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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So who's watching/reading/listening to the spending review?
I think most my office is because the internet is now running very slow.

How doomed are you by the whole thing?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:38, 192 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Well, it looks as though my chances of getting an academic job are going to be reduced even further
Though every day I'm less and less convinced I actually want an academic job, so perhaps this is a sign that I should lean towards other jobs. Of which there are also going to be none.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:40, Reply)
At least you're not too ill to work.
Then you'd be mega fucked.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:41, Reply)
Well, I've been a little 'under the weather' lately
Though unfortunately that hasn't worked as an excuse since I was about 8.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:02, Reply)
What can you do?
Maybe I can offer you something... you know...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:42, Reply)
Aber I'm shocked at you.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:51, Reply)
Let the girl finish...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:53, Reply)
Exactly, let me finish
Otherwise, you're not getting paid.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:55, Reply)
Ha - excellent.

(Cave Duck, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:58, Reply)
I like a job with a challenge.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:01, Reply)
It's not so much of a challenge, really
But I'm sure I can find ways of challenging you. Weird things and that. Maybe you'll have to do a Lampito to PsychoChomp
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:03, Reply)
Sure, I reckon I could punch him happily enough...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:06, Reply)
I didn't mean that Lampito
I meant the other Lampito.

But a punch could be interesting, too. Just don't hurt him.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:11, Reply)
Aww fanks

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:17, Reply)
Only for the funny picture

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:20, Reply)
Make sure you do it until he begs you to stop.
(This goes for both punching and squidding)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:11, Reply)
Euthanasia isn't always the answer.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:53, Reply)
Ditto
I still have a year left on my contract and I already have The Fear about what I'm going to do next; the chances of us getting our grant renewed are...slim, shall we say.
(berk, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:53, Reply)
Perhaps we should go freelance and set up our Private Scientific-Problem-Solving Agency
I'm sure we could get a grant to start it from one of the major government-funded research coun - oh, no, hang on...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:56, Reply)
But maybe you could start your own bussiness on something else?
Some of the major banks are getting together to create a fund to help people start new bussiness. Anything you can do, apart from research? (No need to go to the same joke again)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:02, Reply)
Ha! Perhaps I should get my friend to come back down to London
And we'll realise our daft dream of starting up a real ale brewery.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:03, Reply)
Oh, I want to do that too!
And Mark as well. We only want to save some more money, in case it goes wrong. He says it's a lot of job on it, and that prob I won't have time for kids.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:11, Reply)
Academia is a good gig if you can get it
(in biological sciences, anyway, I can't speak for physics) Sadly I think there will be a lot of us looking elsewhere in the next few years. There aren't even any jobs in the NHS ffs.
Which band are you gigging with on Saturday by the way?
(berk, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:03, Reply)
I'm playing bass for a feller called Sonny B Walker
Blues singer, and a very lively frontman. He's also got this rather promising young chap on guitar who I met briefly last night.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:05, Reply)
I'm keeping an eye on it
and two friends (one LibDem one Conservative) have a running status update on what they think about it. It's alright so far I think.

In other news how creepy is this? Someone asked if I was feeling alright, then within one second said 'if you're sad, you can still be happy because I did the biggest poo I've ever seen'
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:41, Reply)
That's more childish than creepy.
"I want to show you my poo" would be worse.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:43, Reply)
What?
You can still be happy for what? Is he a friend or just a stranger?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:43, Reply)
He thought the way to cheer me up
was to tell me, because who wouldn't be thrilled to hear it apparantly.

Mind you he has a record of poor social interaction. Unfortunately he fancies me a bit I think
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:47, Reply)
maybe he saw you looking at those pictures Bert posted on his last flounce
and thinks you're into that kind of thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:51, Reply)
And hilarious misunderstandings ensued
my luck is so rotten, that this is likely.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:52, Reply)
maybe...
he is Bert
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:56, Reply)
nah
he's a scientist type whose idea of a compliment is to ask 'how big are your breasts?'
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:01, Reply)
Poor guy
He'll never find a woman, never. Mainly because I was the one un-virgining scientist nerdy types (not by choice, really, but they were all virgins!), and now I'm off the bussiness.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:05, Reply)
I've got no problems with nerdy guys
I have a problem with creepy ones though
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Yes, they are different
But then, most nerdy ones are quite creepy. If you want a nerdy guy you have to accept some creepyness from him.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:13, Reply)
Then I'll pass
normal human social interaction is a must
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:16, Reply)
I should have learnt that
long time ago
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:20, Reply)
You see?
Mark has just sent me this: ecb.jrc.ec.europa.eu/esis/

And tells me to look for the CAS number 57-55-6; promising me I'm going to find it interesting.

