ok, so
i am normally the most cynical person in any room, but someone just produced this sarah kane quote in class and even i am quite amazed. copied in reply for length purposes.

so........ if someone said something really romantic to you, would you swoon or roll your eyes?

alt q: what made you such a cynical bitch/bastard?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:05, 272 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

a's monologue
And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy's and talk about the day and type your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don't listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you're sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the the programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your
and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you're late and be amazed when you're early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I'm black and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I'd known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you're angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you're gorgeous and hug you when you're anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I'm next to you and whimper when I'm not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don't and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I'm rejecting you when I'm not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I'd ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don't believe me and have a feeling so deep I can't find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I'd get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don't want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don't mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it's empty without you and want want you want and think I'm losing myself but know I'm safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less and answer your questions when I'd rather not and tell you the truth when I really dont' want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it's all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it's a beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you."
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:05, Reply)

I would say
"Where the fuck's the punctuation?"
( Kroney, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:06, Reply)

it's a monologue
they would SAY it. so it would be inherent.

muppet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:07, Reply)

The monologue
would need to be on paper even in script form to tell whoever was performing it where to place the punctuation.

Edit: The content's just whiny chick-lit, so I'd be in the eye-rolling brigade.
( Kroney, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:09, Reply)

no
that's for the actor
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Both
writing and theatre, right here. Scripts aren't big blocks of garble.
( Kroney, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:11, Reply)

I'd like to see an actor attempt to read that all in one breath
And place bets on where they turn blue and fall over
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:20, Reply)

pretty much what my classmate just did

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)

James Joyce would probably disagree
on the punctuation, not the chick-lit thing.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:20, Reply)

James Joyce
is a douche.
( Kroney, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:23, Reply)

that's horribly gushing

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:10, Reply)

it's actually
a horrible play, but i thought this bit was nice. esp the bit about thinking i am rejecting you when i'm not rejecting you....... typical male/female miscommunication!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:12, Reply)

that's just annoying though
my mrs always thinks I am angry, despite her having known me for a long time and being fully aware that my relaxed face is quite angry looking.

also I'm not sure I've ever actually been angry with her.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:15, Reply)

You should have a badge that you can wear when you're properly angry so she knows.

( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:18, Reply)

that's a good idea
my uni mates discovered that (because I swear and insult people so much) they could tell when I was actually pissed off because it was the only time I would call someone a penis.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:21, Reply)

I thought Sarah Kane was a lesbian
Therefore it wouldn't necessarily be male/female misunserstanding.
(Cave Duck, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:15, Reply)

's horribly 'd set my missus
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:21, Reply)

That's some soft-as-shit vomitous drivel right there

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:12, Reply)

so you wouldn't whisper it to me then?
don't make me sigh with disappointment...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I'd make you sigh with dissappointment
if you know what I mean.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:16, Reply)

Miss Swipe
This is the sort of chick-lit bollocks that women lap up in books and Richard Curtis films, but in real life women love arrogant bastards.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:19, Reply)

true
although there has to be substance to justify the arrogance.

otherwise they are just a bit twatty!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:20, Reply)

it's not arrogance if it's justified
that's what I tell myself anyway
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:24, Reply)

self confidence and arrogance
are two different things.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:25, Reply)

But pretty much the same

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:27, Reply)

true

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:28, Reply)

I adhere to the Theodore Roosevelt school of thought
"Speak softly and carry a big stick"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:26, Reply)

^This
My favorite quote.
( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:28, Reply)

i like the sound
of your big stick

/predictable
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:36, Reply)

The next time you see wood
think of me
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)

i'm sitting on a wooden chest
RIGHT NOW
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)

what cup size?
hahahahhahahhaha
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

at least someone laughs at your jokes

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)

My work here is done...
although in reality i'm a bit behind on my work
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:48, Reply)

that's because you are on here
thank goodness, it would be poorer without you!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)

"take pictures of you while you sleep"
That's not romantic, just fucking creepy.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:12, Reply)

they've taken a leaf
out of Edward Cullen's book
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:14, Reply)

You're just annoyed
Because the last photo of you asleep came out badly
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:15, Reply)

How dare you
That was a good day.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:17, Reply)

All I'm saying is you could have at least shaved your legs!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:18, Reply)

I agree whole-heartedly
there are some dodgy types about and no mistake.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:22, Reply)

You have to be particularly careful at bashes

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

It's funny if you've written swears on their face with marker pen.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)

There is a totally nonsensical bit
where it goes "Your breasts your arse your
and sit ..."

