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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Fuck the moronic, koran burning 'merkin. There is only one world news story we are interested in Today
Which base did Monty get to last night, and was it a genuine date, or a sting by the CSA?

Let's have your opinion, no matter how uneducated, before the old duffer turns up. He'll be either as smug as Piers Morgan, or miserable and need our support.

I reckon she offered him access to her lady garden, but he shit himself and hid in the broom cupboard until she went away.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 7:31, 232 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Snog = Evens
Tops = 3/1
Fingers & tops = 5/1
Shag = 8/1
BJ = 15/1
Anal = 25/1
Mutual Lord's Prayer Masturbation = 100/1
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 7:36, Reply)
bit hard on him aren't you?

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 7:40, Reply)
I'll take a piece of this action
and have a fiver on shag.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 7:42, Reply)
All the way
afterwards both sobbed into their respective pillows
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 7:41, Reply)
Isn't that supposed to happen?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 7:44, Reply)
I don't bash, but it's how I imagine such liaisons to end

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 7:50, Reply)
Me neither, (yet) but some must do.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 7:53, Reply)
I think "she" popped his anal cherry.

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 7:54, Reply)
'Tis better to give than to receive, my son.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:02, Reply)
I'm just jealous :(

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:04, Reply)
I'm sure you can find somebody to bugger if you try hard enough.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:06, Reply)
Haha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:26, Reply)
That's what I meant. :(:(

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:29, Reply)
I am buggerless.

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:30, Reply)
Go to that there Soho.
I'm sure you'll be whistling Dixie in no time.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:36, Reply)
I have faith on him
And I hope it went really well.

His night cannot have been worst than mine, anyway...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:13, Reply)
Does that mean
that you didn't get any sex?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:14, Reply)
Since Mark is living in Worthing
I only get sex at the weekends.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:16, Reply)
Yes, I know the feeling
But it makes for fun weekends!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:18, Reply)
It is.
It's an extra incentive to want Friday to arrive!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:20, Reply)
That will be Sussex then.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:18, Reply)
And Satsexx and Frisexx
If you don't mind.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:21, Reply)
better than me, I'm down to full moons and christmas.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:23, Reply)
Well, that's 13 or 14 times a year
depending on whether or not a full moon lands on Christmas day.

And that's better than I managed for long enough!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:24, Reply)
HAHA
Crap poster also has no sex. There's a surprise.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:24, Reply)
cunt in cunt post shocker

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:28, Reply)
That's not too bad
Some types here haven't had any for years, so consider yourself lucky.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:24, Reply)
I'd say humbled not lucky. Why was your night bad? I am really struggling to get out of bed.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:27, Reply)
I don't want to give many details
as my BFF hates that type of story, but I was attached to the toilet most of the night. I still don't know if it's going to be safe for me to take the plane down to London in a few hours.

Didn't you sleep well?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:29, Reply)
fuck that, can't be a long flight get a massive cork. Played casrds and did a Monty amount
of massive drugs my body has turned to stone.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:34, Reply)
I'll see how I'm feeling at 10
But I had never gone through anything like this... It's so embarrassing.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:40, Reply)
yeah but it's a plane full of people you'll
never see again so if you need to camp out in the toilet do it. Just try not to look suspicious considering the date and what not. You'll have the plane police kicking the door down.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:42, Reply)
And that would be embarrassing
if the other passengers saw you with your pants round your ankles.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:44, Reply)
Drink loads of water to keep you hydrated
and don't eat anything until your symptoms have improved.

You'll be fine to fly.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:35, Reply)
I'm drinking a lot of water
with this dehydration medicine that has some salts and that. I hope I'll be ok soon.

The weirdest thing is that I'm not in pain at all, I feel perfectly well, but I'm clearly not.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:41, Reply)
Sound like a touch of stress related IBS.
Try to relax a bit, and work out what you are worried about.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:44, Reply)
She's probably worried
about having the shits.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:45, Reply)
Hahaha!
That's why I come over here. You, people, are very funny.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:47, Reply)
Oooh, a feedforward control loop.
The more she worries about shitting, the more she shits.