Oh, well... he's a bit of a nerd too.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:24, Reply)
to be fair that's a valid question when faced with dimensions such as yours

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:13, Reply)
"As big as your head"

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:14, Reply)
except he phoned my roommate and asked her
instead of me.

Sometimes I wonder what the fuck I did in my last life, that I deserve this life
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:15, Reply)
that is pretty disrespectful.
I'd ask you to your face, followed by "can I hold one?". I had to hold my friend's boobs up to measure her for a corset, they were well heavy!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:19, Reply)
I'm looking forward to the bash now haha

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:21, Reply)
haha me too
Would it be inappropriate to bring my tabletop weighing scales?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:26, Reply)
I would be amused
and it would give me a figure to knock off my entire weight. I could say 'this is what I weigh, but boobs don't count, so this is the real figure'
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:28, Reply)
Is he from B3ta?
I wouldn't be surprised
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:56, Reply)
I think he used to read the newsletter
but he's not a member.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:00, Reply)
But he doesn't know it's you here, does he?
Can he find out that you talked about him?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:05, Reply)
Don't you mean
It's all right so far? Eh? Eh?

/crap political joke is crap and not very political
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:54, Reply)
made me laugh :)

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:00, Reply)
I had a quick look to the BBC news site
just before you posted. However, I got distracted by the news of the European goverment passing a draft law that will make compulsory to give 18 or 20 weeks of maternity leave for women.

I hope it gets approved before my first.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:41, Reply)
That won't come in until 2015

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:43, Reply)
Might be too late for me
At least for the first one. I should have my kids in Spain, where we get 14 weeks with 100% salary.

Edit: Now, my salary in Spain would be less than 60% of what I get here, so maybe it's not such a good idea.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:44, Reply)
Plenty of UK jobs do that
but it's not every company.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:45, Reply)
Mine only gives me 6 weeks
90% salary. It's not very good, but better than nothing. One bit of me says "Why should I get paid for having a baby?" Other bit says "If we're not paid for it, we won't have babies, or we'll have them at 15 only, and they'll be crap adults"
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:57, Reply)
One of these headlines is false
Jean Claude Van Damme Suffers Heart Attack
Wallaby Feared Dead From Ecstasy And Booze
Happy Days Actor Tom Bosley Dies At 83
Defence Review: Success Or Dangerous Fudge?
Saudi Prince Guilty Of Murdering Servant
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:42, Reply)
JCVD?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:44, Reply)
Nope

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:47, Reply)
I'd go with this as well

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:48, Reply)
Nope
It's here
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:51, Reply)
Chompy fail
It's the defence review.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:45, Reply)
Nope
Dangerous fudge is an actual threat
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:47, Reply)
Well they're all true then
Except the Tom Bosley one mentions another show too.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:50, Reply)
The last one?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:48, Reply)
No

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:49, Reply)
Happy days?
It'll really be "he was 84" or somehting
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:50, Reply)
The wallaby?

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:50, Reply)
They're all true!
WTF...
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:51, Reply)
TRICK QUESTIONS ARE VERY ANNOYING

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:56, Reply)
I know
But they were just so absurd, all in one bulletin
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:58, Reply)
agreed