Other than that it's utter tripe.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Roll my eyes.
alt q: The last two years.
( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Roll my eyes I'm afraid.
I'm very unromantic and I'd just cringe, or feel bad for putting them under a false impression

alt q: I was born a cynical bastard


Also: 'want to buy you a kitten I'd get jealous of because it would get more attention than me' is creepily childlike
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I'm not particularly cynical where that sort of thing is concerned
as I am really very happy to be engaged to my mrs.

I am cynical about everything else though, because most people are stupid cunts.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:12, Reply)

Excellent answer here
Cynicism keeps life trouble free.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:19, Reply)

indeed
I would be cynical about my lovelife too, if I weren't so disgustingly happy about the way it has panned out.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:21, Reply)

It's more an expression of neediness than love.

(Cave Duck, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Well, while it'd never happen, I think I'd appreciate it. Wouldn't swoon though.
Alt Q: The bullies throughout 6th form made me realise that people were cunts, regardless of the age, regardless of whether (or not) you'd done anything wrong, and regardless of how you reacted to them. Now, I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:14, Reply)

That's not so much romantic than a bit creepy
People are bastards. Occasionally there will be someone who you can get on with more than most but we all know those little things that you love in the beginning are the things that will lead to you breaking up or burying the bitch in the garden.

Alt q: No cynicism here.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:14, Reply)

tl;dr

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:16, Reply)

I'd roll my eyes.
Life. Women. Understanding.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:16, Reply)

It's a load of old bollocks.
Alt: Marriage.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:16, Reply)

Depends who said it. And why they were saying it.
Nine point nine times out of ten I would roll my eyes and hit them.

No one has ever done anything truly romantic for me, and I'm quite happy with that. When I told the guy I was seeing this time last year that. he said he'd do the most cheesy, romantic thing he could think of for my birthday, but then had to work so never got to do it. He later told me what he was going to do, and it was horrifically cheesy and silly but because it was him I would have loved it, and possibly cried. Almost certainly have ripped his clothes off right then and there.

Anyone else, I would tell them to get the fuck out and not come back til they'd grown a pair.

Many things. Many, many things.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:16, Reply)

Note to self, romance may work after all
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:17, Reply)

No it won't

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Cruelty!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

^
one boyfriend did the whole over the top romance/words of love/proper picnic etc thing. It just made me feel cold all over. Not because I don't like nice men, just because if you don't feel the same way it is awfully embarassing
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:19, Reply)

I've had the words of love a few times from people I'm completely not interested in
And it's the most awkward, embarrassing thing I've ever experienced. I never know what to say either, because all I can focus on is the voice in my head screaming "SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!"
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:25, Reply)

haha seconded
One person I went out, said it after three months and there was nothing I could say at all. Especially since he was levelheaded enough that I'd never thought he would
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:27, Reply)

Why did you go out with someone for three months if you weren't into them?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)

because women are psycho hosebeasts

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)

"he paid for meals"

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:31, Reply)

probably worryingly accurate

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:31, Reply)

not if you are the higher earner
you feel guilty and like a moocher if you don't pay.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)

I'm totally gonna let you pay for dinner when we go out, don't you worry.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)

thanks al
you always know how to make me feel special
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)

He still respected her in the morning

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

He had a nice car

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

he bought her nice things

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)

He had a penis so big that i could hide behind it in the event something really scary happened in a film.
Or use it as a weapon in a worst case sinario.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Alright Gonz,
What's the latest on the job front?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)

I liked him a lot
he was a great friend, he was okay looking. That doesn't mean I'm going to claim to be in love with him, just because he said it to me.

