Ok, this has gone far enough
Chompy has had a hard time of it from you lot and he has a lot to give.

He has instructed me to let you know that he is willing to take any young lady from b3ta to Pizza Express in Milton Keynes any Wednesday of their choosing.

If I were a young lady on QoTW I would definitely take him up on this offer, I've met him and can state that he doesn't look even the slightest bit like he might lurk in a bush.
( WormuIus, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:02, 81 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is this a very roundabout way of asking me out on a date?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Mate, no offence
but even if I was gay I could do a lot better than a bloke off the internet with a body like a beehive made out of Cornish Pasties.
( WormuIus, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:05, Reply)

Who plays WoW

( WormuIus, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:06, Reply)

In his parent's basement

( WormuIus, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:06, Reply)

Pausing only to wank, feed and moan on the internet.

( WormuIus, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:06, Reply)

I take my laptop to the toilet so I can carry on raiding.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:15, Reply)

I think if I was a homosexual, and you and chompy was one too, and I had to pick between the two, I'd pick Chompy.
You know, if the three of us were in a pub, and a gunman comes in with a nuclear bomb and says "You have to suck one of these two's willys, and you have to choose, or I will blow the bomb up and everyone you know and love would die", I'd say "Errr, gays, that's disgusting, I don't want to choose, but if I have to choose, I'll pick chompy".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:20, Reply)

That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:21, Reply)

I think it's only 'cus my gran would be horrifide if I ended up with an artist, rather than a nice NHS boy.
"Oy vay, first my little bubulla is a fagula, and now he's gone off with an artist ! Why doesn't he just finish me off by going with a schvatzer?"
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

that's going into his profile
and wank bank no doubt.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I believe you've amused me in the past
so I am perfectly prepared to pretend to be a young lady for your benefit. However Milton Keynes is very far away and I'm not allowed to travel that far on my own, so you'll have to come to Scotland.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:06, Reply)

I have been instructed to reject this offer.

( WormuIus, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:07, Reply)

The anal sex part is negotiable.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:09, Reply)

As an expert in these matters
I have to point out that an invitation to Pizza Hut is not even going to get the laydees of b3ta even remotely interested, let alone fizing at the clopper with the urge to go on a date with Chompy.

Invite them to the opera, or gaz them a picture - works a charm.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:13, Reply)

With SkillZ as mad as yours I bet you could get a visa anywhere in the world

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:14, Reply)

Not only that
I could also fly myself there.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:16, Reply)

I have also fallen over many dogs in my time.

(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:18, Reply)

hi Craig

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Good afternoon, my dear.
How have you been? Any operas you fancy going to?
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:20, Reply)

I fancy a bit of la Boheme ;)

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:20, Reply)

la Boheme a quick scuttle behind the bins after the karaoke and a kebab.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I have never had kebab
I'm a bhaji girl.
In a bhaji world...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:24, Reply)

life in batter
makes you fatter
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:27, Reply)

This deserves a click
for being unexpectedly witty.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:33, Reply)

oh man these bhajis aren't in batter
They're flat veg patties and they BURN.
I've not bought any for a whole year :(
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:38, Reply)

he said Pizza Express
far classier than Pizza Hut
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:15, Reply)

but not as posh as prezzo

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:16, Reply)

fuck off
Pizza Express is far superior to shitty Prezzo
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:16, Reply)

I would totally take rosalicious out to a Prezzo
and I'd let her order anything off the menu.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:18, Reply)

oh al you dont 'arf spoil me

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Let's not get any wine though eh?
I've got some back at mine.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:21, Reply)

back chilling at yours along with your missus?
oh you
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Maybe she's out for the evening

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

the lucky cunt
so am i later. imma go shower BYE NOW MISSING YOU ALREADY BYE BYE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:32, Reply)

I can recommend the mussels starter
it's the best thing on their menu
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Steady on Vipros, i'm not made of fucking money here you know

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:21, Reply)

no, you are made of stingy twat

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:24, Reply)

officelol

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:40, Reply)

In ireland Pizza Express isn't called Pizza Express
It's called Milano. That makes it seem much posher when you go and order chicken and chips.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:18, Reply)

my mates old man always orders a fucking omelette from the chinese
i dont get it
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:19, Reply)

It's like people ordering fish and chips from the indian.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:21, Reply)

fucking madness
cunt'll get beef and mushrooms an all. fuck me even i can rustle up that shit indoors and im utter wank at cooking
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:22, Reply)

It's hard to ruin an omelette really
since all it is is mushed up eggs in a pan until cooked.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:23, Reply)

you'd think that, yer

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

I used to get omelettes in the chinese
I don't know why either.