We need a device to break the loop, or she'll implode captain.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:49, Reply)
LoL.
Captain's log.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:50, Reply)
: (

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:28, Reply)
Don't get sad
I didn't mean you. We know you could have sex if you wanted, but you're very picky when choosing a suitable man.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:29, Reply)
I don't call it picky.
I call it self respect.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:31, Reply)
That as well
You wouldn't go offering yourself to anyone, would you? If you did, you wouldn't have time for anything but sex all the time.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:34, Reply)
There must be a happy medium though.

(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:36, Reply)
It's a moot point now.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:39, Reply)
Kenny Everett's ex-wife.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:50, Reply)
I think it's the only reason I can be smug here.
To know I'm getting sex, more often than you young, good looking people.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:28, Reply)
Only because Mark is leaving miles away
Otherwise, I'm sure I would beat you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:30, Reply)
Sex Wars!

(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:33, Reply)
I'm sure you are already, I only see my GF on the weekends too.
I was comparing myself with those who get less than that.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:33, Reply)
That's a sure win, eh?
You have more sex than those who get less sex than you. Brilliant!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:35, Reply)
I think so.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:37, Reply)
I see my wife every night.
But I really enjoy Christmas and my birthday.
Whether I want to or not.
I have to I suppose.
With my back.
At my age.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:39, Reply)
Married people don't count, they have to have sex.
God tells them to.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:41, Reply)
I thought getting married
was a sure way to reduce your sexual activity?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:43, Reply)
I wouldn't know.
I'm sure it would tail off eventually though.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:46, Reply)
Don't you believe it.
The bitches STILL pester you for it after you're married.
Pipe and slippers my arse.
Twice a year, I tell you.
It's just too much for a chap to bear.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:47, Reply)
Oh and a quick joke.
Q. How do you get a beatiful woman to stop giving you blow-jobs?
A. Marry the bitch.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:48, Reply)
Sexist.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
The alternative answer is stop paying her.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)
There are gentler ways of doing it
safe for the 3rd age people.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:42, Reply)
I reckon he got his hole
(to use the vernacular)
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:14, Reply)
Knowing which young lady was round at his gaff last night (as I do)
I think he had sex and THEN passed out and the rastas tidied up his kitchen for him before they left.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:23, Reply)
Come on Al, spill the beans.
Which is what she said to Monty.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:26, Reply)
Is this just you bolstering yourself and pretending you've actually worked it out?
And more importantly, DOES SHE OWN A CAR?!?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:48, Reply)
Any odds for wiping his cock on the curtains?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:34, Reply)
Only if they went back to her place.

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:35, Reply)
Ah, though, but.
What if he'd had MASSIVE (drink\drugs) and forgot?
That's where the odds become a factor.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:37, Reply)
It would be dangerous if he only had venitian blinds.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:38, Reply)
Verticals would be funny.
The neighbours could complain at the sight of his knob poking through.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:40, Reply)
winking at them.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:42, Reply)
And then the blood spurting out
when he cut his bell end on a sharp metal edge.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:43, Reply)
Oof
*crosses legs*
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:47, Reply)
that's a sure fire way to cut the bugger off.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:54, Reply)
1h 45 mins of sleep's worth of
TOTAL SMUG.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:50, Reply)
Yay.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:51, Reply)
Double yay.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:53, Reply)
*very faint yay*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:53, Reply)
Can you get your head down for forty winks in the office?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:57, Reply)
innuendo lol

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:57, Reply)
I try to give as many as possible
There's a few strike throughs in it too, if you care for them.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:01, Reply)
far too much effort required at this time of day

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)
No, sadly not.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:08, Reply)
Been at the benzedrine then,
Did she keep you up all night? Snurf.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:52, Reply)
No
Yes.
Smurf.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:54, Reply)


(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)
Wow!
(I think, I'm not completely sure of what you mean, but if you're smug, then things went well)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:54, Reply)
I went to sleep at 5am.
I am dying.
I will die happy.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:55, Reply)
It took 8 hours of begging to get her to bed?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:05, Reply)
That's called foreplay in my house.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:07, Reply)
Then a couple more to reinforce the bed and fit her in it