(I helped save b3ta! zulu eh?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:37, Reply)
The headlines keep stating "Prince kills servant".
...which is obviously a sign o' the times.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)
My godmother is away with the fairies and she's really vulnerable
The doctor is already getting with the programme and trying to make out she is ok during appointments. I swear she's in league with the government. Before we know it they'll be trying to make her work.
Whereas there are other people who have made a total career and lifestyle out of being 'too sick to work' and I bet they keep getting away with it.
These cuts will not affect the right people. Honest people are not crafty enough.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:46, Reply)
Yesterday my optician told me at lunch time to go to the eye hospital at 5.30pm
I'd already told the office I was expecting to be out all afternoon, but when I was told the appointment was at 5.30pm, I thought "woohoo I'm totally going home". However, as I walked past the road that leads to my office I got a massive guilt on and went back to work. I hate myself.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:53, Reply)
An hour or so, I'd be ok with skipping
But a whole afternoon? That's too much.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:54, Reply)
You're both mental, blag as much time off as you can and sit around the house in your pants smoking cigars.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:58, Reply)
I hate people that bunk off work excessively
I'll allow one 'sick' day a year, but one employee managed to rack up a month's worth of sick and compassionate leave in 6 months, without any of the sick leave being longer than 2 day stints.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:01, Reply)
that was it, I couldn't do it.
I was already really pissed off that the office manager had gone home because her baby had a cold, so it meant the other secretary was by herself so I couldn't in good conscience sit at home all afternoon.

I've had 2 days off sick this year, but some people take at least one day a month off, it drives me crazy.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:03, Reply)
God same here
I've had *quickly checks* 3 days off sick, but that includes the day I was sent home by my boss.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:05, Reply)
I was sent home on the first day of the migraines because they caught me typing with my eyes closed
It was the first day back after my holiday so I couldn't have called in sick, they never would have believed me, even with my almost immaculate record.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:14, Reply)
Why?
They're having a right laugh at home playing Nintendo 64 and getting stone all day and you're sat like a numpty in work. They win. Who cares what anyone thinks.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:18, Reply)
well I care!
It's not a case of 'if you can't beat em, join em', I know I won't be rewarded for my lack of taking the piss, but that doesn't mean I want to start doing it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
Ah so I see you have morals.
What's that like?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:43, Reply)
What did the doctor tell you?
Are you ok? Will your eye recover?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:59, Reply)
it's permanently scarred but ultimately it won't affect my vision so it's all good
I have to wear my dirty secretary glasses on Friday though :(
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:01, Reply)
I read that is
"Woe is me, I have to wear something even more slutty now, just to tease the maximum amount of pricks I possibly can."
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:04, Reply)
Haha oops.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:04, Reply)
Er, even more slutty?
How very dare you. And I hate wearing my glasses so I shall be sad.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:15, Reply)
aww I wear glasses as well

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:16, Reply)
Psychochomp was mean, he said he was going to call me Speccy 4 Eyes

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:18, Reply)
Call him a rapey cunt

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)
when i was about 18
and working in a pub in heaton moor, i spent my first salary on beautiful silver d&g glasses. they were £200 and i was so excited that i even wore them into work instead of my contact lenses.

and the men at the bar looked up. then down. then one said, "men'll never make passes at lasses in glasses."

even though the last thing anyone would want is a pass from a fat 50 year old stockport loser, it still sucked hard!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:32, Reply)
They're wrong
Glasses on girls can look hot! I don't just mean the slutty secretary look, the right pair of specs can really improve a girl.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
Woo, dirty secretary!

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:04, Reply)
But she's not wearing any glasses...

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:05, Reply)
Thank you for that AA.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:07, Reply)
Yes she is

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:11, Reply)
Hahaha!
You're getting very evil on this board all of a sudden.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:13, Reply)
I gave you a plaster!
I'm only teasing Kitty because she's my favourite it's easy.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:20, Reply)
I dislike you.
I hope half your mohawk falls out. The middle half.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:16, Reply)
*sadface*

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:20, Reply)
Kitty giving her response

(Cave Duck, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:25, Reply)
Oooh
I'm sorry. So you can't wear lenses anymore?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:06, Reply)
Not for a while, and when I do I can only wear them for a few hours.
I'm going to have to go and get myself some nice new glasses I think, to make it more bearable.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:16, Reply)
Or start saving for that laser surgery

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:21, Reply)
I'll be most affected by the police spending cuts
But it won't be too bad.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:47, Reply)
I've no idea.
And this pains me.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:55, Reply)
Seriously, there is other mental news happening
www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/liverpool-news/local-news//tm_headline=iron-maiden-frontman-bruce-dickinson-to-fly-liverpool-fc-to-napoli-europa-league-game%26method=full%26objectid=27506659%26siteid=100252-name_page.html
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:56, Reply)
I think that's ace!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:58, Reply)
innit

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:01, Reply)
haha that sounds like a Christmas special

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:03, Reply)
Ay
I'm so looking forwards to Christmas. How can people not like it?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:14, Reply)
I can't see it affecting my work too much, I hope
But I know of a few people near me who claim benefits for nothing, so by killing them, and burning their houses down, I might be able to save the state some money?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 13:57, Reply)
It's nice to see young folk being so keen to play their part in the "big society".