Also fuck off with 'he paid for meals' no-one can afford the amount I eat
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)

first time mrs v said it to me
was her birthday, she was really drunk on gin and was crying because I had started smoking pot again*.

That was a great experience.

I no longer let her drink gin.

*at least, that was the one reason that came out in a way that could be understood. I imagine there were other reasons.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)

I totally pictured your Mrs as Fran from Black Books then

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:31, Reply)

she is not dissimilar to fran from black books

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

Oh god I love her now
can we be a thruple?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

I'll look into it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)

looks or personality?
cause either why you are prob onto a winner.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:33, Reply)

bit of both
less skinny and less crazy
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:33, Reply)

Nice touch I am resigned to ending up with a women who
will be nothing less than a Manny/Bernard hybrid.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:36, Reply)

I got lucky I think
mrs V is just my type.

she could only be better if she could skin up.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I've tried to do that a few times
my nails get in the way though and it's always baggy in the middle.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

the skin on mrs v's fingers is too slippery
you may have seen wiggy blow on, or lick then dry his fingers to get more purchase on the papers?

sometimes your skin will get smooth or slippery for some reason and you can't roll the paper properly. mrs v is like that all the time
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)

Get her to wear rubber gloves
hehe
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)

that would be weird

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)

The trick to this is not to lick your fingers
Can cause to paper complications. Instead one should gently rub the finger tips behind ones ears or in the crease when you bend your arm. Picks up enough dead skin, oils, whatever to give instant purchase back on the paper.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)

I find that gently exhaling on my fingertips works for me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)

I just tried that in the office. It's nice.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)

you are a strange man

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)

I am a man with no shame

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

shame penis
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

I was expeting clue or friends
but see you even do better than me on that!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)

can't be helped
try not to swell my already over-inflated ego
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Having seen a photo
in the dim and distant past, Mrs V is my type, too. If you and Kitty run off together, let me know and I'll see what I can do to soften the blow.

/creepy
( Kroney, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)

I'm afraid Roota has dibs

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Damn that randy scouser
I'm not softening any djtrialprice blows.
( Kroney, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)

you say that now

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)

If?
IF?!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)

I'm still not convinced by your level of commitment

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)

How about if I get a penguin tattoo?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

perhaps

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:08, Reply)

I tried to make Wiggy give up pot
he tried to make me give up coffee.

We've reached an agreement.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

she tried to make me give up pot
in return I got her to start again.

I WIN!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)

That is a win for all stoners everywhere.
You are Howard Marks AICMFP
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:35, Reply)

based on results
one of my best skills is getting people to smoke pot.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Vipros
I'm a little worried to be honest that you may turn out to be a nicer/cooler/more successful/interesting/happy version of me.

You could at least live in Trinidad or something not fecking Exeter.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)

I apologise if this does turn out to be the case
and will happily share a spliff with you to commiserate.

I'm going to be in Bristol tomorrow, but unfortunately am getting the train there, going to the thing I have to go to, then getting the train back immediately afterwards.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Am now planning some sort of life switch which involves the real you being locked in a coal shed at T
Templemeads and me squeezing into your clothes, growing 4 inches (wahey) and getting back to a house in Exeter.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)

I think we'd all prefer it if that didn't happen

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)

agreed

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)

dealer.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:37, Reply)

pusher thanks

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I was going to say that but it sounded a bit harsh

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)

One guy in my A-level biology class I barely even spoke to confessed his "burning love" for me
That was horrific.

One of the reasons why I got rid of the puppy was because after TWO DATES he asked me if we could "be in a relationship" and that he wanted to "do his best" for me. blegh.