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:08, Reply)
No
I made an inappropriate joke after 5 minutes, and she locked me out of my house. I tried to sleep in the park, it wasn't easy.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:09, Reply)
doesn't explain the happiness though...
did you bugger a tramp?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)
I thought it rude not to
seeing as he offered to share his cardboard box home and cider-effect drink with me.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:17, Reply)
Well at least you got some sex in the park.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)
He was an even more sensitive lover than you were last Thursday.
I'm so lucky *sigh*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:18, Reply)
Did you leave her simmering in The Fritzl Suite?
Hermetically sealed and ready to obey.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:10, Reply)
She'd better do the fucking washing up before she lets herself out,
that's all I'm saying.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)
Absolutely.
Dried and put away before the ex pops round to tidy up your shredded letters.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:16, Reply)
I gave a cheeky thumbs up
to the concealed camera on my way out of the house this morning.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:17, Reply)
*Turns on live feed*
*Reviews dirty dishes, makes notes*
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)
sounds like a great night.
You can sleep tonight, you'll be fine. I'm glad for you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:12, Reply)
Have you set up a re-match?
Well done btw.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)
Not possible.
She's dead now.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:19, Reply)
Ah well. At least you can do a Nielsen & sleep with her corpse for company

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:20, Reply)
I've already started work on a skin-suit.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:22, Reply)
Ah the Jame Lumb approach. Like it.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)
That's not normally an issue for you, is it?
or are the pieces too small this time?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrggggggggggggh
bllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

COME ON PEOPLE, I MEAN COME ON. This is Becky we're talking about here, the easiest B3tan ever to have lived, he hasn't scaled Everest for christ's sake, he's just one on now more than half a dozen of us who have been subjected to her oversized clitoris.

Honestly, it's like a soggy aubergine.

Signed,

The Best She EVER Had
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)
and finally we have the confirmation. Hi Bert.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)
I mean seriously though, what do you expect with this kind of sickening provocation
I could take the insults, the whinging and the getting UPSET ONLINE, but acting like mounting Becky is some sort of valid achievement is just too much.

Come on people, really.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)
It wasn't becky, you've outed yourself for nothing.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)
I don't care, I just wanted to say Soggy Aubergine

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:28, Reply)

say Soggy Aubergine get beckys attention
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)
bleeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)
Super outing
glad I caught the tailend of this
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)
It was only a matter of time.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)
No it isn't, Bert.
Now please leave the internet.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)
Ok.

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)
Typical Mince!!! *rolls eyes*

(I helped save b3ta! Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 16:51, Reply)
How did you feel
when despite your best efforts, your shit new login was rumbled after about an hour due to your crippling personality disorder shining through?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:30, Reply)
I felt awesome, just like I felt every time you mention my name
It's nice to know that somebody's infatuated with you, it's appreciated Monty, it really is
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)
Everytime someone says your name?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)
every time somebody mentions my name I get a massive hard-on

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)
well you say massive

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)
So if I said,
look bert, everyone, literally everyone knows you ****** your ******
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)
awesome, isn't it?
I mean I told Becky that because I felt bad for what I had done to her, I felt awful knowing what I had done and that I had allowed her near me, only to the be told that she had been through something similar, and knew that telling her was the right thing to do, so the fact that she's now told everyone, well that's just not cricket.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)
So why don't you come round to my house then?
we can be friends
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)
You posted it on here yourself you fucking Asperger.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)
did I? Where?

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)
You really do have mental problems don't you?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)
show me where, Monty, show me where

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)
No problem.
Up there *points to head*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)
it is like a floppy aubergine though, isn't it?
I bet it put you off a little bit, go on, admit it
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)
I'd feel an ounce of sympathy
if you hadn't alienated everyone who ever liked you by being a massive spastic. P.s. becky never told me a thing
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)
And if you hadn't fucked your sister.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)
long lost half sister, actually
who I had only known for about a year, befriended, and cared for deeply, if I had ever had any inkling at all that she felt that way about me I would have ran a mile, instead I made the biggest mistake of my life and will forever punish myself for it.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)
You bragged about it on here
saying it was the best sex you'd ever had, you repulsive little turd.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)
where?!

