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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Medical Thread
Chronic heartburn / acid reflux. Any idea what it might be a symptom of? (Apart the obvious, that I should stop drinking.)

I'm in a fair amount of discomfort this afternoon and starting to worry that I'm developing an addiction to Rennies...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:40, 226 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Aids

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)
*sighs*
I shouldn't be surprised, what with all that bumderising.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)
It's what the limp wrists inevitably lead to.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)
that and swallowing all that "gentleman's relish"

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)
He likes it on his poppadums

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:48, Reply)

* wishes Google Chrome allowed me to do proper strikethroughs *
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)
When he manages to lift them to his mouth.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)
A lot of the time he spills them on his lap

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
Then cleans himself up with his tongue

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)
or gets his mum to clean him up

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)
She's a dap hand with a damp cloth

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)
she's had lots of practice

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)
LEAVE HIM ALONE!!1!!11
HE'S JUST FOUND OUT HE'S GOT CANCER.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)
SERVES HIM RIGHT
GOD IS PUNISHING HIM FOR HIS PEDICATION
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)
BUT I ONLY EVER BUMMED THE UNBELIEVERS!
IT'S NOT FAIR!
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)

MTFU

and try Andrews Antacid. If it still exists.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)
You are Shaun Ryder.
AICMFP
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)
That's funny
Semen isn't normally corrosive...
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)
Seriously though, I get chronic heartburn n all
It is usually after a hefty night out though. Glass of milk usually helps
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)
Where's Medical_Male when we have a genuine medical question?!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)
Fucking up the hands of
our brave not brave enough to do the army full-time, men and women.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)
Oh that's horrible to the TA but pretty funny
(I hang around with a Navy boy. He's scathing of the Army but just constantly insults the Air Force. It's amusing)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)
Hello Sailor!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)
Never give your number to a sailor.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)
Why?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)
I don't know if its still done,
But apparently, back when my Dad was in the navy, if they weren't that keen on you, they'd go back to the ship and pin it on the noticeboard. Along with whatever else you gave them: addresses, photos etc.
So the sailor you arranged a date with wasn't necessarily the on ethat turned up on your doorstep.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)
Cads.
To a man (and woman).
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)
my dad's a sailor.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)
So's mine.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)
erm, good.
Merchant navy?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)
"To the water, it is the hour!"
Traditional French Sailors' Greeting
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)
Oooo, stop messin' aroun' ...

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)
My father taught me to say that in Russian
I'M ALARMED
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
I'M ALARMED
Is Russian for 'Hello Sailor'?

You live and learn - I never knew that.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)
It's "strasvitchit [whatever] moriat"
Or you say soemthing to that effect in a thick affected Russian accent. Pretty Russian laughed at me when I tried to tell him I loved him, so I just said it in Hebrew.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)
My language skills are rubbish.
I can get by in English, but everything else is foreign to me.

Do you have to say 'Hello Sailor' (in Russian) in a camp way?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)
It's more a husky, bear way I'd imagine

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)
My favourite phrase to say in Greek is
No, I don't have a boyfriend.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)
Rubbish
it's "yes, do it that way, I don't want to get pregnant"
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)
Hahaha
Never shag a greek lad! They'll think you're theirs for life if you do that. Schoolgirl error.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)
INNIT!!!
Although I only learnt this last year.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)
Are you Mrs Rootadopolous?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)
I don't even know the word for "no" in ancient greek :(

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)
they wouldn't take it for an answer anyway

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)
rapelolz

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

"ναι, ναι! ὠ, ναι ναι ναι!"
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)
There is a guy at work who claims to be a medical doctor, donno why he is cabbing 7 days a week.
=/

I ain't spoken to him about it, I hope it's just a nick name. Apparently when he pucks up from rich houses he asks to borrow money.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)
Hiatus Hernia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hiatus_hernia
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)
Hi to you too.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
Silly

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)
Marc Almond Syndrome

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)
'Just take a pint of this every day...'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
yeah, drinking will definitely hit ya hard with it
I find tomatoey stuff gives it to me too.
And sometimes orange juice.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)
My sister gets it with garlic
How can you not live wihtout garlic?!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)
Easily
Look I'm doing it right now
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)
But it's so delicious :(

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
It's too fucking fiddly to peel
I love it, but it's such an arse to prepare
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)
Buy peeled cloves in olive oil, then.
Or stop being a fat, lazy cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)
Smack it with the flat of the knife
cut the ends off, peel, cut in half lengthways, take out the green bit

GARLIC!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)
green bit?
what sort of fucked up garlic have you been getting?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)
Old garlic.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)
It's fresh garlic at certain times of the year as well.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)
Garlic that she bought 3 months ago =(

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)
stop copying me.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)
MEN eat the garlic whole, none of this namby pamby peeling or slicing shit
Just stick the bulb in yer gob and start chewing
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)
The centre shoot
it's sometimes green.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)
WTF? You just squish it, take off the paper bits and grate/slice/dice it.
Takes less than a minute.