Hiya.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:21, Reply)

my ex was rather partial to that fu yung bollocks
it made me fucking gag if i saw it mixing with the sweet and sour sauce on his plate
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:24, Reply)

have you seen those chicken balls?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:25, Reply)

SHUT UP

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:25, Reply)

GAY.

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:27, Reply)

big puffs of fucking batter and air with no chicken in? yer
fuck that
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:26, Reply)

How long have they been going?
I saw some last year and was freaked out.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

fuck knows
theyre like little rounds of grim innit. i fail to see where chicken is involved in the whole process but then i dont know much about shit fried in batter really

i dont like it.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I saw a dog spill its seed all over an outside cafe floor on holiday.
The thought of it is still burning my brain even now.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:33, Reply)

This has nothing to do with chicken balls but I just remembered it and thought I'd share.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

ARGH
Thanks Guv
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

It was horrible .
The randy little fucker was all over this lady dog and obviously couldn't keep it in at the point of no return. The site of a small dog spraying jizz all over the place under a table has scarred me for life.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Then he and his doggy friend
proceeded to lick the still glistening jizz from the ground. And her.


Yeeeeeuuuuch.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:56, Reply)

NO

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Yep.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 27 Aug 2010, 17:13, Reply)

Where's Jeff?
'popped to the loo' I'll be bound.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I'm with you on that one.
I only tried that Fo Young stuff once, but it was a complete and utter waste of time, might as well not bother to begin with.

They do a japanese omelette thing, but it's a filling for sushi, that's quite nice, it's sweet and cheap, but I wouldn't order it as a dish, just as a filler maybe.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:31, Reply)

chinese fud is full of fillers
id just rather mine werent a slab of fucking fried egg. grim times
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:33, Reply)

oh man i totally like the kung pao chicken with the bamboo and shit ton of veg and a bit of chicken
shit son and some summer rolls from the thai place
where dem thai girls be at yeah?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Nowt wrong with an omlette, just depends on the context.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:51, Reply)

My aunt's Japanese
whenever we see her she sends us away with large mixed bags of sushi and other little bits that she's made including these rice things wrapped in a kind of ever-so-slightly sweet omelette, fucking delicious.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Your aunt's Japanese what?

( girlinthehole, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 19:18, Reply)

So he did.
I stand corrected on the matter but my original advice still stands.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:16, Reply)

How about if they want to go on any day other than a Wednesday?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:19, Reply)

buy one get one free on wednesday
I aint made of money.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:20, Reply)

If you exchange your clubcard vouchers
they are worth four times as much in a Pizza Express.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Two for one, finger and thumb, up yer bum.
Yes, but if she would let you shave her clam if you took her on a Thursday?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:24, Reply)

the terms of this offer are not clearly worded
principally, please define "a lot to give".

a lot of what?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:27, Reply)

a "lot" *winks* *nudges*

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:27, Reply)

You know what a "lot" is rache, you've had a "lot" in your time

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:27, Reply)

"A lot of bed-shitting abilities"

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

been there, done that
got it all over my t-shirt.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

STI's

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

yeah right
you have to have sex to catch an STI in the first place. unless you mean the warts you caught from your own sweaty palms?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

yeh, he's probably got special binoculars with lenses like his glasses so he can see fucking perfect from the car park two blocks over
cheeky cunt
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Isn't Wednesday 'kids eat free' night?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Make it Shiraz
and I'm there - oh hang on, I'm not young - ah well..........
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 17:17, Reply)