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)
the alienating myself is deliberate, it's all part of the 24/7/365 self punishment regime

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)
Technically
that should be 24/7/52
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)
you're absolutely right, I apologise
24/7/52/365
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)
You expect to live for another 365 years?
You are Methuselah AICMFP.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)
Nice autism here

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)
As I said
1) weird Rain Man repetitive shit posts
2) cause offence
3) unable to maintain it, start backpedalling and claiming you're alright really
4) get told to fuck off
5) rinse and repeat
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)
you forgot the bit where I feel all sorry for myself, ask for forgiveness and say 'but honestly, I'm a nice guy really'

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)
That's point 3 you witless spastic

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)
ok

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)
well I'm just shit at this identifying people business aren't I?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
nah, you're alright Vipros
I'm actually chart cat doing a really good Bert impression
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)
fuck off Chart Cat

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)
will the lies never end :(

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)
they will not

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)
Only because I will never be right again
ahem, told you so.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)
I hold my hands up.
I was wrong. I could see where you were coming from, but I didn't agree.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)
pah
I was blindly sure like a mad zealot. More luck than judgement. I have the first official new band practice tonight. I'd be excited if I didn't feel like death.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)
had a brilliant practice last night
3 or 4 new songs, all really good plus a psychedelic freakout
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)
Myself and Dan, the bass player,
have the bones of 4 potential new songs and several we could rework from the last band. But having no guitar and only a special DJ will be interesting.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)
psychedelic freakouts ftw

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)
you would have been proud
best wah-wah action I've ever done by a long way
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)
Good boy.
You should listen to Uncle Harry's Last Freakout (recorded live at the Roundhouse '75) by the Pink Fairies.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)
I will do so

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)
One day you'll say the same about Ian Dury.

(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)
Ha!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)
NEVER!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)
Why don't you get help?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)
Here you go Bert:
assistedsuicide.org/blog/2006/02/06/how-to-contact-dignitas-in-switzerland/
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)
cheers monty, I've googled 'suicide' more times than I could care to mention
but all that brings up is support websites, and it's not like I actually have the decency or the courage to go through with it
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)
I've had two lots of counselling, loads of GP visits etc
and they all say I'm fine :/
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)
They are badly wrong.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)
I know, right?

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)
Yeah, The counselling only works if you tell the truth about yourself
And GP are only interested if you are about to top yourself.

Seriously, look inside yourself, and work out if what you see is worth saving.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)
Oh I've been doing that for years, there's absolutely nothing there worth keeping
Through it all I have still somehow managed to remain a good, constant father in my daughter's life, but obviously I have betrayed her and let her down in a really big way. When she's old enough I'll tell her what I did and she probably won't understand, but I couldn't not tell her.

Actually, scratch that, I may not be the richest dad in the world, but I'd like to think that despite all my faults and my massive mstakes, I'm a better father than most, I spend more time with my little girl than any other father I know. I devoted and dedicated myself to her the day she was born, I may have let her down, but I will always be there for her.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)
Ok.
I would say, that although you are a good father, the effort you are putting in, probably with other aspects of your life, is causing you much pain and anguish. You are barely functioning, and you need to sort it, otherwise you will soon stop being the good father you want to be.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)
I passed that, Bart, well on my way to fixing most aspects of my utterly destroyed life and mental health
(ok, maybe just the life bit), it's a matter of coping with the single thought that bounces around in my head, haunting and tearing me apart, totally preventing me from allowing myself to get close to anyone, but I can live with it now, I can hold conversations, I can carry on at work and stick to it, I can appear normal to anyone who doesn't scratch the surface
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)
I am laughing like a drain reading your miserable,
self-pitying drivel.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)
there's no self pity here, mont
I know what I am, I know what I did and I'm just telling it like it is
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)
You're kid will grow up to realise you're a fecking loser as well
and that's the shame of it. As much as you pretend it's all an act you're fucking unhinged and the innocent party, YOUR DAUGHTER, will suffer in the long run. Do her a favour Bert and sort your fucking head out before you ruin her life as well you selfish mentalist.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)
Agree.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
sort your fucking head out
with a 12-bore
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)
I'd have thought we'd had quite enough of the bores, thanks

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)
Bobby, I can see how you have come to this conclusion because of the way I act here
but offline I am a very different person, I get on well with my colleagues, work hard, earn a half decent wage and spend a lot of time with my little girl. She adores me almost as much as I do her, she is my best friend and I would do anything for her, she makes me happy, and I go out of my way to do good things for her every single day, she is my life.

The only way that I could possibly be hurting her right now is that I'm not able to form lasting relationships with anyone, whether it's with friends or women (I am seeing somebody, but there's not much hope I will allow it continue much longer), but I always have and always will dedicate myself to ehr.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)
I didn't once say I gave a fuck
if if she has your genes she will prob be a cunt too but let her have a chance. It may be cathartic for you to use us as cheap help but I have zero interest in you.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)
Offline you FUCKED YOUR SISTER.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)
long lost half sister, who I really cared about
and whom I'm fairly sure was only after me that way either because of GSA, or because her dad had jsut walked out on her, and I was merely the younger, nicer version of him who happened to be around at the time.