Oh Al, I thought you were a chefologyst.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)
I have to say
garlic has become less easy to peel over the years.

It doesn't help that all my homegrown garlic is normal bulb-sized, filled with tiny fucking cloves.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)
My homegrown garlic
was a massive failure. My courgettes on the other hand, are fucking superb
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)
I've been overwhelmed with courgettes and cherry tomatoes
garlic failed miserably last year. This year we ended up with enough to plait a rope easily big enough to garrotte a frenchman.

If you have a courgette grow to marrow-like proportions I can recommend halving it lengthways, scooping out the innards and filling it with veg, couscous and chorizo and baking it. Worked a treat.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:05, Reply)
Did that, but used Halluomi instead of chorizo

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)
oh man
I love halloumi, almost as much as I love chorizo.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)
dusted with flour and fried it's at its best - or barbecued.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)
Dusted with flour and fried?!
There's some in the fridge. On that shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)
I find it better on bread - but each to their own.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)
had some halloumi with chilli in the other day
barbecued. on the beach. it was fucking boss.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)
With chilli in? Barbecued?
*wanks*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 17:04, Reply)

homegrown garlic
was life is
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)
I only use that smoked garlic these days, massive bulbs make it easy to do.
I like it when it's so fresh that it makes your hands sticky.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)
Smoked garlic is fucking brilliant.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)
Slice off the root end
then pinch the other end and pull and most of the skin will come off.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)
I'm going to join in here and call you a garlic spazz

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)
Oh K Swizz
I thought you of all people would have my back here. :(

I'm not shaking my hips like yeah at all.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)
it's so effing easy to peel garlic
all that hip shaking probably took away a bit of your manhood
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)
are you though?
can you really call that living?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)
FUCK my secret's out
I'm an alliophile :(
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)
THAT'S LIVIN' ALRIGHT.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)
You're ablaze today Mont

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)
Why thank you!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 17:05, Reply)
Being Really Fat

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)
*stares down at beer gut*
*sheds a tear*
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)
Don't take Rennies
they end up making the problem worse. Take something with ranitidine in it such as Gavilast or Zantac, or Any own brand indigestion tablet which has the word ranitidine on the packet.

Also, try and work out what you're eating that's giving you indigestion. I can't eat banananananananananas any more without needing antacids.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)
So you say no to the Rennies?
So it's goodbye from me and it's goodbye from him.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:48, Reply)
Helicobacter pylori

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)
Helicopter Pylon

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)
hello doctor tyrone

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)
hello

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:48, Reply)
*waves*

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
Do you have that, or is it the other thing, or do you not know,
or are you not going to tell a mad person on the internet, or the internet as a whole, and what even is it, and you don't have to tell me as I'll look it up on Wikipedia, and should I just shut up?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)
Eh?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:48, Reply)
I make no sense :(
Did you say you were busy on Friday?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
Yer I am :(

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)
GOD DAMN YOU YOU CAN'T EVEN CHRISTEN MY BATH

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)
You'll have to wait til I come down to London again.
That is, if you can possibly survive with a vom free bath.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)
I've vomited into my own bath now
I thought you wanted to have sex in my bath instead of vomiting into it?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)
Sex bath vomit party?
Do you live in Japan?*

*I know you don't.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)
No, I vommed in her bath
as recompense I said she could vom in mine, and I seem to remember her saying she'd prefer to have sex in it instead.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:05, Reply)
You're weird
So are you Applebite.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)
I thought they were filled with sand?
/very untopical joke.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)
Oh I only just got that
that's horrible
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)
It's excellent, shut it.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)
I didn't say it wasn't funny

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)
Yes you did down there V V

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)
...that I thought was ace.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)
I don't get it.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)
So yeah, totally not funny
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/6498019.stm
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)
TOTALLY WAS

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)
It's not funny
but it made me laugh
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)
Oh yeah,
If you can survive with a cum-free bath.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:05, Reply)
you haven't replied to my pole question
you don't want me there do you ?! *sobs*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)
In fairness, look at yourself
why would she want you there?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)
I'm an inspiration.
Like Rocky Dennis.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)
Oh shit!
Sorry, i went to my driving lesson and forgot. I'll get right on it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)
The other class isn't even cancelled
you're just blacklisted.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)
Her mask fell off
and they all found out what she looked like
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)
It comes shortly after this
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post841270
Which I think is a banning offence for most public places.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)
What move is that, kitty?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)
it's a bit complicated to explain
stand with your back to the pole in shoulder mount position. As you lift your legs up, cross your right leg over your left and hook the back of right knee around the left side of the pole, hook your left ankle on to the right side of the pole. You're then effectively in brass monkey pose.