Cunt-ex said I love you after three months as well, and possibly thrown off track by my horrified and disgusted face then made it worse by saying "I wanted to say it two months ago, but I thought it would make you run away" TOO FUCKING RIGHT MATE.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)

if he didn't ask you then he wouldn't know when it was ok to update his facebook status
give him a break!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)

After two dates?
That's a strike out, right there.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

After two dates
The girl's still someone hot who is stupid enough to talk to me, not a girlfriend.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)

He was a virgin, bless his little cotton socks.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:48, Reply)

I bet he would ask if you were ok
Constantly during sex.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)

Some of us have to do that.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)

Some of us don't care

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)

There's a rapist joke here,
But I can't be bothered to make it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:05, Reply)

It was a boast about the size of my penis.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)

it was subtle
I would not have been able to guess that was what you were saying
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:08, Reply)

that's because
you suspect it's more of a lie than a boast.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)

I assumed it's because the women he sleeps with are usually crying

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Or gagged...

(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:40, Reply)

I got rid of him before I had the chance to de-virginise him.
Probably a good thing. I don't cope very well with virgins.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)

"Burning love"
sounds like something you'd need to get tested for.
( Kroney, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)

At the start of our relationship Wiggy and I used to say meloveyoulongtime
and then one day he said "loveyou" and I looked a bit frightened and said "you forgot to say longtime" and he said "yeah I know.....is that ok?". It was pretty sweet.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)

your life is an Indie movie.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

I bet she has a burger phone

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)

A shit indy movie
where none of the characters are likeable.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Isn't that all of them?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)

I liked Napolean Dynamite.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)

it's a great film

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)

Agreed

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)

There was, recently, heavy internet talk
of a sequel/prequel being commissioned. I think that would be a bad idea. First one was good but not excellent.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)

it would be a bad idea
and I think the first is great
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)

oi!
stop being horrible when I'm being so nice.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)

I thought you meant Indiana Jones then.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)

I have thought about her with a whip before

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)

I'm totally going to pull some sappy friendship stuff on you at pole on Wednesday
I'm going to use words like inspirational and stuff and I'll put my hand on your shoulder and get all teary.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:37, Reply)

Get the fuck out
And don't come back til you've grown a pair.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)

+of breasts

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)

oi!
that was mean.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

she said it!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Once I've grown a pair I'm going to teabag you when we do the plank/superman double.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)

Roll my eyes
I will admit I sometimes wish romance could be like in the movies, and that I could be arse over tit in love with someone and want to spend the rest of my life with them without hesitation or reserve, whereas in reality it's never like that and all I can think about is how much they fart and the ridiculous quantity of mess they generate. I am cynical to the core in that regard, however, and I don't think I have the capacity to change.
(berk, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:18, Reply)

can I have the time I just spent reading that back please?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:22, Reply)

You were daft enough to actually read all of it?

( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:24, Reply)

Yep, I was hoping for a punch line.
Like turns out hes talking about a dog or something.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:25, Reply)

er, why?
you'd only waste it wanking over avatar elves on WOW.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:27, Reply)

You can'r wank while you've got one hand on the mouse and the other on wasd

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:28, Reply)

just pause it?
this tip will work wonders for your sex life tonight.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:30, Reply)

You can't pause WoW
GOD DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING!
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:30, Reply)

But what if I have to pee?
Or converse with real life people?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:31, Reply)

There are safe places to stop or you can just log off.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

Safe places?
You're not in actual danger.
(Cave Duck, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:35, Reply)

hahahahahahaha
you're funny.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:37, Reply)

So if I was just frolicking in a field with you or whatever
and Wiggy had made my tea, if I just logged off would lots of orcs or whatever be able to just come and cut my head off repeatedly until I'd finished my tea and logged back on?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)

no, it doesn't quite work like that.
Oh fuck it I can't be bothered to explain.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)

Ok so say we're mishing about
and you turn to me and go "oh just grab that Gem Of Elzedar" or whatever and then you look round and realise that I've just disappeared. Is it like that?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)

Kinda
Your 'body' remains there for a bit, not moving and very, very vulnerable.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)

like after sex?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)

just like that
But for longer, like, minutes.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:05, Reply)

where as after sex you've jumped out the window within 2 seconds.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

Even when I'm at home
It's how I get my kicks.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)

depends who it was with

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

They come through your Intertubes
And invade your house!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)

if you knew real life people
who liked you, you wouldn't be on WOW in the first place, i presume
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:33, Reply)

Yeah and you'd never read a book because you'd always be with other people.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)

i read hundreds of - oh.

