time. "What's this?! You've bought me sexy underwear in a 34DD?!! I'M A 34F (today) YOU IDIOT!!!"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:52, Reply)
heyheyhey! lets not get out of line here!!
I never said she was my friend!
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:53, Reply)
Well now you have to make her your friend
and GROPE HER
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:03, Reply)
Am I going to have to do a report on this or something?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:05, Reply)
Yes
I want to know;

- What sound they make
- Whether this sound is representative of their size, were the tits natural (squeeze your own for comparison)
- How much you enjoyed it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:14, Reply)
That's not fair at all.
Next time you meet my chimp (Burt Chimpcaster) you'll have to ask him. Motorboating is one of his specialities and he's very tender.
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:25, Reply)
He does look like he has downy soft fur
so I would allow the motorboating. Although with me it's not so much motorboat as those pedalos in the shape of swans at rubbish theme parks.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:26, Reply)
Haha ;o)
Lovely imagery! He has soft gentle hands too....
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:31, Reply)
God, what a prude, I'd totally dump him and go out with me instead.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:39, Reply)
Now that's 100% genuine, bonafide, run of the mill creepy
At least when I say stuff like that I'm kidding
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:43, Reply)
QUICKLY ! ADD A SWARE WORD TO ANOTHER WORD TO MAKE A NEW ONE ! FUCKSOCKS ! CUNTUMBRELLA !

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:47, Reply)
Gonzo-enteritis

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:49, Reply)
So, tell me, how many people have you added to your facebook on the basis of them being 'fit' ?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:08, Reply)
Zilch, Gonz
I only add people I genuinely know.

Now, how many fat birds have you added in the hope that at least one of them will take pity on you and have a bash at your gonads?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:12, Reply)
Yeah', same here, *wink*.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:15, Reply)
I've seen your profile
so I know that you're talking bollocks.

The trouble is that arguing with you is like kicking a cross-eyed Andrex puppy with wheels for back legs, sure it's fun for a while, but I'm not proud of it.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:17, Reply)

Yup.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:21, Reply)
Fucking hell, I've never made myself sound so retarded before.
I thought you were out of order before, and to be honest, loads of other people do too. You bring stuff up on here that shouldn't be here.

But in starting this thing with you, I've only managed to make myself look quite retarded.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:24, Reply)
Exactly
and that link was posted on /talk yesterday
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:26, Reply)
Christ all mighty, I think you could genuinley be autistic in some way or another.
Stop biting at my ankles and stop bringing up stuff on here that shouldn't be here, and we can all live happily ever after.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:35, Reply)
You're going to have to explain
what I've brought up that's upset you so much, by gaz if you prefer.

...and I wasn't biting at your ankles, I was only saying that I'd seen that link before. There's really no need to get so worked up by every post that I make, as you said, it's making you look retarded.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:38, Reply)
I'm pleased you've seen that link before, it's also been linked on google and a few other sites.
I'm really not worked up by you, I don't give you a second thought when I'm not here. It's like you don't understand people's intentions, like when I said it makes me look retarded, that was my way of saying 'lets end it', and I meant "we're looking...", but didn't to put you down at all, ovbously you don't like that.

You do seem, at least to me, to bite my ankles.

I've seen you do it a few times, where you've bought up people's personal issues into the public when it's none of your buisness (even if they have mentioned it on here themselves).
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:11, Reply)
I don't care enough to argue Gonz
your posts are so poorly written that it's difficult to understand what you mean.
You're not doing a very good job of trying to prove that you're not getting worked up.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:26, Reply)
Excuse me for a bit,
I'm just nipping into my kitchen to put the dinner on (then laugh all the way to the burns unit!)
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:28, Reply)
creepy

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:56, Reply)
Did you mean to reply to tourette's here?
It doesn't seem like she's saying anything creepy to me
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:07, Reply)
laugh all the way to the burns unit just seems creepy to me
like some sort of mental patient
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:09, Reply)
That's not very nice, don't be mean to Tourette's
she's just means because she's a terrible cook
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:10, Reply)
I'm not trying to be mean.
She didn't mean to creep me out.
I hope she doesn't hurt herself while trying to cook.
That's terrible.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:16, Reply)
It's from the Viz Letterbox page, years ago
It went something like this:
"I'm just putting the dinner on," quipped my wife, as she poured a pan of stew over herself. How we laughed on the way to the burns unit.
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:17, Reply)
Nearly an hour between the telling of the joke and the explaining thereof
That must be a new record
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:20, Reply)
Well, I have been in the kitchen...
Making spag bol, neither of which is sharp so I should be ok ;o)
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:25, Reply)
I think it's more the fact that in your absence
no-one could work it out

Obviously I knew...honest
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:33, Reply)
Seriously?
Neither of you knew what she was getting at?

Thank Christ I'm here, you have a lot to learn
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:34, Reply)
Bollocks
You, sir, are a charlatan and a blaggard
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:37, Reply)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:37, Reply)
Why the hell would I know what she's talking about?
I live here. You all live there.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:37, Reply)
'I am cooking'
'I will be going to the burns ward in a minute'

That was the joke, how could you not get that?!
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:38, Reply)
Technically you still haven't got it
The joke is not that Tourette's is such a bad cook as to expect to be hospitalised in the course of her culinary efforts, but that she is PUTTING THE DINNER ON - herself
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:44, Reply)
Potayto/Pottato

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:46, Reply)
^THIS
What Foxy said.
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:57, Reply)
Oi, shut up
I know that I'm thick and everything, but my interpretation of what you said is just as valid as yours, and at least I HALF got it
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:02, Reply)
Yes sweetie,
so you did. Now the knife's cooled/solidified sufficiently, I am able to chop the garlic without resulting in Simon Weston fingers.
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:09, Reply)
Simon Weston Fingers
sound like a delicious fast food snack
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:10, Reply)
Aye, makes Cap'n Japseye look like a poof!