I was going to confess all this on QOTW the other week, it's very cathartic. I held my hands up to it, took my punishment and will forever use it as an excuse to tear myself to shreds on a daily basis. Nothing you could say will ever come close to what I have already convinced myself of.

Seriously though, floppy aubergine, yeah?
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)
Whom I really cared about.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)
I also spelled 'just' wrong
jsut for you
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)
Jesus fucking christ, listen to yourself.
You'll be fucking her too as soon as she hits her teens.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)
As if he hasn't already
Poor kid needs Esther Ransons direct dial tattooed to her forehead
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)
I wouldn't do that, ever
I made a mistake's all. My little girl is, and will grow up to be a far better, much more well-adjusted person than I ever will be because I can see the signs, I know what to look for and I know that most of my problems are inherited.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)
I don't give a fuck
you will rape her and kill her before killing yourself. That's all I need to know about you.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)
I'm coming round your house for Scrabble aren't I?

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)
you have my address
If you decide that the help of a stranger is what you need. Come round. I will give you 5 minutes to convince me you are normal before calling a doctor.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)
ok, I'll pop round at some point
might even bring the little 'un, and you'll see that actually I'm a fairly normal bloke and we'll hug it out like men
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)
I'd rather you didn't
I see enough child abuse in text books I don't want to rush into experiencing the real thing.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)
Fred fucking West
was a better, much more well-adjusted person than you ever will be
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)
probably, Monty
but at least I, despite mistakes of gigantic proportions, still get to spend three days a week being a good dad. Have you ever done that once in your daughter's entire life?
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)
Nah, I adore her
but unlike a long-long relative, it's a family kind of love, not a complete stranger who you feel like you already know, who you trust more than you ever should have, just because they seem oddly familiar
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)
Good for you.
You also clearly possess a certain wit and intelligence.
It's very difficult, particularly as a relative newcomer, to undersand, or to offer anything other than the worst kind of cliched cod-psychobabble so I'll just wish you all the best.
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)
cheers caveduck, nicely appreciated

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)
GAAAAAAAAAAAAY

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)
loving your work

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)
I'm so happy I stuck to my guns with you on this. Well done on last night btw. If it makes you feel better
I am dying like you today.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)
Ha. We could of got final confirmation sooner if you'd got your nuts wet a few days ago MB

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)
Honestly, it's like stepping into a flooded garage

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)
I wondered why you weren't rude to me.
Now I know.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)
Who are you?

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)
Nobody important really.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)
Internet Lie.

(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)


(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)
that's really hurtful

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)
Oh for fuck's sake!
I have meetings until late afternoon. Why couldn't you all save talking about Monty's wank fantasy sex life, and insulting the mentally ill twat until later?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)
it'll still be going on
don't worry
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)
I have 5 accounts, V
5, I'm here 4 life
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)
Does that make you worry
about your mental state? cause let's be honest you're insane.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)
*sits in a vat of jelly beans with a rubber duck up his arse going 'wibble'*

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)
Why do you bother? Are you really that perverse that you actually enjoy being such a fool?
When did you last have a mental health evaluation? I think you're overdue another.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)
I really do, it's not the attention or the way everybody insults me though
it's causing minor inconvenience to people who are really far up their arses, it gets me off faster than a gazelle on one of those dildo sex machines
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)
Yup
'causing minor inconvenience' really is BRILLIANT, isn't it?

Have a good look at yourself you fucking helmet.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)
It gets me wetter than an otter in a washing machine

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)
honestly, posting links in the subject header was probabyl my favourite cat hater thing to do
because I knew it meant you'd have to copy/paste the URL, fucking sexy that was
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)
Get the fuck off this message board
for everyone's sake you tedious schmuck. Force yourself off it. Apply security settings so that you need a password to access b3ta and make that password too complicated to remember. We will all benefit; you most of all I reckon.
(Mr Big Stuff, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 11:28, Reply)
http://b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post860598

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 11:33, Reply)
I'm glad I'm on hols next week.
I need a break from this.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)
room in a suitcase?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)

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