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:37, Reply)

What do you tying the empty 2ltr bottle of tesco boost is for?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)

Hahahahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)

oh
no sex for you then

business as usual
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:31, Reply)

tl:dr
I would roll my eyes unless I knew that they meant it.

Wiggy's not often soppy so when he is I know he really means it. Or is probably high.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Neither
I'd probably laugh, then apologise for laughing.

Alt Q: I'm not cynical, I'm sunshine and lollipops 24/7 me.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:24, Reply)

If I felt it was really romantic, then a gentlemanly swoon would be in order.
If it was like the drivel I've just read in your post, I would have thrown up over their shoes way before they had got to the end.

Alt Q The school of hard knocks.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:24, Reply)

once when I was like 16 a boy called me and I got super excited and my dad was all "no use getting excited, you're just going to get disappointed"
I think from then on I've been a cynical bitch
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Excellent Dad work here

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:28, Reply)

right, no wonder I'm a basket full of sunshine

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:33, Reply)

I bet he was right though
was he?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:33, Reply)

in the long run, yes
HE DIDN'T HAVE TO BE SOOO MEEEAANNN *sobs*
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)

If I may quote Homer Simpson
"There there...shut up"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:36, Reply)

I love it in Family Guy where Meg cries to Brian that she's ugly and no one likes her
and he just goes "ohhhhhhhhhhh come on......" without actually disagreeing.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)

pfft

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)

i love it when he is proving there is no god
and he says, would he give you a flat chest and a fat ass or a smoking hot mom like lois but have you grow up looking like peter
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Ha!

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

I love this too!
I'd console the girl who voices Meg though. With my DICK.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

yeah
i'd give anything to look like her. wtf is she doing with macauley culkin?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)

He's cheaper than a burglar alarm.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)

much as i might steal this phrase
it has to be untrue, he has quite the pot habit
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)

She's challenging me to come get her
The filthy minx.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)

I'm the most cynical person in the world except when it comes to romance, strangely.
All my old housemates used to take the piss out of me for it, frankly they were a bunch of slappers. Although they promised me I'd be as cynical as them when it comes to love once I'm their age, so who knows.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)

I read slappers
as slippers.

I need to put my specs on.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)

The only thing that will melt my heart nowadays is a blowtorch.
*grumps*
( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:35, Reply)

I am so inordinately hard-bitten and cynical on the outside
because I have such old-fashioned and unattainable ideals on the inside. The disparity between how I think things should be and how I have discovered they really are has crushed me time and time again.

I think my idea of 'really romantic' might be different from many people's. I would find a lot of things really cheesy and embarrassing that others might love. But if something was heartfelt and impulsive I would possibly man-swoon.

Alt: life's bitter lessons
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)

What do you imagine you'd find romantic that others wouldn't?
Someone offering to drive you to the 24 hour garage at 3am so you can get Ribena and a Kit-Kat?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

A cheeky nosh in Bejam's car park after 'Gremlins 2'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)

Did you get her Gremlin wet?
And did it multiply several times?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)

I certainly 'fed it' after midnight, knoworramean?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink - say no more!
You could take your daughter to see Gremlins.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Are you implying I am some sort of Bert-style nonce?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)

Yes and no.
Yes, in so far if you took her to see Gremlins then based on what you said happened in Bejam's car park then clearly I'm suggesting similar.

No, You are now able to take your daughter to the cinema without a SWAT team standing over you thanks to the revised view of life by your mentalists ex.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)

It always bugged me in Gremlins that they never specified when after midnight it was ok to feed them again
because technically all time is after midnight.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)

I'm not sure, but I think it was fictional.

You'll be telling me next that there is NO WAY that Ghostbusters could have defeated Gozer by crossing the streams. Plus 'The Force' is made up too, it wouldn't work.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)

Not everything in the cinema is fictional.
Take 'Back to the Future' for example.