(Cave Duck, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:00, Reply)
Definitely
I once threatened to shop a 'mate' of mine for benefit fraud, she used to fake her dole forms every week, then sit round doing nothing. I told her I had no problem reporting her, and would welcome a fine if they caught her.

She's not spoken to me in 2 years. Good.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:03, Reply)
I hope you reported her

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:09, Reply)
Grassing cunt. What a knobhead you are.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:24, Reply)
I've never got the idea of 'grassing' being a bad thing
It's no coincidence that areas where that attitude prevails are mostly rundown, crime-ridden shitholes.
(I helped save b3ta! chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:56, Reply)
Even if you don't get that idea, it was a mate he was threatening to grass on. What a dick.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)
mate in speechmarks = probably not a mate.
And, given she was defrauding the benefit system and thus ripping off the elderly and disabled... I say good luck to him.
(I helped save b3ta! chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 15:09, Reply)
I fail to see how she was ripping off the elderly and disabled
It's not like her getting benefits stops someone else from getting them. If you can find a way round the system I doff my cap to you.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 15:17, Reply)
I'm sorry but all I can think about at the moment is poor Biscuit who has dermatitus on her paws : (

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:05, Reply)
Where has he been?

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:09, Reply)
Everywhere.
I think she's just got delicate paws.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:10, Reply)
You can make him
some sweet cat socks.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:16, Reply)
He's been to London to see the Queen
nursery rhyme
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:12, Reply)
*There there Biscuit*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:12, Reply)
Soggy Biscuit

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:14, Reply)
people who dunk biscuits should be shot in the face
no reprieves.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:15, Reply)
What? Even Bourbons?
they were made for dunking
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:16, Reply)
not even for you
although my heart would crack a bit as i pulled the trigger.

not even the biscuits that are cruelly bred for dunking by such sadists as M&S.

NO DUNKING.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:19, Reply)
I don't mind dunking
but my stomach heaves when I see people sharing dips at parties, and people who double dip the same cracker after it has been in their mouth are the worst offenders of all.

*bokes*
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:22, Reply)
yes!!!
thank you. this is exactly how i feel, and yet you end up feeling that you can't point it out because you would be rude. so the arsehole who is dipping his saliva-infested freshly-bitten chips into the mayonnaise carries on doing it, whilst you murmur politely that you don't want any.

it's like sharing a toothbrush. no, no, no. i don't care if i've just spent the last hour sucking you off, i am still not going to share a toothbrush!

/and breathe
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:30, Reply)
Even dunking HobNobs in freshly squeezed orange juice?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Sicko

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:24, Reply)
Go on, try it. You'll lav it. They awl lav it.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:25, Reply)
As a child, I used to dunk custard cremes in orange squash at my nans house
while all the grown-ups had coffee.

Fascinating fact No.382
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
Me too.
It was good of your nan to be so accommodating to a total stanger.
(Cave Duck, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:32, Reply)
lolz

(I helped save b3ta! zulu eh?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:38, Reply)
urrugh.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:15, Reply)
Ha!
(I wonder if it has ever actually been played?)
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:17, Reply)
Thank you Jeff.
The vets keep telling us to keep her off her feet!!???

How the fuck do you keep a tiggery bouncy dog off it's feet.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:15, Reply)
Put some socks on the dog.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:16, Reply)
Yeah! because dogs don't ever chew socks.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:17, Reply)
Well put one of those massive lampshade things on the dogs head.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:18, Reply)
How will that stop it walking?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:19, Reply)
Well it'll stop Biscuit from removing the socks that protect his feet.
Granted, he'll look like a proper mong, but that might work.

Alternatively, put the fire on in the living room. Dogs like sleeping in front of the fire.