See, SIMPLES!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)
How empowering.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)
you're just jealous because I can benchpress you.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)
Get over it,
never going to happen.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)
You're right,
even I can't benchpress that much.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)
Is this part of the new genre of insults you're trying out on me today?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)
No, I'm still trying to be nice to you
but you do like to test my limits.

Have I called you fat a lot today? I didn't mean to, I can only work with what you give me.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)
and he's got plenty to give

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)
Erm,
Yeah, obviously. Simple...
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)
I can't do it
You have to be able to do shoulder mount to the point where you can get up there and fanny around with your legs whilst holding yourself up with your stomach muscles, but my arse weighs me down.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)
when you've all quite finished!
HMPH
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)
I don't have it
I've decided my mum has it now
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)
^This
Bane of my life.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)
Why haven't they given you antibiotics?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)
It's probably lupus

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)
*limps off*

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)
Should we get some silver bullets?

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)
can't hurt

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)
Unless I hurt someone with them
which I most certainly will...
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)
they almost certainly deserve it

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)
You drink too much.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)
You have too much cock
but we don't criticise you for it.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)
I don't have any cock.
That's why I have to go after it all the time.

And yes you do.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:48, Reply)
This is true
cock guzzler
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)
I got a hyatus hurnia which gives me that, omniprizol fixes it.
For OTT, try that rennies chewy ones.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)
Omniprizol should indeed work
but needs to be prescribed
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)
How long's it been going on?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:48, Reply)
A little while
Can't remember exactly when, but I think around the start of this year was when I first started to notice it. Unsurprisingly, there is a correlation between how bad it gets and the nights when I've been hitting the ale too hard. Increasingly frequently these days I find my stomach starting to protest after about the fifth or sixth pint, so it made me wonder whether I'd given myself a stomach ulcer or something.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)
Give up drinking for a couple of weeks
if it stops woo hoo, if it doesn't go to your GP.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)
This is, of course, the sensible and obvious answer
Would require me to give up drinking for a couple of weeks, though...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)
You can have white russians or something if you must drink.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)
Phwoar White Russians

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)
Bam-a-lam

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)
that is fucking hilarious
biggest officelol of the day by a long way
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)
Oh my God I've just made a really weird sound by trying not to laugh

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)
I fucking love you, did you know that?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)
I jest
It will just be terrifically bad timing as a lot of my friends are currently departing for pastures new, which will mean a lot of 'leaving drinks' being scheduled around the time I'm trying to give my system a rest.

Felt fucking rough yesterday though, so perhaps it is time I MTFU'ed and gave it up for a little while.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)
They're all fucking off
because they hate you and your fucking cancer.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)
FINE THEN
I don't need friends anyway. I can keep myself perfectly entertained at home and have enthralling conversations with my tumour as it slowly spreads throughout my drink-ravaged body and corrupts my internal organs, one by one and I gradually die, in great pain and with no other company except the tumour that is destroying me. And with the last ounces of my strength, I make a final, solitary cup of tea, and go to the fridge to find the fucking milk's gone off.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)
stomach ulcers are caused by bacteria
if what QI tells me is to be believed
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)
true story.
the helicobacter pylori that Roota mentions up there.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)
I had this for several years. In my case it's a genetic disposition.
My father says that he didn't have a full night's sleep for 40 years, vomiting acid etc - until the development of 'proton pump inhibitors' which sound like something from Star Trek - especially as my father looks and sounds exactly like Leonard Nimoy.

It's actually very bad news as your bile can eat through sheet metal and left untreated you have a massively increased chance of oesophageal cancer.