I've never seen a Delorean. Why? Because they are all being driven around in the 1950's.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

I've seen one

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)

You are Biff
AICMFP
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)

why don't you just make like a tree
and get out of here
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)

Very nice!
But you dropped these - "the fuck"
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I'm just saying, it's a bit of a plot hole.
miserable.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

I am being a shit.
That sort of thing annoys the hell out of me, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

You certainly have a great chat up line there.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

'I'm a chivalrous nobleman from a bygone era
trapped in the addled frame of a 70s roadie'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)

You lack the chipper cockney spirit that would make every day a blessing
You need some form of Baldrick type servant.

A bit like Gonzo.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)

I'm going to gaz him.
He IS looking for work, too...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)

chivalrous
leman from a bygone era
trapped in the addled frame of a 70s roadie'
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

That's made me 'laugh out loud'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

so..........
me, then?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

*man-swoons*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)

does that require tits
instead of smelling salts to fix it?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)

It most certainly does.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)

come here then

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)

*nuzzles*

*recovers miraculously*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)

sorry
that last bit was muffled
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)

led
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)

I'm mostly cynical
And am usually very much aware that the lady 'loves me more than I love them'. I just don't get overwhelmed by emotions, unless I see something particularly awesome in a film.

I also rarely miss people, especially if I only saw them a couple of days ago.

I'm just cold-hearted really.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)

I reckon this comes in handy in your line of work.

( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

I'd say so, yeah
Not so great with some women though *shrugs*.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)

You sound more like a typical bloke to me.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)

typical person

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Typical b3tan perhaps.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)

no one who could produce The Picture can be that cold-hearted

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)

Dude...

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)

;-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)

The Picture?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Don't worry about it
It's nothing.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)

stop this, it's annoying
it's akin to people writing "Oh the worst thing every has happened" on their facebook statuses and then saying "I can't talk about it".
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Every?
Besides, I don't bloody bring it up every week...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)

it amuses me for exactly the reasons mentioned above.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

Hang on,
I bet it doesn't actually exist and is just made up by Vipros and Labs to amuse themselves when people get really annoyed that they won't show it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:08, Reply)

you're not going to trick him into showing it that way
and I don't have it, so I can't show it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)

You don't have it?
*Mashes the delete key furiously*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)

I'm assuming I don't
but it may be in the depths of my gaz inbox
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)

I can't delete it from b3tards
So it would be in your gazbox. I can overwrite it though...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

I don't have the gaz by the looks of it
which is odd
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

I can't claim responsibility for that
*cackles*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

*narrows eyes*
I'm sure there's a pic in my b3tards account that I don't recognise as well. not just the massive croissant picture
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

If it's me
Then I do claim responsibility for that.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

We're not that clever

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

I WANT TO SEEEEEEEEEE

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

Hush, woman

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)

People are so full of shit these days, it's hard not to be cynical
Talk is cheap, and most people don't know when to shut the fuck up. Talking for talking's sake is a recipe for disaster.

The media, fucking hell. Saturated beyond belief, filled to the brim with cynical ploys and no holes barred attempts to control and disrupt your thought patterns.

My barely adequate psychic defences are crumbling

/Warlock
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Seeing as the most romantic thing someone's said to me was a backhanded compliment
I'd swoon. I'm a romantic at heart.

Alt: Men messing me around has made me have no faith in whether they're telling the truth about liking me.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)

that's a smashing blouse you are wearing

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)

I am wearing an incredible blouse
it's black velvet, deep v neck with diamante buttons and big shoulders.

:D
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)

I thought it was cool until the big shoulders bit
Are you going for a role in Dallas?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

No, I like shoulder pads.
My favourite coat has awesome ones.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

Or
Sean Young in Blade Runner?
Check those shoulderpads
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)

It's actually quite like that.
I don't know, maybe it's a Replicant...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Find any origami creatures in the sleeves/pockets/massive shoulderpads?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

No pockets, sadly.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

sounds delightful :-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

It is.
God Bless Beyond Retro.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

You are Richard Richard esq
AICMFP
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

I like you Lampers.
I like you before about 9:30pm a great deal. Are you a Mogwai with a faulty body-clock?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Hahhahahahahahahahaha I love that
New sig.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)