(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:14, Reply)
I thought you meant as far as the Viz goes
ALRIGHT GAWD
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:47, Reply)
Teeheehee

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:50, Reply)
D'oh!
I musta done jinxed myself. Left a knife too close to the stove, thereby melting the handle, resulting in scorched fingers as I just chopped an onion. What a colossal clungetard :o/
And it was DG's favourite Gary Twunting Rhodes knife...
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:56, Reply)
Oopsie daisy
but on the plus side 'clungetard' is my new favourite word
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:57, Reply)
I was about to say exactly that
You're awesome, Tourettes, so you are
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:59, Reply)
fucking
COCK-BLOCKER
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:00, Reply)
Why, thank you kind sir!
*blushes and scuffs feet awkwardly*
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:01, Reply)
I haz the copyright,
but you can use it any time bro ;o)
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:00, Reply)
it's bert's fault

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:14, Reply)
I like it when you stick your hand out horizontally and it's like your hand is flying, and you can make it go up'n'down by turning it slightly.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:40, Reply)
THE TUNNEL IS UNDER WATER OR POISONED, YOU HAVE TO HOLD YOUR BREATH !

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:45, Reply)
HOW LONG CAN YOU HAVE A SWEETIE IN YOUR MOUTH WITHOUT CHEWING ?!??!?!?!

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 18:49, Reply)
what sweety is it?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:15, Reply)
Something chewy, because they're harder not to chew.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:21, Reply)
Holding my breath over bridges
(but not Waterloo, I don't want to die)
Closing my eyes in tunnels.
I avoid cars for the most part though :D
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:52, Reply)
Have you tried the Humber bridge?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:55, Reply)
If I wanted to die that much I'd jump off it
5/200 survival rate.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:57, Reply)
I'd stick a fiver on you at those odds.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:02, Reply)
To survive, or die?
For buildings it's 10 stories or more for certain death :D
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:13, Reply)
Reminds me of a joke from long ago.
Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?
No it's Raaaaaaaaaayyyyy Khaaaaaaaaaan.

(He did the deed from thirteen floors up in the block we were soon to move into)

The bet would be survive, I'm not a ghoul.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:20, Reply)
always smoke a cigarette in the tunnel

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:56, Reply)
Oooh I'd not heard of that one
I like that one. I bought bitchsticks in France, they're awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:58, Reply)
this comes from travelling to the beach with my parents for years and not being able to do anything I want
so when I was able to drive down alone I always smoke in the tunnel
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:01, Reply)
We haven't got many tunnels long enough for a whole fag over here.
Unless you get stuck in a jam.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:00, Reply)
closest is about 3 hours from here, close to the beach, you drive under the atlantic for a few minutes
not long enough to smoke a whole cigarette I think, but it's a bit long
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:12, Reply)
I measure walks in cigarettes.
My bus stop was just over a marlboro away.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:14, Reply)
I find that I don't enjoy smoking and walking.
At the same time I mean.
I like walking, but not smoking while walking.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:21, Reply)
I love it.
I do like sitting on a wall smoking too. I don't like smoking indoors though, find the smoke gets into my eyes more :/
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:22, Reply)
I love smoking and driving.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:27, Reply)
I can't drive :(

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:32, Reply)
That sounds like Logans Run or something.
Oh, I'm just going for a cruise under the Atlantic. Won't be long.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:16, Reply)
Evening all - Shit Spoonerism alert!
I like motorboating, but I prefer that scene in Titaninc when Leo shouts, 'I'm the king of the world'

Boat emoting! Yay!

/coat
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 19:58, Reply)
Somebody should reply to BK, here
I like your spoonerism, BK. It made me smile
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:02, Reply)
Yay, validation!
On the internet no less.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:04, Reply)
You're very inclusive tonight Bert.
I think there's a spazz at the back who hasn't had a turn.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:05, Reply)
I've had mine so I'm happy

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:07, Reply)
Sorry Boss, it was such a classy spoonerism
that just replying cucking funt seemed inadequate.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:13, Reply)
:-)
I rathered liked it I have to admit.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:22, Reply)
I'm in a funny mood
strange things are happening, and this is probably the first time I've been able to come on here properly during the day, let alone the evening.

What can I do for you, Bartleby?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:07, Reply)
Creepy.
It must the weather or something. Don't burn yourself out again, you are needed here.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:11, Reply)
It's weird, I was enjoying being such a cunt last week
I think I'm just low on energy, I think I'll go and get some dinner
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:13, Reply)
Wise chimp.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:14, Reply)
"I'm thinking of something..."
followed by everyone asking yes/no questions. The thing can be anything, we've had The Moon, My Sandwich, Electricity and Stu

Also, screaming when you go through tunnels
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 20:04, Reply)
when driving through a tunnel
I have a tendancy to go "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" continuously from one end to the other. Becomes tricky with long tunnels. Good if there's a few of you.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 21:49, Reply)
better if the person in the car with you
doesn't know you do it until you get to a tunnel
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 22:43, Reply)

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