Still, it's probably nothing.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)
It's also a symptom of oesophageal cancer
which is nice to hear.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)
That's why you shoudl never google symptoms
"I have a little tummy ache"
CANCER
"no honestly it's just a small tummy ache like a little pain"
CANCER
"seriously now you think it's cancer? I just felt a little rou..."
CANCER MOTHERFUCKER
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)
I had night sweats for a while
according to NHS Direct it was either AIDS, Typhoid or Cancer.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)
In fairness, it was, though.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)
I've been a little sick after eating some mayonnaise
According to the internet it's either stomach cancer or an ulcer

I think it's cos that mayonnaise was really old
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)
I bet they felt stupid
when it turned out to be all 3
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)
Your intestinal cancer had AIDS.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)
It's worth doing just for the peace of mind
BUM CANCER
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)
Just like reading the Daily Mail... CANCER! DIANA! ASYLUM SEEKERS! MORE CANCER! HOUSE PRICES! EVEN MORE CANCER!

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)
Lies about William Hague

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)
His new bf is well dishy

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)
I agree with the dishy bit
but reckon Hague would be too smart to try and sneak a lover in while the expenses scandal is still ongoing
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)
He's a clumsy cockhound
and no mistake
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)
Really?
I'd say he probably has that, then.

Actually, definitely.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)
Yeah specifically the very hard to treat sort on the bottom third of the oesophageal tract.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)
The untreatable one?
It's that one for sure.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:08, Reply)
You mean the sort that forms a tumour in which a noxious gas builds up slowly over time
until in about six months' time it bursts and my oesophagus, without warning, shoots down through my digestive tract and straight out of my anus?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)
No.
What happens is you swell up and eventually explode like that fellow at the end of 'Live and Let Die'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)
Oh, well that's just undignified...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)
Highly.
Very much frowned upon in polite society.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)
Especially if they then play fucking Wings afterwards.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)
Wings, "the band the Beatles could have been"
Alan Partridge (I think), used much by Surly Turk
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)
Reading between the lines here...
Monty has done way too much acid.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
yeah. sounds like it's not worth getting checked out all. Who needs an oesophagus anyway? I'd leave it if I were you.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)
Pharoahs.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)
Hahahah!
Very good.
Carry on.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)
Stop trying to deepthroat

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)
This is bad advice
The more you try, the more your gag reflex goes away.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)
One day I'll get to deep middle-of-tounge someone =(
Poor mr pops, poorer mrs pops.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)
You're a b3tan
You can use a big sex toy and she'll think it was a big penis.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)
or fuck her sofa instead

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)
or fuck yourself and have your mum leave a cup of tea mid-session

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)
stop talking about me like I'm not here
ugh
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:08, Reply)
And where's Kristine today?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)
somewhere between heavy metal and hell
*rocks out*
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)
Crow doesn't seem to have found this
thus the acid reflux
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)
Bless her

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)
Gall bladder.
If you start getting unbelievable pain in the guttywuts. see a quack and get checked out.

Mine almost killed me.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)
A rather severe case of excessive B3ta vitriol I would say.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)
Is that another way of saying "Autism"?

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)
Well, I do use my crippling undiagnosed Asperger's and abnormal emotional retardation as an excuse for being an insufferable cunt towards other people...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)
It's also a good excuse when trying to avoid extradition to America
(y'know, should you find yourself in such a situation)
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)
Can't say it's something that happens regularly

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)
These people may be able to help
www.tht.org.uk
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)
These people may also be able to help:
MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS.

haha just clicked that. He's got chlamydia, hasn't he?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)
as well as Aids & cancer.
Hat trick!
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)
I had that for a bit
after a night out. Rising bile is always a welcome and hilarious addition to a hangover, I find. It's pretty common, anyway. Of course, it's probably cancer.

I get night sweats. That's cancer, too. It's amazing what can be diagnosed as cancer, these days.

these days by the internet
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)
As a Doctor....
...I would like to point out that the chances of these being cancer related are only 80% (give or take 10%)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)
Well, we ARE rather addictive...

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)
Work it out and adjust your diet.
It is usually caused by a diet with too much...
- Caffeine.
- Alcohol.
- Fatty foods.
- Eating before bedtime.
- Semen/aids/cancer related.
Hope that helps.
Trust me - I'm a doctor.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)
I think you're onto something, as my diet does to feature all of those around the same time as my reflux gets bad.
Once again, it goes back to the obvious suggestion that I should stop getting drunk, eating takeaways on the way home and trying to minimise the after-effects the following day with coffee and a good bumming. Ta!
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:18, Reply)
Bumming is fine - good for the prostate.
Just please stop being the bukkake target.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:35, Reply)
"Ee keeps giving me blowjobs!"

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)
These two haven't helped either

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)
This is way better than mine, and I hate you for it.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)
Poor Monty. You were my inspiration.
In fact you are the Salieri to my Mozart.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 17:08, Reply)
The stewpeeed woman!
Can she not see zat ze spaff is too much for 'er!
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

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