Yeah, do that.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:22, Reply)
It won't stop Benji from biting the socks of Biscuit's feet.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Well put a massive lampshade thingy on Benji's head too.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:24, Reply)
I tell you what.
I'll put one on too. That should sort her out.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)
You should definately do that.
But don't go out in the rain and look skywards, otherwise you'll drown.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:28, Reply)
maybe you could moisturise its feet
or put little rubber socks on it
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:22, Reply)
She's got some stuff from the vets.
We're going to take Benji out later without her : (
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:26, Reply)
I've a daughter who could hug it.. She's excellent at Tigger hugs.
That would keep it still for a bit.
(Cave Duck, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:18, Reply)
put tubes of smarties on her legs.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 15:36, Reply)
i have just given my trainee, the world's keenest bean, something to do
quite literally because my thighs are too stiff for me to bother standing up to file it. or give it to my secretary to file.

now he is pestering me with a million irrelevant questions. lazy people really do take the greatest pains, yes?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:13, Reply)
I can't wait to have stiff thighs again.
*waits*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:16, Reply)
Still waiting?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:17, Reply)
*looks at watch*
Yup!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:18, Reply)
How long will you give it?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:18, Reply)
about 5 inches

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:19, Reply)
5 inches?
I wish.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:20, Reply)
As long as it takes.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:20, Reply)
I'm glad you've renounced your vows

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:22, Reply)
I'm not.
But I'm not dying without getting laid again.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:24, Reply)
I'd like to say the same

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)
Should we have a sweepstake on the amount of time it takes?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:22, Reply)
Can I give an insider tip?
Put your money on the higher numbers.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:25, Reply)
I've just drawn 25 minutes out of the hat.
*Sets kitchen timer*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:26, Reply)
lol

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)
Sshh!
I won't hear the timer if you keep harping on at me!

*Really hopes for the win*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
no, it is not fun!!
once i have persuaded my thighs back together, i can't get them apart again! this makes walking very slow and difficult. i hate this time of the month (by which i mean the date on which all the gym routines kick up a couple of notches)
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:18, Reply)
How many hours a week are you spending exercising at the moment?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:20, Reply)
less than i should
because i am literally out every single bloody night until christmas 2011, or so it feels.

on average, maybe 3 x 90 mins by myself, 1 x 60 mins personal trainer and about 30 mins boxing/sit ups etc at home most mornings, plus walking home about 3 nights a week, which is about 7 miles?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)
That is a significant amount of exercise.
Are you doing the exercise for general health/wellbeing or are you training for a specific event?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:30, Reply)
Getting naked again I shouldn't wonder.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:31, Reply)
haha
both!!! i have stupidly signed up to something i will never in a million years be willing/able to do, but i owed a friend, so.

plus i allowed myself to get very out of shape with the bullying ex, and that's not like me at all, but it took me ages to realise that it was him who was wrong not me. and most importantly i have loads of tiny clothes that i am fucked if i am throwing away!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:34, Reply)
Good for you.
Are you seeing the benefits of your work?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:36, Reply)
oh aye
i'll never be happy though, there's always something to be toned/starved/whipped into submission!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 15:00, Reply)
Would it not be easier to go under the knife?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 15:04, Reply)
yeah
thanks for boosting my confidence there, jeff. way to go.

i'll just go and slit my wrists now.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 15:12, Reply)
I didn't mean it like that you fool!
I've applauded your efforts and now you're going all Emo on me.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 15:16, Reply)
^this
I have loads of size 10/small 12 clothes I can't wear, but don't want to throw away
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:38, Reply)
I'm on the whisky diet.
I've lost 3 days this week already.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:41, Reply)
TommyCooperLOLs

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:55, Reply)
It's a classic!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
No stiff thighs
just a stiff neck here
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:19, Reply)
My agency's function is to centralise police systems, saving millions a year
It is being abolished and instead savings will be made by centralising police systems.

In other words, all that's changing is £200K to some popped-collared design cunts for a new logo.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:18, Reply)
Also
"Our new National Security Strategy judges terrorism to be one of the highest risks facing this country."

Makes it sound like a FACT but look closer and it's just something they DECIDED THEMSELVES. George Osborne needs a good cunting in the fuck.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:24, Reply)
£200K you say?

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:26, Reply)
Are you popping the collar of your pastel shirt in anticipation?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:31, Reply)
For £200K i'll even spike my hair in that metrosexual style all douchebags have

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 14:37, Reply)
you're an accountant
the law says you can't have any hair apart from a 3 strand combover
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 15:01, Reply)

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